A Tale of Two Gardens

[unscratchedfoot]

no

[Metaliturtle]

it was to prevent butt-burns, unfortunately for Punga, he didn't know how to use it, so his butt burned.

[cbraund]

Some kind of plant hormone(can't you tell I've just done my damned Science GCSE lol)?

Or was it to make the animals hyper so they'd eat all the plants or destroy them, or attack the workers?

Anyway, cool story, very funny and with some great sarcasm!

Oh, and gotta like Punga!

Chris

[Yoda II]

This has to be the best story of the lot, Please carry on.
And the potion was for making they workers attack each other and the project.

[beno]

perhaps the yellow powder is some kind of aphrodisiac used between the mysteriously missing voodoo bloke and the pancake woman. Either that or its her diet potion. But anyway - keep going, I'm sorry I hadn't voted for this, as I've only just got around to reading it from the start. looking forward to next instalment.

[unscratchedfoot]

Metaliturtle: prevents butt-burn? LOL
cbraund: closest answer yet but not quite
Yoda II: thanks for your support, good answer but not what I have in mind
beno: your ideas are very funny and I fear they are better than the real answer

BTW: I'm on holiday right now and don't have time to finish another episode just now (although it's all planned out already) and I only have a mac to work on (man do I miss my PC!) so please hang tight for a bit until I get a chance to continue it.

[Metaliturtle]

you've gotta be on crack if you're working on a Mac

[unscratchedfoot]

Aunt Jemima Makes a Move


The dozen or so warriors, breathing heavily from rushing after being hastily summoned and wondering what could possibly cause such a stir in the peaceful lands of the zulu, gathered to hear the urgent orders from Shaka. Was there an elephant stampede approaching their huts? Did someone mention pancakes around Aunt Jemima again? Or perhaps it had something to do with the recent epidemic of mad alligator disease infecting tribal folks?

Shaka stood infront of the group of warriors. They were the cream of the zulu heavy infantry division uThulwana. Each warrior was clad in traditional zulu fatigues which were mainly just an animal hide loincloth and a double necklace with nothing else. Their pot bellies hung over the loincloths, accentuating the skinnyness of their arms and legs. Their armament consisted of a short stabbing spear, and those who had bothered to bring one, a rectangular shield. No one in all of zululand would ever dare to contest these brave and powerful warriors who had never known the taste of defeat. Then again, there really wasn't anyone other than zulus in zululand to test their military prowess.

Shaka held up a drawing on some parchment for all of them to see. They had not learned yet to read so they just stood there tilting their heads to one side or the other trying to make sense of the writing.

"Do you know what this is?" Shaka's voice quivered with fear and anger. "This is today's copy of the Babylonian Daily. It says Punga is lying in a dank Babylonian prison awaiting execution and that he is accused of spying. It also says he was interrogated by their chief scribe known for his formidable techniques and was tortured horribly at the hands of Nebuchadnezzar himself. He's one of us. I know he caused lots of havoc and we may have already finished the gardens were it not for him, but ..." Shaka looked dejectedly at the ground for a moment and shook his head with sadness before looking back up and yelled thunderously, "He's our brother I tell you! And we're gonna get him back here no matter what it takes!"

Shaka's passionate outburst infected all those present and loud cheers went up as well as angry shouts for vengeance.

Shaka continued his passionate yelling, "And do you know what your duty is today dear brothers?" You're gonna go out and FIND Aunt Jemima and tell her to GET BACK HERE so she can take care of it!" The warriors cheered again and each ran off in different directions through the village searching for the great heroine. Several of them stumbled and crashed into each other landing in a heap trying to be the first to find her.

One such warrior, Sihayo, knew the best way to find the woman. He ran away from the commotion of the chest-beating warriors and stopped to listen behind a row of commercial huts. Sure enough he heard a loud whooping sound reverberating from one such hut and knew he had hit paydirt.

Inside the tavern, Aunt Jemima was enjoying her day off with her best friends Marge and Bertha. They exchanged jokes and funny stories and when they laughed, their rolls of fat jiggled all about just like huge waterballoons going through an earthquake. At the moment Aunt Jemima was just warming up to deliver the punch line to the eagerly waiting tavern crowd. Everyone sat on the edge of their seats ready to burst out laughing while Sihayo slipped in the door unnoticed.

Aunt Jemima continued her joke story, "So can anyone guess what the little bird said to the big, fat, foul-tempered hippopotamus?"

"Hey Aunt Jemima, come with me!" Sihayo shouted, not realizing he had unwittingly brought a deathwish upon himself with the ill-timed message.

Aunt Jemima lunged furiously towards Sihayo while Bertha and Marge grabbed her arms to prevent her from beating him to a small pulp.

Sihayo squealed out, "It's about Punga! He's been captured by the bab's and they're going to execute him for spying!"

The big aunt stopped in her tracks and a stressed look replaced the fury. "What?! Are you serious?"

"I swear it's true. Shak wants to see you urgently at the elders hut to discuss reaction plans."


to be continued.....

Punga in prison

[Yoda II]

very good, keep it up please

[TheGuitarist]

This is great - keep it up. Interesting new take on storytelling. It's kind of a dramedy of sorts. Cool.

[unscratchedfoot]

That Evening

The people of Zululand all along the coast looked out with wonder across the water as the war galley made its way into the brilliant orange sunset. The pointed ram gently scythed its way though the water towards the distant city of Babylon, driven by a single sail puffed out by the soft evening breeze.

The only sounds were the bongo drum's beat and the sloshing of the water caused by the many oars churning their way on. Occasionally came a clank when the oars didn't quite match the rythym, followed by an inevitable exchange of curses among the oarsmen.

"Where did you learn to pull an oar, you mangy hairbag!?"

"You stink like a camel! How can I concentrate!? And will ya stop singing that song about a jolly green giant!"

Aunt sat crosslegged on the deck, hypnotized by the beat of the drums and the serenity of the sunset. The sinewy drummer also sat crosslegged, facing the rows of oarsmen, "bab's", captured during their failed attempt to colonize Zululand. She forbade the whipping of workers for it was against her motto: "Only hurt those who are about to hurt you. And hurt them bad." In place of the whipper, a man skilled in the playing of bongo drums had been called forth. Not surprisingly, the workers had actually became more efficient and the number of 'clanks' was drastically reduced.

During the emergency meeting to discuss reaction plans to the capture of Punga, Shak had authorized her to use all available means in obtaining the release of the monkey boy. The entire nation had taken the issue to heart, and the imprisonment, or worse yet, execution of one of their people could not be tolerated.

Aunt Jemima was coming. And nothing would stand in her way.

Or so the zulu people thought.

[unscratchedfoot]

Enlil Speaks with Neb


King Nebuchadnezzar II came out of the steamy weight training room, a dark stone room filled with grunting, shapely men and women, all of whom had passed a stringent test to enter the sacred training room of the elite. Having completed his hot and cold baths, Neb's royal slaves towelled him down as he held up his arms.

For Neb, training, both weights and martial arts, was the basis for manifesting power through politics, business or whatever one may engage in. To him physical power meant power in any form, for a weak man could not be depended on to perform well in any function. Thus he trained for hours each day to be the powerful leader he was.

Next he went to the refreshment area where atheletes relaxed after their work-outs and received massages while drinking such things as carrot juice or the latest potions and concoctions promising to pack on the muscles.

"My specialty, as usual," Neb called out to the bar tender and layed down on the curved marble slab to receive his massage from two curvy women, experts in the art. He then snapped his fingers in the air in a haughty manner.

A nervous messenger boy ran up. "Yes, your highness!"

"Go fetch me Enlil, and tell him it's an important matter I have to discuss." Neb smiled contently and closed his eyes, enjoying the massage while the boy ran off. Neb considered his life of luxury and indulgence a privilege, a reward perhaps, for his diligence in building his "power".

Meanwhile Enlil was addressing his junior research scribes, all wannebe Enlil's who virtually worshipped his profound knowledge in seemingly all areas.

"You did well. Perhaps someday even you will eventually gain some basic competency in the field of chemistry. Many aspire to attain the knowledge I have, but few will come to experience what it is like to really be a genius." He looked over the many samples of elements and in powder and liquid forms assembled in perfect order on the table before him. "Exactly what I asked for. And in such pure forms too." Enlil nodded with satisfaction while closely examining a pinch of red powder taken from a sample.

"As I have told you, you will be mixing small amounts of each sample with one of each other sample and applying a small flame to it to test for chemical reactions. Note down any kind of reaction on parchment. When you finish, then try mixing three of each together and so on."

"Chief Scribe, may I ask what applications this experiment will lead to?" An eager young women spoke up.

"I'm trying to develop a type of propellent from which we could harness its energy somehow with endless possibilities. Think of travelling or doing hard labor without the use of animals. Or maybe if the reaction is robust enough we could even fashion some kind of weapon which could launch pieces of metal at enemies from afar and cut them to shreds. We would no longer need to risk the lives of our swordsmen." Enlil smiled evily for effect. The scribes looked at him with reverence.

The messenger boy came running in, his cheeks red, flushed with the effort of trying to please the king. "Chief Scribe Enlil, the king has called for your presence! May I inform him of your coming?"

Enlil sighed deeply and said, "So Neb has need for me to answer more questions with conspicuously apparent answers. I suppose this is what I get paid for." He wandered slowly off, following after the nervous messenger boy who clearly wished Enlil would move faster.


The two glamourous women were just finishing Neb's massage when the bartender brought over a large mug of a thick grey health drink.

Enlil arrived in the refreshment room just as Neb was in the middle of gluttonously gulping down the drink. "You called, your highness?" There was no mistaking Enlil's sarcastic, whiny voice.

Neb put down the half-finished drink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yes, I've been pondering something and would like to hear your insight on the matter."

"And it is...?" Enlil looked impatiently bored.

"Why do you think the zulus would try to make all our workers scared of plants? Do you think they are trying to interrupt our construction of the gardens by any chance?"

"Uh...yeah I think that would have a lot to do with it there Neb. Uh huh." Enlil nodded repeatedly with a slight grin.

"But why? We've never really had any dealings with their people. Our cultures are so different and all."

"Neb, are you serious that you can't figure out such a simple thing?"

Neb's face contorted in one last concentrated effort to come up with the answer. "I guess they're just jealous."

Enlil smiled widely and looked about the room, as if expecting all the hard bodied members of the club to burst out laughing. He leaned close to Neb said softly, "So you think they sent a spy here, risking an international incident, because they felt a spark of jealousy? Did you ever think that maybe they just might be making their own gardens and could possibly want to get the glory for finishing first? No? Never crossed your mind even once?"

"Uh, yeah. Actually that really makes sense. Hey you're probably right!" Neb's face lit up like a kid seeing a strange animal for the first time.

Enlil glanced down at the mug half-filled with the grey health drink. "And what is this that you are drinking? Yummmm. Can I have some?"

"I really don't think you'd like it. It's a new imported powder mix mixed with milk designed for maximizing muscle-building potential. I paid an extortionate price for it but it's worth it. I've noticed significant gains since I started drinking it."

Enlil took a tiny sip and tasted it carefully. "How long have you been drinking this for?"

"I've been drinking 2 litres of it every day for the last month. Why? Is it good you think?"

"This is clay from the local valley of Gasca just outside of Babylon where the city's sewage runs out. I recognize it because I'm quite familiar with the local area's soil compositions. We search all these areas for chemical elements to use in experiments."

Neb looked with apprehension at the mug.

Enlil smiled and said, "What were you thinking Neb? A mug of clay a day keeps the doctor away?" At that he held his head back and laughed loudly.

By then, some of the fitness members were listening in and a murmuring developed among them coupled with poorly concealed snickers. It was too much for Neb who wanted to maintain his powerful image among the fitness elite. He quickly got up and walked out of the room.

[civman2000]

keep writing, this is good

[unscratchedfoot]

nothing is here

[ChrisiusMaximus]

I read this story from the start but drifted from it and forgot to post my thoughts its good to see you are still writing.I found the original concept of this story very good and original and enjoyed the humour of it especially the mischevious Punga,I'm off now to catch up from where I left off the last ime I looked in to get back up to speed on it.