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The voice of Jérôme Napoleon Bonaparte XXXIV was so soft in the gloom I had to strain to hear it.
"Did you know that the gamecock on my coat of arms came from the very first Napoleon?"
"Yes, Sire," I replied, though I knew he wouldn't hear me. When he reminisced like this, I was never sure whether he was talking to me or to himself. Maybe he didn't know either.
"He actually crowed with joy when he saw all that land ready for settling - low hills for mining, land for grazing, fields of cattle. He must have been shocked to find the Germans and Zulu settlers claiming land he wanted for France."
He was warming to the subject as he had many of these dark, lonely nights. The student and teacher of history came to the fore, eclipsing the military and civic leader. The tone of a pendant entered his voice, though it was still low and contemplative.
"It's hard for today's Frenchman to grasp what it was like back in those early days -- Zulus in the southwest, the damn Germans in the west, and the Russians squatting on top of the world in the north. France had to pay insulting tributes to all of them to keep their superior forces from French doorsteps - gold and maps. I'm surprised Lucien Napoleon III had the gall to refuse England, even though they were stuck in the frigid south and lacked resources."
"France had resources, though. You can bet the Zulu Shaka was mad when Besançon was established just before his settlers could plunk down their claim on that iron ore. In those days, they didn't even know about the coal and uranium in the hills. That was back when Paris was still the capital city, about the same time they tamed the wild horses in the valley of Tours. If the Zulu hadn't lusted for that area, they might still be self-governed."
"Do you know how France became the world's technology broker?" he asked.
"Yes, Sire," I replied.
Again, he continued as if he hadn't heard me. "A Chinese junk was blown off course in a typhoon and made landfall at Orleans. France was lucky, that's all. We were smack dab on the route west from the Japan and China and India on the Eastern Continent. Louis Napoleon VIII just bargained for technology advances, then turned around and sold them to the Germans and Russians and Zulu and English. Sold in both directions, too, making sure to have the scribes copy down the details before passing them on. He got science and money in a smooth set of trades - brilliant!
"Louis was the expert trader, but Georg! Ah, Georg Napoleon XIV was the consummate diplomat. The Zulu demanded Besançon and he refused! France, who had prostrated herself to every Western power, finally stood up and said 'No!' Georg hammered together a worldwide coalition to defeat the Zulu Impiis and dismember their empire. Some criticized him for including India, China, and Japan in the coalition because they never provided troops and they fought no battles, but he knew - he KNEW - that their refusal to trade with put the final nails in the Zulu coffin."
"They called that 'The Great War' because every nation on Earth participated. The sagas they wrote about the French Knights. Gautier, Oliver, Lancelot and the greatest of all, Roland. So many Zulu cities became French in that war, although there was grumbling from the coalition that France would let them soften up a city, then swoop in to take the weakened city for her own. C'est la guerre!"
"But does la belle France continue to stand when the war is over?" This time he didn't even wait for me to answer. "Non! She lies down again for the damn Germans, and the Russians, even the English. But Henri Napoleon XVII was right. If France does not say 'Oui," then they take what they want anyway. So much of our economy came from reselling technology. All the nations were in our debt. If there's war - poof goes the payments. That we lay down made them even madder, because they wanted war. But France knew how to wait for the right time, pour la cause celeb."
"It was the rubber, you know. The French scientists discovered it. We could find some things out on our own, after all. Pierre Napoleon XXV ordered a survey, a search for rubber in the French empire. Nothing! And little Frankfort sat on three-fourths of all the rubber on the continent. It was still German then, and surrounded by French cities. Generations of French diplomats had tried to stir up revolt long before the survey, to no avail. Do you know that was the main reason for moving the capital to Besançon?"
"Yes,..."
"Even with the French capital next door, Frankfurt was not impressed. After we discovered where all the rubber was, it became imperative to make Frankfurt French before the damn German Bismarck became aware of his monopoly. For once, France refrained from selling scientific knowledge."
"Yes, France was ready for war. The populace was tired of bowing and scraping to the Germans, and the government saw the strategic importance of having rubber. Body and head in agreement, she mobilized for war. But Germany was the one who declared. All it took was for poor France to finally say 'No more!'"
"Taking Frankfurt was a trifle; Lepzig and Cologne and Hlobane took scarcely longer. All the French generals said 'The Bismarck can not fail to sue for peace now' but he wouldn't even admit our envoys! Who knew he could be the diplomat, too? The wolves were gathering around poor France, thinking her weak and ready for the feast."
"Mon Dieu! I should have been trembling if I were ruler then. Germany's Japanese ally declares war, then the Bismarck bribes England into the war. She brings in her Chinese ally, and India joins because they see a ripe plum waiting to be plucked in the island of Le Havre. The Russian She-Bear is jealous of France's rise and joins in on the kill. Poor France was at war against the entire world!"
"My great-grandfather told me tales of the motley horde of Russians flooding through the northern mountains - spearmen, archers, knights, riflemen, and Cossacks! It has always been my belief that they also wanted the rubber at Frankfurt and were enraged that France beat them to it. They drove towards the rubber plantations, destroying fields, roads, rails and mines. Russians blocked the Northern rail line, and German holdouts in Nuremberg refused to give up the city, which endangered the Southern rail line and left a salient aimed at the heart of the French empire. English Man o' Wars were bombarding whole swaths of southeastern countryside back into virgin territory. The Chinese and Japanese frigates that bombarded the eastern shores endangered the harvesting of vital saltpeter deposits near Orleans."
"Did you ever see the Indian War Elephant exhibit in the Musée de Paris? As frightening as that is, I have heard that the living beast is much more terrifying. The Indians almost overran Le Havre. If the garrison hadn't been re-equipped as Infantry, they'd be speaking Hindi there today."
"The power France feared was the superpower - Russia, but the She-Bear did not have enough teeth. The Russians created great havoc in the north, but they lacked the will or the strength for a direct battle. The historian René claimed that they stayed in the mountains and only forayed to pillage the countryside because they feared France's defensive might and hoped for a battle in the field where their overwhelming force could prevail."
"Let's see. I think England was the first to leave the coalition. She sued for peace after Liverpool fell and before French destroyers could splinter her precious outmoded fleet. More destroyers sank the remaining Japanese and Chinese frigates, as well as most of their expeditionary forces. Germany capitulated after Nuremberg fell and as newly manufactured tanks assembled in the hills outside Berlin. India gave up after the Massacre of Le Havre, and only Russia was left."
"I wish I had seen Catherine's face! I heard she looked as though she had eaten a plate of lemons when she was informed of Yakusk's revolt. Her gateway through the mountains was gone and her Cossacks cut-off. Still, Jules Napoleon XXXI had to make a large 'contribution' to her treasury to assuage Russian pride and secure French peace. France increased by half during World War Two, standing up to the entire world and becoming a second superpower."
"Did you ever meet Jean D'Arc? She came out of the victory of Orleans during the war, leading the defeat of the Japanese Samurai forces that managed a landing. Did not allow prisoners, either. Mon Dieu, how she could inspire people! Without her to rally the Apollo Program, we could never have finished so quickly. Still, I wish she had been more generous in victory. Publicly executing the surviving Samurai was good for morale, but bad for foreign relations."
"I always thought spending the ten years to build the SETI program would benefit French research, and it did, but perhaps the resources could have been better spent. We should have started on the UN building sooner."
"Our spaceship to Alpha Centauri was magnifique, n'est-ce pas? The Planetary Lounge would have been completed this year, you know. We could have launched mankind into a new era of discovery. Now our universe is this forsaken island."
"France stood at the pinnacle, my friend, and glimpsed the victory, if only for a short time. Now she's only a cog in the world government."
"That damned Bismarck! We left him with only four cities in his rump empire. How in the hell did he finish the UN two years before we could? I knew England and Russia would vote for Germany because they hate us, and I knew China and India would vote for us because we helped bring them into the modern age. If only Jean hadn't executed those Samurai, Japan might have voted for us. If only we'd built the UN first, we could have delayed the vote. If only..."
His voice trailed off, and his breathing deepened into sleep. I rose, arranged the coverlet around him and gently pulled the bottle from his hand. The wine had worked its miracle, allowing the last Napoleon to escape, for a while, his self-doubt and recrimination.
"Did you know that the gamecock on my coat of arms came from the very first Napoleon?"
"Yes, Sire," I replied, though I knew he wouldn't hear me. When he reminisced like this, I was never sure whether he was talking to me or to himself. Maybe he didn't know either.
"He actually crowed with joy when he saw all that land ready for settling - low hills for mining, land for grazing, fields of cattle. He must have been shocked to find the Germans and Zulu settlers claiming land he wanted for France."
He was warming to the subject as he had many of these dark, lonely nights. The student and teacher of history came to the fore, eclipsing the military and civic leader. The tone of a pendant entered his voice, though it was still low and contemplative.
"It's hard for today's Frenchman to grasp what it was like back in those early days -- Zulus in the southwest, the damn Germans in the west, and the Russians squatting on top of the world in the north. France had to pay insulting tributes to all of them to keep their superior forces from French doorsteps - gold and maps. I'm surprised Lucien Napoleon III had the gall to refuse England, even though they were stuck in the frigid south and lacked resources."
"France had resources, though. You can bet the Zulu Shaka was mad when Besançon was established just before his settlers could plunk down their claim on that iron ore. In those days, they didn't even know about the coal and uranium in the hills. That was back when Paris was still the capital city, about the same time they tamed the wild horses in the valley of Tours. If the Zulu hadn't lusted for that area, they might still be self-governed."
"Do you know how France became the world's technology broker?" he asked.
"Yes, Sire," I replied.
Again, he continued as if he hadn't heard me. "A Chinese junk was blown off course in a typhoon and made landfall at Orleans. France was lucky, that's all. We were smack dab on the route west from the Japan and China and India on the Eastern Continent. Louis Napoleon VIII just bargained for technology advances, then turned around and sold them to the Germans and Russians and Zulu and English. Sold in both directions, too, making sure to have the scribes copy down the details before passing them on. He got science and money in a smooth set of trades - brilliant!
"Louis was the expert trader, but Georg! Ah, Georg Napoleon XIV was the consummate diplomat. The Zulu demanded Besançon and he refused! France, who had prostrated herself to every Western power, finally stood up and said 'No!' Georg hammered together a worldwide coalition to defeat the Zulu Impiis and dismember their empire. Some criticized him for including India, China, and Japan in the coalition because they never provided troops and they fought no battles, but he knew - he KNEW - that their refusal to trade with put the final nails in the Zulu coffin."
"They called that 'The Great War' because every nation on Earth participated. The sagas they wrote about the French Knights. Gautier, Oliver, Lancelot and the greatest of all, Roland. So many Zulu cities became French in that war, although there was grumbling from the coalition that France would let them soften up a city, then swoop in to take the weakened city for her own. C'est la guerre!"
"But does la belle France continue to stand when the war is over?" This time he didn't even wait for me to answer. "Non! She lies down again for the damn Germans, and the Russians, even the English. But Henri Napoleon XVII was right. If France does not say 'Oui," then they take what they want anyway. So much of our economy came from reselling technology. All the nations were in our debt. If there's war - poof goes the payments. That we lay down made them even madder, because they wanted war. But France knew how to wait for the right time, pour la cause celeb."
"It was the rubber, you know. The French scientists discovered it. We could find some things out on our own, after all. Pierre Napoleon XXV ordered a survey, a search for rubber in the French empire. Nothing! And little Frankfort sat on three-fourths of all the rubber on the continent. It was still German then, and surrounded by French cities. Generations of French diplomats had tried to stir up revolt long before the survey, to no avail. Do you know that was the main reason for moving the capital to Besançon?"
"Yes,..."
"Even with the French capital next door, Frankfurt was not impressed. After we discovered where all the rubber was, it became imperative to make Frankfurt French before the damn German Bismarck became aware of his monopoly. For once, France refrained from selling scientific knowledge."
"Yes, France was ready for war. The populace was tired of bowing and scraping to the Germans, and the government saw the strategic importance of having rubber. Body and head in agreement, she mobilized for war. But Germany was the one who declared. All it took was for poor France to finally say 'No more!'"
"Taking Frankfurt was a trifle; Lepzig and Cologne and Hlobane took scarcely longer. All the French generals said 'The Bismarck can not fail to sue for peace now' but he wouldn't even admit our envoys! Who knew he could be the diplomat, too? The wolves were gathering around poor France, thinking her weak and ready for the feast."
"Mon Dieu! I should have been trembling if I were ruler then. Germany's Japanese ally declares war, then the Bismarck bribes England into the war. She brings in her Chinese ally, and India joins because they see a ripe plum waiting to be plucked in the island of Le Havre. The Russian She-Bear is jealous of France's rise and joins in on the kill. Poor France was at war against the entire world!"
"My great-grandfather told me tales of the motley horde of Russians flooding through the northern mountains - spearmen, archers, knights, riflemen, and Cossacks! It has always been my belief that they also wanted the rubber at Frankfurt and were enraged that France beat them to it. They drove towards the rubber plantations, destroying fields, roads, rails and mines. Russians blocked the Northern rail line, and German holdouts in Nuremberg refused to give up the city, which endangered the Southern rail line and left a salient aimed at the heart of the French empire. English Man o' Wars were bombarding whole swaths of southeastern countryside back into virgin territory. The Chinese and Japanese frigates that bombarded the eastern shores endangered the harvesting of vital saltpeter deposits near Orleans."
"Did you ever see the Indian War Elephant exhibit in the Musée de Paris? As frightening as that is, I have heard that the living beast is much more terrifying. The Indians almost overran Le Havre. If the garrison hadn't been re-equipped as Infantry, they'd be speaking Hindi there today."
"The power France feared was the superpower - Russia, but the She-Bear did not have enough teeth. The Russians created great havoc in the north, but they lacked the will or the strength for a direct battle. The historian René claimed that they stayed in the mountains and only forayed to pillage the countryside because they feared France's defensive might and hoped for a battle in the field where their overwhelming force could prevail."
"Let's see. I think England was the first to leave the coalition. She sued for peace after Liverpool fell and before French destroyers could splinter her precious outmoded fleet. More destroyers sank the remaining Japanese and Chinese frigates, as well as most of their expeditionary forces. Germany capitulated after Nuremberg fell and as newly manufactured tanks assembled in the hills outside Berlin. India gave up after the Massacre of Le Havre, and only Russia was left."
"I wish I had seen Catherine's face! I heard she looked as though she had eaten a plate of lemons when she was informed of Yakusk's revolt. Her gateway through the mountains was gone and her Cossacks cut-off. Still, Jules Napoleon XXXI had to make a large 'contribution' to her treasury to assuage Russian pride and secure French peace. France increased by half during World War Two, standing up to the entire world and becoming a second superpower."
"Did you ever meet Jean D'Arc? She came out of the victory of Orleans during the war, leading the defeat of the Japanese Samurai forces that managed a landing. Did not allow prisoners, either. Mon Dieu, how she could inspire people! Without her to rally the Apollo Program, we could never have finished so quickly. Still, I wish she had been more generous in victory. Publicly executing the surviving Samurai was good for morale, but bad for foreign relations."
"I always thought spending the ten years to build the SETI program would benefit French research, and it did, but perhaps the resources could have been better spent. We should have started on the UN building sooner."
"Our spaceship to Alpha Centauri was magnifique, n'est-ce pas? The Planetary Lounge would have been completed this year, you know. We could have launched mankind into a new era of discovery. Now our universe is this forsaken island."
"France stood at the pinnacle, my friend, and glimpsed the victory, if only for a short time. Now she's only a cog in the world government."
"That damned Bismarck! We left him with only four cities in his rump empire. How in the hell did he finish the UN two years before we could? I knew England and Russia would vote for Germany because they hate us, and I knew China and India would vote for us because we helped bring them into the modern age. If only Jean hadn't executed those Samurai, Japan might have voted for us. If only we'd built the UN first, we could have delayed the vote. If only..."
His voice trailed off, and his breathing deepened into sleep. I rose, arranged the coverlet around him and gently pulled the bottle from his hand. The wine had worked its miracle, allowing the last Napoleon to escape, for a while, his self-doubt and recrimination.
Aaaarrrggghhh!
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