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My take on this subject, based on my experience with Civ3, is to tolerate tresspassers when you know you couldn't take them in a major battle. I like to constantly monitor the F3 screen and compare myself to others. If I find that I am equal or stronger than the tresspasser I tell him to leave. Hopefully he declares war and I don't have to worry about a rep hit while I lay waste to his empire. 
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