Motivation Yes Get Angry!

[Pekka]

Ok guys I need motivation. I'm turning into a lazy bum pretty fast in my life unless I get some motivation.

There's this project I'm involved in, that's pretty cool and I enjoy it, but it's slow pace at this point so .. it doesn't keep me occupied except on stints.

Then there's school. I mean that's the problem really. I'm not motivated AT ALL in school. I could care less about the courses I'm doing, they are super boring. I guess they are often, but now I'm really having difficulties to just not let them slide. I'm just so fed up with .. computer science and mathematics right now. I haven't been motivated at all this whole Fall. I'm struggling to just.. keep the remote interest to consider that I'm having few courses, let alone actually attend the classes and stuff.

The only that still keeps me thinking I should actually attend more is the fact that I'm spendind tax payers money to get this degree.

Take a year off, work, do something else.. are not advises I think I should go for. If I take a year off, I won't be coming back. I guess the point is, I'm not enjoying this stuff anymore. I'm fed up, I don't want to write another line of code. I don't want to study another theory of mathematics. I don't want to get a job and work in the IT field even, unless it pays me excellent money. Would I be able to, most likely yes. But I'm just not motivated. And I can't really quit now either, because I'm on the better half of my studies already. I'm supposed to do the candidate thing this year (completing that I'd be same as Bachelours), and then there's just no point of not doing my thesis and completing the whole thing.

I'm sick and tired of penny pinching, but it won't change unless I get a good degree first. But if I have the energy to finish good, I should go for PhD. Get some more time to study and not work in this field. Get that PhD and get paid good, or .. do something totally different. I feel like I'm wasting my time though. I don't feel this is creative enough, I don't feel this is the medium I want to express myself. I just like the money in it.

So I need motivation. I've been slacking off this fall so much, that the starting of next year will be hectic, it will be inferno until the summer comes. On top of that, it's dark in here, ****ty weather, and I can't take that either. It gets worse every year for me. I'm not meant to live with these seasons, I can't take it. I can't take the darkness anymore. I just can't.

[Pekka]

So give me the options. Or motivation. I've really tried to .. get up and get energized but it just seems impossible. I keep thinking if there was light instead of darkness, I'd be up to it. Unmotivated, but I'd get it done. Now, I don't know. I feel as if every day passing is another day wasted and I'm not looking forward the next day, because it will be another day wasted. And a day wasted is stupid, it's part of wasted life. And wasting your life is a sin of the biggest degree.

I guess I was born the wrong time. Time when our nation had no problems. Time when the only memory is no memory, where the problem is no problem. Influenced by movies and music and some other arts, thinking I could do it, I should do it. Everyone can't be a rockstar, but I would. I'd be rich and happy. I could have anytihng I'd want. Sure it would take a lot of hard work but still.. it would happen.

But the big trap is, you might not get it. And then you're just left in the big **** that has months of darkness. You could be depressed forever and die at old age thinking what a waste of time. Or you could become a drunk and die earlier. Thinking all the what ifs. And what went wrong. It's because we have too much time to think, too much expectations from life and especially the material side of it.

I'd like to do something that I felt was what I need to do. Something that matters. Or something where I could .. express myself somehow. I'd like to write, but let's face it, I can't really write. I can put words on a row, but that's about it. I can't sing and I can't paint. So what is there to do.. I don't know.

[VetLegion]

If I take a year off, I won't be coming back. I guess the point is, I'm not enjoying this stuff anymore. I'm fed up, I don't want to write another line of code. I don't want to study another theory of mathematics.

Hey Pekka I understand the sentiment, I'm sometimes having a lack of inspiration myself.

What to do? Don't know. I try the stoic approach.

[DaShi]

Come on motivation! Come on motivation!

[Az]

Do you like business, Pekka?

[Pekka]

VetLegion, don't say try stoic approach to a Finn

Az, sure. Why?

[Az]

do you have any great ideas?

any things or services that you wish you've had/ could use, but don't? most chances are that many other people would like one of those, too. ( results may vary depending on sanity )

[Pekka]

Az, that's the thing, I do have ideas, I like making ideas, and you know I have relied on it that.. I will be self employed after the degree or so.. you know, not working for the man .

So in a way that part of my plans, yes. And there is one intereting project going on, however I'm not getting paid in it and it's advancing kind of slow now so..

but to answer your question, absolutely yes.

[Az]

These kinda of blues aren't foreign to me, Pekka.

I want to go to Grad school after I finish my degree, but I have to go to the army - and I won't be able to get an M.Sc. in Chemistry while in the army ( no time for lab work )

So I am planning to get a bunch of Undergrad degrees instead: A double BA in in Comp. Sci. and Bussiness Management. I think I'll be able to pull it off in 4 years ( I have many of the math courses covered by my BA in chemistry)

The M.Sc. in Chemistry will include my knowledge in programming - ( I want to do something Organic-computational ) and then - I am hoping to get a start-up going.

That's my plan. getting a plan is often helpful.

[Sandman]

Learn to paint, Pekka. I can only imagine the sort of crazy masterpieces you'll come up with.

[Pekka]

Right, but the worse part of the problem right now that I don't have the motivation to study at all you know ...The future is only partially the problem.

Sandman, why would you say something cruel like that? I'm a lousy painter and I can't draw, I know that...

[Az]

Right, but the worse part of the problem right now that I don't have the motivation to study at all you know ...The future is only partially the problem.

If all else fails, imagine the perfect materialistic life. I am talking Telepopmusik's "breathe" video hedonism.

You want that? now work to get it.

[Pekka]

Yeah but you see.. that has been my only motivation so far. The money, and things I could get if I had lots of money. Now I'm thinking, as if coming back from the future, that I lived a wasted life. A life without content. A life pursuing all the money in the world. Now I don't know if I made it or not, but ... it can't be good. It's as if I was already regretting it, even before it ever happened. I see myself being in my early 30s with the fancy PhD, yet I have not accumulated any wealth since I've been studying so long. I'm numb with lack of experiences. Lack of life.

I guess I expect too much from life. I guess I'm being unrealistic. What if this is it? What if this is the best, or at least in the good half, I'm not happy with this. I can only see myself working a job I don't like, only to make OK salary, to not really make it a millionaire, and then what do I do. You see, if you pursue money, then if you fail, it sucks, because there's no backup plan. Then you're living in a world where you didn't get what you wanted. And that sucks.

And one thing I know for sure, if I'm not motivated, I can't move forward, and to pursue the goals, I need to be moving forward. I'm not moving forward now. I'm standing still.

[Az]

It won't be a numb life if you spend it with the woman of your dreams, and do crazy sexy fun things with her.


I know what you're saying, but I can't really help you. I have only a single piece of advice for you - always remember - no matter what scale are you using to measure your life - always aim high.

so... this:

I guess I expect too much from life. I guess I'm being unrealistic.

Is bull****. Realism in life is overrated. You have only a single chance to hit the top score. There is no practice round.

[Pekka]

Nah I know what's wrong.. it's that I haven't done anything spectacular for a while that inspires me. I need to... I need to do something. Like the Aristocrats

Nah.. I mean.. I need to.. get a new hobby maybe, do some love making, maybe get wasted few times, you know, the good stuff. We'll see. I'm hoping to get motivated soon.