Hollywood run out of ideas? Must be because they're not taking these

[The Emperor Fabulous]

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/

An industry professional who is sent a boatload of queries (that is, screenplays that have been written by people not in the industry, who provide those in with a synopsis by mail to see if there is interest) has placed many of the worst on his own personal blog.

Some of these are God-awful. The others are even worse.

And you thought Uwe Boll was terrible! Just be thankful none of these will make it to the big screen.

[The Emperor Fabulous]

Some examples:

"Synopsis
a strange event has just occurred on the level of the planet ground, this event is of a width such as the human spirit cannot support it. A violent one seism of an incredible intensity has just struck our planet ground and caused the division of the planet ground in two planets. America planet = all the American continent. Planet ground = the rest of the world. And veiled the people of two planets are called has to live in spite of them another destiny a dubious future."

"A Scientist on the verge of discovering the cure for the common cold mysteriously disappears. In searching for him, his protégé is chased by pharmaceutical spies and time-travels to the lab where her late father made an unheralded discovery."

"Jen's dates are disasters, so she hires the date coach Greg Woozer, offering "total date management", going on simulated dates, grading and coaching dates. Greg falls in love with Jen. Jen is supposed to marry rich Ted, but loves Greg. Greg punches out Ted. Jen and Greg get married. The Waterboy meets There's Something About Mary."

"An ambulance driver and his partner's quiet night shift becomes hell on earth when a Mars probe disintegrates over Los Angeles, releasing germs that turn people into horny maggot-spewing zombies. Now they must navigate a swinging singles night of the living dead to rescue their girlfriends and take them to safety... before one of them becomes infected and turns on the group. The grossest horror script you'll ever read!"

"The friendship between a mild-mannered medical student and a wild beauty professional 'transforms' after they unwittingly fall for a guy who is pretending to be twins."

Be thankful for "Troy" and "The Hulk".

[Nikolai]

"The friendship between a mild-mannered medical student and a wild beauty professional 'transforms' after they unwittingly fall for a guy who is pretending to be twins."

Sounds a bit like a modern version of "The importance of being Earnest".

[Az]

Puts movies made after computer games in a fresh, favourable light.

[The Andy-Man]

double post, see the commercial sequal for the message

[The Andy-Man]

but bad movies are only made for reasons of tax evasion and fraud, a la the producers.


Indeed, Titanic caused many people serious problems when it became a major hit.....

[Az]

but movies are only made for reasons of tax evasion and fraud, a la the producers.

but bad movies are only made for reasons of tax evasion and fraud, a la the producers.

Greeat "double" post. ( hint: edit, don't resend with a correction )

[The Andy-Man]

Originally posted by Azazel

but movies are only made for reasons of tax evasion and fraud, a la the producers.

but bad movies are only made for reasons of tax evasion and fraud, a la the producers.

Greeat "double" post. ( hint: edit, don't resend with a correction )

no, it really was a double post, I know how to edit posts silly

[Az]

so why are they different?

OK, forget it. I don't really care. It's too good a thread to spam.

[Flandrien]

"Jen's dates are disasters, so she hires the date coach Greg Woozer, offering "total date management", going on simulated dates, grading and coaching dates. Greg falls in love with Jen. Jen is supposed to marry rich Ted, but loves Greg. Greg punches out Ted. Jen and Greg get married. The Waterboy meets There's Something About Mary."

Oh no, it's Love Academy.
Some day, somebody in Hollywood will read this and make something even worse than Police Academy.

[Nikolai]

Originally posted by Azazel
so why are they different?

Because he clicked on the stop button a little too late?

[Elok]

"A neurotic in 1880s Russia tries to deal with his inferiority complex by challenging a hated classmate to a duel and playing mind-games with a sweet young whore."

Hopefully Kevin Smith will not check this blog, plagiarism sucks.

[Az]

Some day, somebody in Hollywood will read this and make something even worse than Police Academy.

Hey, Police Academy fricking ruled!!!!