Crusader's Legacy

[Sparkle]

Great story, just Ghandi should be Gandhi correctly, am I right?

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Up for some feedback, Skilord?

Your dialogue is really good- you've got quite a knack for a natural and unforced feel to it. To balance it, don't be afraid to take your time in the descriptive passages. Savour the small moments and nuances that slowly pan out into the bigger picture.

There's certainly no problem with your plotting or imagination- I think that with spot of tinkering with the pacing you'll have something you can be very proud of. Keep it up.

[vovan]

I just read the other side of the story, SKI. And I must say it is very nice also. It would be very interesting to see the story develop from the opposite sides of the perspective. And it should become especially interesting, when Brennus and Gandhi should meet each other in battle. Though I am a little curious as to the outcome - will it be the same in both versions, or will the side, from which we are viewing win in both (or loose in both?) - though, I say, I am curious about that outcome, I would surely like to see the story progress, and hope you yourself don't loose interest in it before you can draw it to the conclusion (I am sure I won't ). Any ways, looking forward to more.

[SKILORD]

will it be the same in both versions, or will the side, from which we are viewing win in both (or loose in both?)

It will be the same story, the outcomes of the battles will be the same.

nuff said.

[vovan]

[SKILORD]

Great story, just Ghandi should be Gandhi correctly, am I right?

yeah, probably should be.

Your dialogue is really good- you've got quite a knack for a natural and unforced feel to it. To balance it, don't be afraid to take your time in the descriptive passages. Savour the small moments and nuances that slowly pan out into the bigger picture.

I'll work on this, dialouge used to bother me, and I avoided it, sticking to description in my early stories (but even that wasn't superb) I'll slip to some poetic descriptions next chapter....

[SKILORD]

I'll get chapter 3 up today.

[vovan]

Bring it on.

[SKILORD]

Chapter 3: Between Deities

These will be a fun two chapters to write....

-

"What the hell was that!"

Shiva Darshan sat passively on his cloud, watching the night's sky unravel, watching the flames of his followers battle the dark.

"What do you want Susano?" Shiva sighed as he looked up tiredly.

"I thought that we weren't supposed to use ourr powers to help our men in battle, there's a treaty. Noone will ever trust you again!"

Shiva looked at the tempermental Deity, shaking his head dissapointed. He pulled a sword.

"Samaharamuti?" The Japanese god asked, quivering.

Shiva smiled, nodded, he picked up a spear.

It wistled as it flew through the air at his opponent, the wind scattered behind it. A sudden draw with his War fan saved Susano at the last instant, using it as a sheild he knocked the weapon aside.

A gust of wind carried him up as a sneer grew across his face.

"I defeated the other Japanese gods, they banished me, and I returned for them. You will be little problem Shiva!"

Lightning filled the air, a maze of electricity that Shiva jumped through. His sword glistening hungrily. A slash left a huge cut along Susano's arm.

The angry god lashed out with his own sword, missing. Rain began to pour.

Shiva's muscles tensedd, he could be in a spot of trouble, Susano could be quite ruthlessurvived this encounter and the power of the god was not to be underestimated.

Another spear flew, Shiva's was returned to him, he caught it.

"I'm the Destroyer, Susano, why try your luck?"

"Shut up, you filfthy cheating dog. When you are dead I will rain death upon you people. they will be conqured and slaughtered like cattle!"

The spear was exchanged again, with a laugh Susano brought up his War fan.

The fan shattered, faltering whenm most needed. Susano looked down at the new protrusion. With a grunt he pulled it forth, looking at it. Shiva smiled when he looked back up.

His staff was pulled, in his other hand he held the sword. He screamed a Berserker's scream and charged the other God.

Samaharamurti watched idly as the dying god charged. His sword was pulled, a decapitating, merciful blow stuck. Death was welcomed by the dying son of Amaterasu, he fell endlessly to earth.

Shiva shook his head, pained. He reverted to Anugrahamurti, his benevolent manifestation. He had to talk to Gandhi.

He watched the plummeting figure, Why the hell can't there be more than one.....

[vovan]

Very nice, though I see you bhurried a little bit while typing up this installment. It has some hasty typos in it.

But other than that, interesting. And hey, I am looking forward to seeing what Crennunos is going to do to his opponent over at CFC.

[SKILORD]

I'll have that part up soon.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Re: Chapter 3: Between Deities

Originally posted by SKILORD

Shiva Darshan sat passively on his cloud, watching the night's sky unravel, watching the flames of his followers battle the dark.

A beautiful line. That was poetry.

[SKILORD]

I know, when i try i can write poetry.

I noticed that this chapter requires a bit of knowledge of the Myths of these countries so...

Anugrahamurti: Shiva's benevolent manifestation
Samaharamurti: Shiva's 'Destroyer' manifestation
Amaterasu: Mother of Susano, banished him from heaven for his temper and constant battles.

[SKILORD]

hehe, it occurred to me that there could be a really cool prequel to this, Shiva gaining supremacy in India and the others in their nations....

that's for another day, but still, i'll post it here to remember.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Good work SKILORD.