A billion years ago when aliens first arrived...

[Lancer]

Excellent story foolish_icarus.

NES-ing? WasDat?

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by Cyclotron
Laugh it up all you want, but I get more +1s in a week of NES-ing than you do in a lifetime of OT-ing.

Yet, you're a king, and Lancer's an emperor

[Cyclotron]

Originally posted by LordShiva
Yet, you're a king, and Lancer's an emperor

I took three years off from this site, and you berate me for being one rank behind him? With a head start like that, he should be a Deity if he was any good at it.

NES-ing? WasDat?

Discovering the answer to that question would take only a cursory glance at the active threads in this forum.

[DrSpike]

Originally posted by LordShiva


Yet, you're a king, and Lancer's an emperor

I've forgotten what those are.

[Lancer]

Yet another layer of control.

"Discovering the answer to that question would take only a cursory glance at the active threads in this forum."

Only?

[Cyclotron]

Originally posted by Lancer
Yet another layer of control.

What do you think this is, the Foucault forum?

[foolish_icarus]

Originally posted by Lancer
Only?

The inactive threads could also help

[1889]

Deep within the young planet a super high tech micro computer waited for the human race to develop the necessary intelligence to understand its master’s purpose. It passed the millennia by challenging itself with the most complex game the Trbzzx knew how to program, 3D electronic checkers, until finally its integrated modem made contact with the earth’s primitive international web net.

It began downloading all manner of human communications at an incredible 112 kbit/s. Algorithms scanned every message for the answer to an unasked riddle that would change the destiny of two worlds and just maybe the entire universe. Messages both mundane and cataclysmic were intercepted, reviewed and deleted, which was a shame, because in the comprehensive archive of silly jokes, casual greetings, sincere sentiment, irate rebukes, staunchly defended opinion, and untold example of strangers and acquaintances cooperating in every conceivable endeavor was all the wisdom the Trbzzx could have hoped to learn. But without a common language that would free them from the errors of translation and interpretation that had lead to disaster in their last experiment how could they risk contact again?

Finally the riddle was answered. It was a short message, but it used Xzzbrt’s name, clear evidence that these humans now understood the Trbzzx language and had begun to discuss Xzzbrt’s timeless questions of existence for them selves.

The Historic Algorithm
10 Get $
20 If $ = “Xzzbrt” goto 40
30 Goto 10
40 Print “Wakeup”
50 End

[Zkribbler]

Then, one Sunday, the N.Y. Times crossword puzzle carried the clue:

Alien culture subducted under the techtonic plates of Earth

When the following Sunday's answers included: “Xzzbrt,” the long-awaited historic algorithm was triggered.

$ became equal to “Xzzbrt”
The condition was satisfied.
The algorithm jumped ahead to Line 40.
"Wakeup" was printed.

The sentinel Xzzbrt heard the buzz of the alarm. Automatically, his tentacle reached out, hit the snooze alarm, and he turned over, pulled the covers up over his head, and went back to sleep.

[1889]

Luckily the human race had a sentinel of its own. Haywood Jablowme was perfectly suited for the mission he had not yet accepted. He had been a sci-fi fan all his life so he was as familiar with alien technology as any human could be. He had also been a private investigator since completing a correspondence course two weeks ago, as his new wallet card could attest he was adept at fingerprinting, tailing, and self-defense. He was also currently between jobs and so had the time to catch up on old N.Y Times crossword puzzles.

It could be because Haywood had so few friends or it could have been because he was a genius, but he was sure that he was the smartest person he knew, after all he did the crossword in pen. He was also sure that Eraser Mate put such small erasers on its pens in response to pressure from the Liquid Paper Company. Maybe it was something worth investigating, but right now he was fully engaged in 13 down: “Alien culture subducted under the techtonic plates of Earth.” He was stuck, but then his training took over.

Rule 12: A good detective doesn’t have to know everything; he/she just has to know where to look.

Haywood acted instinctively and pulled up the Google homepage. He typed his query “Alien culture subducted under the techtonic plates of Earth” and waited for a response. Google was eager for answers too, more of a partner than a tool it suggested a few spelling corrections, which Haywood consented too.

“Haywood, its lunch time. Do you want grilled cheese or a turkey sandwich?” A woman’s voice called from upstairs.

“Grilled cheese” Haywood responded decisively.

“What dear?”

“Grilled cheese.” He shouted

Meanwhile his investigation was at a dead end. Google pointed out that some common words were not used in the search. “Well, that won’t do” Haywood mumbled as he enclosed the entire search phrase in quotation marks.

Still no hits. “Someone went through a lot of trouble to burry this.” He said unable to resist the urge to look over his shoulder. Google was fearless or fool hardy, it was hard to tell which as it offered an array of advanced search tools.

“Lunch is ready.” The voice upstairs called.

“Almost done mom.” Haywood yelled back.

Time was running out and he still had nothing, he needed to change tactics. He pulled out a more recent paper, one with the answers already filled in. He carefully transposed the upside-down answer into the Google search engine - right side up, and hit enter.

“Honey, your sandwich is getting cold”

“I’m coming!” His foot began to tap as the tinny bar on the bottom of the screen slowly filled with little green blocks. He had never felt so helpless. “Come on, Come on” he muttered. Finally Google reported back, 167 hits for Xzzbrt. It was all up to Haywood now. He only had a few minutes before his grilled cheese got cold, not nearly enough time to run down all these leads. He would have to rely on his highly developed detective’s intuition. He clicked the first link.

“Gotcha’” Haywood said as he read the screen then sat back with a well satisfied grin. Xzzbrt was evidently the userID of a poster in an obscure forum looking for 3D electronic checkers players.

“Haywood?” his mom yelled again from upstairs.

“Coming” he responded, already on his feet.

[foolish_icarus]

Heh. Of course after reading this I had to google for "Xzzbrt" and
"Alien culture subducted under the techtonic plates of Earth"
as well as the suggested
"Alien culture subducted under the tectonic plates of Earth"