Being death's escort

[Tiamat]

I started my new job this week working at a Hospice. Today was my first encounter with someone who died on my shift as well as preparing the body. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this. For me it's about providing and give back dignity and respect to a family in need as well as the person who's passed. The person who was working with me and taking me through the steps when I asked if it ever gets eaiser replied, get over it, it's just a job it's all the same, makes no difference.

Which really took me back. I wasn't prepared for that response. I just remember how I felt while going through that process with my dad and how wonderful the hospice people were to him and my family which is what led me to work in this field. I felt the need to give back the kindness that we received because it was so important to us at the time.

Someone told me once that hospice workers are death's escorts and during orientation the chaplin talked about what a private thing death was and that we give them the opportunity to die their own death. So I just couldn't get how someone could be so cold hearted about it. All I wanted to do was go and comfort the family and tell them it would get better and this jerk say's that while we are cleaning the body. If it's true that the dead linger around the body........well if I was her I'd be pissed and haunt him the rest of his days.

On the whole still not really sure how I feel about dealing with death day in and out.

[Max Webster]

Well he is right. It is a job and it has to be done. Maybe he thought you were dwelling on it too much. But I think you have the right attitude and it's nice to hear that somebody cares. Even though the person and their family are complete strangers to you.

I don't think just anybody can do that job. I would find it very tough.

[asleepathewheel]

It is good to care, but you can't become emotionally involved. A tenuous balance, I would imagine. Or maybe that's just cynicism to be able have feelings then leave them when you hit your front door at home.

[Pekka]

Sure I mean if you do it long enough, it might become like a job like anything else is too, which is true. But it's an important job for sures.

There are different kind of people. I want someone like you, who gives proper respect, to prepare me when I die. It's a compliment.

[Zkribbler]

When my mom was in convelent hospitals, I found two kinds of employees. In the lousy places, they were callous towards the patients. In the good places, they were very caring.

Copntrary to what your co-employees says, it's not just a job. The people who work at that kind of job, to do a good job, must be very special.

It's healthy to mourn your patients when they pass, and unhealthy to be uncaring. I'm sure there are some people who are too sensative to their patients, who care too much, and who will not be able to handle the job. But you seem to be a pretty even-keeled type of person, & so I think you'll do a really good job.

[PLATO]

Once the spirit leaves the body then you are left with just chemicals and minerals. The "escort"'s job is then centered around the family. How can helping people through the loss of loved ones ever be "just a job"? That guy needs to be an undertaker...not a hospice worker. Then he can deal with the "just a job" part of his work when the respect a family deserves is not required as they are not present for that part of the body's preperation.

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Zkribbler
But you seem to be a pretty even-keeled type of person, & so I think you'll do a really good job.

I think my husband would argue that point!

To me when my father was dying it was very nice to have someone come in and just sit or pat my shoulder or truly be sorry for the loss we were about to experience. I look at the person in this case a woman and all I can think of is this was someone's mother, daughter, wife, auntie, grandmother. To someone out there in this world she was important and it's my job to make sure that in her death she is just as important and to clean her up and make her look nice so when they family does come in they see the woman they loved not the empty shell.

Oh I'm finding it a very tough job to do given the fact that my father died one year ago next month. I got in the car and cried all the way back to my office (she was in our facility) although I'm not sure if I was crying for her or for me. It just seems wrong not to offer what empathy and compassion that you can to families because the bottom line is they are in pain. It's amazing what a friendly smile or a reassuring touch can do to make someone feel better and it really is a small thing to offer. Yeah, that guys a dic*!

[polarnomad]

Perhaps appearing stoic is his way of protecting himself from the aspects of the job that he otherwise couldn't handle.

Personally, such work would take such an emotional toll on me day-in day-out, that I don't think I could cope. I admire your strength, sense of purpose and courage.

[Tiamat]

I've been getting that alot, the admiration thingy. I don't feel it's really anything to be admired for. It is what it is. There is just something in my being that tells me do this, this is your skill so to me it just seems quite natural.

I will say that there are days that if I have to look at one more penis.....well as a woman I never thought I'd say that

[Last Conformist]

Death's escort sounds kinky.

[Provost Harrison]

Death's escort?

[Dis]

Not everyone is the same. To them, it probably is a job. But that doesn't men you can't be a caring worker and still do a good job. I'm sure you can do it. It may take some time to find your style.

[Whaleboy]

To some, being cold and clinical may be their way of coping with the job, I mean, it'd be a pretty far out thing for most people so we'd all need some kind of coping mechanism, I guess that's the thing that varies.