Greatest Drinking Song Evar!!!!

[Agathon]

Post your nominations here.

Mine is easy: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers.

It's simple and any idiot can hold the tune. It involves the evils of drink and gambling as well as sound moral advice and tragedy.

It was once the chucking out song at a bar I loved.

On a warm summer’s evenin’ on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin’ out the window at the darkness
’til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, son, I’ve made a life out of readin’ people’s faces,
And knowin’ what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey I’ll give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

Now ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
’cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

So when he’d finished speakin’, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count you r money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

[Agathon]

Second fave:

Bliss by Th' Dudes

(hint - when sung live the title starts with "P")

Yaaaaaah ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya
Yaaaaaah ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya

Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another

Drink yourself more bliss
Have a stiff one all night
Everything is alright

Try and reach the bar
Coppers took the car
Offers (Off us ?) from the sidewalk

Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another

Yaaaaaah ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya
Yaaaaaah ya ya ya ya
Ya ya ya ya

Think I'm at full speed
Get a hit of coochie (?)
Have a set a coozie (?)

Buy some spanish shoes
Think I need a refill (?)
Get it at the Cross (?)

Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss
Forget about the last one
Get yourself another
Drink yourself more bliss

[asleepathewheel]

Ween: The Blarney Stone

Get off my ass you wee bitty ****
If I pull out the Claymore you're **** outta luck
Who's that girl, that pretty young thing
After I **** her she'll get up and sing

Aye Aye Aye -- sharpen your boot, and bludgeon your eye
Aye Aye Aye -- the Blarney Stone brings a tear to me eye

Down to the pub for a two shilling ale
The bread on the counter is going stale
If I don't get some fresh bread soon
Gonna punch you in your face and bark at the moon

Aye Aye Aye -- sharpen your boot, and bludgeon your eye
Aye Aye Aye -- the Blarney Stone brings a tear to me eye

Ain't got no girl 'cuz I haven't the time
Got too many other things on me mind
Patty was nice she was pale and cute
But I threw her away like an old piece of fruit

Aye Aye Aye -- sharpen your boot, and bludgeon your eye
Aye Aye Aye -- the Blarney Stone brings a tear to me eye

Got ooze in my pores my feet are all wet
Got mold in my ears but I ain't dead yet
Got stones in me bladder got a crack in me head
When Patty starts cryin' this is what I said

Aye Aye Aye -- sharpen your boot, and bludgeon your eye
Aye Aye Aye -- the Blarney Stone brings a tear to me eye

[Nostromo]

I can imagine myself singing this Tom Waits song in a pub.

Innocent When You Dream

The bats are in the belfry
the dew is on the moor
where are the arms that held me
and pledged her love before
and pledged her love before
Chorus:
It's such a sad old feeling
the fields are soft and green
it's memories that I'm stealing
but you're innocent when you dream
when you dream
you're innocent when you dream
Running through the graveyard
we laughed my friends and I
we swore we'd be together
until the day we died
until the day we died
Repeat chorus
I made a golden promise
that we would never part
I gave my love a locket
and then I broke her heart
and then I broke her heart
Repeat chorus

[Tingkai]

The Drinking Song - Moxy Fruvous

And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
My senses finally blurred

He was a rock, to the end, a solid reminder
Couldn't deny a friend
We lived in the noise and the sweet amber poison
Peekin' up the skirt of the end

And we'd drink, two gnarly dudes and some records
Much like plates of black food
We filled up our faces, saw some far places
Stood on the roof in the nude

And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
My senses finally blurred

Between poles, he said "We're like cows in the grass"
Brushing off flies
Chaise lounging around, standing up, falling down
Till we no longer opened our eyes

And we'd drink, ever notice how drinking's like war?
Cup o' troops o'er the gums
To the end of our health, a campaign 'gainst myself
Armed with bourbons and scotches and rums

And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
My senses finally blurred

Think of bombs, we're poised on the edge of disaster
Whether it's right or it's wrong
We opened the window, played some Nintendo
Sang a few bars of some pretty old song:

Irene goodnight, Irene goodnight
Goodnight Irene, goodnight Irene
I'll see you in my dreams

Oh to dream, those impotent bones of extinction
Flying graceful and free
None but the best 'cause the man cannot rest
Till he's finally beaten his me

And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
My senses finally blurred

Till the end, he passed out on the sundeck that morning
Quietly saying goodbye
But I was so hammered I sputtered and stammered
Told him he couldn't just die

He was a rock, went straight for his own Armageddon
Face froze in a grin
Ambulance flyin' in, I never drank again
Can't really call that a loss or a win

And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn
My senses finally blurred

[Tuberski]

Not a country fan, but:

[b]Friends in Low Places- Garth Brooks

Blame it all on my roots
I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one
You thought you’d see there
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said, honey, we may be through
But you’ll never hear me complain

(chorus)
’cause I’ve got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I’ll be okay
I’m not big on social graces
Think I’ll slip on down to the oasis
Oh, I’ve got friends in low places.

Well, I guess I was wrong
I just don’t belong
But then, I’ve been there before
Everything’s all right
I’ll just say goodnight
And I’ll show myself to the door
Hey, I didn’t mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me an hour and then
Well, I’ll be as high
As that ivory tower
That you’re livin’ in

*chorus*

(third verse)
I guess I was wrong
I just don’t belong
But then, I’ve been there before
And everything is alright
I’ll just say goodnight
And I’ll show myself to the door
I didn’t mean to cause a big scene
Just wait ’til I finish this glass
Then sweet little lady
I’ll head back to the bar
And you can kiss my ass

*chorus*


ACK!

[Saras]

The Wild Rover

I've been a wild rover for many a year,
And I've spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
But now I'm returning with gold in great store,
And I never will play the wild rover no more.

Chorus
And it's no, nay, never
No, nay, never, no more,
Will I play the rover
No never, no more.

I went down to an ale house I used to frequent,
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, but she answered me "Nay.
Such custom like yours I could have any day."

Chorus...

[Traditional version of this verse:]
So I pulled from my pocket a handful of gold
And upon the round table, it glittered and rolled
She said, "We have whiskey and beer of the best,
What I told you before twas only in jest!"

[Alternate, more contemporary version:]
I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright,
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight,
She said, "I have whiskeys and wines of the best,
For the words that you told me were only in jest."
[OR: And I'll take you upstairs, and I'll show you the rest."]

Chorus...

I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done,
And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And if they caress me as oft times before,
I never will play the wild rover no more!

[DRoseDARs]

The Beer Song, as sung by the one and only Wierd Al Yankovic.

[bipolarbear]

My Heart Will Go On, By Celine Dion, its funny drunk or sober.

Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

[Dis]

the most obvious choice:

Wanna tell you a story,
About the house-man blues
I come home one Friday,
Had to tell the landlady I'd-a lost my job
She said that don't confront me,
Long as I get my money next Friday
Now next Friday come I didn't get the rent,
And out the door I went

So I goes to the landlady,
I said, "You let me slide?"
I'll have the rent for you in a month.
Next I don't know
So said let me slide it on you know people,
I notice when I come home in the evening
She ain't got nothing nice to say to me,
But for five year she was so nice
Loh' she was lovy-dovy,
I come home one particular evening
The landlady said, "You got the rent money yet?",
I said, "No, can't find no job"
Therefore I ain't got no money to pay the rent
She said "I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job"
Said "I seen you today you was standin' on a corner,
Leaning up against a post"
I said "But I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day"
She said "That don't confront me,
Long as I get my money next Friday"
Now next Friday come I didn't have the rent,
And out the door I went

So I go down the streets,
Down to my good friend's house
I said "Look man I'm outdoors you know,
Can I stay with you maybe a couple days?"
He said "Let me go and ask my wife"
He come out of the house,
I could see it in his face
I know that was no
He said "I don't know man, ah she kinda funny, you know"
I said "I know, everybody funny, now you funny too"
So I go back home
I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent
She said "Yeah?" I said "Oh yeah"
And then she was so nice,
Loh' she was lovy-dovy
So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go,
I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go
She a-howlin' about the front rent, she'll be lucky to get any back rent,
She ain't gonna get none of it
So I stop in the local bar you know people,
I go to the bar, I ring my coat, I call the bartender
Said "Look man, come down here", he got down there
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose,
Need me a triple shot of that juice
Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

But I'm sitting now at the bar,
I'm getting drunk, I'm feelin' mellow
I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer
Looked down the bar, here come the bartender
I said "Look man, come down here"
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since the night before last,
Gotta get a drink man I'm gonna get gassed
Gonna get high man I ain't had enough,
Need me a triple shot of that stuff
Gonna get drunk won't you listen right here,
I want one bourbon, one shot and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

Now by this time I'm plenty high,
You know when your mouth a-getting dry you're plenty high
Looked down the bar I say to my bartender
I said "Look man, come down here", he got down there
So what you want this time?
I said "Look man, a-what time is it?"
He said "The clock on the wall say three o'clock
Last call for alcohol, so what you need?"

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week,
Gotta get drunk man till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man listen to me,
One drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

[planet]

1. George Thorogood - One Burbon, One Scotch, One Beer
2. Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen
3. The Radiators - Gimme Head
4. Twisted Sister - Where Not Gonna Take It

[Dis]

I have my own little list.

I find some songs give me a nearly uncontrollable urge to drink.

Godflesh does that to me.

[Last Conformist]

Balladen om Theobald Thor

[Immortal Wombat]

DaVinci's Notebook - The Irish Drinking Song

da da da da da da da da da da da
Hey!

Gather round ye lads and lasses
Set ye for a while
And hearken to me mournful tale
about the Emerald Isle
Let's all raise our glasses high
to friends and family gone
And lift our voices in another Irish Drinking Song

Consumption took me mother
and me father got the pox
me brother drank the whiskey until he wound up in a box
me other brother in the troubles met with his demise
My sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes
Hey!

Now everybody's died
Until our tears are dried
We'll drink and drink and drink and drink
and then we'll drink again some more
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light
Then we'll throw up, pass out wake up and drinken once again
Hey!

Luther fought with Reiland at the cliffs of Alderney
He took out his sheleighleigh and stabbed him in the spleen (aaghh!)

Crazy uncle Mike believed he was a leprechaun
In fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone
When Michael Collins broke his neck, it really was a shame
He really wasn't Irish but he went to Notre Dame
MacNamarah crossed the street and was by a bus was hit
But he was just a Scotsman so no one gave a ...
Hey!

Now everybody's died
so until our tears are dried
We'll drink and drink and drink and drind and then we'll drink some more
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and go drinkin once again!
da daaa dadadaa dadadada dadadada
Oley!

Cleanliness is Godliness my Uncle Pat would sing
He broke his neck a-slipping on a bar of Irish Spring
O'Grady he was 80 but his wife was just a pup
He died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up (shing!)

Conner lived in Ulstertown he used to smuggle arms
Until the British killed him and cut off his Lucky Charms
Poor old Father Flannigan who left the Lords of Loyd
Drunk on Sacrimental Wine beneath the altar boy
Hey!

Now everybody's died
Until our tears are dried
We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light
then we'll throw up, pass out wake up and we'll go drinkin' once again

Some day soon I'll leave this world of
Pain and toil and sin
ay
The Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin
ay
My only wish is when the savior comes for me and you
(hey... oh)
he kills the cast of River Dance and Michael Flatley too!
Hey!!

Now everybody's died
until our tears are dried
We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then go drink some more

We'll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light
then throw up, pass out, wake up and go drinking once again
Then we'll throw up
pass out, wake up and go drinkin once again
And we'll throw up
Pass out
Wake up
And we'll go drinkin' once again!
Da da da da da da da da da da da
Hey!!

[Kontiki]

Spirit of the West - Home for a Rest

CHORUS:
you'll have to excuse me, i'm not at my best
i've been gone for a month
i've been drunk since i left
there so-called vacations
will soon be my death
i'm so sick from teh drink
i need home for a rest
we arrived in december and london was cold
so we stayed in thebars
along charing cross road
we never saw nothin' but brass taps and oak
kept a shine on the bar
with the sleeves of our coats
-chorus-
euston station the train journey north
in the buffet car we lurched back and forth
past odd crooked ****s
through yorkshire's green fields
we were flung into dance
as the train jigged and reeled
you'll have to excuse me, i'm not at my best
i've been gone for a month
i've been drunk since i left
there so-called vacations
will soon be my death
i'm so sick from teh drink
i need home for a rest
take me home....
by the light of the moon she'd drift through the streets
a rare old perfume so seductive and sweet
she'd tease us and flirt as the pubs all closed down
then walk us on home and deny us a round
-chorus-
the gas heater's empty, it's damp as a tomb
and the spirits we drank are not ghosts in the room
i'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon
and don't lift up my head
'till the the twelve bells at noon
you'll have to excuse me, i'm not at my best
i've been gone for a month
i've been drunk since i left
there so-called vacations
will soon be my death
i'm so sick from teh drink
i need home for a rest
take me home....