Forging an Empire

[Metaliturtle]

Inspiration hit and I was all, "I think I'll write now." I hope for this to be my first epic, as always, stories that I get feedback on tend to be better than ones I don't, keep that in mind when you read this, I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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Tribal life is a difficult life, especially when you have competetion for control. Young Alexander knew this all too well. He envisioned his Grecian Empire streching across the entire planet, unfortunately for him, he couldn't even get his empire to strech across the river.

Alexander's tribe was known as the Athena worshippers, because they gave homage to the goddess Athena. Across the river, they worshipped nothing but war, and therefore worshipped only Aries.

Alexander had been taught by some of the greatest thinkers, thinkers which, to this day, affect the way we learn, the way we govern, and even the ways we speak to one another. This is the effect Alexander had, for without him spreading these great thinker's ideas throughout the world, our society would be nowhere near what it is today.

But I get ahead of myself, back to our friend Alexander.

"I'm telling you Christos, if we tame the beasts we hunt, it will be much easier to provide for our families, and we can therefore pursue more intellectual paths. "

"But Alexander, surely you realize that this will never work with the warrior nation across the river, they'd sneak over here and kill our animals easily. "

"Ah, but what if we trick them?"

"What are you talking about Alexander?"

"Well, these people thirst for war, correct?"

"Yes... but I cannot see how that would have anything to do with our tricking them."

"It has everything to do with our tricking them, look at this here."

"It is a nice piece of cloth Alexander, but I'm still confused."

"Well, Christos, this here is called a flag, it represents ownership from a distance. Combine this with the new bronze weopons Bronzos invented, and we can force them into submission."

"I still don't see how, but I like the neon green."

"We erect a flagpole in our town, and hoist it above the ground so they can see it across the river, then, we tell them we can make them one if they sign a contract."

"And what will the contract say, Alexander?"

"Here's the best part, Christos, the contract will say that any man who worships only Athena, may claim any land of anyone who ever worshipped Aries, through force. Being warriors, they will think nothing of it, and will happily sign."

"Oh I see, us not telling them about the bronse will give us the advantage, and thusly, our people will go over there and beat them into a submissive state, thereby uniting both sides of the river into..."

"Athens"

And so, it came to pass, of the first instance where the government royally screwed ignorant people through a contract.

Alexander, of course, was more than pleased with himself, and his "cattle" was forging Athens into the greatest city on earth. The bronse warriors of his war of unification became known as the Hopelites, and the name stuck to all Grecians who were exceptionally good with bronze weaponry.

The empire was growing, and Alexander was making a name for himself by branching out. First Sparta was created, and it was there where he felt he should train his warriors, barracks were soon built, and the men toiled in the mines, or climbed the mountainous terrain, in the hopes of becoming strong enough for the glorious Greek army.

Another city of note was Delphi, an oasis in a desert, Delphi was surrounded by things the empire needed, salt flats, gold deposits, oil for lamps and greek fire, and insence, soon thereafter, Greece became famous for it's wonderful smelling women, and men flocked to Greece's cities.

Many many years went by, and Greece grew unobstructed, until one day a group of surveyors ran into a problem.

"Markos, check your map, that isn't supposed to be there, IS IT?"

"What do I look like Nicholas, a cartographer?"

"Well, If I'm not mistaken, that is a city, and unless I'm further mistaken, that flag is not that of glorious Greece!"

Nicholas was correct, it was a city, a Roman city....

To be continued pending interest

Authors note: This is probably the most I've written, but I feel it's one of my better pieces.

[Metaliturtle]

Part 2: Rome, the first great obstacle..

Well, I thought I'd call it done for the night, but then I remembered something, in all of my stories, where there be Romans, there be orgies, and suddenly I got a second wind.

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Markos and Nicholas had heard rumors about a people who flew a blood-red banner, and participated in acts too atrocious even to mention, but they were under the impression that these were old wives' tales used soley for the enjoyment of a tale, and to precaution against multiple partner intercourse. Now, here they were, in Hispalis, summer home of the Great Roman Emperor, Caesar.

The two young men, tired from their journey, were pleased when the Roman Emperor showed them the most generous hospitality ever given to men of their status.

Although known for making love, the Roman people were actually very warlike, so much so that the Romans had only an alphabet which was stolen from the English, and thus, Markos's surveying instruments were percieved as new weapons which could destroy Rome.

"Gentlemen, come in! come in! Enjoy my summer home, it is not much, but I am sure two fine warriors like yourselves can find it more than reasonable as far as accomodations go."

The men were astonished, MORE than reasonable?! The floors were pure gold!! A fact which was apparent upon arrival to the two surveyors.

Caesar soon noticed their admiration, and was confused.

"Gentlemen, may I ask why you are continuously staring at my floor?"

"Sir, your floors are gold."

"So?"

"Well, can we have some gold?"

"Certainly, although I don't see what it's good for, I mean besides flooring, doing some decorating to your homes are you?"

"Not yet, but we certainly will when we get back"

The men were given 10 carts full of gold each, and a crack Roman team of special forces to drive them back to Athens, along with a letter of introduction written by Caesar himself.

Alexander was ecstatic when he heard the news. He could finally eliminate the barter system which was dominating the Grecian markets, but he needed that gold.

He summoned Nicholas.

"Nicholas, you have amassed quite a fortune there."

"Yes sir, what of it?"

"How would you like to show your patriotic spirit, and "donate" some of your gold to the government?"

"Hell no, I'm making flooring from it like Caesar did."

"So be it."

Alexander called Markos into his chambers.

"Markos, your cunning in aquiring this wealth shows that you can think in larger terms than most men."

"That I can."

"What would you say if I said I want you to be my financial advisor?"

"Dude, what you been smoking?"

"I'm serious Markos, just picture it, you, a high-ranking government official like Christos, maker of flags."

"What's the catch?"

"I need money to make money."

Markos was intrigued at this, and thus gave Alexander 9 of his 10 carts o' gold, and began the most difficult endeavor a Grecian had taken on up to that point.

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ok, now to be continued pending feedback

[jongon]

i love it

[Metaliturtle]

Part 3: Clash of Coinage

Man I'm pumped on this story
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The idea was so simple it was brilliant, coins, money, currency, the root of all evil, the uniter of an empire. This new invention served several purposes and made controlling the empire much easier for Alexander.

The first thing money did, the thing Alexander wanted it to do, was eliminate the barter system that all cultures up to that point had relied upon for centuries. This made the exchange of goods much simpler, and helped to create a more scientific minded general public, as now they didn't have to find a pig to trade for twenty horshoes and then find someone who wanted to trade 16 horshoes for something else, instead they paid for the four horshoes and went home, or to places of learning.

Coinage helped to unite Greece as well, you see, Greece was now so large, that not everyone knew what Alexander looked like, and thus his face was on every coin, now people knew who brought them the prosperity they enjoyed almost overnight.

Coinage also added on to the empire of Greece. The gold Caesar had supplied was already forging his downfall, as Greek merchants in Hispalis and Lundinium put these coins into Roman circulation, and here is where the installment begins.

"Pontus, bring me one of those, 'Coins' which are destroying my EMPIRE! "

"Just a moment Caesar."

"Who would have thought that my people would leave me because I do not know how to mass produce Tiny discs of gold!! Whomever is behind this atrocity against the Roman Empire will pay dearly for this, and I assure you, it will NOT be in stupid little discs of FLOORING!!!"

"Here you are sir."

"Who's that man on there, and what does the inscription say?"

"The man, my liege, is none other than Alexander the Great of Greece, and the inscription reads 'coined in Athens under the supervision of Markos, Financial advisor to Greece."

"You don't mean Markos whom we paid 10 carts of gold to?"

"My guess is that very same one, Greece does not produce much gold on it's own, but, an influx of even one cart of gold could have brought this about."

"Those sneaky Greek sons of whores!! Turning my flooring against my Empire!!! I will not rest untill I may do the same!!"

"But sir, Greek flooring is predominantly clay, and is simple and cheap to make anywhere."

"But coins are not cheap for him to make, Pontus, we need to flood the world with Roman coin, making the Greek coin obsolete by sheer volume!!"

"That's brilliant sir! How do you plan on going about this?"

"You mean we don't have a Coin maker?!"

"I'm sorry sir, we need to invent one."

"Invent?, what's Invent?"

"Somebody has to figure out how to make a coin maker."

"Why don't they just stop being stupid and figure out how to make coins??!? Look, go outside, and find 100 smart-looking people, and tell them that if there isn't either 1,000,000 gold coins, or a coin maker by the end of the week, they're DEAD!"

And so it was on, Rome, vaguely aware of a sub-par technological status, conscripted it's first scientific body, and surprisingly, these men performed remarkably well, they had made a coin maker, and next to it, the first 1,000,000 roman denarii, each one with a flattering picture of Caesar on the front.

Now, you may be thinking, "the Greeks lost, there's no hope, Rome will be the commercial giants of the world." Not so, Alexander was brought up by the best minds in the world after all, and he had another ingenious solution.

"Alexander, LOOK!"

"AAAAAAH! That's not MEEEE!!!"
He was upset.

"No sire, it is Caesar of Rome, he loved your idea so much he copied it."

"Get Markos in here."

"I really hoped it wouldn't come to this maneuver.."

"What maneuver?"
It was Markos.

Alexander flipped the coin at Markos's feet, Markos picked it up.
"What's this?"

"That, Markos, is the abominable emulation of our great idea!"

"Caesar finally caught on huh?"

"Yes he did, and our best intelligence indicates that he is going to saturate our markets with Roman coin."

"And you have a plan to stop this?"

"Yes, what if, instead of a 1, we carve a 10, thus making 100 of ours worth 1000 of his?"

"It's a gamble, we just have to hope he doesn't catch on before his gold mining town switches to our side."

"What else can we do though?"

"We could fart in his general direction, but I like your idea better, now if you'll excuse me sire, I have some business that can wait no longer."

"Understood, farewell Markos."

As Markos gingerly trotted towards the "other" throne room, Alexander's servant ran hurriedly to the mint to change the dyes to read 10 instead of 1, this was easy, as he just needed to add a zero. The coinage war over the gold mining town was on.

Although technically Roman, the citizens of the gold mining town felt fairly alienated from the rest of Rome, and for good reason, they weren't allowed to leave, because none of them knew the new value gold had on the world economy. They were still under the impression that they were mining low-cost flooring materials. What they did know, however, was that this treatment was wrong.

"I hereby call to order the Annual town meeting for the gold mining town! Our first and only order of business, joining the Greek empire. Does anybody have anything to say about this?"

A one-armed man stood up.
"I do"
The room went silent. It was Josephus, the most respected man in the gold mining town.

"Well go ahead Josephus."

"We've mined these mines for hundreds of years, and were free to go for all that time, it wasn't until recently that we'd been quarantined in this town, I say we leave Rome as soon as possible!"

Thus the debate started, and continued on late into the night.

-----------The Exciting Conclusion, when I write again-----------

[Metaliturtle]

The thrilling conclusion to part 3:

As previously implied, the debates went on long into the night, for separating from Rome would mean separation from a lot more than just a state.

"Explain again Josephus, how we can "leave" Rome, and still be here"

"Our alliegance will no longer be to Rome."

"So Greece will get our flooring?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I don't like it."

"Why not?"

"The Greeks don't know the value of a good arousing Roman Orgy."

"Like you do? You know very well that you have not seen, and certainly have not been invited to one."

"Don't rub it in Josephus."

"Anybody else not like the idea of joining the Greeks?"

"ME!!"
It was Rommus, the leader of the Roman Legions, and a native to the gold mining town.

The people hushed to hear what Josephus had to say, they had been rivals since they were children, and some think that Josephus blamed Rommus for the loss of his arm.

"Rommus?"

"What, criminal?"

"EAT STUB JERKHOLE!!"

Sure enough, Josephus had smacked Rommus's face with the stub of his arm, knocking Rommus unconscious, and leaving his side of the debate unopposed, the gold mining town would join Greece, but before that could happen, a few things needed to be done.

The first thing the people did was lower the blood red roman banner, and drag it slowly through the street, making sure that the people had time to properly "show their respects." The second thing they did was dismantle the statue of Romulus which stood as a constant and ugly reminder of Rome in the center of town.

Now, Greece didn't need to worry about losing the money war to Rome, the Greeks controlled most of the world's gold, whereas the Romans now controlled none of it, if Rome wished to continue it's currency making venture, they would have to use Greek gold, which could only be purchased, of course, with Greek gold coins.

And thus the great coinage war was nearing an end, but the fires of a hotter war flared within Caesar, he wanted revenge on the Greeks, and he wanted it now.

Ironically, the Romans still had no concept of Mapmaking, so Caesar was still afraid of the surveying equipment Markos had used so long ago. He had nightmares where Markos pointed his instrument, and light shot out of it swifter than any arrow, resulting in a huge explosion just behind Caesar, that is when he would always wake up in a cold sweat.

But the currency war had taught Caesar one thing, and that was the need to be technologically superior to ones enemies, a lesson he would not soon forget.

------------To be continued pending feedback-----------

[cbraund]

Hmm... Interesting.

A bit weird, but good nonetheless.

Chris

[johncmcleod]

Though you're obviously not an economics professor, this is really good! I like it a whole lot better than your other stories.

[jongon]

keep it up

[unscratchedfoot]

its alright

[Metaliturtle]

Part 4, Caesar Makes a Discovery

As you know, Alexander's success with the bloodthirsty Romans was primarily based upon Caesar's fear of the surveying equipment, a fact that had eluded Alexander. For all his experience in dealing with Caesar, Alexander had assumed that the Roman army was weak, especially when the captain got beat up by a one armed man, who was using the BAD arm.

Alexander was about to get a wakeup call from Caesar, when the 100 smart-looking people came in with a way to navigate over the oceans.

"Caesar, you will be pleased with this!"

Caesar saw the equipment which he felt was high powered weaponry, and got extremely exited.

"Good job people, when can we test fire it?"

"Test fire? What do you speak of Caesar?"

"Don't try to trick me, I wasn't born yesterday, that's the Greek superweapon in Roman form!!"

"I regret to say sir, but it is not."

"It is NOT!!! Then why waste my time?!"

"Please, sir, it's a surveyor's rod, we can use this to tell us where we are, and how big things are and how far they are from each other and such."

"I ALREADY KNOW THAT!! We are in ROME, it is FRICKEN HUGE, and if you don't start making sense, my foot will be getting less and less far from you're rear in a rapid fasion!!"

"That's not all sir, with this technology, we can travel on WATER!"

"Well whoopdee friggin' doo!"

"We have some good news however sir"

"Yeah, what's that?"

"If that equipment isn't a weapon, we should be able to take the gold mining town back without any opposition."

"That's Right! Find 100 more smart-looking people and double the research facility, we're entering a new age!"

Alexander was strolling along the river with his son, lovingly known as Alexander the second, or just plain 2 to his friends. They were discussing the politics of the day such as the differences between pie and stuffed pastries, and why food could rule the world if only it ate people. 2 had a large imagination.

All this was interrupted by a sound in the distance towards the delta of the river. As the sound grew nearer, they started to pick out one or two notes. Soon they were hearing the unmistakable sound of the roman army anthem. And then, they saw the blood red flag.

"Father, what are the Romans doing on the river?"

"I honestly don't know son, but this is the first time I've seen them use a boat."

Sure enough, the Romans were on a boat, one too large for the river, and shortly, the Roman boat became stuck. The Roman captain was angry with his men, they held fear of Neptune, and thusly didn't want anything to do with water in the least. The captain ordered his men out of the boat to push.

In a slightly humorous motion, all of the men jumped out of the boat and onto shore. The loss in weight made the boat bouyant again, and when the men saw this they all jumped back on. As expected, the vessel became stuck yet again, and all the men jumped off. This time the captain gave the order to push, and soon a roman legion was chasing their boat up the river.

Alexander and son didn't sit idly by while this happened, they were busy, they climbed up onto a nearby roof, ordered bows, and practiced their archery skills on the confused trespassers.

"Claudius I've been shot in the foot!"

"So what? I just got shot in the bum!"

2 wasn't that great of a shot, but the bum one was a direct hit, he was having a good time.

"Son, that is cruel, remember, if you kill them in one shot you get ice cream when we get home."

"Ok Dad."

2 was soon downing legions with creative shots to the neck as well as one powerful shot that pierced the armor of a legionarry.

The legionarries were dropping to the arrows, but the Alexanders soon ran out of ammunition. Fortunately, the Greek regular national guard had arrived with their notorious bronze weaponry. Now it was the Legion's time to shine.

-----------when we return, the battle-----------

[johncmcleod]

Keep it up!

posted by Metaliturtle
"Son, that is cruel, remember, if you kill them in one shot you get ice cream when we get home."

lol!

[dnassman]

This is funny and really good. Keep going.

[Metaliturtle]

The Battle

The results of the Naval folly of the Romans in Athens was soon on the lips of every town crier in the known world, jokes like 'how many Romans does it take to beach a boat?' and sailors refusing to wear red so as to not get the curse of the seagoing Roman were far flung. This news reached every working ear in Greece, as the people began preparations for war.

News of the poorly planned Roman assault reached nations under Roman subjugation as well. A young woman in what was left of England began making a name for herself when she dedicated her people to building the finest ships the world has ever seen, in the hopes of beating the Romans technologically, where she had failed in size.

Caesar was humiliated. He called in his 200 smart looking people, and began to initiate the brutal act of decimation.

"You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you will take the blame for this humiliation upon the empire."

You see, decimation was the practice of eliminating one tenth of an offending force, usually used by the military, if the soldiers weren't arranged in perfect rows of ten, they knew someone had deserted, to prevent this from hapening, they enacted the practice of decimation, thus, should a man try to desert the army, the other soldiers would either kill him, or beat him until he couldn't move, and thusly spare their lives. Caesar's use was a bastardization of that principle, but it didn't matter, Caesar was emperor, and what the emperor says, goes.

The executioners marched solemnly into the room, twenty executioners, twenty men, it was a tense moment, the guards were waiting for one of the men to make a break for it. Much to the disappointment of the executioners, the men died more or less innocent, their only crime was being under Caesar's fickle finger of fate dictatorship.

In Athens, the experienced Greek sailors saw that, indeed, the Roman boat was well crafted, it was just too heavy, when loaded with a fully armored Roman legion, to go up a three foot deep river. The Romans may have had a good boat, but someone had a mega Roman brain fart when it came to water displacement.

Before Alexander could fully set his sights on war with the Romans, he had to play one of his cards, what to do with the captured Roman Legion? He could use them as archery targets for his son, or even better, his new longbowmen units, but what fun was that? He decided to send one back with the message that the others would not live long unless Caesar called off his dogs of war.

"Not live long? So he's gonna execute them. What did he think I would do with them, give them a hero's welcome? He knows very well that I would kill them as soon as they got onto Roman soil, what gave him the idea that I would want otherwise?"

The messenger boy suddenly came to a realization.
"But sir, surely you won't-" Caesar had shot him through the jugular with a crossbow, the golden floors no longer sparkled in Caesar's palace, as all of the spilt blood was beginning to turn the floors orange.

Meanwhile, Alexander was trying to learn military strategy from captured Roman documents, and an Egyptian who ended up in Crete, and claimed she was the leader of the Charioteers of Egypt. She wouldn't say her name, so everybody just called her, 'Egyptian.' Alexander quickly clued her in about how chariots would be entirely ineffective in the mountainous terrain, so they began work on something called a 'knight.' This they felt, would give them an edge against the Roman legions.

"Egyptian, what if we armored the horse and rider from head to toe? Wouldn't the added protection give them a noticeable advantage over a Roman soldier?"

"Yes it would, but we can only use very powerful horses."

"That should not be a problem, we can modify the packhorses they use on the docks, if they can pull a ship, they can carry one armorclad man."

"Brilliant."

"Thank you."

The Roman army was on the march, anybody could tell they were expertly trained, for the ground shook as they all stepped in unison. At the head was none other than the great Caesar himself. Presently, they approached the gates of the gold mining town, and this is where Caesar would get to enact a punishment on behalf of the Greeks.

Alexander, needing room in the prison, sent all of the naval prisoners to the gold mining town to mine gold under watch of two guards each.

"Make them work the gold mines."

"Yes sir!"

"And make sure, that when the Romans begin their march, you put gags in their mouths, shove a helmet over their heads, and put them outside of the city gates with the promise that if one of them kills ten of the advancing army, that you will come and save them and they will be pardoned."

So it was, when Caesar saw the raggedly dressed men who fought like their lives depended upon it come out of the gates, he was impressed with their skill.

"It is a shame we have to kill these fine warriors, half-naked and unarmed, they are still doing extremely well against the army."

Soon one of the bodies was brought before Caesar for examination, on the shoulder was the brand of the Roman Army, and underneath it, a new burn which read: 'Naval Commander.'

"DAMN HIM!!! DAMN HIM TO HADES!!!"

"What do you mean Caesar?"

"Alexander has turned my own men against me, and all my glorious battle to rid the world of every Grecian has come to Romans willingly killing each other!!!"

There was a hideous Swish-thunk past Caesar's head, the Grecian arrow had narrowly missed Caesar and landed in the abdomen of the dead Roman.

"THEY ARE ATTACKING FROM THE FORTIFICATION, BRING THE RAMS UP NOW!!!"

The battle was on, it seemed everyone inside of the town was taking part in the archery attack, even Josephus hurled stones from a sling as hard as he could.

At the first ram's connection with the doorway, a small crack formed in the wood, soon the vat of melted tar was brought up to the wall overlooking this ominous behemoth of the Roman war machine.

Thudddddd. The small crack became an average sized crack. Thuddddd. The crack was growing larger with each swing of the ram.

"Dump the tar NOW!!!"

Josephus timed it so that the tar landed on the connection with the doorway, this way the men letting go and running wouldn't give the romans any extra leverage.

The tar itself did very little damage, but when the firey arrows landed a half-second later, the whole contraption became engulfed in flames. The heat was unbearable, and the men ran back and hid behind shields in preparation for the next archery strike.

Spirits rose in the gold mining town, they thought that the legions were retreating, but Caesar wasn't about to go down at the loss of a battering ram, soon, a Roman engineer corps was sent out to look for materials for making a catapult, in the meantime, Caesar got further from the dangerous part of the battle.

While the parts for the siege weapon were being searched for, the front became stalemated for the time being, the roman curved shields deflected a lot of arrows, but soon one or two would pierce the shield, and then more, until the front row of shields looked more like a vertical forest of arrows than military equipment.

Will the catapults finish off the mining town, which had suffered so much to become part of Greece?
OR
Will the Grecian knights arrive in the nick of time and save the day?

Keep reading for the conclusion of: The Battle

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Author's note: Remember to vote for this when it's Prelims time!!

[dnassman]

Very good. And i will vote for it in the prelims.

[unscratchedfoot]

You got a good imagination. Considering this is a comedy the battle was very realistic. I was expecting you to have catapults launching various kinds of farm animals onto the town in a monty python fashion.