Court quotes

[Vince278]

Originally posted by Tuberski
If you want to get out of it, just keep pulling a Ted Striker.

Nah, I take my civic duty seriously (note the JFK quote in my sig line).

[Tuberski]

ACK!

[ashby]

[alva]

[Tuberski]

Hey none of that in my thread.......

A joke instead:

Two cars are waiting at a stoplight. The light turns green, but the man in front doesn't notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn't move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash.


The light turns yellow. The woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams curses at the man. The man, hearing the commotion, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red. The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection. As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman.


The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening. After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car. She turns, places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any questions and is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.


After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects. He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, "I'm really sorry for this mistake, but you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping that guy off, and cussing a blue streak at the car in front of you. Then I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" and "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper stickers, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

ACK!

[Zkribbler]

One of my favorites is a ruling issued by a judge in my courthouse when a defendant tried to get a medical malpractice action dismissed because the plaintiff had not retained an expert on the standard of care:

A jury doesn't need an expert to tell it that a patient shouldn't catch on fire during an operation."

[Last Conformist]

The one about the brain in the jar always cracks me up.

[Kuciwalker]

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

[Cruddy]

Q: Your Worship, do we have your permission to destroy the drugs seized? (0.001 grams)

* Magistrate opens palm and blows

That was over a decade ago - court titles have been modernised since.

[Frankychan]

Damn, I work in a law office and I can relate to this stuff. What's that book called again?

[Mrs. Tuberski]

ok i have a true practical joke story kinda funny. Last week at work, walking down the hall talking to the doctor I was going to be wroking with a New O.R. Runs out of her room. The lady is bout 45 years old and has never worked The O.R. She runs up to me and this surgeon and franticly replys whats a dic*for We both kinda looked at her shocked. The doctor playing along cause we knew the joke being played on her, says honey if you dont know that by now we need to talk. She says no i need to know what it is and looks like, we both then just laughed the dr being a smart ass says well a dic* is used for peeing scewing and the likes of that, and then said it looks like a penis.
The surgeon and scrub in the room she was working in sent her out to find an instrument named a dic* for retractor. Thing is there is no such thing. Only funny cause she didnt catch on too quick

[Tuberski]

Originally posted by Frankychan


Damn, I work in a law office and I can relate to this stuff. What's that book called again?

It's called:

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They're things people actually said in court, word for word....

No BYU joke this time.........

ACK!

[Vince278]

Just completed my jury duty today. Spent three days in a pool without having to do a thing. Made the book I was reading on String Theory seem exciting. I heard some jokes but none can be repeated here.