Long Distance Relationships

[Guynemer]

Laz speaks the truth, mon ami. I've been there.

[OzzyKP]

Originally posted by paiktis22
_See I dunno, is every weekend too much to expect?

I don't think there's a fixed recipee for these things. Depends. Depends how you feel too. If you feel it isn't too much to expect then it probably isn't. I knew a girl we used to see eachother every night and if one night we didn't see eachother it was like not normal. But we lived close to eachother. Then a friend of mine is with a girl who he only sees at summers and they're alright but they are planning on moving in together later on.
Personally I wouldn't like very much to be told that "I wish I could tell you this was just something temporary, but I can't."
She seems a bit more layed back about it than you are. That's... unpleasant. But if you feel she's making an effort then maybe ok. But to wait for her to be inspired by the holy spirit to come and see you, kind of sucks.

Yea i know there isn't a set recepee, I was just trying to figure if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a legitimate complaint here. No doubt I'd feel bad regardless, but I'd have a better frame of reference. But yea, she does seem more laid back about it.

And I'm not yet to the point where I am going to be giving out ultimatums or breaking up with her. I do love her, and the solution to not seeing her enough is not to stop seeing her altogether.

Plus I've never been the type to bounce between girls and have many in the queue. Usually I'll date a girl for several months, then be single for several months. I was single for a year and a half before I met this one, and no way do I want to face that again right now.

[OzzyKP]

Originally posted by korn469
Ozzy, in my experience long distance relationships aren't worth the extra effort it takes to make them last, unless you totally, utterly, insanely love that person. Long distance relationships requires complete trust, and if you don't totally trust the person disturbing thoughts will fill your mind once circumstances prevents you from seeing your significant other. Also long distance relationships give ample opportunities for two people to drift apart, or to find completely opposite directions in life. It puts more pressure on you because since you have fewer moments together they need to be wonderful. That can lead to a great deal of stress. However, if you're lucky then when you get to be with that person every single moment is pure magic.

*korn469 is nearly a three year veteran of long distance relationships

btw, just wanted to quick say that this statement was quite helpful. And while we haven't been doing it long enough perhaps for some of these problems to fully manifest, some have, and I can see this all as quite true. Thanks korn.

[Spiffor]

When I was in a long distance relationship, we didn't see each other each week, but I'd often go to her place for a week / for ten days every now and then.

I think the problem can be that you request undivided attention for the duration of your whole stay at her home. As such, your presence is a strain on whatever activity she needs doing. If you hang out at her home every weekend, but without requesting undivided attention for the whole duration of your stay there, you could still see each other without her feeling strained.

[OzzyKP]

Even when I do get to see her I never get her undivided attention. That's another complaint. Not only don't I see her every week, but when I do see her I have to split her time.

[FrostyBoy]

My experience has been different to some here; I am from Christchurch, New Zealand, I had a long distance relationship with a girl from Singapore, each year we would see each other for 1 month, I would travel there one year, then she would travel the next year, we did this 4 times; now, this year, finally I am here to stay (have a job in Singapore) and we are getting married next year.

So you see, long distance relationships do work and not only do they work, but because of the fact that you have to rely on other means of communication to get to know each other, you both blend in slower and stronger; so there's no rush; rushing weakens the relationship.

And don't forget, during WW1 and 2, soldiers had penpals with women they never knew back in their home country; when the war ended, they met up and most would get married.

So there are two very important and very powerful paths that are forced upon you; Trust and Committment, if you fail because its long distance, then you would have failed if it were short distance too, but if you succeed, then the relationship will be stronger than if it were short distance; because you have had to endure more to reach your goal.

[Timexwatch]

Re: Long Distance Relationships

Originally posted by OzzyKP
ts not like California or Japan or something

Being in the predicament now, it's exteremely difficult. She's the first girl that I fell completely in love with and meant it. She's wonderful, interesting and intelligent. We were together for seven months during my last year at school and we met usually every other day during the week and were joined at the hip on the weekends. I care about her enough that I'm willing to wait for her to come back. Three months and thirteen hours ahead it a pain to deal with, but we've learned to deal with it by lost of communication, especially by e-mails. Written communication has really kept us together. We talk on the phone three times a week; the only problem with that is she usually determines when we talk. I don't make enough to purchase a lot of phone cars, so she has to call me (it's cheap to call the US from Japan). The only time I call is for ten mintues at a time on an expensive phone card to wish her a good day.

For me, the lack of physical contact is the most frustrating part. Going from constant physical contact and attention to none has been difficult. I've had to really learn to restrain my more animal instincts. It's tempting to try and cheat just for sex, but I realize that a night's worth of pleasure isn't worth the cost of losing my relationship.

I'm happy that she'll be back in about four weeks or so. These past four months have been punishment in many ways.

[Drake Tungsten]

Come on, dude. It's only a fourteen-hour flight to Japan...

[Timexwatch]

Only fourteen hours and half my monthly salary

Besides, I'm waiting for her to rack up the miles on ANA so she can fly me over in style

[Drake Tungsten]

I wish I could afford ANA. Northwest sucks...

[Ted Striker]

BIG OZZZ

Follow your instincts and they'll tell you what to do.

Alot of the jaded will give you negative advice, the optimistic will give you positive advice.

In the end none of it really matters because every situation is unique. Trying to fit your situation into someone else's bottle is pointless.

[Timexwatch]

I'd take JAL, but with a flight that long I'd like to do it comfortably. Traveling to Europe is hard enough when you have my stature, I can't imagaine doring that to Japan

[Drake Tungsten]

It sucks. There's no other way to describe it.

[Timexwatch]

Originally posted by Ted Striker
BIG OZZZ

Follow your instincts and they'll tell you what to do.

Alot of the jaded will give you negative advice, the optimistic will give you positive advice.

In the end none of it really matters because every situation is unique. Trying to fit your situation into someone else's bottle is pointless.

Good thing the girlfriend is overseas, I'd hate to give you an opportunity to hit it

[Ted Striker]

TED STRIKER IS INTERNATIONAL DOGGS!!!

kinichiwa