The Bunch Diplomacy

[notyoueither]

Received yesterday.

Friends of the banana,
Now that Elvis' birthday has passed, real life holidays are over. Let's play! Any thoughts? We were so close to signing.

The Diplomatic Banana

I'm sort of at a loss what to say in the absense of any messages from AC, but here goes.

We have been waiting for word from AC on their thoughts.

nye

[Arrian]

Am I correct that diplomatic contact with Banana has mainly been done via gmail?

Proposed message:

Hail, people of the Great Banana!

The Gathering Storm would like to discuss technology trading with you. Specifically, we seek to learn the secrets of Animal Husbandry. We also have interest in [insert any other techs they have and we don't here]. As you may be aware, we have Mathematics [and insert any other techs we have and they don't, but we didn't acquire from AC here] available to trade.

Per our technology trading agreement, the Storm is happy to provide Mathematics to you in exchange for AH and [other techs or beaker balance].

What say you?

Obviously, the message needs some work, but I thought I'd at least try to get the ball rolling.

-Arrian

[Hot Mustard]

Originally emailed by The Diplomatic Banana
Gathering Storm,

It has been a long time indeed since we last spoke. We are sorry that our open trade agreement did not work out as we had planned but Team Banana wishes to stay on good terms with you. We wish to build a friendship with your people. Do you have any needs that we might be able to assist you with? How can we grow stronger together as neighboring nations in friendship?

We see that you are still at war with Vox. How does is that going? Is there any hope of a resolution on this age old war?

Let us know your thoughts on these matters.

Let us keep the lines of communication open.

your friend,
The Diplomatic Banana,

[Hot Mustard]

Our response should:
- thank them for the recent trade
- assure them that the war is going well, and that Vox's days are numbered
- make it clear that co-existence with Vox is not an option
- ask if they know the location of Vox cities (?)

[Cort Haus]

Draft message to The Bunch.

:fanfare:

O worthy Bananistas,

I bring warm greetings from the Stormian high command, thanking you for the recent trade.

We would like to assure you that war with the snivelling religion-rustlers of the pitiful Voxian Empire is going well, and that their days on our fine continent are as assuredly numbered, as the mighty and regal fruit of the banana is tasty and nutritious. There is no possibility of co-existance with the Voxians, who live only to entertain us until they die.

There is one matter in which you may be able to offer us some assistance, for which we would be most grateful. Do you have knowledge of any fledgling cities which they have sprouted away from their capital? It might be that your scouts have encountered such a pimple on their travels to the south of your lands. Such information, should you have it in your possesion, would be warmly appreciated in the hallowed halls of our regal palace.

With all our gracious respect and goodwill,

Cort Haus,
Envoy,
Gathering Storm.

:bow:

[Hot Mustard]

Originally posted by Cort Haus
Draft message to The Bunch.

:fanfare:

O worthy Bananistas,

I bring warm greetings from the Stormian high command, thanking you for the recent trade.

We would like to assure you that war with the snivelling religion-rustlers of the pitiful Voxian Empire is going well, and that their days on our fine continent are as assuredly numbered, as the mighty and regal fruit of the banana is tasty and nutritious. There is no possibility of co-existance with the Voxians, who live only to entertain us until they die.

There is one matter in which you may be able to offer us some assistance, for which we would be most grateful. Do you have knowledge of any fledgling cities which they have sprouted away from their capital? It might be that your scouts have encountered such a pimple on their travels to the south of your lands. Such information, should you have it in your possesion, would be warmly appreciated in the hallowed halls of our regal palace.

With all our gracious respect and goodwill,

Cort Haus,
Envoy,
Gathering Storm.

:bow:

That is beautiful and perfect!

[Cort Haus]

OK, who do I send it to?

[Hot Mustard]

thediplomaticbanana@yahoo.com

Email should be sent from our team Gmail account - gatheringspam / SheepShouldBeMined

[Cort Haus]

Erm, I don't use Gmail so I don't know if I can do that.

[Hot Mustard]

It's not hard. Go to www.gmail.com, enter the account / password above. Click Compose Mail, address and write the email, and click Send. Nothing to it.

[Cort Haus]

OK thanks. Message sent as above- with a couple of typo fixes.

[Hot Mustard]

And the quick response:

Originally emailed by The Diplomatic Banana
Stormian Envoy Cort Haus,
Well met. It is too bad that the Voxians will not live in peace with you. We know very little of them or their ways except through the stories recently told through these lands. The tales are slanted to the Vox point of view but speak of great battles with your brave Stormian Gaurd. I will pass your request onto our Mastro Turn Ludisto to see if there are any maps of Voxian "pimples" within view.

You are welcome for the trade. It is hoped that we will continue to grow this friendship between our peoples. We will need to stay strong together as I have heard rumors of peoples we call Malbonaj that live across the seas.

In a time before any can remember. There were great wars. Not the heroic wars that the Stormian have fought with Vox but terrible unthinkable wars. The Great Banana, whose name shall not be spoken, saw that this was not right. He lowered the land and filled the chasm with the seas. On this side, on Nia Kontinento he put the Homoj De Boneco (the Peoples of Goodness). Yes, we believe that even Vox, if they could ever stop this war against you are Boneco along with Gathering Storm, the Alpha Centurians, and Banana. On the other side of the waters The Great Banana placed peoples we call Malbonaj Homoj on a place called Ilia Lando, some call it Baldaŭ Estas Nia. The Malbonaj are said to be vile, tricky, babyeaters, and generally - well malbonaj. If any set foot on this Nia Kontinento it is hoped that all of the Boneco could set aside their differences and see the Malbonaj for the threat they are.

If we have any information that can bring a faster end to this GS-Vox War I will pass it on. Watch for a reply soon. Stay strong against Vox.

Vivu La Banano!!!
Vivu Boneco!
-The Diplomatic Banana

[Hot Mustard]

Originally emailed by The Diplomatic Banana
Stormian Envoy Cort Haus,

Our maps keeper went over his view of the known world. It is true that we have bumped into Voxian troops and women fleeing the mighty Stormians but we have yet to identify where exactly their cities are. These cities must truly be (as you called them) pimples on Nia Kontinento.

We will keep our eyes peeled.

Vivu La Banano!!!
Vivu Boneco!
-The Diplomatic Banana

[Hot Mustard]

Originally emailed by The Diplomatic Banana
Stormian Envoy,
The good people of Team Banana were recently attacked by the Alpha Centurians. There was never a hint of conflict between AC and Team Banana. Since the dawn of time we co-ordinated tech research, planned roads, and even asked for the Centurians input on the placement of our next city before they kidnapped our happy band of settlers armed only with banana flavored ice cream treats.

Team Banana has been a friend to the Gathering Storm as well. We have promised to keep our eyes peeled for new Vox cities in order to support your war effort. Team Banana asks for your aide in this desperate time.

This aide could be an attack on AC, a city swap, what ever you can think of. We have little to repay you with now and we could come to terms or payment later.

We are going to Vox as well to ask for their aide in this matter. Until now we have had little to do with them as we were respecting your wishes during the GS/Vox War. We hope you know that now is the time to set aside your differences with Vox. If you and Vox continue to weaken eachother and Team Banana is defeated you must know that the Alpha Centurians will target you next. Please remember that we thought we had a friend in Alpha Centuri right until they attacked.

Vivu La Banano
-The Diplomatic Banana

[Cort Haus]

Oh dear, poor Bananas.

Should we say

O worthy Bananistas,

We are sorry to hear that AC have felt that their interests lie with an expansionist policy that is to your detriment. We are genuinely sorry to hear of the terrible fate of the banana flavored ice cream treats.

While we sympathise with your plight, and appreciate your goodwill with regards to our aims of locating the Voxian outpost, our marauding divisions have since discovered the location of their settlement.

Our policy towards Vox must remain steadfast, however, and as our focus is not to be diverted from this aim, material miltary aid is not available for other purposes such as war with another Civ. In addition, while we must indeed be wary of AC's potential, the long-term outlook would probably not favour a perpetual struggle for total dominance of this continent by any one Civ, as there is another continent to consider, who might gain long term advantage from prolonged conflict on this one.

Hence, at this point, we regret that we are unable to comply with your request for material intervention against AC, though we wish you well in your defence of your realm.

Regards,

etc