Tuscany AAR

[Pavlov]

I'll leave you dangling there, I think.

I have to admit that I chuckled myself at some of my own jokes. Feel's wrong somehow.

[Dinner]

Do you think things would be going any different if this game had been played in EU2 instead of EU1?

[Pavlov]

Oh, prolly. But unfortunately I don't have EU2 so I can't really compare. To support Pavlov in getting EU2, please send five bucks to: Pavlov, Loserville, Europe

[Dinner]

Does moral support count?

[Pavlov]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Does moral support count?

NO!

Uh, btw, I'll post some more parts later today. It appears that this exciting cliffhanger didn't quite make the crowds wild with anticipation. I spose I have quite a good amount for readers for a forum that is read by about three persons.

[Galvatron]

Well but those 3 people are all yours so see it this way: you got intellectual spectators. It's quality not quantity and yeahh I'm looking forward to your next part it's really funny and exciting.

[Pavlov]

yea, yea. I know you just say that to get a higher PC. I know, I've done that myself.

(+1)

[Galvatron]

Galvatron and Pavlov hand in hand on the run to get a higher PC hey we're doing quite good pal

[Pavlov]

Part summink: In this part...oh, just read it yourselves, dammit!

Here's what last happened on 'The life and times of the Nocardia family':

Machiavelli: "How are you doing, mylord? Look the Grand Duke is still doing his playing-dead party trick. I thought it was fun the first two minutes but now it's just dull."

M: "Yes it is a bit boring. I'll go wake him up."

I go over the Grand Duke, flip him over and to my great surprise I find...

And now, I proudly present:

The ninth chapter of the Tuscany AAR


I find out that it isn't the Grand Duke but a woman wearing his clothes. She has a knife buried deep in her back.

Me: (Loudly) "Listen up everybody, could I have your attention please."

The loud talking ends.

Me: "This woman has been killed by someone who thought he was going to kill the Grand Duke. There is a killer among us and the Grand Duke is in great danger! Where is the commander of the Grand Duke's lifeguard?"

Commander: (Extremely drunk) "I am over here and...scho dishcy..."

He falls to the ground.

Woman in the crowd: "Oh my God, he's been killed too!"

Me: "Don't worry about him, he's just pissed. Where is the Grand Duke then?"

Man in the crowd: "There he is, balancing on the railing of the balcony!"

Grand Duke: "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!"

Me: "Bloody hell"

Grand Duke: "I CAN FLY!"

Me: "Damn and yet again damn, that freaking idiot had to go and snort the wine."

The Grand Duke starts to wobble a bit and looses his balance, falling helplessly to the ground. The ground that is three stories down. All the party guests run out on the balcony to look on the remains of a Grand Duke. Some spit on him.

Me: "Crap-a-doodle-dandy. Just what this country needs, a squashed leader."

The tragic death shocked the people. They were told that the Grand Duke had died in a duel with a man who had disgraced the honour of Tuscany by farting on our flag. Because the janitors haven't been able to scrape the Grand Duke of the piazza we buried the dead woman instead. God knows who she was or where she came from. The Grand Duke's tombstone read:

"The greatest Tuscan Grand Duke. Except Lorenzo the Smart. And Filippo the brave. Oh, well he was pretty good anyway"


Until a new Grand Duke could be elected the council ruled the country.

The council-room

Eight men are sitting around a table. All look very tired and gloomy.

Lord Gritti: "I suppose we all are sad that the Grand Duke passed away..."

Me: "No, we all have hangovers, don't talk so loudly."

LG: "Wait a minute. How can you all have hangovers, you told me the christmas party stopped after the Grand Duke died. That was only after one hour of partying."

M: "Well if you really must know we continued for five more hours. I vote to ajourn this meeting because of hangover. All in favor."

Council members, except Lord Gritti: "Aye"

M: "All against."

LG: "Nay"

The meeting was ajourned.

Two hours later.

Me: "Now that we all have beat up Lord Gritti and have had a nap we can continue. We need to find someone who is charming enough to fool the people but stupid enough to let us control the country. I vote for this smashing fellow Piero Soderino. He's a really nice guy. Does anyone object?"

Council members: "Well, now that you ask..."

M: "Good. I'll talk to Soderino later. See you next meeting.

Lord Nocardia's office

Me: "So, Piero Soderino, I suppose you can guess why have I've brought you here."

Piero Soderino: "No."

M: "Good. We want you to be the Grand Duke of all of Tuscany."

PS: "Grand Duke? Nah, I'd rather be king."

M: "Okay, king it is. Your election is on the first of January. Be there or be hanged, drawn and quartered."

PS: "Okay, dude."

He walks out

M: (To myself): What an idiot. A suiting replacement for our Grand Duke."

January 1
The crowning was a great success. Using the money that we got from selling off pieces of the Grand Duke's corpse as souvenirs we held a magnificent crowning of his Royal highness Piero I. He will be a good puppet for my evil plans...Which I haven't even found out yet. I haven't even got any evil plans, what a failure. I will have to think about it.

February 1
After one month of rule of our new king I haven't received a single order. I suppose he wants me to handle things until he has had the time to learn all the details of Tuscan rule.

I received the news that a rebellion has started in Emilia. The rebels obviously believe that the death of our Grand Duke is a sign of weakness. We will shov them, the army is already on it's way towards Emilia. I hope that the rebels can be defeated before they have a chance to loot the province.

February 19
The army has arrived in Emilia and are fighting the rebels.

February 23
Victory! The rebels are beaten and their leader has been beaten with a bible until he died.

April 1
Still no orders from the king. Not even the palace-guard have seen him. I'll have to guess what to do. In accordance with that I sent two merchants to Genua.

May 1
The traders were partially succesful. Our business was expanded and a mud-merchant from Pommerania was forced out of business.

June 1
Our financial situation received a blow today. One of our merchants in Venice was outcompeted. I hope that the income from Genua can cover the lost income from Venice.

July 1
Rome is still under rebel's control. Now it appears that the English are losing control of their Irish provinces. The province of Meath is in full rebellion.

October 1
To regain our financial strength we send two merchants to Venice.

November 1
Doh! Our merchants succeded only in competing a Spainsh merchant out of business.

January 1
After one year's rule under his royal highness Piero I we still haven't achieved anything. I suppose it's time to decide the near future of Tuscany. I will met with the king later today and discuss our different alternatives.

[Pavlov]

Part ten: what's this thing on my shoulder?

January 1 1502

The throne-room

Me: "So, your royal highness, what have you been doing during this first year as king?"

King: "I have tried the local food and tested the wine-cellar. The wine-cellar needs to be refilled by the way."

M: "It's empty!? But there were more then four hundred bottles in there!?"

K: "All gone. Except one wine, a norwegian wine."

M: "The fish-wine from Trondheim?"

K: "How do they make fish-wine anyway?"

M: "Well they squash a fish and...don't change the subject!"

K: "Who's the king?"

M: "You are"

K: "That's right. So how should our policies look in the future?"

M: "My suggestion is that we wait five years and then attack Venice or another good target."

K: "Why five years?"

M: "In five years the kings of Europe will have forgotten what we did to the Pope."

K: "Good. Do that, I'm off for dinner."

M: "But it's only three o'clock!"

K: "Watch it, I eat when I want to."

M: "Yes, your royal highness."

January 2
As a thank for Bretagne's help during the French-Spanish war they are no longer vassals of France. The French alliance remains the same way.

January 4
Using Bretagne's example Genua demand and get total freedom and are no longer vassals of Milano. Could this be a trend?

April 1
We sent two traders to Venice.

April 10
The Spanish annexed their vassals Naples. I hope that this means rebellions in Naples. The Spanish took over the powerful armies of Naples.

May 1
Our business in Venice was expanded.

November 1
To strenghten our defences against the Spanish and the rebels we upgrade our fortress in Romagna.

1503

February 5
One of our traders in Venice was competed out of business.

February 7
To regain our financial strength we send two merchants to Venice.

March 7
Our business in Venice was expanded and a Prussian was competed out of business.

April 3
Two more traders were sent to Venice.

May 3
The traders achieved nothing.

June 13
Sad news. Our war hero, the great general Uffreducci has died. He choked on an oyster during a feast. His second-in-command, Machiavelli, will take control of the army.

September 1
At last! A rebellion has erupted in Naples, taking control of the city's fortifications. They were immediately attacked by the Spanish army. I fear that our Italian cousins are doomed.

September 26
After a quick battle and a storming of the fortress in Naples the Spanish have yet again taken control of Naples.

November 1
Our fortifications in Romagna are fully upgraded.

November 7
I met with an explorer:

Lord Nocardia's office

Me: "So what do you want, explorer?"

Explorer: "My name is S Tobacco. I have been exploring the swamps of the Spanish lowlands."

M: "I can feel that. Euch. S Tobacco, are you a relative of J Tobacco?"

SC: "Alas, he was my brother. He was found in the moat with a spear through his head, right after meeting you."

M: "What a coincidence. He he. So what have you got for me?"

SC: "Mylord, I bring great news. I have found an elixir that is rumoured to give eternal life."

M: "Yes?"

Sc: "Behold!" He holds out a bottle with a green liquid in it that looks surprisingly like swampy water.

SC: "Would you like to try it, mylord?"

M: "How can I be sure it's not a trap? You try it first."

SC: "Yes, mylord." He drinks some of the swampy water.

M: "So how was it?"

SC: "Really disgusting. But I'm fine, I feel absolutely...urghhhhhhhhh"

M: "Crap. Looks like more job for the cleaners."

Even as I write this down I am laughing. What a fool! Hahahaha... Ouch, my heart. I better not...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..........


Ladies and gentlemen, I am Lord Giuseppe Nocardia, major in the Tuscan army. This book was given to me during the funeral. My father was found lying over it, his last words scribbled in it. My father has never mentioned me in this book. He never liked me because I joined the army and didn't become a politician like him. The king has chosen me as the new "Royal advisor in the fields of Military technology, strategy and juggling"

I will try to be worthy of the task, we will continue by the path layed out by my father, at least for now.

1504

February 14
Algeria declares war on the Hafsides, the Turk joins in on the Algerian side.

March 20
Persia declares war on a tribe in India called the Moguls.

April 1
A new era has apparantely arrived, the early baroque. I wonder how they know that a later baroque will come.

August 1
Our infrastructure is also upgraded to early baroque. Big deal.

November 6
After a boring summer during which the king did nothing but eat and I only grew bored we have finally received some interesting news.

France has declared war on the Spanish alliance. Every alliance member on both sides join in. Look like a large war is on the horizon.

1505

January 1
A heretic religion has spread like a bush-fire over Tuscany. The religion, called Idiotism, involves getting drunk and throwing small fish on policemen. This might cause trouble.
[OOC: Wave of obscurantism: +3 rebel percentage, no worries]

January 8
The war between the infidels stopped when the Hafsids payed the Algerians with seventy-two ducats.

January 14
The first victim of the great war, Köln are annexed by the French.

February 1
It comes as a complete surprise to me: Our alliance has expired! [OOC: Really, I thought it would continue until 1699, I must have been a bit lazy checking the diplo-screen]

We take the chance by arranging a royal marriage with Genua and then declaring war on Alfonso I of Modena.

The declaration caused severe distress among the people [OOC: Stab to 0]. Our entire resources now go to ensuring the stability in Tuscany.

I joined the army when it started moving towards Modena. I will act as the representative of the war-ministry on site.

February 3
Our former allies, the knights of Rhodes, joined the Spanish alliance today. What do I care, I'm going to war!

February 20
We arrived today and a battle has already ensued with the army of Modena.

March 8
After a long and hard battle the men of Tuscany have proven their strength. We won and will besiege the city of Modena at once.

March 11
To support the siege I ordered four thousand infantrymen to be recruited in Luca.

March 23
I am to met the French ambassador today, it's a matter of large importance apparantely.

The restaurant "Le smelly food" in Florence

Me: "Let's get down to business, what do you want?"

French ambassador: "Some more frogs?"

M: "No, thank*urp*you."

FA: "Very well. We would like to invite you to join our alliance."

M: "I don't think so. Your ememies, the Spanish, are very powerful in Naples. We do not want to fight them yet."

FA: "You refuse to join the most powerful alliance on earth!?"

M: "Yes, that's correct. Now if you excuse me. I'm going back to the army in Modena."

May 11
The soldiers in Luca are prepared. We will give them two months for training until we send them to war. The war might be over by then.

June 9
Victory! The city of Modena is captured! Modena is annexed! I celebrated with a large banquet all through the night. The soldiers were given an extra helping of porridge as a sign of our gratitude.

Long live Tuscany!

[Pavlov]

Part eleven: this thread is getting freakishly long!

After our glorious campaign against the feeble Modena we gained not only the province of Modena but also the former army of Modena and their small navy. Their army will be added to the Tuscan army to strenghten our hold on our provinces. The navy, one warship and two transports, will be the base for the Tuscan navy that someday will rule the Mediterranean.

To increase the navy we will build some warships. Before that we must regain our stability and create peace in our war-ridden country.

June 24
Navarra makes a separate peace with the Spanish alliance, they will pay 156 ducats to the Spanish.

July 1
I was called to the king today...

The throne-room

King: "Ah, finally you're here, lord Nocardia. You did a great job planning and executing the campaign against Modena. As thanks for all the years of trusty service you have given to Tuscany, I award you with a castle in Modena and five farms. You will also, as the first man, get the honourable title: Knight of the order of Tuscany."

Me: "Actually, the campaign was planned by Machiavelli."

King: "What's that?"

M: "Nothing. Thank you your royal highness, it's all to much."

July 26
Some idiot in Poland-Lithuania thinks it's time for a useless war. They declare war on Scotland and get the entire French alliance behind them. Scotland calls on their Scandinavian allies and gets their support.

October 24
The Teutonic order signs a separate peace with Sweden. Sweden gets 82 ducats.

January 1 1506
Finally, experts claim that our country is now totally stable. I had them executed, of course. Damn traitors, calling our beautiful country a stable.

After months of hassle we finally move the four thousand men we recruited in Luca to the main Tuscan army. The remains of the army of Modena are also joining the main army.

January 10
The French juggernaut keeps rolling. Today they annexed Lothringen. These French are getting a bit too powerful.

September 7
After a long and hard summer I spent on the beaches of Modena and at my new castle I finally got back to work. Not that anything interesting has happened. The only thing is that Kurpfalz payed 70 ducats to the French to get them off their backs.

1506 January 4
We begin building the first ship to add to the small navy we already have. We name it after our king. We expect "Lardass" to be complete in a couple of months.

July 21
Yet another separate peace. The cowardly English pay the French 80 ducats for peace. The French are getting quite rich on this war.

August 29
The mighty Spain have payed the small Savoyans 108 ducats for peace. If this is what can be achived by those useless "northern Italians" then imagine what we real Italians can do.

October 4
I witnessed the launching of our flagship "Lardass" today. It is a mighty fine ship with a figure-head looking like a golden copy of our king. The building of our second ship, "Bingo", started at once.

1508 January 1
Our naval-specialists reported that a new kind of cannon-balls have been invented. They are apparentely more effective and they can be used for bowling.

Looking back on thse years I can only think: My, those were some boring years.

[Pavlov]

Part twelve: lots of ethnic jokes

March 1
A rebellion erupts in Romagna. 12500 peasants take up arms as a protest against the latest beard-tax. They have shaved off their beards as a protest. Very well, we will shave of their heads. That will teach them. The army has already begun moving towards Romagna. I'm sad that I'm sitting here in my office when I could be there, fighting as a cavalry officer. Oh well.

April 21
The army reached Romagna today. They immediately encounter the beardless rebels and start to fight them.

May 1
Huzzah! The rebels were badly beaten and forced to eat up the beards they shaved off. They were then thrown into the Adriatic. This new rebellion gave me an idea. To stop rebellions in the future I will hire a torture-specialist. I know just the man, Pierre Panriche.

Lord Nocardia's office

A short man with an evil smile enters. It is Pierre Panriche, the best torturer in all of Europe.

Me: "Welcome monsieur Panriche. I have a proposition for you."

Pierre Panriche: "What kind of proposition, mylord"

M: "I want to hire you as the royal torture-expert. But first I want to see if you are suitable."

PP: "Go ahead."

M: "Right. Are you better than Guy Ouchkins of Essex?"

PP: "Bah. He couldn't make a little girl cry."

M: "What about Grigorij Smersjin from Moscow?"

PP: "Ha! He's victims thank him after being tortured. He's an amateur."

M: "And Erik Jävlarvadont from Sweden?"

PP: "Hmmm. Pretty good. But I'm better."

M: "Good. The job is yours."

To strengthen our army we recruit a thousand cavalrymen in Romagna.

July 4
Our second ship is complete.

July 7
The workers in Modena begin building our third ship which will be called "Tiramisu", named by our king.

September 1
A rebellion starts in Apulia. I hope that they are strong enough to beat those Spaniards.

October 1
A brekthrough has been made in our military research. Our scientists have discovered a kind of small, hand-held cannons. This will help us in our war against the rebels.

November 1
Once again the people of Apulia rebel against the Spanish.

December 20
A small English expeditionary force land in Rome and begin sieging the city.

1509


March 4
I have been ordered by the king to find him a new royal cook. The last one threw himself in the moat.

Lord Nocardia's office

Me: "Could candidate number one please come in?"

A tall man with an enormous red beard enters. He is wearing a chef's hat and a kilt.

M: "So you are chef James McDougal?"

Chef McDougal: "Aye, I am, mylord."

M: "Okay. Why did you leave your previous job at the royal castle in Edinburgh?"

CM: "They said that I attempted to poison to king."

M: "Did you?"

CM: "Aye...I mean nay, I dinna."

M: "Okay. You're resumé tells me that you're an expert when it comes to poison."

CM: "Wheest! That's not true. Och! What a stramash."

M: "I see. I'll let you know if you get the job. Could you send in candidate number two on your way out?"

CM: "If I maun, heid bummer."

M: "Errr...great"

The scotsman leaves and after a while a tall, blonde man enters.

M: "And you are chef Heinrich Müller?"

Heinrich Müller: "JA, HERR NOCARDIA!"

M: "Good. Could you please keep your voice down a bit?"

HM: "JA, HERR NOCARDIA!"

M: "Whatever. So you used to work at the Emperors court in Vienna?"

HM: "JA, DAS STIMMT!"

M: "So why did you leave?"

HM: "HE FIRED ME. HE CLAIMED I CONSTANTLY SHOUTED."

M: "Okay. What is your specialty?"

HM: "FRIED PIG WITH SAUERKRAUT UND WURST FOR DESSERT!"

M: "Sounds disgusting, but I'm not the one who's going to eat it. You got the job."

HM: "JA, HERR NOCARDIA!"

M: "Now get out and shout somewhere else."

HM: "JA, HERR..."

M: "Just get out and don't say anything."

It was duties like that that kept me busy during early 1509.

April 7
Yet another ship is complete. Our naval power is growing.

April 8
We begin building another ship. It is to be named "The ugly Spaniard".

June 28
The English force in Rome have retaken the holy city. Too bad.

1510

January 1
The citizens of Rome are finally fed up with the English and their grotesque food. They rebel under the slogan: "Yes to olive-oil, no to Yorkshire pudding!" We support our Italian cousins in irritating the English.

January 8
"The ugly Spaniard" is complete. Constructions begin on a new ship, "Bad breath".

January 15
The olive-oil rebellion has been crushed. The revolters were forced to eat and pretend to enjoy a full English breakfast. Barbarians.

March 26
This has been a big day. My wife Julia died while giving birth to a beautiful baby-girl. I am absolutely crushed. My beloved wife dying. I suppose she's in a better place now.

I would of course have been happier if I would have gotten a boy, but I will give this girl the best teachers in all the things you need to know. Someday she will have my position. This girl will be as good to me as any boy.

I will baptize her Catarina Julia Alexandra Nocardia. What I must do now is to bury my wife and try to find a new mother for little Catarina. Life goes on.

July 1
Another rebellion starts in southern Italy. The people of Naples revolt against the Spanish and especially the cost to buy time-share apartments on Mallorca.

July 20
The Naples-rebellion was quickly crushed. Once again Spanish travel-agents can charge absurdly high prices.

September 1
A rebellion starts in Apulia. It will probably be crushed quite soon.

October 9
"Bad breath" is complete and planes are layed out for a new ship. Constructions will start in a few months.

November 12
Today I married the beautiful Maria de Medici. She is the cousin of Giuliano de Medici, a promising young man. The rumours tells me that he would be supported by many noble-men if king Piero I died today. This marriage will get Catarina a mother and me increased power.

1511

January 1
To celebrate the new year constructions start on a new ship: "Ha ha! We will kick your asses!" The name isn't very catchy but what the hey.

October 1
The new ship is complete. The Tuscan navy is still puny and couldn't stand a chance against navies of Genua or Venice. But someday...

December 30
The royal ball-room. It is the annual New Years Eve party. The king is eating as usual.

Me: "How are you, your royal highness?"

King: "I am *burp* fine. Let me eat in peace."

M: "Certainly."

Only two minutes left now until the new year...

One minute...

Thirty seconds...


Ten...

Party people: "Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

Exactly as everyone said "ONE!" the king started making funny noises and looking blue in the face.

M: "Are you sure you're alright, your royal highness?"

K: "Yes. Now leave me *URGH*

He's dead

M: "Could I have everyones attention please?"

The party gets silent. Everyone looks at the king who is lying on the floor and not moving.

M: "The king is dead!"

Party people: "HURRAH!!!"

K: "I'm not dead yet!"

M: "Oh, for Christs sake."

I kick him in the head.

M: "The king is dead now!"

PP: "HURRAH AGAIN!"

And the party continues until early in the morning...

1512

The council-room

Me: "Right mylords. As you all know the king is dead. Does anyone know of a suitable man who won't annoy business of the realm and who is presentable to the people?"

Council member: "What about that Giuliano de Medici. He seems good."

Me: "Any other suggestions?"

Another council member: "What about that bloke who always hangs out outside the palace? That man who has dirt all over his face."

M: "You mean Derek the latrine-man? No, he's too smart. I say we take this Giuliano."

Council: "Sounds good. Fine by me."

Later that day Giuliano de Medici was crowned Giuliano I. May his reign be blah blah blah.

[Pavlov]

That's all for today. (collective sighs of relief from the modem-users) I've soon posted half of the AAR.

[Galvatron]

"I AM A GOLDEN GOD!"

"I CAN FLY!"

Yes I know this feeling, have it too sometimes after some (or some more ) tequilas.

Well it's really nice to see that moving around some units and builds up your states can be so much fun. Did you think of all this on your own? You have a wonderful fantasy. pal.

[Pavlov]

Forgot about this. I have so much more and the demand is so high (cue crickets and wolf howling) so what the hey.

Galvie: Most of the jokes are stolen (inspired of you must) by Blackadder. Quality stuff, this a bit of a crappy spin-off.

1512

I had meeting with our new king today.

The throne-room

Me: "So your majesty, it's time to discuss this years budget."

King: "Boooring!"

M: "It's really important. Who do you think should get more money, the navy or the army?"

K: "Who cares?"

M: "Right. I'll decide myself, okay?"

K: "Fine by me."

So the king is a lazy good-for-nothing. He's still better than Piero I.

January 3
Finally, a peace in the Spanish-French-conflict. The French get the province of Franche-Comte.

March 3
A messenger arrived today with a message saying that Machiavelli has died. Too bad. This means that the army will be commanded by the usual young noble-men who couldn't become politicans.

April 26
The king of Hessen must be insane. Today he declared war on France. His allies join him and all of France's allies follow the call to battle.

April 30
Some snowy nation called Ryazan are no longer vassals of Russia. I could have cared but I don't.

June 1
We begin building one new ship in Modena and one in Romagna. Someday these expensive ships will come in handy.

July 18
Milano re-joins the Austrian alliance. We obviously missed that they broke up.

October 26
I was going to visit the king today and talk about the internal affairs of Tuscany.

The throne-room

I enter.

Me: "Good day, your majesty. How are..."

The king is lying on the floor with a dagger through his throat. Then a captain from the royal guards enter.

Captain: "Oh, my God! what has happened?"

M: "The king has been killed. He was killed with this dagger. It looks like the dagger that all the captains in the royal guards have. Where is your by the way?"

C: *blushing* "Oh, I must have forgotten it here and then the killer used it to kill the king."

M: "Of course. You killed him, didn't you?"

C: "No! Of course not? I loved the king! He was like a God to me."

M: "Blasphemy! And don't lie, everyone hated the king. I don't care who killed him as long as he's dead."

C: "Yes?"

M: "Here. Take your dagger and I'll tell everyone that it was an accident, that king fell and landed on a...knife."

C: "Thank you, mylord, thank you!"

M: "Just get out of here."

So the king was dead. The council took power until we could elect a new king.

The council-room

Me: "Once again it's time to select another king. I suggest we crown whoever it is on the first day of 1513."

Council-members: "Agreed"

Lord Carti: "I suggest we give the crown of Tuscany to the Spanish king. He can truly guard our realm."

Council-members: "Boooo. Boooooo."

M: "Guards, arrest Lord Carti, he is a traitor. His belongings will go to Tuscany."

LC: "Noooooo!!!"

M: "Fraid so. Any other suggestions?"

Lord Prosciutto: "I suggest we torture him with a pointy piece of iron."

M: "I meant some other possible king."

Lord Parmigiano: "What about Lorenzo de Medici. He is a suitable chap."

Council-members: "Okay."

Lorenzo would be our new king.

1513

Lorenzo de Medici has been crowned Lorenzo II. He held his speech to the people one hour later.

Lorenzo II: "Greetings people of the fair country of Tuscany!" The crowd cheers "And you idiots from Romagna." Some people throw tomatoes at a small grup of people. "I vow that Tuscany will be stronger, richer and a better place to live in during my rule." The crowd cheers higher. "We will need your support, together we will make this country into the best country in the world! Thank you!"

February 1
As a result of the kings speech the people of Romagna rebel aginst our enlightened rule. Those idiots will see who's the boss.

February 15
The army swiftly crushed the rebellion. The rebellion-leaders were hanged, quartered and feed to small dogs.

March 1
The ships in Romagna and Modena are complete. The ship in Romagna begins its virgin journey to Modena.

April 1
Some German vandalized a church-door. I don't know why this is important.

April 2
Aha, it was a monk who was trying to spread some sort of heretic version of christianity. Noone in Tuscany was stupid enough to fall for these stupid learings.

August 1
The navy has gathered in Modena.

We fund a tax collector in Luca to increase my, I mean our profit.

October 1
A new warship is funded in Modena.

1514

March 1
I received some new lands and a nice palace in Florence today. The king thought I deserved it. Silly person. Still, I don't complain.

July 1
Yet another ship is completed in Modena and constructions begin on another ship.

September 17
Moldavia declares war on Poland-Lithuania. The French alliance stands on the Polish-Lithuanian side. The Moldavians are all alone.

October 2
The French give 36 ducats to Bavaria for a separate peace.

October 28
Hungaria declars war on Moldavia. Hungary's allies, among them Milano, join in. Looks like trouble for the Moldavians.

November 1
Those ingrates who call themselves merchants are not happy with our rule. The fact that we chopped of thier leaders head made our mercantile technology take a leap backwards. [OOC: Random event: Unhappy merchants]

November 21
We traded maps with Britany. They gave us some intersting glimpses of the coast-line of this 'America' we have heard so much about.

December 22
The Moldavians gave the Commonwealth 52 ducats for peace.

1515

March 1
Once again the people of Romagna rebel. Those guys really need a hobby.

March 21
The army engages the rebels outside Ancona and show them how true soldiers fight.

April 16
Victory! The rebels were crushed but before they were defeated they inflicted heavy casualties on our forces.

May 1
To strengthen our army we recruit a thousand infantrymen and a thousand cavalrymen in Emilia.

May 28
The king of Kurpfalz must have a death-wish. He has declared war on the French. This means yet another war between the Spanish and the French.

June 3
To secure their backs before the war the French pay 155 to Thüringen for a separate peace.

July 15
The Moldavians are finally fed up with having the Hungarians romping all over Moldavia. They pay 29 ducats to Hungary for peace.

July 26
France pay off Hessen with 24 ducats for peace.

November 16
Genua pays 123 ducats to the French to get their capital back.