Tweet
As you know, I hate shopping. Not because I don't like to buy stuff if I can afford it, it's just that stores are full of stupid people. You know what I mean.. The Chicken Kids (running like headless chicken), The Oldies (who block your way and never move above 1mph per year, the PUNKS who work there because they only hire PUNKS because PUNKS can't find other jobs, the soccer moms who both push a kid in the trollies that these days have attached god damn space ships so the kids can play and think they're on a ship, taking the whole ****ing space in the store, now imagine two of those going shoulder to shoulder, giggling about tampons, diapers and ******* husbands while totally NOT MOVING or going slower then The Oldies. It's just hell.
Not to mention 'we are doing our inventory, so you can't buy this crap right now'. Well why don't you close the store down, or do it out of business hours because I can't buy my stuff now bastards! Look.. but don't touch!!!
Today.. I discovered a whole new category, a category that is so small so I wil call them just stupid individuals because then I can put a whole bunch of people in them. I was in the line waiting to pay my food, but couple of people away in front of me was this sexy chick, right? I'm talking a total butt. As you know, I
butts. I'm a buttfreak. No two ways about it. So I saw this perfect butt, in tight pants. Really tight. It was a VERY nice butt and I started staring at it, and then this dude between us is blocking my view! With his damn big coat and fur hat.. Old geezer! I'm trying to reposition myself for the perfect pipeline to heaven,... ONLY to see the geezer is totally blocking it all and my efforts are going in waste as I'm trying to get a good look at the perfect butt!!!
THEN I noticed.. the old geezer was actually getting a look himself! That bastard! Old dirty man.. the chick doesn't want old perverts to check out her butt... I'm still in the range, I'm in the range of 'yeah I could do it with him easily' but the geezer is OUT OF THE GAME! SO he has NO rights to be looking at that butt, if he's blocking MY view. You know, audience doesn't go into the field in the middle of a baseball game to get a better look. PLAYERS are in the field. Geezers CAN check out young perfect butts, but in order to do that they can't ruin anyone elses view, the ones who are higher in the priority class.
Does he know the rule? NO! The bastard just keeps standing there like a penguin with his big fur hat and oversized coat. I wanted to shout at that man so bad.. 'PADRE! GET OUT OF THE WAY! ANDELE!' .. a god damn old perv..
Anyway the next thing I do is pay my food and I find this game.. it's an old game where you push the buttons when they lit. I used to get great scores at it and out of nostalgia I repaired to the machine. I put the coins in and I'm still holding my bag of food and I realise damn I need to put this to ground first and as I 'm putting it and getting up, the game starts and the buttons lit and I miss it. Naturally, it was my own fault. BUT THEN THIS DAMN MACHINE KEEPS RUCKUS *DOJOJOJOJOJOOJOJOJOJOJOJ DOJOJOJOJOJOJOJO DOJOJOJOJOOJOJ* A never ending *LOSER* sound breaks the air *KABOOM* and there's like 334508723 million people who can possible check out my score of '0'. What is that? A racist machine I left so fast you could hear the sex 10 seconds after I left the building.
Anyway, I'm starting to hate grocery stores even more and not just because of the people that visit them, but beceause they deliberately ruin perfectly good shopping experience with these kind of crap things.
Not to mention 'we are doing our inventory, so you can't buy this crap right now'. Well why don't you close the store down, or do it out of business hours because I can't buy my stuff now bastards! Look.. but don't touch!!!
Today.. I discovered a whole new category, a category that is so small so I wil call them just stupid individuals because then I can put a whole bunch of people in them. I was in the line waiting to pay my food, but couple of people away in front of me was this sexy chick, right? I'm talking a total butt. As you know, I
butts. I'm a buttfreak. No two ways about it. So I saw this perfect butt, in tight pants. Really tight. It was a VERY nice butt and I started staring at it, and then this dude between us is blocking my view! With his damn big coat and fur hat.. Old geezer! I'm trying to reposition myself for the perfect pipeline to heaven,... ONLY to see the geezer is totally blocking it all and my efforts are going in waste as I'm trying to get a good look at the perfect butt!!!THEN I noticed.. the old geezer was actually getting a look himself! That bastard! Old dirty man.. the chick doesn't want old perverts to check out her butt... I'm still in the range, I'm in the range of 'yeah I could do it with him easily' but the geezer is OUT OF THE GAME! SO he has NO rights to be looking at that butt, if he's blocking MY view. You know, audience doesn't go into the field in the middle of a baseball game to get a better look. PLAYERS are in the field. Geezers CAN check out young perfect butts, but in order to do that they can't ruin anyone elses view, the ones who are higher in the priority class.
Does he know the rule? NO! The bastard just keeps standing there like a penguin with his big fur hat and oversized coat. I wanted to shout at that man so bad.. 'PADRE! GET OUT OF THE WAY! ANDELE!' .. a god damn old perv..
Anyway the next thing I do is pay my food and I find this game.. it's an old game where you push the buttons when they lit. I used to get great scores at it and out of nostalgia I repaired to the machine. I put the coins in and I'm still holding my bag of food and I realise damn I need to put this to ground first and as I 'm putting it and getting up, the game starts and the buttons lit and I miss it. Naturally, it was my own fault. BUT THEN THIS DAMN MACHINE KEEPS RUCKUS *DOJOJOJOJOJOOJOJOJOJOJOJ DOJOJOJOJOJOJOJO DOJOJOJOJOOJOJ* A never ending *LOSER* sound breaks the air *KABOOM* and there's like 334508723 million people who can possible check out my score of '0'. What is that? A racist machine I left so fast you could hear the sex 10 seconds after I left the building.
Anyway, I'm starting to hate grocery stores even more and not just because of the people that visit them, but beceause they deliberately ruin perfectly good shopping experience with these kind of crap things.
), and the ladies still smile back.
Comment