They called it Fatherland

[Metaliturtle]

LOL, amusing banter goes on here

[Metaliturtle]

Skilord, I approve of referring to anthrax as the thrax, however this isn't overly funny, you asked me to critique, here are places of improvement.

1. BIG, space out lines of dialogue to help the reader digest the humor
2. Maybe make dialogue more relevant to the two people, it sounded like two separate monologues, not dialogue.
3. Vote for Bad Neighbors for the next story contest!

I think if you had someone else read it before you posted it could be improved, but I can't tell you how to write, only suggest.

[SKILORD]

Originally posted by Metaliturtle
Skilord, I approve of referring to anthrax as the thrax, however this isn't overly funny, you asked me to critique, here are places of improvement.

It never occured to me that my story had anything to do with anthrax

I'm quitting trying to be funny, people actually liked Russian Rise and Persia and her neighbors (well a few did)

[Metaliturtle]

Actually I'm a fan of all your stories, even this one, it just isn't funny, and I was under the impression you wanted me to critique on that basis.

I didn't realize the thrax was a river in your story (in my history class we now refer to anthrax as the thrax because we find it mildly amusing, so I saw "The Thrax was rising," and got super pumped.

[SKILORD]

Germania Conqured

"Sir our troops are positioned across the german border, Bismark refuses to pay us to continue maintaining them for his defense."
"Does he?" Nicholas laughed, this had to be the stupidest conceivable reason for declaring war," I guess we'll just have to see how many of them we can eliminate through an invasion, Tell the Americans that we aer being forced to consolidate the continent by German greed."
"How long will the war last?"
"I am no soothsayer! i do not know! However if Bismark's Generals are as clever as he is, not long."
----------------------------------------------------------

The Knights were charging in on Frankfurt, a small border town. The Spearmen there were shocked they couldn't imagine being able to mount armored warriors. The Knights scared them and many gave tribute to this fear by leaving the town hurriedly. The Rest were slaughtered as they stared dumbstruck . The citizens didn't even resist the Russians as the Pikemen entered the city. They had seen what they could do and wanted no part of the death that they sowed.

Berlin fell without a fight, the Chancellors gaurd surrendered immediately.

And so on untuil The Last German City, Leizpeg, stood alone. Bismark lead the spearmen there himself and thanks to his brilliant tactics the battle was over in minutes. All traces of germany were gone in hours.

[SKILORD]

The Thrax has now Grown even more furious a Three colored German banner, held by a pathetic German counteroffensive found itself the latest victim.

Also an abnormally large American patrol was spotted outside New York.