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The Babylon-Zulu War

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  • The Babylon-Zulu War

    Huge map of earth (that shipped with the game), 16 civs. I threw this together rather quickly, and I didn't take notes during the game, so it's probably a little sketchy.

    It's 1500 AD. My Babylonian empire, which has expanded from its beginnings in Scandinavia (a really lousy start location)
    to occupy all of Europe and some territory east of the Urals, is the most advanced civ in the Old World. The Greeks occupy southern Africa, the Persians are in central Africa, and the
    Japanese are in northern Africa. The Chinese started east of the Urals, just north of the Caspian Sea. Egypt started in
    the tundra of Asia, Zululand began in India and spread east to Southeast Asia, and India is sandwiched in the infertile
    mountain-and-desert area between Egypt and Zululand.

    My plans to turn the British Isles into an airbase were foiled by the aggressive Japanese, who also managed to settle
    a small, Portugal-esque corner of the Iberian Peninsula before my two cities were able to border off all the land. No matter, I suspect Shimonoseki will be absorbed culturally before long.

    China had the misfortune to be located right next to the main line of my southward expansion. Many of their best
    cities surrounding Beijing were quickly absorbed by my culture-rich heartland, creating an odd situation where I
    enveloped the Chinese empire to the north and south. The Middle East was truly a crossroads, where my empire shared
    borders with the eastern part of the Japanese empire, the northeastern border of Persia, the westmost strand of the
    Zulu empire, China, and a stray Indian city. I had managed to found a city in Mesopotamia for the valuable incense,
    which accounts for my second luxury. I am in dire need of more luxuries, but the closest furs are too far east in
    Egyptian territory, and I fear the effects of too much corruption, so I trade with the Indians for ivory.

    One of my lighthouse-powered caravels has finally made it to the New World, where Joan of Arc introduces me to the other
    civilizations of the Americas. I decline all of their requests to share maps and contact information, and I take advantage of their ignorance to make sure that I reap the benefits of the New World tech tree, while my Old World counterparts are left hopelessly ignorant. It seems that the Iroquois are the dominant power in the New World, holding nearly half of North America. The rest of the powers have divided the arable land
    nearly evenly, and each of them have established several minor cities in the Canadian tundra. Unfortunately, none of
    them has a surplus luxury to trade with me.

    Suddenly, without any provocation or warning, Shaka declares war on me and sweeps into my territory with a horde of knights and Impi. He takes Canton and razes it to the ground, enslaving its population and shipping them back to Zululand. His rabid, roving troops immediately begin to march upon Adab. As I sit back and contemplate my reaction to this development, Xerxes (or is it Darius? I can't remember) of the Persians declares war, and begins to surround Tell Wilaya, my incense-producing city in Mesopotamia.

    I have some surplus knights, and my heartland is mighty and productive. I anticipate a swift end to this war once I am
    prepared, but I need time. Fortunately, Babylon is wealthy, and its neighbors are not. I contact Shaka's immediate neighbors, Mao and Gandhi, and offer them enough gold to lure them into the conflict. That, I think to myself, should slow the Zulu down, and will leave me free to deal with Persia for the moment. I send my knights to fortify my eastern border, where the Zulu strike force is massed, switch a few of my cities to producing knights and the newly-discovered musketman, and start thinking about war.

    Fortunately, my coalition-building pays off. Shaka withdraws his strike force, presumably to prepare for the impending
    harrassment across his very wide border with India, and my knights relax somewhat as the teeming hordes retreat. However,
    I am horrified the next turn to see that the Immortals surrounding Tell Wilaya have no intention of assaulting a city fortified with two units of musketmen (being a strategic city, the first musketmen were sent there to defend such a diverse and strategic border). No, instead the immortals begin to destroy my carefully cultivated terrain. The results are apparent next turn - fully a half of my empire, deprived of the sweet incense they have come to rely upon to ease their privileged lives, take to the streets in protest. Furthermore, weak Persian skirmishers (warriors) begin to filter across my northeastern border with Egypt. It seems Cleopatra has a right of passage agreement with the
    Persians.

    But Babylon is mighty, and it takes but minimal effort and some cajoling from professional entertainers to coax the citizens back to their places of work. I switch more cities to producing knights and then consult with Sidmeyr, my science advisor, to ensure that soon we shall be able to equip our knights with the fascinating new 'firearms'. I redirect our knights from Adab to the northeast to take care of the Persian skirmishers. Meanwhile, the Immortals begin to move north from Tell Wilaya into the hilly areas between the Black and Caspian Seas.

    As our knights ride down and butcher the Persian skirmishers, the Immortals close on another of my cities, destroying improvements along the way. Nothing is heard from Shaka, and I assume that the Indians and the Chinese have him well in hand.

    Finally, good news arrives. Just as our first new knight divisions are ready, Sidmeyr informs me that the improved armaments are available. The coffers are opened, and the knights pause for a turn to learn the intricacies of gunpowder. Their new name... cavalry. A musketman arrives just in time at the city that is being menaced by the immortals, and they choose not to attack, instead continuing their destructive rampage across the countryside.

    About this time China makes peace with the Zulus, about 14 years sooner than our 20-year treaty allows. Hmm.

    Finally the new cavalry units arrive, four strong, and assault the numerically superior but technologically inferior immortals. After the strikes, three of five immortals are dead. One of the cavalry was forced to withdraw (cursed hills!), and I worry for that wounded unit's safety. I take a bold risk, and send one of the musketmen out from the city to assault the wounded Immortal. The Immortal is killed, leaving Persia with one Immortal in my territory. That Immortal is quickly destroyed by the remaining cavalry, and the Persian encroachment is ended.

    The cavalry fortify my borders and my knights in the northeast are sent to the nearest city for upgrade. I contact Cleopatra and convince her to enter into an alliance against Persia, which should keep the Persians from penetrating my northeastern border. More cavalry and musketmen begin to march out of our barracks, and I send an expeditionary force of three cavalry in the direction that the Zulu invasion force retreated. I suddenly realize why China made peace with Shaka prematurely. Mao's entire eastward
    expansion, which was north of Zululand, has been occupied by the rampaging Impi. China's sacrifice will be remembered. The first step is to liberate the Chinese from their cruel overlords. One by one, my expeditionary force retakes the lightly-defended Chinese cities from the Zulu. In each city I pause to let my cavalry recover, then march them out and turn the city back over to Mao. The expedition is largely successful, but horrible news awaits it. Once we reach the limits of Chinese territory, we come against the former Indian cities. Those that weren't razed by the Zulu have been siezed. Since only two of the cavalry units remain of the expeditionary force, I decide not to undertake a reconquest of the Indian homeland. I will defend China, my immediate neighbor, but Gandhi is too far afield. Besides, he sold his peace for gold.

    Turning back across Chinese territory, the expeditionary force encounters another horrible surprise. The Zulu have followed us eastward. Mao was unable to hold his cities, and Shaka retook them. Why was I not alerted that China and Zululand were at war again? My expeditionary force tries to make it north to friendly Egyptian territory, but skirmishes with many Zulu Impi and knights bring down the mighty cavalry.

    But the tide has turned, though Shaka knows it not.

    The Forbidden Palace has finally, after centuries of effort, been erected near the Black Sea. Now all of Europe has become a productive powerhouse, and I can pursue war without sacrificing all of Babylon's cultural development. We are suddenly making almost double the gold per turn what we were before, and former backwaters are now dynamos of productivity. I am concerned about war weariness, but the enemy were the aggressors. I begin to amass two large forces, and I prepare for the formerly unthinkable: a war on two fronts.

    Then the unthinkable occurs - Shaka arrives on my borders in two locations with massive forces of knights. He takes two of my large cities and burns them to the ground before moving on. Why does he keep the Chinese cities and burn the Babylonian cities? It's clear - he cannot stand the magnificence of Babylonian culture. His primitive civilization cannot abide the pure, cleansing light of our temples and libraries, our cathedrals and universities. Our honest quest for education and spiritual wholeness repulses Shaka and his blind followers. This barbarism cannot be allowed to continue. Babylon will not rest until the Zulu are completely wiped from the face of the earth, no matter the cost in resources, gold, or human life.

    Persia, having been lured into this war by Shaka, need not be exterminated. But a lesson is in order, and punishment will reinforce the lesson. Persepolis is in the eastern tip of Africa, and Pasargadae rests at the southern extreme of the Nile. Pasargadae sits astride both beautiful gems and exotic ivory, which would go a long way toward keeping the Babylonian minds off the bloody, difficult war ahead.

    I secure rights of passage through Japan, and our cavalry pour into Africa and march down the Nile. There they branch, one group of six heading toward Pasargadae, and another group of four take our three cannon to Persepolis. Immortals attack constantly along the march to the Persian cities, and inflict significant losses. But the mountain paths serve us well defensively, and a steady stream of reinforcements from the Babylonian heartland bolsters our invasion force.

    The first assault on Pasargadae fails! The Persian defenses are weakened significantly, and I suspect that even one more healthy cavalry could take the city, but instead the wounded soldiers retreat to a nearby peak to fortify while the next wave of reinforcements arrives. However, the thunder of Babylonian cannons tells the tale of Persepolis' downfall. Stunned by the bombardment, the Persians fall to our superior might, and the order goes to our refined, educated soldiers: burn Persepolis. Destroy her palace. Bombard the granaries. Smash the temples. Round up her denizens and send them to Babylon in chains. Persia's education will be painful for all, but most of all for her.

    The deed is done, and the victorious army immediately heads west, slaves in tow, to reinforce the siege of Pasargadae. The fresh troops are too much for the beleagured Persians to weather, and Pasargadae falls. We immediately commission every spiritual and educational building we can in order to ensure that Pasargadae's borders spread wide and strong. The cost is great, but so are the luxuries, and we cannot now allow this windfall to be retaken. Persia is contacted, reparations are exacted, and peace is made. The conquering army garrisons the city and the nearby mountains, and the Persian slaves are put to work in the fields of Pasargadae as an example to any other Medes whose ambition might outgrow their stature.

    Now... now will Shaka know the fury of Babylon!

    During the bulk of the Persian conflict I have kept an army in the field in Zululand, harrassing his borders, tearing up terrain improvements, and capturing or killing any hapless workers or Impi that wander too far afield. I was able to intercept Zulu assault forces, or at least have advance knowledge, and I kept him somewhat off balance by keeping these skirmishers on the move.

    Our eastern army, which has garrisoned China's border with Zululand during the Persian conquest, is now prepared to march into the land of evil. On they march. The Zulu knights and longbowmen harrass them, and losses are great on each side. But when the cannon finally pull up to the walls of the first Zulu city, the soldiers let out a cheer. Our first real conquest in the Second Zulu War. The city falls, and our Military Advisor prepares to install a governor. "No," I tell him. "Burn it to the ground. The future of Babylon will be built on the backs of Zulu workers." The advisors are in an uproar. My Trade Advisor begs me to trade the city to the Romans, perhaps, or our allies in the New World, Joan of Arc. My domestic advisor asks how an enlightened democracy can abide such slavery. "After the atrocities they've been subjected to, they will abide." I turn to the Military Advisor. "Burn them all. Leave no stone higher than a man's knee. I don't want a single Zulu settled anywhere."

    The campaign takes years. It is bloody and it is expensive. But never again does an armed Zulu set foot within Babylonian borders. Oh, Shaka has his moments. He is a military prodigy, there is no question. He crushes an invasion against Zimbabwe handily, but the second force makes certain to bombard all of the nearby roads from its perch in the hills so that Zulu knights can no longer encircle us and enjoy their freedom of movement. Zimbabwe falls that year.

    And not all of the Zulu cities burn. We keep two in southeast Asia that have access to silks and gems. And Zimbabwe is gifted to Joan of Arc as a token of my esteem. I decided it was time for the Old World to meet the New World, and I would let my old friend Joan drive the commerce from now on. Babylon is secure. But Zululand is no more.

    However, all is not well. The Persians could not stand the sight of their kin working as slaves in the fields of Pasargadae. A Persian knight crossed the border, liberated the six Persian workers, and retreated again. And yet no advisor ever warned me that war had been declared. Strange...

    Persia had clearly been preparing. When I sent a cavalry unit out to recapture the Persian workers, there were Immortals everywhere. We retook the workers and fortified them safely in Pasargadae at the expense of a cavalry unit. I then locked Pasargadae down as best I could, and began sending the veterans of the Second Zulu War to Africa. Furthermore, I spoke with Tokugawa and Alexander, who together surrounded Persia. Each of them agreed to enter into warfare with Persia. However, this was no repeat of the Babylon-China-India coalition. I did not lift a finger as Greece and Japan coldly and quickly sectioned Persia into pieces. Soon my Military Advisor informed me that 'The rampaging Japanese have destroyed the Weak Persians.'

    Some of the other civilizations lament the loss of Zululand. Montezuma, in particular, makes common reference to the annihilation of Shaka's people. I ignore his barbs except to remind him that he is fortunate never to have known Shaka or the Zulus.

    In Babylon, by decree, the names 'Shaka,' 'Zulu,' and 'Zululand' are not spoken. Indeed, the current generation doesn't know those names. The Zulus who yet live are known as 'the Foresters', for their tending of timber resources is fueling the Babylonian drive toward the stars.
    Si vis pacem, para bellum.

  • #2
    Very entertaining.
    'Ice cream makes computers work better! Just spoon it in..."

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    • #3
      Re: The Babylon-Zulu War

      Originally posted by Gatamelata
      In Babylon, by decree, the names 'Shaka,' 'Zulu,' and 'Zululand' are not spoken. Indeed, the current generation doesn't know those names. The Zulus who yet live are known as 'the Foresters', for their tending of timber resources is fueling the Babylonian drive toward the stars.

      ... good job...
      googol... this is a number!
      "Silence Ming. I will let you know when I feel you are needed." - HappySunShine
      "Classic Eyes...But in reality, it works the other way around." - Ming

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      • #4
        A top contender for story of the week, surely.
        It's candy. Surely there are more important things the NAACP could be boycotting. If the candy were shaped like a burning cross or a black man made of regular chocolate being dragged behind a truck made of white chocolate I could understand the outrage and would share it. - Drosedars

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