Swiss Cheese (a Schwyz AAR using the Independent Europe Scenario)

[Bosh]

Swiss Cheese (a Schwyz AAR using the Independent Europe Scenario)

ooc:
As far as I can tell there are three kinds of EU II players. Those who cheat by whiping their badboy, those who cheat by reloading the game when things go wrong and those that don't cheat. I've always been one of the second kind and in order to become one of the second kind I'll play a scenario where things go wrong a lot and then post an AAR of all those thing going wrong.

What I'm doing is playing Schwyz from 1419 using the Independent Europe Scenario, in which every european province starts off as independent (so there's over 200 countries in a small area) with the same money, population and army size and everyone is set to 100% warmonger and the like. In other words its complete carnage and a lot of fun. I'll be playing on normal with weakling agressiveness. I'll be noting whatever strikes me as important, and skipping over lots of events, rebelions etc. etc.

this is how things look at the beginning:

[Bosh]

They were dark days. And not the kind of dark where you accidentally stub your toe, but the kind where the inky blackness washes over you and you should have thought that you were blind except that you can actually see the blackness as more than an absense of light. In other words, a bit dim. This was after the Council of Rome, where all of the leading Churchmen of Europe went quite mad and excommunicated every ruling soverign and called the Bible, "that silly book." Conditions weren't much better in lands of the schismatic "Orthodox" and the infidels. Everywhere it seemed that every barony was fighting for everything it had (and, more importantly, everything its neighbors had). The blood flowed in big gushing gushy things.

Now, one of these baronies was called Schwyz. It was a nice pretty place with big mountains and suchlike, ruled by Franz VI who was neither nice, nor pretty nor a mountain. Being a sensible man, as soon as the world descended into madness he doubled the size of the army to 15,000 men. And being a bloodthirsty man he immediately led those men in an invasion of Piedmont once the locals had absented himself. He did not ask his allies the Tyrolians and the Salzbergers to join him, for the Piedmontese were known to be men of wimpy bent, and wimpy they proved for in Febuary 1421 they were annexed. To celebrate his victory he married two of his daughters to his beloved allies, and to pay for the dowries he appointed tax collectors to oversee his not-especially beloved subjects.

By this time Bavern had taken Wurttemburg and the heroic Venecians had managed to subjugate both Mantua and Steiermark and wars raged around in such profusion that the though to how to best describe them makes this narrator's head hurt, so I have decided not too. And so, after a short period of peace, Franz decided that he did not have quite sufficient leg room, or whatever room cramped barons feel they need from time to time, and he called upon his allies to fight Bavern and its ally Ansbach for him. His allies (and the Wurzburgers) fought bravely, and soon Ansbach was in Wurzburger hands and the Bavern province of Wurttemburg was under Swiss rule. Franz thanked his allied for their selfless sacrifices to his territorial expansion and thanked the Wurttemburgers for submitting to his rule by raising their taxes.

It was then that Franz's allies, Tyrolia and Salzburg declared war on Austria (who was on the verge of conquering Ostmarch) and Odenburg. Franz instructed his soldiery to do their utmost, and they cheered for their allies bravely from the safety of the mountains of Schwyz. As a result of the courage of Schwyz's men, Tyrol was able to wrest Ostmarch from the clutches of the Austrians in Febuary of 1425. But it was at this time that Venice extended its grasp to Milan and Wurzberg captured Bavern, and so with Savoy to the east, Franz had a powerful neighbor to deal with to the north, south, and west.

screen shot from after the fall of Bavern:

[Bosh]

Then, his allies, being the intelligent monarchs that they were, decided that it was time to fight their most powerful neighbor, and Franz was dragged into a war with the Venetians. The war went surprisingly well, due to the complete lack to any Venetian soldiers to be seen anywhere. And after the fall of Milan to coalition forces, Franz handed it back to the Venetians for a subsidy in May 146. Due to this insightful effort to drain the Venetians treasury the allies were able to take all of the land the Venetians had gathered to themselves, Mantua and Milan going to Tyrol and Steiermark going to Salzberg in September of 1428. During the war, bizarrely enough, our old enemies Odenberg and Austria joined the alliance. But who was Franz to question the wisdom of his allies?

At this time the Tyrolians were elected to the Emperorship, which caused Franz no end of difficulties in the ettiquitte of dealing with his overbearing ally. Soon afterwards Franz's engineers succeaded in devising new strategies of warfare and to reward them he set them to building fortifications in Wurttemburg around the clock, no matter how much they talked about such extravagant things as sleep. But this was necessary as the Wurzburgers had taken Sachen and Sudeten, bulging their territories to an unprecedented five provinces.

And like clockwork the allies declared war on Wurzburg, with all but Austria joining in. Franz sent his soldiers to capture the famed sword smiths of Ansbach and captured in in Febuary of 1430. Wurzberg offered Franz subsidies to sign a separate peace, but due to his unshaking comittment to his allies (and the paltry size of the money offered him) he ordered his armies on to Sudeten, which was duly captured in September. While he was away the men Franz had left behind to watch the money pilfered half of it and were able to escape into Savoy, Franz swore to deal with them in a number of unpleasant ways when he caught up to them. But the annexation of Ansbach (Bavern going to Tyrol) lightened his mood a great deal and in a joyous mood he decided to raise the taxes levied on his new subjects on January of 1432.

screen shot from after the victory of the Wurzburgers:

[Bosh]

Then in March of 1432, the Tyrolians declared war on Siena and the Florentines and all of their allies besides the ever-loyal Franz deserted them. Franz stood by them and bravely comitted no soldiers to the war. But the ever-dependable Salzburgs soon re entered the alliance. While the war raged, in September 1432, Erz took Sachen from the Wurzburgers reducing the once-mighty kingdom to its ancestral dominion, which was then immediately annexed by the Hesse. Franz shed a very small tear to see how the mighty had fallen. And in January of 1433, yet another Tyrolian was elected Emperor. That would surely make them more humble, mused Franz.

As the Italian war spluttered in the south another small barony was taken by a large power, Bern was conquered by Franche Compte, thus putting the Schywz in contact with a third powerful unallied power on this western border (the Savoyards being the first and the newly-rised Alsacians theing the first and second respectively). Franz mused that the time must surely come when he would relieve them of their newly-won mountains, after all was not both he and the Bernies Swiss? Franz's fears were allayed, however when the Comptons and the Savoyards went for each other's throats.

Meanwhile the Italian war was taking strange turn after strange turn. Although the Tyrolians had not made any significant advances, the Florentines had been partitioned between the resurgent Venetians and the Sardinians in separate wars, removing the Sienese's only ally from play. And to make things even stranger our new ally Odenburg dragged out alliance against their origonal allies Austria, but that is the way of politics. Franz's soliders began writing letters from home to the allied soldiers to raise their morale and the Savoyards effortlessly crushed the Comptains leaving them (when Limoson had taken a province) with only their homeland.

And in April of 1435 the Sienese begged the Schywz to stop the vicious taunting of the army that had been stationed in Ansbach the entire time, and a white peace was signed.

SS from the conclusion of Schywz "participation" in the Italian war:

[Bosh]

Due to his subjects complaining about the duration of the Austrian war, although why they should do that was beyond Franz, he decided to bail his ally out of his Austrian predicament and recapted Ostmarch for him, after which, to everyone's surprise another Tyrolian was elected Emperor and Franz signed a separate peace with the Austrians, who proceeded to take Steiermark from the Salzbergers in a move that saddened Franz greatly, in order to contratulate the new Emperor Ludwig.

Then, seeing Alsace engaged in a war Franz decided to make the most of it and invaded his very nicely infantry-bereft western neighbor in May of 1437. He relieved them of Baden in a bloodless war of a year. However during the Alsacian war the Odenbergers declared war on the now-powerful Moravians. This was a decision so monumentally stupid that not even the Tyrolians went along with it and Franz decided that we would not either. He attempted to form a new alliance with the Tyrolians but the proud Emperor Ludwig would have nothing of it. This loss of his stalward allies saddened Franz greatly, and his good spirits were only restored by an increase of taxation on his new subjects in Baden.

Meanwhile, while the Tyrolians had shown themselves to be masterfully incapable of persueing their war in Italy, with the Sardinians it was a different matter. They crushed the Sienese and established a remarkably large Italian Empire, the biggest yet seen.

But then a most tragic event happened and Franz died due to excessive exertion during an intimate encounter with a woman who was not his wife and his son, aptly named Franz VII, took over. Franz then squandered much of the fortune that his father had left him to buy the friendship of the Moravians (who had allied with Erz, Tyrol and some Poles) in an effort to bask in the reflection of the glory of the great Emperor Ludwig. But because war is such a very dreadful thing, Franz quickly signed a white peace with the Odenbergers that the Second Alliance was at war with.

Secren shot following the entrance into the Second Alliance:

[Bosh]

Franz proved an able administrator, whatever his ideas on foreign policy, and soon revenues were up and the inflation that had begun the wrack the nation were down. He even improved the fortifications of the nation's capitol. It was at this time that Tyrol finally scored a victory over Siena, netting a magnificent 3 florins, well worth the long years of battle. Somewhat more effectively in Italy, the Corsicans expanded their Italian empire to include even Naples, a move that greatly impressed Franz.

To celebrate yet the accession of Otto of Tyrol to the crown of Emperor, Franz VII declared war on Savoy to liberate his fellow Swiss and punish those men who had absconded with his father's treasury so long ago. Twin armies under the command of General Schaffen and the ghost of Franz VI crossed into Savoyard territory in March of 1442, without the help of the allies. Franz's ghost liberated Bern in July and Savoy itself in December. For most of this time the Savoyard army was in the north helping the French finish the conquest of the Comptains but soon they were south beseiging Piedmond. But even more tragic, during the battle of Provence, Franz VI's ghost gave up the ghost defeating the Savoyard army. He was mourned a second time by all. But despite his loss, by September of 1443 Bern and a large portion of the Savoyard treasury was turned over to the Schwyz. Franz following in the footsteps of his father welcomed the Bernese into his regal bosom by raising their taxes before setting off to destroy the rebellious Ansbachers.

It was at this time that Franz began to collect reliable maps of the west. It could be seen that France was consolidating rapidly, under Guyunne in the south, Normandy in the center and Paris in the north. It could be seen that Germany must do the same in order to preserve its independence. Kleves seemed to be answering the control and was rapidly establishing its dominance in Northwest Germany, Franz knew that the Swiss could not afford to lag behind in central Germany.

That's it for now. The following are two screen shots showing what all of europe looks like now using the columbus cheat

[Bosh]

and the east...

[Bosh]

The Odenburgers were able to get off lightly with the donation of their treasury to the alliance, and Franz was saddened that an enemey should linger on and gladdened that an old ally should persist (you get way more alliance swapping in IES than in regular EU II). No sooner was this war completed, then the Second Alliance attacked some difficult-to-spell Poles and in an effort to preserve his writing hand and because the Swiss had no idea precisely were these Poles were located this war will not receive the commentary that it so richly deserves.

Then, in another confusing move, the alliance's difficult-to-spell Polish ally (to be differentiated from the alliance's difficult-to-spell Polish enemey), declared war on Memel. Moravia and Tyrol refused to go along with any more Polish sillyness and formed their own separate alliance and Franz, ever the independent thinker, followed suit. At this time the powers to Schwyz's south and west were gaining strength ominously; Normandy taking Bretange, Guyenne on the verge of taking Limosin and Sardinia wresting control of Rome from Corsica.

Then, in May 1448 the situation became truly interesting when France was plunged into war when the two great French powers, Normandy and Guyenne began to be somewhat cross with each other. Franz was so engaged in the war that he completely forgot about the war that the Third Alliance had declared against Venice and somehow forgot to send forces to be of assistance. However, Franz bravely refused all Venetian offers of no money to stop not fighting them. While the French war yet raged, the Tyrolians siezed Romagna from the Venetians, leaving Italy in a peculiar position. South and Central Italy were utterly dominated by the Sardinians who were even then besieging Siena, with only Apulia holding out against them while, with the exception of Venice the north was controlled by the Third Alliance. How long would it take before the two power blocs decided that poking holes in each other was a nifty idea, Franz wondered.

Then in November of 1449 the Third Alliance declared war on its old ally Salzberg. Finally here was the kind of war that the Schywz could get behind! A large alliance pouncing upon a weak barony and tearing it to shreds! Franz ordered General Schaffen to cut the Salzbergers into bite-sized bits. And by October of 1450 he had done so and the Salzbergers were welcomed to the regal bosom. This gave the realm an aesthetically-unappealing curvy shape, but this was a small price to pay for new subjects to dote upon and tax!

Immediately following the defeat of the Salzbergers the alliance declared war on the Bujakers. Franz enquired where Bujakers could be found, but his allies were of little help. Franz replied that it was difficult to smite things when he didn't know where they were and decided to lay traps of the most perfect design in case any Bujakers showed up in his banquet room and left the matter at that. In September of 1452 some Bujakers did show up! And after picking what was left of them from the traps he decided to sign a white peace with them. After all, Franz had more important things to worry about, such as improving the fortifications of his southern border in case the Sardinians decided to continue their Italy province collection at his expense.

Then in March of 1454, the French war finally ended with Guyenne paying Normandy for all of the armor polish that the Normans had expended in the war and Guyenne's ally Vendee falling into Normand hands. Would Normandy be able to do to France what Sardinia was doing to Italy, or had it reached its high water mark, Franz wondered.

SS 8, after the completion of the French War of Non-Succession:

[Bosh]

To the east the Moravians, much envious of Schywz's long curvy shape were doing their best to emulate it, and with the conquest of Ruthenia and Translyvania from the Bujakers had reached most of the way to the Black Sea. Not to be outdone, Franz swore to have his long thin curvy shaped nation reach the shores of the Atlantic! Or the Baltic, or one of those other wet places. And in October 1455, the Third Alliance decided to finish off the poor once-mighty Venetians and Franz left them to it, and the same went for the war what resulted when the small barony of Magyar foolishly attacked the Third Alliance, only to be annexed by Pest.

At this time General Schaffen tragically died in the spring of 1460 while not fighting any of the enemies of the realm and General Bolzen succeaded him. Great things were expected of old Bolzy. But while Bolzy and Franz were not doing much of anything another momentous event took place in France when Cantabaria siezed three entire provinces from the once-mighty Guyennese, this so surprised the regal Franz that he stop milk from his nose which reached a enviable distance when he was told the news. Oh how the mighty had falled and suchlike. In any case this removed a potential thread that was once disconcertingly near the western frontier.

In May 1462 the Third Alliance declared war on Erz. Surprisingly enough Franz knew exactly were Erz was, but it did not border him so his troops engaged in their traditional role of writing letters to the allied troops encouraging them to fight bravely. But this was not the only war taking place, all of North Germany and the lowlands were engaged in a confusing network of conflicts, the Belearics were nibblings bits off of the stricken Guyennese, with the Savoyards trying to do the same and the Normands extending their grasp westwards. And altogether confusing and bloody time, which made Franz's head hurt so that he even gave up his favorite passtime of poking captured rebels with sharp sticks. This caused him so much discomfort that he died in January of 1465 to be succeaded by the ever so creatively-named Franz VIII.

The young Franz, seeing the nice shiny army that his father had left him so tragically underused declared war on the war-battered Koln and sent armies under General Bolzy and Zatec across the border in order to seize Alsace, which had been recently snatched by the Kolnies. Not a single Kolny soldier was seen, only plenty of Luxemburgers beseiging Kolny land on behalf of Koln as a part of their join war on Picardy but as they were not party to the Koln war with Schwyz, this suited the quite-confused Franz just fine. But still his soldiers were far to busy beseiging to be of much, or in fact any, help in the Third Alliance's war against Austria. It was then, during the war with the Kolnies that Franz VII rose from the grave, this being apparently a family tradition. Franz VIII joyously greeted his dead father and put him in command of one of the armies, which proceeded to advance on the Kolny capitol. All the Kolny soldiers did not feel especially up to fighting the armies of the undead and Franz VII routed their garrison and set to beseiging Koln. And soon enough, thanks to the power of the Schywz necromancer clan, the Kolnies handed over Alsace and their treasury, and Franz lead his undead legions into the newely-won territory in an effort to keep the rebels their on their toes.

SS 9, following the victory against the Kolnies:

[Bosh]

Meanwhile the allies of the Third Alliance had lost their war agaisnt Erz and won their war about Austria (resulting in an ever thinner and longer Moravia and an ever-bulgier Tyrol). And in the east the Normans had won a striking victory over the Parians, putting them on Schywz border and leaving them the indisputable big cheese of France (which soon later took Lyonais from Savoy which Savoy had taken from the Guyennese, which the Guyennese had captured after declaring independence from Guyenne, which the Guyenne had taken from the Savoyards, which the Savoyards had taken from the Guyenne who probably took it from someone who had taken it from the Lyonaise and so on...). The very thought of cheese brought to Franz's mind the very thing that you can not eat cheese without. And with that he set up a royal winery in the new province of Alsace in Febuary of 1471.


To the east the Kolnies, too make up for their humiliating defeat at the hands of a ghost smacked the Parisians down hard with the Luxemburg allies, as a result two of the three old great kingdoms of France were in tatters, leaving Normandy ominously withouth equal in the West. Franz was so nervous that he ordered an extra twenty casts of fine Alsacian wine. Matters were not improved when the foolish Kolnies called down the wrath of the Normands on their silly heads in June of 1474. Franz invited his father to the ensuing drunken debauchery, but it was all too much for the poor zombie and he died a second time (and was even more ernestly mourned this time around) and so Franz VIII had to take up command of the army himself.

Matters were not improved for the poor Kolnies when the Oldenburgers, (not to be confused with the Odenburgers) who now dominated the lowlands joined in the war. Franz, not wanting to let all of Kolny land fall into the hands of French and Dutch types, joined in the fray with his tragically zombie-free army, which was far too busy killing Kolnies to help the allies with their war against Dalmatia, Serbia or Krain (but then he didn't ask for their help, now did he?) nor did he ask for such insanely blood-thirsty allies. And despite not having a single ghost or zombie Pfalz and Mainz fell into Franz VIII's clutches on May of 1477. Oldenberg and Normandy did nearly as well as the brave Schywz, each taking their pound of flesh from the poor Kolny king, as well as some of his land.

SSs 10 and 11 of west and east europe using the columbus cheat following the Kolny partition. DAMN is Normandy big, I can handle anyone else on the map, but they scare me

[Bosh]

and the east

[Heresson]

Nice. And now gimme a link to download this scenario.

[Nikolai]

http://medlem.spray.se/kaigon/scen.html

[Heresson]

Thank You. Now gimme clear commands what to do with those files, and where to place them exactly.

[Heresson]

Do I have to download the third, 9MB file?
I can't do that.