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A Bottle of Ketchup
FBI Head Office, Washington DC
"What's this about?" asked a gaunt man with salt and pepper hair and a black suit.
"Rob, this was just automatically sent in from a listening post monitoring Sniffer Sierra 184." The agent rolled his chair back to allow the FBI Director a better look at the monitor.
On the screen was a copy of a hotmail electronic mail transfer with an address consisting of a jumble of letters and numbers.
"Dear Ali,
We are delighted to receive your request for membership in the honorable al-Quaida. Your residence status in the United States is of high value to us. Be aware that we are overwhelmed with applications from capable individuals such as yourself to join our organization, and therefore, we must endeavor to maintain a stiff degree of competition among our applicants to ensure quality staffing.
Please peruse the following list of possible qualifying steps you may select from to qualify. Achieving any one of these and supplying proof of which will guarantee you membership in the al-Quaida. Unfortunately due to both the large numbers of applicants and the continuing presence of the American dogs yapping at our heels at every step prevents us from supplying you with any support other than our prayers to Allah. Public libraries in the United States provide an vast array of books on each of these subjects which you should take advantage of to better your chances of successful admission.
Methods of qualification:
(1) Kill or maim at least 6 American citizens.
(2) Become a pilot in any major airline which regularly transports Americans.
(3) Obtain a position in any U.S. government ministry or military intelligence posting.
(4) Gather substantial insider information on either the American military or on any large American corporation.
Ali, you should also keep in mind that the snively FBI has their head office located in Washington where you currently reside. The FBI has tracked down and arrested a large number of our members living in America, and because of this, they are currently a priority target of ours. Any damage you can incur on the FBI will gain you a high posting with us instead of the usual entry level postion awarded to new members.
We wish you luck. You will need it.
Allahu Akbar
Deputy of al-Quaida, Group Balayin Dumna
Rob finished reading it and asked, "Has this mail been opened yet?"
"Yeah, but at an internet cafe here in Washington and the internet address was only used once."
"Does the cafe have cameras?"
"No."
"Well, it looks like we got nothing to follow up on yet. They always seem to be called Ali. I guess that's their version of Joe Smith. Go ahead and add it to the list of potential targets." Rob sighed, "Getting more and more of these all the time. Anyways, get back to tracking that biotechnology contract in Germany. The bidding's getting down to the wire and the White House is really pressuring me to get in a successful American bid."
"Right on it sir."
With that, Ali was put aside. But that would certainly not be the last the FBI would hear of him. Perhaps they would have learned more by going down to the panhandlers' area on Granville Street and reading the cardboard signs held up by the dirt ridden religious fanatics.
Impending doom is upon you.
On a subway in Washington D.C.
The rush hour subway was packed with tired people. Anacostia 12th grade high school student Sean Pooley swayed a bit and held onto a ring to keep his balance. In his other hand was a sports bag, heavily loaded.
Everyone was pretty quiet, biding their time until they could get free of the crowds and enjoy the predusk sunshine of the spring day. As usual everyone avoided making eye contact with each other while lost in their private thoughts of the day's happenings.
Then it happened.
The bag Sean was holding burst into life bouncing, wiggling and jerking about, like something living. Living in a society under the fear of terrorism, the crowd of passengers squealed, pushed and shoved backwards starting to go into a low-level panic.
Sean pounced on top of his sportsbag and wrestled about with it on the floor of the subway. The bag did its best to buck him off and rolled him over several times. Watching the contest between man and luggage, the passengers' panic gave way to curiosity and there was much speculation about what was in the youngster's bag.
"The silly little feller's gone and stuffed his dog into his bag. The poor creature." guessed an elderly woman.
A younger gal with a very pissed off look to her spoke up, "He's stolen a bear cub from the local zoo. Apparently it's the cool thing to do these days."
"Are you nuts? Get real." hissed another.
"I beg your pardon?" retorted the animal rights gal. "Haven't you see the news lately? Last week some high school brats lowered a cage with a fish in it to the bear site in the zoo and trapped a bear cub. They took the cub home like it was a common teddy bear. And a few days before that, some other kids stole a penguin."
A beefy blue collar worker put in his two bits, "Well there better not be a bear cub in that there bag or buddy'll be tussling with me next. Damn kids think its funny or something to steal animals."
The hotheaded roughneck may as well have saved his steam, for their guesses were no more accurate than a long drive made by Tiger Williams in a recent PGA tour. About to be unleashed was a tale of such unheardof absurdity that even the American government with all its electronic wizardry and think tanks had not the slightest chance of figuring out what was going to happen over the next couple of weeks.
FBI Head Office, Washington DC
"What's this about?" asked a gaunt man with salt and pepper hair and a black suit.
"Rob, this was just automatically sent in from a listening post monitoring Sniffer Sierra 184." The agent rolled his chair back to allow the FBI Director a better look at the monitor.
On the screen was a copy of a hotmail electronic mail transfer with an address consisting of a jumble of letters and numbers.
"Dear Ali,
We are delighted to receive your request for membership in the honorable al-Quaida. Your residence status in the United States is of high value to us. Be aware that we are overwhelmed with applications from capable individuals such as yourself to join our organization, and therefore, we must endeavor to maintain a stiff degree of competition among our applicants to ensure quality staffing.
Please peruse the following list of possible qualifying steps you may select from to qualify. Achieving any one of these and supplying proof of which will guarantee you membership in the al-Quaida. Unfortunately due to both the large numbers of applicants and the continuing presence of the American dogs yapping at our heels at every step prevents us from supplying you with any support other than our prayers to Allah. Public libraries in the United States provide an vast array of books on each of these subjects which you should take advantage of to better your chances of successful admission.
Methods of qualification:
(1) Kill or maim at least 6 American citizens.
(2) Become a pilot in any major airline which regularly transports Americans.
(3) Obtain a position in any U.S. government ministry or military intelligence posting.
(4) Gather substantial insider information on either the American military or on any large American corporation.
Ali, you should also keep in mind that the snively FBI has their head office located in Washington where you currently reside. The FBI has tracked down and arrested a large number of our members living in America, and because of this, they are currently a priority target of ours. Any damage you can incur on the FBI will gain you a high posting with us instead of the usual entry level postion awarded to new members.
We wish you luck. You will need it.
Allahu Akbar
Deputy of al-Quaida, Group Balayin Dumna
Rob finished reading it and asked, "Has this mail been opened yet?"
"Yeah, but at an internet cafe here in Washington and the internet address was only used once."
"Does the cafe have cameras?"
"No."
"Well, it looks like we got nothing to follow up on yet. They always seem to be called Ali. I guess that's their version of Joe Smith. Go ahead and add it to the list of potential targets." Rob sighed, "Getting more and more of these all the time. Anyways, get back to tracking that biotechnology contract in Germany. The bidding's getting down to the wire and the White House is really pressuring me to get in a successful American bid."
"Right on it sir."
With that, Ali was put aside. But that would certainly not be the last the FBI would hear of him. Perhaps they would have learned more by going down to the panhandlers' area on Granville Street and reading the cardboard signs held up by the dirt ridden religious fanatics.
Impending doom is upon you.
On a subway in Washington D.C.
The rush hour subway was packed with tired people. Anacostia 12th grade high school student Sean Pooley swayed a bit and held onto a ring to keep his balance. In his other hand was a sports bag, heavily loaded.
Everyone was pretty quiet, biding their time until they could get free of the crowds and enjoy the predusk sunshine of the spring day. As usual everyone avoided making eye contact with each other while lost in their private thoughts of the day's happenings.
Then it happened.
The bag Sean was holding burst into life bouncing, wiggling and jerking about, like something living. Living in a society under the fear of terrorism, the crowd of passengers squealed, pushed and shoved backwards starting to go into a low-level panic.
Sean pounced on top of his sportsbag and wrestled about with it on the floor of the subway. The bag did its best to buck him off and rolled him over several times. Watching the contest between man and luggage, the passengers' panic gave way to curiosity and there was much speculation about what was in the youngster's bag.
"The silly little feller's gone and stuffed his dog into his bag. The poor creature." guessed an elderly woman.
A younger gal with a very pissed off look to her spoke up, "He's stolen a bear cub from the local zoo. Apparently it's the cool thing to do these days."
"Are you nuts? Get real." hissed another.
"I beg your pardon?" retorted the animal rights gal. "Haven't you see the news lately? Last week some high school brats lowered a cage with a fish in it to the bear site in the zoo and trapped a bear cub. They took the cub home like it was a common teddy bear. And a few days before that, some other kids stole a penguin."
A beefy blue collar worker put in his two bits, "Well there better not be a bear cub in that there bag or buddy'll be tussling with me next. Damn kids think its funny or something to steal animals."
The hotheaded roughneck may as well have saved his steam, for their guesses were no more accurate than a long drive made by Tiger Williams in a recent PGA tour. About to be unleashed was a tale of such unheardof absurdity that even the American government with all its electronic wizardry and think tanks had not the slightest chance of figuring out what was going to happen over the next couple of weeks.
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