Destiny of Rome.

[TheDarkCavalier]

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Pontius, the commander of the guard immediately seized power of the prospering city. He was not a tyrant like Caesar, and everybody liked him. But Attila saw a chance to take the power for himself. Once he heard the news of Caesar’s assassination, he immediately ordered Pontius to be killed, so the blame would be put on one of Caesar’s wives or friends.

One of Attila’s most trusted friends gave a poison to one of Caesar’s wives to put in Pontius’ wine. She was found dead the next day with her throat cut. He tried various other methods, but they all failed, the assassin got drunk, and cut himself with the poisoned dagger, another time one missed Pontius walking in an open area and shot the other assassin preparing to stab the new emperor, a rock fell from a tree and uncovered a huge hole in the ground just when Pontius was about to step on it while hunting. Attila cursed his ill luck.

“Oh well”, he thought, “I always have to do everything myself.”

Caesar’s guard and friends were doing no better, all the failed assassinations were put on them, and they almost all of them got caught and executed or just killed.

Still being the military advisor, he did everything possible to undermine Pontius’ authority. He tried to make a complete mess out of the legions, by putting only experienced soldiers in one, all the rest in the others. He tried to put a rule that it is not necessary to have full armour and weapons before going to apply in the legion. Luckily Pontius, was an experienced warrior himself, a “centurion”, and always corrected Attila.

Attila then made one final attempt. He made Caesar’s legions attack a Zulu city, Umfolozi, the closest to Rome, pretending that is was a growing barbarian camp with a lot of loot inside. The attack was a total success, and on the orders of Attila, all women, elders and children got killed, and men put to work as slaves. When he saw that the slaves were almost the same as the invaders he got scared, remembering the large mass knocking on his city’s gates.

Pontius was furious with Attila, he called him to his throne room and commanded all the guards to leave and close the door.

“What are you trying to do?” he asked Attila.

“Oh, you know, just trying to kill you…” he replied, drawing his sword.

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Comments are appreciated!

[History Guy]

Well, he DID get murdered in real life ... so ....

So did Lincoln, Gandhi, Xerxes, Shaka, and Montezuma, and there were rumors that Alexander was also murdered. Joan was executed, and Cleopatra committed suicide. That's over half of the leaders who died violently.

Good post.

[civman2000]

What about Moctezuma?

[TheDarkCavalier]

Damn .. my comp crashed, had to buy another HD .. expect another part of the story tomorrow.

[dnassman]

Excellent and very compelling read.

[Grundel]

May I make some suggestions Dark Cavaleir? And, btw, the story shows true imagination and passion from the author. Keep it up (im trying to compliment you )

[TheDarkCavalier]

Sorry to kepp you ppl waiting, but my HD screwed up again yesterday.

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Immediately ten Romands jumped from the corners of the room and circled Attila.

Attila, seeing no point in fighting now decided to surrender and find another way to kill Pontius. He threw his sword on the floor and said : "You got me, I surrender, I'm your prisoner now."

Pontius sneered. "Oh no, my friend, you did not surrender, you fought bravely, and even injured one of my men... " He slashed one of his guards on the leg with his sword. "... but we just had to kill you, if not you would escape, right?"

"RIGHT!" Pontius' guard replied in unisos.

Attila tried running, but all the doors were shut. Then he took two swords from the wall and charged at Pontius.
Pontius ordered all the guards to stand back and drew his sword. After all he was an expert swordsman himself, but he could never rival Attila.

Attila went berserk and attacked Pontius relentlessly, he got a few hits but they all glanced off Pontius' armor. But then he got off one good hit on Pontius' leg and it was enough. Pontius fell, and Attila pointed his sword to the emperor's throat and roared "Open the doors now, or your pathetic leader will have to practice his swordsmanship in hell."

The doors were opened, and Attila fled saying to Pontius "Everywhere you run, I will find you, I will follow you, and I will kill you in your sleep."

Pontius screamed "Find him and kill him! Do not return until you've brought his head!"

Attila fled to his friends, and they strted organising a massive uprising in Rome and near cities and overthrow Pontius. The plans suffered a total failure. Not even one Hunnic citizen would join them. They all received more food and worked less under Pontius' reign.

"Bastard!" screamed Attila. "So your' saying he tripled his personal guard? He has a thousand men around the city looking for me? and not even one Hunnic citizen will join us?" He looked around the room. So we just have to make the uprising ourselves.

His younger brother, Bleda, said "But we do not have may men, he has about a thousand of his men on each of us, an uprising is a lot off people, no?"

"You have much to learn, brother... just watch us."

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Comments are appreciated!

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I'm most honored to hear that from you. (bows)
Of COURSE you can make suggestions Grundel (bows)

[Grundel]

I find that the best stories are those that are focused on a single event or two as opposed to broad scope.

If you write a broad scoped' story, tie it together with specific events.

Also detail makes the difference. Why do the zulu's where feathers? How did Titus become so subordinate to Caesar...or for that matter why is Caesar the leader of rome? Why are the hun's so violent? What kind of weapon does Atilla prefer to kill with? .....

"Atilla unsheathed his gilded blade, with its hilt encrusted with the finest jewels of all the empires that he looted. Slowly his finger drew across the tip of the blade, a single droplet of blood formed. "I will hunt them, and slay them where they sleep" He said...."

Just an example...and focus on the details of that event and how they turn out.

Keep writing. it is a very satisfying hobby, and your wonderful story here shows remakrable imagination and story telling ability.

[TheDarkCavalier]

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Attila and his men fled the city under the cover of the night. As soon as they went through the gates, there was a huge alarm throughtout the city and dozens of archers climbed the walls and started pummeling the fugitives with arrows. It was eerily beautiful - hunderds of arrows gleaming in the moonlight and then going in the earth. Some of Atilla's men stopped and fell, wounded or killed. An arrow pierced his brother's knee. He fell, unable to run again, Attila picked him up, but another arrow hit Attila's shoulder.

His brother fell from his arms and said, spitting blood "Go, brother, it is your destiny to destroy Rome... finish me and avenge me."

Attila screamed "NO! Someone! Help me! Take my brother!" but none would respond, they just ran, and ran forward pursued by the arrows and Pontius' finest leginnaries.

Attila drew his swords eventhough his shoulder was injured and a lot of blood was coming out from it and stood on the field. "I will protect you, brother, as I always did, and we will die together", he said.

"Do not be foolish, Attila, what good will you do to me by dying here and refusing to fight? Finish me, and go!"
Bleda lifted himself. The Romans were drawing closer, and all Atiila's men, about a tenth of those that fled the city.

Attila could not kill his own brother, so he passed him his own dagger, the first weapon he ever made, when he was twelwe. The dagger wasn't made to kill anyone, but as a good talisman to Attila. It mas entirely made of iron, even the handle, and in was inscribed with runes by their tribe shaman. And it is that dagger that will take his brother's life.

Attila kissed Bleda and ran to the forest, and when he turned he saw Bleda lying flat with the dagger in the chest. He muttered "My brother, you will be avenged, I will personally remove Pontius' heart."

The ran, and ran, only a handful of men from the once advanced and mighty Hun tribe. They ran, pursued by a whole legion of Romans, and they escaped, because the Romans refused to follow them into the forest because they did not know how many Huns there were, or if they were leading them into a trap. They did not know that there was about twenty of them, and a half of them were injured.

But Attila already had a plan. The were going straight to Zimbabwe, to get resources and men to avenge Bleda and all the Huns fallen.

Upon entering Zimbabwe, they were amazed, it was no longer a gigantic camp with stone shacks and animals roaming freely, but a city, with a palace, stables, barracks and houses. How did the bloodthisty and savage Zulu suddenly get co civilised?

But suddenly it became clear that they were only civilised on the outside. They were still covered with tattoos, and they still had the ritual of real fighting tournaments each week, where victory was awarded only upon slaying your opponent and removing one of the feathers from his helmet and putting it into his own. Feathers symbolised life to Zulus, the more lives a Zulu warior took, that many he had. And they still razed any camp they encoutered and took no prisoners, all were excuted.

Atilla entered the palace by removing a few guards, and saw Shaka talking to a foreigner, one the Attila never ever saw, he had black hair and was old.

Shaka screamed "GUARDS!" But there was no need.

Attila stumbled and fell on the floor, "I know who destroyed Umoflozi, I know who and where they are. Help me, and I will help you..."

Then he fainted...

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Comments are appreciated (thanks Grundel) Votes too

[johncmcleod]

This is really good-especially for your first story! My first story was the worst story ever written on this board, and people made links to it and said, "Don't write like this." I don't mind though, I have learned from most of my mistakes.

[TheDarkCavalier]

Thanks

Another part is coming up this morning ... sorry about the delay, didn't have ANY free time until today.

[TheDarkCavalier]

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... Attila ran ... He saw Pontius', Caesar's, and Titus' mocking faces ... He saw his brother being cut in pieces and put on the city's walls ... He saw himself killed by Pontius ... He saw himself burning in Hell, and his brother tortured by loathsome beasts... "Forgive me, for I have failed" he said ...

Then he woke up.

He lay on a bed, in a room full of bottles with medicines with white walls and ceiling, his swords and clothes near him. He tried to get up, but that caused him incredible pain in his shoulder, so he decided to lie down for a moments.

"He's awake now, by he's still very weak, you can go talk to him." he heard.

A man in iron armor, with a helm full of feathers and with a gold earring in his nose entered.

"So, you know who destroyed our fine city of Umfolozi. Tell us, and show us the location, and maybe your friends will be spared." the man said.

"SPARED?" screamed Attila. "SPARED? What in the world are you talking about?"

"Your friends slew a few of our best guards, when all we wanted was to help you." The man didn't seem as savage as an ordinary Zulu. "So now, under the orders of Shaka, all of them are thrown in the prison... don't worry, none of them is hurt .... now ....., but should you fail, they all will tortured and executed... one by one."
The man motioned Attila to follow him. "Let's go, Shaka wants to talk to you. Be careful what you say, because he's furius with you."

Attila got up, and got dressed, forgeting about the wound and imagining the horrible dungeon where his men are.

Attila entered the throne room, the man said "This is Attila, former chief of the Hun tribe and military advisor of Rome, now hunted in any Roman city.

"How could he know that?" Attila asked himself.

"So this is the leader of the pathetic little band calling themselves Huns?" Shaka inquired mockingly. "Do not try my patience, tell me now, who destroyed Umfolozi?"

"Romans." Attila said.

"Romans?" Shaka laughed liek a hyena. "You fool. How would the Romans cross the huge desert that lies here."
Shaka pointed to the map.

Attila approached and examined the big map on a wall. "Shaka, your map is incomplete, and incorrect."

"MY map is incorrect? Throw him into the dungeon! Let him and his friends starve to death!"

His advisor said something to him in an unknown language, and Shaka calmed down. "Why would my map incorrect, provided by my friends, the Americans."

" ... Who?" asked Attila, puzzled.

"Just another tribe." The advisor said quickly. "So why is the map wrong?"

"There is no big desert here, and the space between Umfolozi and Rome is not very big. I myself walked from Rome to your city. Rome is near the mountains, to the right, and not in the forests. I say we should be able to reach it in two day's march."

Attila didn't reaslise the tremedous consequences of what he just did.

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Comments are appreciated. Votes too!

[Verto]

Good story, lacking detail in some parts, although I have little room to talk. Just add some parts where Shaka turns a family reunion into a bloodbath and you're set.

[johncmcleod]

What are your first and second languages?

[TheDarkCavalier]

Sorry ppl, I have NO time to complete this story now, I'm participating in a competiton.

johncmcleod: Is my English THAT Bad? Anyways first is Russian second is Latvian (lol, is a country near Russia where I lived) http://encarta.msn.com/find/Concise....2&ti=761577313