Historiographic Essay help?

[Ninot]

K, i'm doing my first ever historiographic essay. My Teacher Assistant said she was going to help me but it looks like she forgot about me.

Can anyone tell me if this is a well constructed Thesis statement?

King Alfred rose to greatness in the eyes of his people because of his intentions for Anglo-Saxon England, and because of the circumstances that allowed him to become successful.

If anyone decides to help, thanks!

[Sava]

cheating on your homework

[Ramo]

It seems meaningless. What kinds of intentions for Anglo-Saxon England? Which circumstances? Be more specific. That seems more like a tautology than a thesis.

[Ninot]

Originally posted by Ramo
It seems meaningless. What kinds of intentions for Anglo-Saxon England? Which circumstances? Be more specific. That seems more like a tautology than a thesis.

hmm, so for it to be closer to a thesis, i need to name specifics? wouldn't that come later tho?

[Ramo]

For it to be a thesis, there has to be some substance. There isn't any right now.

[Japher]

Yup.

Thesis:

King Alfred rose to greatness because he kicked arse on the field with his brute strength and in the politcal arena with his code of laws and stunning good looks.

Hence, the rest of my paper will go to prove why his arse kicking with brute strength made him great, as well as why his code of laws and good looks helped in the political arena.

[Ninot]

He rose to greatness in the eyes of his people because he propelled his nation towards their own unique identity, lead the nation with skill, and defended his people against the pillaging Danes.

my new thesis.

its still being worked on tho

what ya think now Ramo? edit: and Japher?

[Japher]

better...

"skill" is still a little too general

[BeBMan]

I wouldn't use nation for the early middle ages.

[Winston]

He rose to greatness in the eyes of his people because he propelled his nation towards their own unique identity, lead the nation with skill, and defended his people against the pillaging Danes.

It's still a bit goes-without-saying-like.

I mean, it'd be hard not to rise to greatness in the eyes of one's people given that particular resumé.

[Ninot]

yeah Japher, thats exactly the part i'm trying to rephrase.

[Japher]

"unique identity" is nice because it can be expanded upon

"defended his people against the pillaging Danes." is good because it is too the point, and probably the source of everything else.

What did King Alfred do? He created a national identity by womping on his neighbors... like everyone else.

[Imran Siddiqui]

I wouldn't use nation for the early middle ages.

Why not? It fits.

Anyway, yeah, more specifics. What skill? How did he propel them to their unique identity (generally)?

[BeBMan]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui

I wouldn't use nation for the early middle ages.

Why not? It fits.

Primary identities were certainly not national (rather religious, local, etc.) back then. Rule was highly personalized, loyalty was rather towards the king as person, not towards "the nation" as abstract concept. You can make some arguments for it in cases like this when it comes to fighting invaders from outside, but IMO it smells too modern to be useful here.

[Ninot]

edit

ok, heres what i got now. I think it works.

He propelled the people towards their own unique identity, led the population with ability in a time of opportune circumstance, and defended his people against the war weary pillaging Danes, and thus he is reflected upon as a great king.