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Turkey Day Adventures

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  • Turkey Day Adventures

    Last year, my wonderful ex-housemate cooked her first Thanksgiving dinner for her new husband, for me and for my current housemate. This year, she has a six-week old baby, so she's not cookin'...not even sleepin'. So ol' Zkribbler volunteers to cook.

    Step One:
    Turn on TV, and discovery the cable's out. Call cable company; they tell me they know. Thank you.

    Step Two:
    Discover another former housemate has stolen my roasting pan, most of my pans and serving dishes. Run to the store & buy replacements.

    Step Three:
    Light oven. Take wooden match, hold firmly between thumb and forefinger, strike, drive splinter deep into thumb, scream, shake hand vigously, hurling lit match across room.

    Step Four:
    Do various stuff in kitchen.

    Step Five:
    Run downstairs to post on Poly.

    More later...stuff upstair is probably burning.

  • #2
    Step Three is an interesting touch.

    I don't think I'll try it but it would be fun to see.
    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

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    • #3
      Did you know the turkey is named after Turkey?
      Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

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      • #4
        Originally posted by chegitz guevara
        Did you know the turkey is named after Turkey?
        I thought it was an Osman?
        If you don't like reality, change it! me
        "Oh no! I am bested!" Drake
        "it is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong" Voltaire
        "Patriotism is a pernecious, psychopathic form of idiocy" George Bernard Shaw

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        • #5
          I guess we should have invited him to dinner after all. I think if we did all steps would have been erased
          Course then we wouldnt have any humor going on today
          When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is.
          "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
          Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.

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          • #6
            Stuff wasn't burning. But the turkey decides to get done about a half hour early. Green beans are on the steamer but a still raw.

            Step Six:
            Crank down the heat on the turkey and contemplate the virtues of underdone steamed vegetables. Call ex-housemate to tell her dinner is going to be ready 20-30 minutes early. She doesn't answer 'cause she out walking the dog.

            Step Seven:
            Accidentally stick finger into the stuffing. Much pain. Apply Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi to the burn. Doesn't help. Try cold tap water. Doesn't work. Next apply frozen corn. Much better...I thought. Later, a nasty blister arises -- 2nd degree burn.

            Step Eight:
            Haul stuff over. Ex-housemate's mom decides she wants to fancy up the salads. A half hour later . . .
            (How can you spend a half hour fixing up a salad that is already done? )

            Step Nine:
            Eat. Mmmm. Really good...if er slightly "lukewarm" in temperature. Gather much praise. Ah shuckins.

            Step Ten:
            Realize I should not have left frozen strawberry cheesecake in freezer.

            Step Eleven:
            Slurp eggnog until cheesecake thaws out.

            Final score:
            A good time is had by all.
            One burn & many dirty dishes.
            Only one thing more to do...

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            • #7
              Zkrib you running a halfway house or what up there?
              We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. - Abraham Lincoln

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              • #8
                My first thought was brothel
                "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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                • #9
                  Glad to see it all worked out Zkrib.

                  Especially considering all those obstacles that had to be cleared.

                  The bonus being it turned into such an entertaining read.

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                  • #10
                    I agree

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ted Striker
                      Zkrib you running a halfway house or what up there?
                      Nope. Living in LA, where the median price for a house is IIRC $450,000. A group of us rent a house about 9 miles north of downtown, which would cost prob'ly around $600,000. None of us can afford to buy it.

                      My first thought was brothel
                      Only in my dreams.

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