Into the ground. Down a rabbit hole. Then he starts to dig.
Having been enthralled by the whole concept since one of the Swedes (Henrik, CR?) first posted a link to their site in late 2000 IIRC, I finally managed to get a copy not so long ago and its been on my shelf until just recently, after I managed to wean myself off HoI for a moment.
Went through the tutorial with nary a problem and then started my first GC as the mighty precursor to the British empire. Rule Brittania!
Opened rather well if I say so myself, and I managed to expand my continental holdings by a couple of provinces until the French had had enough. Not too shabby.
Then it all started to go wrong. I'd gotten a few merchies into various trade centres - knowing how important they were, and gotten into a new alliance (the Burgundians (sp?) didn't seem to like me very much after the end of the war against France for some reason. I can't imagine why. It's not like I stuck them with any captured French provinces to administer. ) with Castille and Aragon, although I wasn't the leader anymore.
My (relatively good) monarch upped and croaked and his heir turned out to be a real twit who suddenly decides that I should spend my time discovering some place in Japan on the other side of the world. (Yes I left this option on - not realising that I was auto-assigned a task if I didn't select one myself). As if I didn't have enough to do with mad Scotsmen named Macadder in kilts running around wielding claymores just to the north, but I digress....
When asked how exactly I should go about this he seemed rather vague and left it in my hands. Gee thanks for the vote of confidence.
Not having any explorers I have no chance of accomplishing this whatsoever so I just have to sit there and take the demotion when the 5 years are up.
In the interim my neighbours obviously share the same high opinion of my new monarchs abilities that I do, and promptly proceed to knock all of my merchies out, knowing full well that the twit needs to use all his fingers and toes to count the 20 allowed in a CoT, and certainly can't put Englands merchants back again.
The French then go and get themselves into a war with somebody I can't see and with whom they have no hope of reaching, and end up with a revolt in one or two provinces (at some point in all this Orleans rebelled too and left their alliance). After taking the province the rebels then decide to wander into my territory and start scribbling their evil "Vive la France" grafitti on my city walls. Of all the Gaul! (pun intended ). This will not do so my armies mobilise to put them down.
Just before they arrive in the invaded province my leader ups and dies (great timing there - I'll have to make sure he's buried in the same cemetary as the Scots with their evil spectres tootling away forever in purgatory on those accursed bagpipes. ) leading to large casualties in my army in the routing of the French rebels.
All seems rosy and then I get hit with my first random event (they seem to occur once every year?).
Its the plague. Aaargh. No. Not the plague! It must be the Scots doing of course although I can't quite see how. (Note: over the next 50 years I would come to see plagues as a blessing - simply because they removed the possibility of a worse event ).
Lots of people die in one of my provinces but my tax revenue doesn't seem to be too badly affected (holds up evil capitalist pig sign ) and it doesn't seem to spread any or induce a revolt so maybe it isn't the end of the world.
The next couple of years are spent rebuilding the glorious English army, getting hit with another couple of negative events, a stability drop and a treasury loss (this last being something to do with the twits voodoo accounting no doubt - of course we haven't reached the Caribbean yet so maybe I should just say that he can't count. ) IIRC, in the process but good events are just around the corner right? ( @ ravagons naive wide-eyed optimism).
Anticipating a followup scrap with France and the bagpiping yahoos from up north we conserve our treasury (ie: I lock the door and don't give the twit the key) and group our armies. We don't have long to wait.
As soon as the 5-year period is up France declares war again. My allies and I mutually declare that French champagne tastes like vinegar and that we have to stop them making any more of it.
Battle is joined and my two continental army groups surge into action. I take 2 provinces, both after a long sieges and throw my Anglia army at the Scottish forces beseiging Northumberland. I don't have the strength to rout them and have to retreat but do break the siege - forcing the Scots to levy up more men and giving me breathing space to regroup.
The French offer me peace with a pitiful 100D. I throw it in their faces and tell em to get stuffed. I want one of those nice rich wine provinces (that way the twit can drink himself silly and stay out of my hair) but they just don't want to give it up.
I then finally capture Artois - right next to Paris and send my glorious forceson the Southern march. They never arrive. Castille makes peace getting only 200D.
Flabbergasted I can only recall my forces and try and find a good way to tell my Monarch that I've lost 10000 men for no gain.
Then ... disaster! (aka random event time). I lose 2 stability, get a big +2% revolt risk and a revolting Northumberland. This on top of the +1% I had from war weariness and the +3% in the two recently "liberated" French provinces.
I didn't note what event this was (although I'm pretty sure it was random) but I hope I never see it again.
Over the next 2 years my forces and treasury are utterly shattered as I get hit with revolt after revolt after revolt (one province, at 3%, had 5 revolts in a single year! Is the risk per month or per day? ).
Finally, my stability restored and the risk lowered, I get my first good event - 10000 of Englands finest deployed to Meath. Meath? Now where have I heard that name before? Thats in ... Ireland isn't it? Ireland? Ireland! I only have a single province in Ireland and the last time I looked it was in rebellion! Aaarrrghhh! Frantically my fleet in Lancashire sets sail but they don't have a prayer. I can only gaze in sheer horror as my new 10000 man army, near zero-morale, is routed in a province with nowhere to retreat and utterly annihilated.
Little did I know then that this would be one of the 3 "good" random events I would get in the next 50 years...
Still, it couldn't be all bad could it? Maybe the twit would buy the farm and I'd get a good boss again? Maybe the Scots would all simultaneously evolve a sense of hearing and instantly drop dead at the sound of those bagpipes? Maybe ravagon would accidentally-on-purpose hit something called an "off switch" and try again tomorrow ... One can only hope.
If I'd known I was going to do this badly I probably would've played the French.
[Editted due to bad spelling, grammar, punctuation, paragraphing and violating pretty much every literary edict in the English language. Actually, in hindsight, the original fit my GC rather well. ]
Having been enthralled by the whole concept since one of the Swedes (Henrik, CR?) first posted a link to their site in late 2000 IIRC, I finally managed to get a copy not so long ago and its been on my shelf until just recently, after I managed to wean myself off HoI for a moment.
Went through the tutorial with nary a problem and then started my first GC as the mighty precursor to the British empire. Rule Brittania!
Opened rather well if I say so myself, and I managed to expand my continental holdings by a couple of provinces until the French had had enough. Not too shabby.
Then it all started to go wrong. I'd gotten a few merchies into various trade centres - knowing how important they were, and gotten into a new alliance (the Burgundians (sp?) didn't seem to like me very much after the end of the war against France for some reason. I can't imagine why. It's not like I stuck them with any captured French provinces to administer. ) with Castille and Aragon, although I wasn't the leader anymore.
My (relatively good) monarch upped and croaked and his heir turned out to be a real twit who suddenly decides that I should spend my time discovering some place in Japan on the other side of the world. (Yes I left this option on - not realising that I was auto-assigned a task if I didn't select one myself). As if I didn't have enough to do with mad Scotsmen named Macadder in kilts running around wielding claymores just to the north, but I digress....
When asked how exactly I should go about this he seemed rather vague and left it in my hands. Gee thanks for the vote of confidence.
Not having any explorers I have no chance of accomplishing this whatsoever so I just have to sit there and take the demotion when the 5 years are up.
In the interim my neighbours obviously share the same high opinion of my new monarchs abilities that I do, and promptly proceed to knock all of my merchies out, knowing full well that the twit needs to use all his fingers and toes to count the 20 allowed in a CoT, and certainly can't put Englands merchants back again.
The French then go and get themselves into a war with somebody I can't see and with whom they have no hope of reaching, and end up with a revolt in one or two provinces (at some point in all this Orleans rebelled too and left their alliance). After taking the province the rebels then decide to wander into my territory and start scribbling their evil "Vive la France" grafitti on my city walls. Of all the Gaul! (pun intended ). This will not do so my armies mobilise to put them down.
Just before they arrive in the invaded province my leader ups and dies (great timing there - I'll have to make sure he's buried in the same cemetary as the Scots with their evil spectres tootling away forever in purgatory on those accursed bagpipes. ) leading to large casualties in my army in the routing of the French rebels.
All seems rosy and then I get hit with my first random event (they seem to occur once every year?).
Its the plague. Aaargh. No. Not the plague! It must be the Scots doing of course although I can't quite see how. (Note: over the next 50 years I would come to see plagues as a blessing - simply because they removed the possibility of a worse event ).
Lots of people die in one of my provinces but my tax revenue doesn't seem to be too badly affected (holds up evil capitalist pig sign ) and it doesn't seem to spread any or induce a revolt so maybe it isn't the end of the world.
The next couple of years are spent rebuilding the glorious English army, getting hit with another couple of negative events, a stability drop and a treasury loss (this last being something to do with the twits voodoo accounting no doubt - of course we haven't reached the Caribbean yet so maybe I should just say that he can't count. ) IIRC, in the process but good events are just around the corner right? ( @ ravagons naive wide-eyed optimism).
Anticipating a followup scrap with France and the bagpiping yahoos from up north we conserve our treasury (ie: I lock the door and don't give the twit the key) and group our armies. We don't have long to wait.
As soon as the 5-year period is up France declares war again. My allies and I mutually declare that French champagne tastes like vinegar and that we have to stop them making any more of it.
Battle is joined and my two continental army groups surge into action. I take 2 provinces, both after a long sieges and throw my Anglia army at the Scottish forces beseiging Northumberland. I don't have the strength to rout them and have to retreat but do break the siege - forcing the Scots to levy up more men and giving me breathing space to regroup.
The French offer me peace with a pitiful 100D. I throw it in their faces and tell em to get stuffed. I want one of those nice rich wine provinces (that way the twit can drink himself silly and stay out of my hair) but they just don't want to give it up.
I then finally capture Artois - right next to Paris and send my glorious forceson the Southern march. They never arrive. Castille makes peace getting only 200D.
Flabbergasted I can only recall my forces and try and find a good way to tell my Monarch that I've lost 10000 men for no gain.
Then ... disaster! (aka random event time). I lose 2 stability, get a big +2% revolt risk and a revolting Northumberland. This on top of the +1% I had from war weariness and the +3% in the two recently "liberated" French provinces.
I didn't note what event this was (although I'm pretty sure it was random) but I hope I never see it again.
Over the next 2 years my forces and treasury are utterly shattered as I get hit with revolt after revolt after revolt (one province, at 3%, had 5 revolts in a single year! Is the risk per month or per day? ).
Finally, my stability restored and the risk lowered, I get my first good event - 10000 of Englands finest deployed to Meath. Meath? Now where have I heard that name before? Thats in ... Ireland isn't it? Ireland? Ireland! I only have a single province in Ireland and the last time I looked it was in rebellion! Aaarrrghhh! Frantically my fleet in Lancashire sets sail but they don't have a prayer. I can only gaze in sheer horror as my new 10000 man army, near zero-morale, is routed in a province with nowhere to retreat and utterly annihilated.
Little did I know then that this would be one of the 3 "good" random events I would get in the next 50 years...
Still, it couldn't be all bad could it? Maybe the twit would buy the farm and I'd get a good boss again? Maybe the Scots would all simultaneously evolve a sense of hearing and instantly drop dead at the sound of those bagpipes? Maybe ravagon would accidentally-on-purpose hit something called an "off switch" and try again tomorrow ... One can only hope.
If I'd known I was going to do this badly I probably would've played the French.
[Editted due to bad spelling, grammar, punctuation, paragraphing and violating pretty much every literary edict in the English language. Actually, in hindsight, the original fit my GC rather well. ]
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