The tale of the Americans...

[kermit_the_frog]

This will be my first story in this story section, i will be thankfull for any comments i get.

One day a little native tribe called the Americans promote a new leader and his name is Licoln. The americans live besides a nice river and on some nice grasslands.

[kermit_the_frog]

they then quickly astablish a new city that one day is gonna rule the world. This will be the Capitol of the world

[kermit_the_frog]

he new tribe quickly starts to scout the area, they find mountains north east of there new village and since they have water area they also start to grow some crops. They have also learned that there is enemie tribes around so they start building worrier to defend themselfs

[kermit_the_frog]

The New Tribe now had grown so large that they need to exspnad. The tribe of the chief had these questions in mind. Should i send the Settler up North east to the mountains or Nort west to unexsplored territory.

[kermit_the_frog]

The tribe's chief decided to go up North west to the unexsplored ereas beacuse these areas looked green and butiful. They then settled there next city witch they name New York besides a river.

[kermit_the_frog]

The americans built granarys to bring food to there people

[kermit_the_frog]

The americans where wiling to learn so they contiusly learned new stuff

[kermit_the_frog]

one day the americans found the icas

[Paddy]

good to see you in here Kermit

have fun with this game and your story

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Welcome kermit, its always good to see new folks in here posting there stories.

Its a nice change to see your style here so pictorial as it is, so good work and keep the posts flowing

One thing you could improve on though would be your spelling, dont worry too much though it is readable but if you get chance it wouldnt hurt for you to edit your posts and clean up those typo's

Anyway please keep it coming

[kermit_the_frog]

i am just waiting for some feedback beafore i continue

[vovan]

Feedback, huh. Well, it's quite... detailed so far. You are documenting your every step, and while it can be a cool thing to do in the beginning, I, personally, wouldn't have the endurance to carry it through the whole game. Though kudos to you if you can pull it off, and I must say I'd like to follow this game through with you.

[kermit_the_frog]

Barbarians started to settle around the new nation.

[kermit_the_frog]

But america Fought back

[vovan]

Well, here's a little more feedback.

You started out well - each image was accompanied by a few sentences that sort of dramatized and gave a certain character to the pictures. In the last few installments, however, you have decreased the amount of description and resorted to simply labelling the images. Take the last post, for instance. You say: "But america Fought back" Well... I can see that from the image. I can see your warrior conquer the barbarian village, and hence I know you fought back. The description pretty much points out the obvious and doesn't add anything to the story. It is as good as posting the replay of a game.

By contrast, compare that to some of your earlier posts. Take this bit for instance: "Should i send the Settler up North east to the mountains or Nort west to unexsplored territory." It shows that you are facing a challenege, that you must make a decision. That adds character to the story, because it embodies a sort of a conflict - between you and the AI. That character is simply gone when you resort to simply labelling images, as above, and your story degenerates into a game replay. I think it would be best to continue with the original approach you took - it certainly is more fun to read that.

Of course, all this criticism is not intended to deter you from writing further - instead to improve your writing. It is given in good spirit, and hopefully be taken as such. Hope you continue this.