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The Drunktionary
from http://www.collegehumor.com/articles/1612052/
Ah drunk people...will they ever say what they mean? Below you’ll find some common drunk phrases and what they translate to in sober language. I hope this helps you gauge whether or not it’s a good idea to let your buddy in the car when he claims he’s “totally fine, dude.”
(Drunk Term = Sober Translation)
I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!
Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.
Man, I’m hungry = Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar…again.
You’re really pretty = I’m going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.
Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?
I’m soooo drunk = I’m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.
I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?
You’re my best friend, man = You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.
I don’t want to ruin the friendship = You’re a nice girl but you’re very heavy and I’d rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.
This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!
Let’s take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.
I’m totally fine, dude = I’m totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.
What’s up, Bro? = What’s up, guy-who’s-name-I-can’t-ever-remember?
Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?
Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, I’m going to ask you about class because I’m too scared to ask you out.
I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.
Dude, I didn’t even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!
Now, seriously, who wants to watch a movie?
(Drunk Term = Sober Translation)
I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!
Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.
Man, I’m hungry = Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar…again.
You’re really pretty = I’m going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.
Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?
I’m soooo drunk = I’m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.
I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?
You’re my best friend, man = You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.
I don’t want to ruin the friendship = You’re a nice girl but you’re very heavy and I’d rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.
This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!
Let’s take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.
I’m totally fine, dude = I’m totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.
What’s up, Bro? = What’s up, guy-who’s-name-I-can’t-ever-remember?
Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?
Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, I’m going to ask you about class because I’m too scared to ask you out.
I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.
Dude, I didn’t even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!
Now, seriously, who wants to watch a movie?
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