Emerald Cove Issues

[Paddy]

Originally posted by joncha
Should I be alarmed that my goverment has adopted the same positions as Paddy's?

Please do not feel alarmed

My people are honoured that this situation has occured

It is a little known fact, but this Kingdom came into existance from following the link in your signature - so my people say thank you kind Sir

[joncha]

In that case, the People of Jonchastan salute the wise monarch of Emerald Cove, and hope that our shared values will bring our nations closer together.

[Paddy]

The Issue
A survey citing a tremendous increase in unsolicited emails has added fire to the subject of what many view as a scourge of the Internet.

"Both sides are wrong," grumbles government paper-pusher Gregory Steele. "Spam is definitely a problem, yet so is the restriction on freedoms which some draconian anti-spam codes would impose. I propose a ban on overtly fraudulent spam, and a tax on more legitimate businesses that rely on spam as an advertising method, and a strict legal definition of spam that would ensure no innocent person was prosecuted or taxed."

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

[Paddy]

when can I sleep

[Paddy]

The Issue
In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

"Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'" says May Hendrikson, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

[Paddy]

The Issue
The international community has appealed to Emerald Cove to increase humanitarian aid to the world's poorer nations.

"We must increase foreign aid," says beaded local peace activist Abraham Winters. "Compared to some of these nations, Emerald Cove is swimming in rocks. Let's face it, not every nation in the world is lucky enough to have a government like ours. Let's show some compassion to our less economically gifted neighbors."

[Paddy]

The Issue
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of Emerald Cove, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

"Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Jean-Paul Dodinas of Emerald Cove University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: Froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

[Paddy]

The Issue
The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across Emerald Cove has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

Teachers union President Aaron Hanover says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

[Paddy]

The Issue
After a policeman was forced to apprehend a criminal with nothing more than his groceries, there has been an outcry for better equipment.

"It's outrageous," says Chief Constable Jennifer O'Bannon. "This horrible situation could have been sorted out a lot faster if we had had the right equipment! Even the poorest criminals can buy better arms than us! We need more funds - if we have to take a bit of cash off the education and healthcare budgets to pay for it all then so be it!"

[Paddy]

The Issue
A number of well-dressed gentlemen wearing a varied assortment of swords is insisting that they be allowed to settle their private disputes on the field of honourable battle.

"We must be permitted our inherent right to defend our honour through feats of arms!" exclaims Steffan Broadside, a bewigged aristocrat sporting a particularly flamboyant swept-hilt rapier. "The right to duel is one found throughout history for the honourable settling of disputes and I must insist that my right to fight be recognised! The world would be so much better - and cheaper too - if conflicts of interest were sorted through trial by combat instead of trial by jury."

[Paddy]

The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Buy Mistletoe. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Emerald Cove every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

[Paddy]

The Issue
The CEO of Emerald Cove software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

"These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO Randy Fellow from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"

[Paddy]

The Issue
A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in Emerald Cove shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in Emerald Cove at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

"Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager May Hanover. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."

[Paddy]

The Issue
A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at Emerald Cove's annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.

"I think both of the other parties are taking this issue to the extreme," argues a learned elderly gentleman resting on a park bench. "All that's being advocated is giving those who have contributed to their nation a ceremonial title and a bit of land. Besides," he adds, "the government can tax their estate."

[Paddy]

The Issue
The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Emerald Cove to develop its own space program.

"The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Emerald Cove Space Agency Head Roxanne Love. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."