The Plight of One Worker

[dnassman]

Am I the only one enjoying this. really fun.

[Captain]

Hey, I think it's great too!

Not quite in the ranks of "Literature", but definitely very amusing. Please, keep going!

[Jaguar]

Hmm, I hope you can make the knight be as funny as the worker.

[beno]

[Proserpine]

This is just excellent. Please, keep going.

I especially liked . . . all of it so far.

[Insane_Ike]

I've been busy with work and other stuff. But I'm gonna block off some time now to finish up this little tale. Enjoy.
***************************

The Plight of One Worker: Part VII: Above All Else, To Thy Known Self Be True

By Insane Ike


So there I was with my head between my legs trying to kiss my ass good-bye when suddenly, the sweet smell of wild flowers filled my nose. I could have sworn I was in Elycium with General Maximus Dessimus Meridius. But then I realized that I had just farted.

All around me there was activity. The people of Los Angeles were overjoyed that we were able to oust the Zulu. In droves, the people made their way into the streets to embrace each other and celebrate. The Zulu had been very cruel stewards. The evidence was all around. In the preceeding years when Los Angeles fell into Zulu control, streets, buildings, and other necessary structures had been left to decay and rot. The Zulu had only been interested in the spoils of war that they could acquire in their conquest of the Americans.

All around me knights were hustling and bustling, making preparations to ride out at dawn. Catapults were being tested and repaired. Many Americans were even volunteering to join us in our final assualt on the Zulu. I believe that a few of them were quickly trained for battle. I couldn't believe it. I wanted nothing more than to be with Mai Linn and away from this conflict in which I was certain I would be killed---and they wanted to join.

Sure, I was happy for these people. I was happy that in a small way, I was able to help liberate their city. But I was also a man who could be honest with himself. I was a worker, not a knight. Being a worker sucked. And it was thankless. But it's what I was. Knights were courageous and noble. I was cowardly and selfish. Hell, I had to lie just to get laid. I know most guys out there read that last sentence and thought, "So what?" Well, I was pathetic and I knew it. My actions in Hong Kong were purely the result of my own dumb luck. What was I doing here? Certainly my dumb luck wouldn't last for long.

I spent a restless few hours tossing and turning in my make-shift bed of grass and leaves. Dawn came before I knew it. I woke to the snorting of horse and the shouting of men preparing for battle. Metal clanged against metal as knights put on their armor. I was so somber and sullen that I was not even hungry at breakfast as I was barely able to touch my dim sum.

Before long, all was set and it was time to march. Two by two the knights lined up. Not being very eager to march to my certain death, I ended up in the rear. Behind me was the catapult units.

As we marched off for a final confrontation with the Zulu, I felt like a man walking the Green Mile. The closer we got to Washington D.C., the lower I sunk into my saddle. I so desperately wanted to disappear. And before long, Bob and I found ourselves trotting along inconspicuously behind the catapults. With D.C. not far off, I stopped Bob and no one noticed. Slowly, the knights disappeared along the winding road and with them went the catapults.

So there I was, all alone. Somehow I had done it. I had weaseled my way out of battle. This was great.

"Whoooo hooooo! FREEEEE!"

I unmounted Bob and began to take my armor off. Bob looked at me and snorted.

"What? Don't give me that look. You know you didn't want to go either."

Bob snorted again.

"Shut the fook up, will ya? They didn't really need us anyways. They've got plenty of knights who are much braver and much more useful than me. You know it too."

Bob neighed and snorted. I could have sworn it was a laugh.

"Shut up," I muttered.

I sat down feeling guilty. I must have sat there for hours wondering if I had made the right decision. I lifted my head and began to look around at the countryside. I had forgotten how beautiful this country was; rolling hills, lush green forests, and the salty smell of the sea not far off. I looked around more intently and began to recognize my surroundings. Over there were the hills where I had built mines so long ago. And this road, I built this road. I stood up to get a better look. I had been building that mine when the barbarians came and chased me away so many years ago. I built all of this. Most of it had gone to hell of course, but some of my original efforts still remained.

I began to think about the old days when I was happy just to build a simple road because it made the people of D.C. happy. I remembered the simple joys that I used to have and wondered what had happened to me. I knew what I had to do.

Quickly, I mounted Bob and off we went. Like the wind I rode. The sun was already high in the sky. The attack was well underway I was sure. I rode nonstop. Three days later, I arrived in Beijing. I went straight to Mai Linn's house. And when she saw me in my knight's outfit, that was all it took. She did give me some hot anal action. Damn that was good.

What? Did you expect that I would overcome my cowardice and ride into battle to save the day? Wake up people. This is real life. With a hot piece like that waiting for me, I wasn't about to get myself killed.

I found out later that we did defeat the Zulu in D.C. When our boys arrived there, the Zulu had catapults waiting. It was a difficult battle because our guys were taking as many shots as they were dishing out. Fortunately though, our forces did a good job of sealing off the city and eventually the Zulu ran out of boulders to launch. From there it was just a matter of time. Days later, right around when I was giving it good to Mai Linn, the Zulu tried one last desperate move. They poured out of the city and charged our knights. There certainly had been a lot of them, but they were no match for our knights who simply chased them down, then cut them down. A lot of our guys died in that battle, but not Dolf Lundren. As one would expect, he fought with valor and distinction. He became quite a hero as a result of the war with the Zulu.

As for me and Mai Linn, we stayed in Beijing for awhile. Eventually, Mai Linn got pregnant. When the kid wasn't born black, I lost the office pool and ended up marrying her. Shortly afterwards, I was assigned to guard Washington D.C. Mai Linn and the kid came with me. So you see, I eventually did end up going back to D.C.

I guarded the city for many, many years. Mai Linn and I had some more rugrats to add to the litter. I wish I could say we lived happily ever after, but over the years, Mai Linn let herself go. So I started looking elsewhere for some hot booty action. Mai Linn got tired of my act and took the kids and went back to live with her sisters in that big house in Beijing.

As for Bob, he lived to the ripe old age of 210---in horse years. The Elmer's glue factory offered me a pretty penny for him, but I just didn't have the heart. So I had Bob stuffed and now he stands next to my fireplace.

I was never a very good knight. And I was relieved the day news came that my services as a knight were no longer needed. I found myself swirling around in darkness again and before I knew it, I was standing in the middle of D.C. like I did so many years ago. I looked at myself and I realized---I was a worker again! I don't ever remember being so content. Happily I begain building up roads and irrigation and mines.

The years rolled by and before long I had developed the entire countryside. Now there's not much to do. So I ended up starting a restuarant. Yep, you guessed it. I own Bob's Chinese Buffet down on 10th and Main. I don't do too bad. It certainly pays the alimony, the child support, and the rest of the bills. And in the end, isn't that all most of us really want?

THE END

[dnassman]

Thanks for finishing this.

[ChaotikVisions]

Heh, funny story, enjoyed every bit of it.

[omegamega]

*clap clap clap*