Greetings, monarch of the Emerald Cove...

[Squeblish Nef?]

[A monocled man wearing a purple-trimmed black cape, a black three-piece suit and a top hat and porting a waxed black moustache strides into the chamber, flanked by what appears to be a platoon of extremely heavly armed gorillas in black combat armour.]
Greetings, monarch of the Emerald Cove!
I am the Arch-Capitalist, and I would like to discuss with the prosperity of you, your nation, your subjects and your customers.
You would do well to cooperate with me, as I have a habit of bringing... prosperity to my friends.
You can start by outlining your economic situation, and, if you want, how I can help you fulfill your desires.
Take your time.
Time is money, and I have a lot of money.

[Paddy]

ahh yes welcome Lord Arch-Capitalist,

thank you for taking the time to visit with me and my humble people.

we do hope that your stay with us in enjoyable, all be it short as most diplomatic missions are.

your name and histories do proceed you in the paths of the leaders of this fine region.

I am ever thankful that your platoon agreed to enter our Royal chambers with only their personal side arms.

we do look forward to a full display of their combat skills at the southern Cook barracks tomorrow afternoon as prevviously arranged.

it is hoped that General Paul Hogan and some of his staff of the Auldonian Armed Forces will be attending as well.

Lord Arch-Capitalist, your wealth is quite amazing.

my humble treasury people do yet to dream of fiqures as amount to the jewels encrusted on your broach and tie pin. my goodness sir, is that a fob watch encrusted in jewels you are wearing, or is the plate finished so well, that it dazzles ones eye.

at this time my people have worked very hard to build a steady and balanced industry in Hospitality, Computers, Beef-Based Agriculture, Woodchip Exports, and Trout Farming industries.

I must admit to a great deal of pride in the way my small but hearty nation has grown and found its way.

please know that we are glad to hear that you are willing to invest in the future of our nation.

and we are glad to have wealthy and strong friends throughout the world.

the voilence that we ahve seen of regions stand strong together and attacking regions that are weak and divided.

a leader of such wealth must have a mighty armed force. I take it that you would have them patroling the edges of this fabled region of Apolyton.

so Lord Arch-Capitalist, are you a member of the Grand Nation States United Nations? I am most interested to hear your views on this establishment.

[Squeblish Nef?]

Ah, my friend, I am not to be adressed as a lord.
I would like to offer to take the burden of one of your less-accomplished industries, or even supplying a neccessary service.
I would have no objections to looking after your defence, your transportation, giving you plenty of extremely cheap labour resources, supplying you with arms or any resource, or service you could possibly need.
I could even take over the management of your... banking sector, in the interests of comparative advantage, or could set you up with some reasonably-priced agri-domes, if you so desire.
Remember me if you ever need a loan, or any kind of favour.
I'll give you a week or so to think this over.

Oh, and my escort would so love to share some of our culture with your customers, troops and... allies.
What's more, they'll do it for free.
[The Arch-Capitalist turns on his heel and strides out of the chamber.]

[Rasputin]

a visit from the monocled man is always worth waiting for...

[Squeblish Nef?]

Indeed, Prime Minister.
I hope you are quite well?
I'm sure you are.
For a man as rich as you to be unwell, a mild, and irritating, form of hypochondria is a prerequisite.
Unless, of course, the man is hoping that his ill health may inspire sympathy among his voters.
But, naturally, a man as obviously popular as you wouldn't need to resort to such crude measures.

Could I interest you in a Cuban?
Aha.
That was obviously a joke, as Cubans are so easy to come by these days.
Here, have a Gonorian.
They haven't made these since Gonoria went communist.
I trust you aren't a communist, Prime Minister?
Aha.
That was another joke.
With such wonderfully conservative views, you obviously haven't fallen victim to Mr Marx.
Groucho Marx, that is.
Aha. Ha.
I'm sorry, Prime Minister.
It is easy, and excusable, to get carried away when you are as rich as I am.
You know, I could cut all ties with my trading partners, and become an economic hermit for the next four decades, without making a pauper out of my people?
I could (the Cash Cow forfend!) support them out of... my own pocket!
Aha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Like a communist!
Aha! Ha! Ha!
Aha!
Ha!
But, seriously now, what's the point in letting so much hard-earned money go to waste?
Why would anybody need their government to look after them?
Look at me! I didn't get to be where I am today by stealing government money!
Well, not in that way, anyway.
Aha.
What are your views on social welfare, Prime Minister?

[Squeblish Nef?]

OOC: It seems Paddy's... vanished. Disappeared. Gone. Vaporised.

[Rasputin]

He may have had one too many beers and fallen of his stool


Auldoninna will send investigators to the emerald Cove to discover what is happening with our close friend. In the meantime, Auldonina will contiue its patrols of the Northern Sea to keep the area safe.

[Paddy]

/me and some friends enters the bar and staggers over to his honoured quests

/me is quietly singing a song...

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

they say you gootta know

when you had to many sooo

Here, have a beer.


they say you gootta know

I say bugger

give me anotha



aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

u may want to drink

just ask them rather quick



u may want to drink

well thats they way, dont blink

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

Judy, babe, large Juggs all round for my fine visitors

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

we reach 20 million people

we sure did grow some more

then we all hit the floor

lucky we were all ready in the pub

hey Shelly, thanks for the rub

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

aye aye aye I need anotha eye

oh there ya are

Join ya for a jug




bloody great having a pub crawl on an island full of pubs

/me whispers

hey they wont kick us out, someone said we have some said the King of Emerald Cove was ere hope he is paying

[Rasputin]

glad to see the Spam king back !~~~~~~!!~!~!~!~

[Paddy]

sing along laddie

[Rasputin]

too busy conducting war on the evil nations to drink paddy...

ill be drinking once the war ends ..... keeep a stool open for me

[Paddy]

/me staggers to the bar

Judy, can we organise a shipment of gals and beers to the war front for Lord Rasputin and his troops?

/me stumbles

indeed lass, send as many boats as you think are needed

/me stands a bit straighter

oh, and babe, take a stool in every bar on this little island of ours and make sure it is kept available

/me smiles

bloody marvelous

/me turns to the lads and lasses nearby

so who is playing snooker next?

[Squeblish Nef?]

[The Arch-Capitalist takes another swig and retrieves his monocle from his glass.]
I'm g-game!
[Falls off his stool.]

[Paddy]

/me staggers over to the Arch-Capitalist

would you like one queue or two

some of the girls here are quite funny when they play

/me calls over Judy

some more Juggs thanks lass

/me looks around for the snooker table

ahh there it is

would ya like to break then lad

[Squeblish Nef?]

[Is pulled to his feet by burly bodyguard.]
I-I'll b-b-break, thanks...
GK!
[Bodyguard takes cue and sinks five balls in rapid succession.]
Still my t-turn!