Tweet
Add your own:
Murphy's law - the Israeli version
If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. The question is how to blame someone else for it
By YAIR LAPID
1. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. The question is how to blame someone else for it.
2. If you spent 3,000 shekels on lottery tickets, the winner will be a religious widow from Bnei Brak who bought a ticket for the first time in her life.
3. When the peace process progresses, the security situation deteriorates.
4. When the peace process stalls, the security situation deteriorates.
5. Regardless of what Israelis tell you, the ski resort in northern Israel doesn't really look like Switzerland.
6. The letter calling you up for military reserve duty always arrives when your business is facing a crisis.
7. The Israeli high-tech company that invented hot new software is not really Israeli. The financing is American, the marketing headquarters is in Canada, and the two engineers who invented it have already moved to Silicon Valley.
8. A military affairs expert is someone who left the IDF so long ago that his knowledge has become irrelevant.
9. If an Israeli politician admits he failed in his previous post, it means he wants it back.
10. "Factors beyond my control" are things you should have taken into consideration but forgot.
11. If you can't be replaced, why should you be promoted?
12. The more innovative an economic plan is, the more people oppose it, until it changes to the point of becoming identical to the previous economic plan the same people also opposed.
13. If five people call a radio show at the same time, the one who gets on the air will always be the most radical right winger.
14. When someone tells you "that's not the question," it means this is precisely the question.
15. Renovating your apartment will always cost 30 percent more than you planned, take 30 percent longer than you planned, and come out nothing like you planned.
16. "Friendly fire" always has a higher chance of hitting you.
17. Warm praise is reserved only for people who are sent packing.
18. If you happen to bump into the rabbi who prepared your son for his bar mitzvah, you'll always happen to wear your smuttiest outfit.
19. Nobody "comes out fat in pictures." Apparently, you are, in fact, fat.
20. The farther away you travel, the likelier you are to encounter Israelis.
21. When you get to a place that has "too many Israelis," you are one of them.
22. Nobody flies to New York for $299. They all lie.
23. If you're sitting at the beach wearing shorts, eating a watermelon, and drinking beer, your child will get lost.
24. The one time you decide to ignore your mother's advice will be the only time it turns out she was right.
25. The more sophisticated the electronic device you bought, the smaller the likelihood it will come with operating instructions in Hebrew.
Yair Lapid has a regular column in 'Yedioth Ahronoth,' is a published author and hosts a popular television talk show
If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. The question is how to blame someone else for it
By YAIR LAPID
1. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. The question is how to blame someone else for it.
2. If you spent 3,000 shekels on lottery tickets, the winner will be a religious widow from Bnei Brak who bought a ticket for the first time in her life.
3. When the peace process progresses, the security situation deteriorates.
4. When the peace process stalls, the security situation deteriorates.
5. Regardless of what Israelis tell you, the ski resort in northern Israel doesn't really look like Switzerland.
6. The letter calling you up for military reserve duty always arrives when your business is facing a crisis.
7. The Israeli high-tech company that invented hot new software is not really Israeli. The financing is American, the marketing headquarters is in Canada, and the two engineers who invented it have already moved to Silicon Valley.
8. A military affairs expert is someone who left the IDF so long ago that his knowledge has become irrelevant.
9. If an Israeli politician admits he failed in his previous post, it means he wants it back.
10. "Factors beyond my control" are things you should have taken into consideration but forgot.
11. If you can't be replaced, why should you be promoted?
12. The more innovative an economic plan is, the more people oppose it, until it changes to the point of becoming identical to the previous economic plan the same people also opposed.
13. If five people call a radio show at the same time, the one who gets on the air will always be the most radical right winger.
14. When someone tells you "that's not the question," it means this is precisely the question.
15. Renovating your apartment will always cost 30 percent more than you planned, take 30 percent longer than you planned, and come out nothing like you planned.
16. "Friendly fire" always has a higher chance of hitting you.
17. Warm praise is reserved only for people who are sent packing.
18. If you happen to bump into the rabbi who prepared your son for his bar mitzvah, you'll always happen to wear your smuttiest outfit.
19. Nobody "comes out fat in pictures." Apparently, you are, in fact, fat.
20. The farther away you travel, the likelier you are to encounter Israelis.
21. When you get to a place that has "too many Israelis," you are one of them.
22. Nobody flies to New York for $299. They all lie.
23. If you're sitting at the beach wearing shorts, eating a watermelon, and drinking beer, your child will get lost.
24. The one time you decide to ignore your mother's advice will be the only time it turns out she was right.
25. The more sophisticated the electronic device you bought, the smaller the likelihood it will come with operating instructions in Hebrew.
Yair Lapid has a regular column in 'Yedioth Ahronoth,' is a published author and hosts a popular television talk show
Comment