3 hours of Eternity

[Pekka]

blackcat, ok good for you.
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It's time to introduce the rest of the family. First is my first aunt. The hostess, the hostile. Everyone knows not to piss her off. She's the one who think she has the right to rain on everyone without any reason, to give her a reason for it is like giving a knife to a serial killer and unlock the prison doors. She might be legally insane. Surpressed anger, bitterness, hidden inside of the mountain that is her. She's the type that is angry at you for a month if you give her a small reason. She will let you know about it too. I wonder how all the anger got surpressed and hidden, because she's very vocal about it. I guess there's something much worse deeper inside that we don't know about. I honestly think she is capable of killing a man, both physically and mentally. I truly do. She reminds me of Annie Wilkes in Stephen King's Misery. It could be about her. I only wish I was exaggarating. I feel she would be capable of destroying the whole family, even if the rest of us were a tight bunch. We are all kind of afraid of her.

No wonder her daughter, the same age as me, came to ask drugs from me one year, while we were sneaking out for a smoke with my #1 cousin. She finally figured out we sneak out for a smoke, and came too. We didn't know she smoked. We were less than 18. The first thing she said to me was if I had any hashis to sell her. Hopefully the stronger ones and not some sissy paki. I was shocked. Not because of the fact that she obviously smoked hashis, but because she asked me so bluntly. And thought I really had some. And with me right then!

I had to decline and say I really don't smoke, sorry. She didn't believe me. Her mother, the hostess, had openly told everyone in their family, that I am a drug user/dealer, since my mom found out I had tried pot. So that makes me an addict of every drug and maybe even a dealer. So she thought I was in denial and trying to protect myself from saying that I do not carry any drugs with me at the moment. "I know you have some, don't lie to me", she kept on insisting.

Another shocker was the amount of information she had. But before the ciggie was out, I got over it. So what, she smokes some. It's not a surprise. Getting hit with the hostility mountain every day of her life. But she didn't seem to be one of those types that wants to smoke to get high and have fun, or think, listen music, eat, do something, or just hang around. She reminded me of the desperate type, who will move into trouble later on, and harder drugs. Oh well.

But none of us dared to criticize the event itself. No.. we'd rather talk about getting drugs to the underaged cousin, and me beign a dealer, even when we speak once a year, at best.

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oh and people, don't take it so seriously even if this is true. I find it amusing and laugh about it sometimes

[Pekka]

Other attendants include my #1 cousin who always shows up, my other aunt who is mellow and nice, not really a problem. Then there is the weird case, some woman. Who is friends with the hostess. If the Aileen Wuornos, hostess, was a serious basket case and hostility bomb not afraid to make a scene and justify everything with just because, her friend does not differ at all. Except that she isn't even polite in the events. She is genuinely openly hostile. She says openly bad and rude thigns about everyone and she hates everyone of us except the hostess. Yet she invites her every single year, because she is lonely. I wonder why that is?

They are the super team that gives me the scares. She always gets her own corner and chair, and talks to the hostess, and then barks at the rest of us. We always bring her presents, because well.. she's been there every year. She's not even family but we still consider polite to exchange at least cards. Except she has no cards for none of us. Or verbal greetings. I figure if we ever got into a fight, I would not be afraid to strike a women and not stop until there's nothing but a bloody pulp left. Just for self defense. She is the poison, the image of misery and hostility. The hostess doesn't care, it's OK to make us all feel miserable. I think that would make her a bad hostess, but then again she does the same, so I guess he doesn't notice or thinks we all deserve it. Maybe we had it coming all these years.. who knows.. maybe God has a sense of humour.

She has, for example, openly said to everyone outloud in disgust how disgusting young man I was, and how rude I was and how badly I treated my mother when I made a joke about her. But it was an innocent joke, with not one percentage of disrespect. I guess that was me then and she was right to point it out. That was just 30 seconds of one event from her. We've had many, every year, for hours.

Did I mention everyone is divorcee or single? Everyone's husbands attend the event too, even when they are divorced, just to keep the tradition up. None of them are comfortable. I wonder if they suffer the most. Or do they enjoy the free food so much they come every year?

The best is the husband of the hostess. He left her for a hooker in Thailand. At first I was kind of disappointed at his decision, but now I'm beginning to understand. I even think he is starting to be my champion to still come every christmas. Rubbing it in. one of the best rivalries and one on one politness fights is definitely between the hostess and her ex-husband. I don't know what the definiton of sadism is, but this should be it.

I'm just waiting and praying for the moment one of them gets fed up and starts shouting, and then they kill each other, adn the rest of us just wipe our mouths, get up, leave the table and go home.

[Pekka]

So back to the second round, the worst round. This is the round where you take more food, not too little, not too much. It's a true skill to know how to do it, don't take first, don't take last. You are supposed to eat slowly and talk. Time for discussion. Time to find out what people did last the whole year. Not to my surprise, no one did anything, except myself and my cousin. Maybe we are the only people not bitter and self destructive? It's ironic to find a bunch where all the IT people are almost happy and everyone else is miserable and stressed out.

I already know what they are going to ask me. Where's the nice girl I brought some years ago. I'm kind of tired to tell them it didn't work out and I don't care if she's dead or alive. And no at the moment I'm not seeing anyone and the reason is obviously that I'm gay. Thanks for making that thought pattern every year. Must be. I'm taking it as a compliment anyway, seeing how they are doing with their lives and relationships. Even if I had a girlfriend at the time of the event, would I hate her so much that I would make her come there? or would she love me so much she wanted to support me and share the torture? Or would that be my excuse to go to someone elses family?! I need to get a girlfriend, before Christmas.

Of course now it's worse for me. Now that my dad doesn't want to come anymore and doesn't, because my mom doesn't attend the event either,being in another country, I am the only representor of our family. So I kind of HAVE to come. Discussion always goes to 'so where's your dad?' 'how is your mom doing?'. Like I want to talk with them about it. But thanks for reminding me that my dad is spending the Christmas alone until I return and join him. No thanks, don't suggest me getting any food for him back, after all there's only tons of it to throw to trash bin. Nah.. I rather bring him half of a pizza that is cold by the time I get back. That's OK though, we are good at pretending it's not Christmas. At least it works better than pretendign we all enjoy being in here.

[Provost Harrison]

Everyone has an auntie like that. I know I have

[MosesPresley]

Do they take pretend leaks in Turkey?

[Pekka]

PH, yeah.. weird isn't it? anyway folks do not get depressed or go 'oh that's sad'. It's dark humour. While it's true, it's kind of funny. I'm not sad about it.
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But for the most parts, I don't feel any pity for these people. I do like my grandpa, my #1 and his mother, my other aunt. I get along with them just fine and I don't mind seeing them more than once a year. We even call each other and send letters, e-mail, and hang out. So the contrast is huge to the hostility blob that I call the rest of my family. Depressed, sad bunch of people.

The husband of my aunt that I get along with however is kind of sad. Not hostile, just genuinely sad. They got divorce because well.. my aunt I guess didn't feel they connected anymore. Because marriage is supposed to be hot and sexy after 30 years. He had to move to a remote location with no neighbours close, spend all the money he had on this house that was ****ty as hell. It was so bad, that it actually broke. Yeah. The house got broken. He had a dog, but it died. It was his only friend I guess, and it happened the same timet he house broke and I think his sister also died. Summer of.. something I guess. My aunt had the grace to go and see him, because they are still 'friends'. 'So you are still suicidial, sad and lonely man?', basically the answer is yes. So what do we do about it? Decades of service in the family? **** it.. he can join the christmas dinner! More torture or not? Reminding that there are still people who have some connections to real life, even if it's just hatred and bigotry. Better that than nothing I guess?

I truly feel sorry for him.. I guess my aunt feels it too, genuinely.

[Provost Harrison]

These ones look genuine however

[Pekka]

I wonder if the family dysfunctions contribute one reason to the fact that none of us youngsters in the family have had a long relationship. We are kind of unable to maintain them, and for the most part we are not even interested in one. Lead by example.

So now that I have introduced the merry group, back to the actual event. So I got off from the pretend-leak, pissed off that I was busted and had to return so early. Second round started and I was already thought as a gay man. Nothing had changed in any respect. What a surprise.

I started a discussion by genuinely admiring the table. The discussion what shut down faster than it started, it was brought there from.. Thailand. Ok.. I guess I better shut up from here on out. Naturally it was my fault, ruining the atmosphere. Then again in my opinion it was ruined when we all got together in the first place, so it's not like the damage was something beyond human understanding.

I knew there was still christmas song singing and desert coming up, and chatting after all that. Still more than 80% to go of the event I calculated scientifically. My blood pressure is already up, but I figured I would go numb from embarrasment, uncomfortable feelings before 50%. Or at least I hoped so.

Usually I like to talk about myself and what's been up for the last year, but at this event, I really do not. I try to downplay what I have achieved in a year, because everyone would get pissed off and more angry, knowing they have accomplished nothing except get more angry and tired. So I said the school is just OK and I don't have any plans and that I'm not so interested about the field anymore, even though that's not true. In here, people associate IT field with money, Uni degree with money, combine both adn they will loathe you if they are the type of people who accomplish nothing and instead are jealous.
So I usually just shut up. As does my #1 cousin, who actually is succesful already.

I quickly see two things that makes me feel the storm is on the way. First off, the ex-husband of the hostess had a drink, strong booze, and one of the on and off cousins came to pop by with her new boyfriend. He doesn't have a clue what he just did, stepping into the Lions Den. This is going to be beautiful I thought. Finally, we would all have someone to target, and pour the anger towards him, the innocent young dude who never did anything to us. Ha-ha! This will be sweet!!!

[Pekka]

oh what the hell I'm tired of writing. Well that was the christmas dinner story that ended too early. Described about 10 minutes of real live situation. Then again the topic is 3 hours of eternity .

[Kidlicious]

Finnish humor is very strange.

[Pekka]

it's funny only because it's true. You have two choices. You can either laugh about it, because it's weird and fun, yet so normal.

Or you can get sad about it, dwell on it and kill yourself.

I choose laughing.

[Provost Harrison]

The holocaust is true, but that's not particularly funny...

[Pekka]

Right but it's not something personal to me. I haven't experienced it, so I don't have to cope with it the same way.

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Pekka
it's funny only because it's true. You have two choices. You can either laugh about it, because it's weird and fun, yet so normal.

Or you can get sad about it, dwell on it and kill yourself.

I choose laughing.

You don't just have two choices. It's not black and white. It's not funny, and it's not worth killing yourself over.

[Pekka]

oh yes there's the third option which is the boring. You choose that? THat's just..boring. I rather laugh than be bored.

Besides it is funny, and if you don't think so, well.. it's not funny to you. Funny to me it is.