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SMAC Novel? Bah!: Civ3 Novel, Chapter 1

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  • SMAC Novel? Bah!: Civ3 Novel, Chapter 1

    [Put here by popular demand ... well, from one kind German poster. ]

    It was a dark and stormy night. The President looked at his cities in riot, wondering why in the face of a profitable and victorious campaign against its enemy -- an enemy that launched an unprovoked war, killing tens of thousands before the tide was turned -- why they now ruined themselves in anger. To call off the war now before the job was finished would be to invite further and perhaps stronger attacks next time. To continue the war would leave city after city in chaos ... or worse: Forced luxury, like so many pigs begging to be slaughtered in the sauces of their own bloody anti-war sentiments.

    Then, too, was the corruption. The President had developed an inside joke among his closest Cabinet members: "If the city is far enough away to warrant an new zip code, it's far enough away to burn it to Hell." So exasperated was The President at his own people's greed.

    The science reports fared no better. Double, triple, quadruple our science spending! The President had pounded into the heads of those who control the budget. For surely, The President reasoned, 4 times the spending should yield at least twice the technological edge over other nations. But as if the hand of God himself defied the Laws of Nature, progress came in a slow and measured pace no matter the piles of money set to change all that.

    "Report from the front, Mr. President."

    "Go ahead."

    "2 Tank divisions on the Eastern Front were annihilated today."

    "By God! What have they got left to fight us with?! Were they holding back some secret deadly weapon?"

    "No, sir. Three high school kids picked up some pointed sticks. It was touch and go for a while, but they annihilated our tanks."

    "Well what of our 20 unit garrison just West of there?"

    "You mean in Osaka? Oh, that city flipped sir. We lost everything."

    "Flipped!? What the hell do you mean flipped?"

    "Mr. President, the people there were impressed with the ruins of their imminent defeat and simply took our 20 units hostage. We think they sold them to buy more pointy sticks."

    "Oh, God..."

    "Yes, Mr. President. More pointy sticks could mean big trouble for our planned bombing runs."

    And so it went. And just as it seemed nothing could possibly get any worse than this, another knock at the door:

    "Mr. President: You need to sign these Pollution Orders. Toxic waste is running rampant and even threatens the capital. Here they are, Sir. All 150 of them."

    "150? You mean I need to sign the same order 150 times!?"

    "Well, I'm sure there will be more soon to follow."

    "Christ! Why can't I just issue the order once and be done with it. How do you expect a man to survive the tedium of doing something so mindless 150 times?"

    "Good question, Sir. Shall I order the workers shot?"

    "No, they probably have pointy sticks just waiting for us ..."

    Tune in for next week's installment: "My Domestic Advisor Recommends a Hearty Breakfast."
    I've been on these boards for a long time and I still don't know what to think when it comes to you -- FrantzX, December 21, 2001

    "Yin": Your friendly, neighborhood negative cosmic force.

  • #2
    That's too funny.
    Infograme: n: a message received and understood that produces certain anger, wrath, and scorn in its recipient. (Don't believe me? Look up 'info' and 'grame' at dictionary.com.)

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes, I agree, and it surely deserves a . A much smarter and nicer way to show the flaws of the game, than trolling, ranting and personal insults by a few individuals in other threads.

      Must have been the tenth time out of ten, yin.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you gentlemen. I think I'll quit while I'm ahead, though. This will be the only issue released, so buy your copies now!
        I've been on these boards for a long time and I still don't know what to think when it comes to you -- FrantzX, December 21, 2001

        "Yin": Your friendly, neighborhood negative cosmic force.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by yin26
          Thank you gentlemen. I think I'll quit while I'm ahead, though. This will be the only issue released, so buy your copies now!
          Why?
          Stories are good.

          What about:
          Tune in for next week's installment: "My Domestic Advisor Recommends a Hearty Breakfast."
          Making such stories is much better way of showing faults in Civ-games.

          Anyway, not every story needs to have too much Civ3-faults. Maybe several.

          It would be interesting to show some real events by Civ way:
          Like:
          -WW2, and Normady invasion failure (in Civ3)
          -Vietnam: Why north koreans realy won?
          -Civ3 & terrorism
          -Rome & barbarian joke

          Comment


          • #6
            Yin, I like Civ3, but I have to admit that your story is funny. An elegant way to show your dissatisfaction. But you can't fool me. You're still the old Yin, I know.
            I watched you fall. I think I pushed.

            Comment


            • #7
              Very good Yin, yet so many valid points in there as well.
              Speaking of Erith:

              "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

              Comment


              • #8
                Yin where is the next installment?

                Socrates: "Good is That at which all things aim, If one knows what the good is, one will always do what is good." Brian: "Romanes eunt domus"
                GW 2013: "and juistin bieber is gay with me and we have 10 kids we live in u.s.a in the white house with obama"

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                • #9
                  Yin where is the next installment?
                  So, Yin... listen to the public! We want more!
                  I watched you fall. I think I pushed.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    LOL! O.K. O.K. Right now it's holiday time in Asia (Lunar New Year). With any luck, I might be drunk at some point, which could help inspire me. Thanks for call for Chapter 2! Any points you'd like me to address. Yes, I'm taking requests.
                    I've been on these boards for a long time and I still don't know what to think when it comes to you -- FrantzX, December 21, 2001

                    "Yin": Your friendly, neighborhood negative cosmic force.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by yin26
                      LOL! O.K. O.K. Right now it's holiday time in Asia (Lunar New Year). With any luck, I might be drunk at some point, which could help inspire me. Thanks for call for Chapter 2! Any points you'd like me to address. Yes, I'm taking requests.
                      Now I'll comment myself:
                      It would be interesting to show some real events by Civ way:
                      Like:
                      -WW2, and Normady invasion failure (poor marines)
                      -Vietnam: Why North Koreans realy won?
                      -Civ3 & terrorism (try with jagguar warriors)
                      -Rome & barbarian joke (30 barbs doing nothing)

                      Comment

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