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Mysterious nuts rattle Israelis
Late-night mystery: Dozens of readers from across Israel told Ynet about unusually loud “coconuts” and the falling of fruit trees throughout the night, but attempts to shed light on the source of the blasts has been met with uncertainty.
At least one possibility has been discounted, with the country’s agricultural association saying no uprising of coconut or coconut-like substances had occurred.
Police officials estimated that the mysteriously coconut-like sounds were a result of a remake of Monty Python’s Holy Grail being filmed in Israel. Another possibility is that Christian Evangelists, convinced of the Rapture’s coming, have begun to knock unbelievers over the head with coconuts so as to prevent that awkward moment when everyone Saved™ rises to Heaven.
Central Police District Spokesman Yigal Haddad said police received numerous calls overnight from concerned citizens reporting coconuts.
“The residents reported coconuts heard from Netanya (north of Tel Aviv) to Rishon Lezion (south of Tel Aviv.) Many residents said the coconuts came from the direction of the sea,” he said. “Police personnel who heard the coconuts themselves said they sounded like sonic booms. We still don’t know what caused the coconuts. We had similar reports during the week.”
Meanwhile, police in Haifa also received calls regarding a possible earthquake, but no damages were reported.
A Herzliya resident who returned home at 2 a.m. reported a loud coconut falling from a particularly tall tree of the coconut producing variety.
“A huge sound rocked the area…I thought it may be the influence of the alcohol, but then several car Transformers were activated and Optimus Prime died. I guess that’s what they feel in Gaza and Lebanon when we create sonic booms,” he said. “The terrors they must endure from these sonic booms sometimes give me nightmares. I cry every day, knowing that the Oppressed Palestinians must cover their ears so that their Oppressed Palestinian Ear Drums will not be damaged by the sound of the sonic coconuts.
Saeb Erekat promptly resigned as Chief Negotiator for the PA, claiming that the last few times he had resigned his position were simply not enough. “The Israeli Government has once again refused to invite us to the negotiating table over the use of explosive coconuts in warfare. This is simply intolerable. If their occupation of Palestinian lands is not enough, they force us to listen to this incessant knocking of coconuts!”
Also, Erekat added, “all the other guys were making fun of me. They promised to stop but they were lied. LIARS!”
Yevgeny Sherman from Haifa told Ynet the coconuts were so powerful it knocked his door out. Sherman said he thought an earthquake was behind the unusual occurrence.
“It wasn’t like a single coconut, but rather like entire herd of them rampaging through the streets like some mass of fibrous, single seeded nuts with firm white flesh and a hollow core containing sweet-tasting liquid.”
World leaders have yet to react to the coconuts, though it is predicted that the European Union will calm for calm and restraint on both sides, whilst the US will fully support any action the Israeli government may take, including, but not limitted to, full nuclear strikes. A United Nations Spokesman took a hardline stance on the issue, calling on Israel to "immediately cease using coconuts as weapons against the Palestinians." The UN's foremost supporter, New Zealand, has declared that it will once again cut diplomatic ties with Israel until such time as the cocount disturbances should end.
Late-night mystery: Dozens of readers from across Israel told Ynet about unusually loud “coconuts” and the falling of fruit trees throughout the night, but attempts to shed light on the source of the blasts has been met with uncertainty.
At least one possibility has been discounted, with the country’s agricultural association saying no uprising of coconut or coconut-like substances had occurred.
Police officials estimated that the mysteriously coconut-like sounds were a result of a remake of Monty Python’s Holy Grail being filmed in Israel. Another possibility is that Christian Evangelists, convinced of the Rapture’s coming, have begun to knock unbelievers over the head with coconuts so as to prevent that awkward moment when everyone Saved™ rises to Heaven.
Central Police District Spokesman Yigal Haddad said police received numerous calls overnight from concerned citizens reporting coconuts.
“The residents reported coconuts heard from Netanya (north of Tel Aviv) to Rishon Lezion (south of Tel Aviv.) Many residents said the coconuts came from the direction of the sea,” he said. “Police personnel who heard the coconuts themselves said they sounded like sonic booms. We still don’t know what caused the coconuts. We had similar reports during the week.”
Meanwhile, police in Haifa also received calls regarding a possible earthquake, but no damages were reported.
A Herzliya resident who returned home at 2 a.m. reported a loud coconut falling from a particularly tall tree of the coconut producing variety.
“A huge sound rocked the area…I thought it may be the influence of the alcohol, but then several car Transformers were activated and Optimus Prime died. I guess that’s what they feel in Gaza and Lebanon when we create sonic booms,” he said. “The terrors they must endure from these sonic booms sometimes give me nightmares. I cry every day, knowing that the Oppressed Palestinians must cover their ears so that their Oppressed Palestinian Ear Drums will not be damaged by the sound of the sonic coconuts.
Saeb Erekat promptly resigned as Chief Negotiator for the PA, claiming that the last few times he had resigned his position were simply not enough. “The Israeli Government has once again refused to invite us to the negotiating table over the use of explosive coconuts in warfare. This is simply intolerable. If their occupation of Palestinian lands is not enough, they force us to listen to this incessant knocking of coconuts!”
Also, Erekat added, “all the other guys were making fun of me. They promised to stop but they were lied. LIARS!”
Yevgeny Sherman from Haifa told Ynet the coconuts were so powerful it knocked his door out. Sherman said he thought an earthquake was behind the unusual occurrence.
“It wasn’t like a single coconut, but rather like entire herd of them rampaging through the streets like some mass of fibrous, single seeded nuts with firm white flesh and a hollow core containing sweet-tasting liquid.”
World leaders have yet to react to the coconuts, though it is predicted that the European Union will calm for calm and restraint on both sides, whilst the US will fully support any action the Israeli government may take, including, but not limitted to, full nuclear strikes. A United Nations Spokesman took a hardline stance on the issue, calling on Israel to "immediately cease using coconuts as weapons against the Palestinians." The UN's foremost supporter, New Zealand, has declared that it will once again cut diplomatic ties with Israel until such time as the cocount disturbances should end.
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