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A short, descriptively story of 3000 words

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  • A short, descriptively story of 3000 words

    The Stories forum is long dead and buried, so I post here this short (non civilisation related) story in a suitable substitute forum. Comments and criticsms are welcomed. Thank you in advance for them

    ---

    If one was silly enough to do so, one could slowly and quietly creak open a strange, seemingly organic door that would lead to a thousand pathways of oneÕs own choosing, each pathway intertwining with another, until they finally reach a common destination, a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel; whereupon, if one were silly enough to do so, one would say ÒBugger it, that was a bloody waste of time.Ó
    -
    '(Insert Famous Quote on Life Here)'

    ÔSometimes,Õ reflects Vlad, Ôdreams are much more tame than realityÕ. This one, for example, is really quite ordinary. He is sitting on a comfortable dining chair: his hands are reaching cautiously, almost in slow motion, towards a knife and fork, picking them up in an oh-so-delicate manner; yet the whole scene feels so vague and unclear.
    Vlad thinks for a moment about rousing himself a bit earlier, but instead decides to wait until his alarm clock wakes him. He suddenly grows impatient, however----he dislikes the annoying, almost morbid manner in which ÔhisÕ hands move towards the cutlery. Suddenly, he sees them age in a seemingly subtle manner, until they decay, the flesh beginning to fall from its now dirty, disintegrating bones.
    A bell tolls: Death looks up from his table, realising he has work to do. The bell tolls once more, confusing Death~Vlad. The bell quickens in pace, jolting him into the realisation that the alarm clock is now ringing. It is time, he decides, to rise for the dawning of a new and sparkling day.
    -
    VladÕs eyes flap open. The first thing he doesnÕt notice are bright beams of light travelling through his bedroom window. It is a dark and murky new day. His legs quietly work their way off the bed, almost as if of their own volition: one could almost picture the rest of VladÕs body proceeding off the bed in the same fashion, moving in the manner of a corpse-like puppet being pulled by unseen strings attached to each of its limbs. His body moves onto the floor and copious amounts of breath are emitted from its lungs.

    Our protagonistÕ gradually becomes more coordinated, and were it not for the fact that his eyes appear blood red and his movements remain as graceful as those of a lumbering giant, one might almost believe him to be pondering some intellectual matter of great importance. He near slips over some irresponsibly scattered clothes on the floor, yet continues on his epic journey towards the closet. His feet do not so much lift themselves up as slither along in an apathetic manner, as if he were mesmerised by some enchanting spell.

    By his bed is a desk where lie multitudes of papers and books, a tissue box with a typically bland, uninteresting painting on it, and some various items of stationery of a nondescript nature, all piled upon each other in a myriad of chaotic positions. One might wonder if there was some method to this madness. Surprisingly enough, there is: whichever item was last used is dumped on top of the pile, above the rest of the seemingly derelict papers and writings.

    -
    My headache devours my mind as a thousand maggots feeding on the corpses of the newly dead. It is not every day that I am visited by a headache such as this, especially during the morning. I suspect, however, that the headache shall continue on its path of destruction until it finds either it or me dead, irrespective of my feelings as to the ungodly hour of day during which I must awaken. My thoughts try to placate the headache with vain promises-"cannot humankind and headaches live in peace? Are we not both dependent upon the same brain to survive? Is not my death also yours?"-Yet to no avail. This is a heartless, Kamikaze headache, which has no thought for its own survival. At this realisation, the pounding in my mind begins to lessen, almost as if I had made my enemy feel pangs of guilt or sympathy. Maybe headaches also have headaches?

    I refocus my eyes and move on to the task at hand -- clothes. I examine my closet: Shirt-check; Pants-check; Jumper-check; Socks-check. It is time to meet the world outside once more, as soon as I have taken some Panadols -- headaches, I have decided, deserve no sympathy.
    -
    Vlad exits the doorway of his home, entering the world outside. He ambles towards a bus stop that is some fifty metres away, and though his legs appear to walk with purpose, his mind wanders away, now entertaining itself with thoughts that it hopes will be deeply philosophical, but are, as he points out to himself, really quite unoriginal. They have probably been reflected upon millions of times during the chronicles of time, and will probably be reflected upon another thousand times by others on this planet by the time the day is out. So what was the point, he asks, of thinking about them? None. Zero. Zilch. Either because it doesn't exist or cannot be found, it is impossible to encounter the "Truth", as he disdainfully yet reverently puts it, so there is no point in searching for it. An amusing thought occurs to him: were he to turn religious in the future, he would no doubt think upon these past musings as his vain attempts to "kick open a concrete wall whilst an open door stood next to him."

    He peers at his watch for a moment: he is early, for once. Usually, it would be a battle of luck and speed between É. and the bus driver, a battle which É. never really loses so much as tires from. Today, however, no such running will be necessary, and É. mutters thanks, if only out of some strange habit, to a God he does not believe in.

    -
    I stare down at the grass in front of me. Its colour is a cliched, summer grass green, and its every blade is moving in complete synchronisation with the occasional gusts of wind that drift past. I look upwards, mentally noting that the rumbling thunder in the sky is almost reminiscent of the cannons of warfare. It almost disturbs me that I should think of such a comparison, yet I shoulder the thought aside as I suddenly realise that the murky clouds above me are peering down towards the earth, deciding to once more assault it with their armies. They begin with a cautious foray into onto some objects below; blades of grass are the first casualties of war as they are bombarded with the gunpowder of the Heavens. The number and size of the cannonballs quickly increases, as the anger of the clouds is provoked by the lack of initial success. Wave after wave of artillery fire hits and bursts onto the earth, leaving indelible craters in the surface of the previously undisturbed earth. But Heaven remains unsatisfied, for though its main forces are spent, it decides to fight on to the last bullet. The final rounds of shrapnel burst forth into their future resting places, seemingly having so little effect on the world, yet, at the same time, giving so much to its transient dwellers.
    -
    Vlad walks quietly towards the approaching bus, his head hanging downwards and his eyes looking towards the concrete path below. The portal to the large automobile in front of him sidles open hesitantly and É steps onto the bus. His straggling, moonwalk-like steps to his seat are near constantly interrupted by the strange, rhythmic start-stop pattern of the bus's movement. Conversations begun long before his arrival continue with indifference. What he can hear from others amounts virtually to random words or syllables, some chuckles, an occasional laugh, or even a gasp from neighbouring travellers, and all the while the bus continues its start-stop rhythm, pushing É.. back and forth, back and forthÉ
    -
    Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
    Whatever happens, just ignore it. Ignore your face occasionally hitting the seat in front of you. Ignore the people beside you and their inane conversation. Try to ignore everything as much as you can. Close your eyes.
    Everything is calm. There is no bus here. You are sitting on a beach, well away from anyone who would scream at anything but bad service at some shore-side cafŽ; everything is fine. There is no rubbish on the floor. No, that person behind you who talks as if through a giant trombone doesnÕt exist. He is a figment of your imagination. All that exists is the shore, and the waves, and that thankfully empty juice box that was thrown onto your head.
    Breathe. BreatheÉ
    -
    Vlad recalls that he never really did like that person behind him. Especially when he throws juice boxes all over the bus. He remembers better days than these- from not so long ago-and decides that such recollections are silly and shouldnÕt be done for penalty of beating the life out of oneself. Flashback recollections, like tautologies and word repetitions, are completely unacceptable in oneÕs mental thought processes-at least when they are written down. It would be better, he reflected, to think of that crater mark that his head had made on the seat in front of him.
    A girl in a lower year decides not to sit in her seat; she consequently ruins the whole seating arrangement, forcing newcomers to scramble for space in the beloved-nay, enshrined- back of the bus. An irritated grumbling spreads through the older passengers, demanding that the younger students sit three in a seat as had had been the convention way back when they too were in primary school. Like every other time this threat passes through the bus, it is not taken up in the slightest way; the seniors prefer apathy to the comfort of one person to a seat. Instead, they favour their endless complaining about the pathetic qualities of the movie they are watching (ÒWeÕve seen this one beforeÉ.Ó ÒThis has to be the worst movie IÕve ever seenÉÓ).
    A traffic light turning red ahead proves not warning enough for Vlad, who is pushed forwards yet again to the seat in front of him.
    Vlad Swivels his head sidewards and stares outside the window, the sight of the cars and trucks outside providing him with ample leisurely viewing activities.
    -
    It is at this point, in mid transit, where drivers are driving and doing nothing more, that people resemble most closely a colony of ants, all of them moving in slightly different directions from the rest, but all towards some great Common Purpose that serves them all.
    I see the light turn green and the bus picks up speed to join the rest of the colony; yet, as I do, it seems to me that we mere ants have no idea what our purpose, if any, is. Perhaps we are not ants, then. Perhaps we are instead merely living for the sake of living but cannot fathom it-let alone admit it. Perhaps we are then as animals, living without knowledge or purpose, only to continue our bloodline and perpetuate our influence upon the universe surrounding us, seeking to achieve some sort of impossible immortality.
    It is funny that I think these thoughts now, on a bus of all places, a place filled with laughter and boredom and joy and happiness and people whose eyes do not remain open so much as occasionally refuse to be shut. Or is it?
    Yet spouting some sort of terrible philosophy is not the point of my thoughts. What is the point of my thoughts, you wonder? I honestly have no idea. Perhaps to convey myself to the world; a sick sort of autobiography, if you will: an autobiography that reveals very little, really. So, perhaps, merely some writings on the state of my mind-how it operates, what it is, and similar notions of the same origin, intention, and classification. Perhaps it may also be boastful, to a point: an egotistical work from a narcissistic and egotistical-as well as lazy-person. Who knows? Perhaps you out there, one of the teaming masses of the world, may hold the key to this bolted, locked, shuttered, and fenced out doorway of my mind. Then at least one of us might know what exactly I'm talking about. Perhaps this writing may also be a self-criticism of some sort-although I no doubt overestimate my abilities as well as intelligence if I think that I am sub consciously insulting myself.
    It seems that I have exchanged the spouting of inane rambling of one topic for the inane rambling of another; so I shall, perhaps, quieten down for a moment and allow myself to continue narrating properly.
    -
    The bus' brakes begin to slowly grind the wheels to a halt, and VladÕs eyes flicker towards the window; the large creaking mixture of cogs and wheels stops at the bus parking area. A well-polished and clean sign by the entrance reads: " Unknown private school of Nondescript Identity"; by it is a logo of some mythical animal with words from an archaic language written below it. The bus door opens, and a slow trickle of students begin to exit the bus. Soon, they will meet their friends and discuss topics unknown though easily guessed at.
    Vlad walks out of the bus and towards the open area beside him, ready to right the wrongs, defend the weak, feed the hungry, bite the bullet, dare to dream, and the like. He walks towards his locker- a sordid and squalid container crammed next to hundreds of others of its kind. Though these lockers belong to different people, they are another aspect of daily life that exudes sameness-the same chewing gum strategically placed at the corner of the locker; the same label stating locker number and row; the same bland painted blue colour. No hint of individuality creeps out from inside the locked doors of these lockers; the only visible sign of any difference between them all are single digits printed on their labels. By the time he has arrived at his locker, the hallway in which it is situated is overflowing with people, talking, joking, smirking, worrying, and eating. Somewhere inside this crowded sardine can are the stereotypes of the student world: the unexplainably cheerful girl who laughs before she hears the joke; the conscientious and quiet hardworking girl who never says a word in class; the crowd of obsessively athletic kids whose conversation topics can never veer from their beloved sports teams; as well as others unmentioned here that have hopefully been jogged back into the reader's own memories.
    The irritatingly loud bell sounds out once more, hurting with its echo the ears of more than one student in the corridors. Though actually meant as a signal for the start of the lesson in question, this bell has devolved in purpose to become a warning for students to begin preparations for their classes. Not surprisingly, this deliberate evasion of school rules becomes the primary call to battle of any power crazed and egotistical new teacher out to save the world of education one detention at a time.
    After a few seconds, most of the students have finished taking out their books and closing their lockers (except those whose buses had come late, a daily occurrence for many). Within a few moments, the hallway will be as deserted as it was some mere ten minutes previously, when the only sparse movements present were the flutters of chip packets on the wind that wafted slowly from the slightly open doorway.
    "You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."--General Sir Charles James Napier

  • #2
    --
    My classroom is filled with other students, irreverently chatting next to our form teacher. She stands there, impatient, screaming at the deaf and pointing at the blind. A final, exasperated utterance of complete agony and desperation escapes her throat; it provokes an eerie silence marred by feelings of guilt. In the back of the classroom, one final whisper is emitted from the lips of a single raconteur, as if it were some last gift to a departing loved one who must now board the train to her far off destination.

    I feel a pang of sympathy for my teacher, who does her best to keep us quiet while taking the attendance roll. Soon, however, the quiet whispers, which had continued throughout the teacher's announcements, begin their slippery slope towards full-blown conversations; soon these too devolve into arguments and shouting matches, until once more the teacher calls for quiet. The bell ringing out once more overrules her this time, however. Her voice fades into nothingness and desperation as the students take their belongings and walk briskly towards the door, talking all the way.

    As a herd of scattered buffalo, my class ambles about vaguely towards the next lesson. Over the past year, my class has turned into a cohesive unit of some sort, whose behaviour and loudness follow a pattern of crescendo and diminuendo. We have gained a communally instinctual knowledge of when we should start to talk, and when we should stop; this knowledge, however, is for now only a yellowed and ripped sheet of paper set aside in some musty back room of our minds, marked: For Future Use.
    --
    The students end their journey outside the door of their classroom, languorously awaiting the arrival of their teacher; jokes already told a thousand times about her lateness are repeated once more as she finally comes within sight. She shrugs these off with a practised ease and a small chuckle. The students sit down on their chairs and put their books onto the wooden desks before them. The class soon settles into its daily routine of the teacher lecturing and the students ignoring her. Today is one of the better days for her: most students are unusually quiet in their method of not listening, while some are vaguely hearing what she has to say, similar to skimming through a torn copy of a low quality book.
    --
    The air around me is dusty and warm, the result of the windows to my right remaining unopened since yesterday. As I glance around the classroom, it strikes me that this is not a moment in life that could ever be classified as beautiful. The whole classroom feels to me as if it were a coarse, irritating laughter emitted by a coarse and irritating person. There are many such people of that nature in my class, and it is at times like these that I wonder why they have chosen to attend school at all.
    Inane conversations are croaked out by students who do not care enough to think about what they are really saying. They insult one another in some sort of sick game played by the insecure, preying on those yet weaker than they are. The teacher ignores this and continues speaking, latching onto those who are actually listening to her and holding on to them for dear life. Those caught in her trap wriggle and squirm to escape-they didnÕt mean to listen, honestly -- it was an accident.
    The idiots beside me talk onwards; the most irritating of them all is, ironically enough, also the weakest, dumbest, and most immature of them. Even his fellows will tire of him eventually, just as the rest of the class does before they even hear him speak. It is a funny world, where people will simply insult one another in order to elevate themselves-although perhaps funny is an incorrect term; more accurate would be disgusting.
    When I am in one of my better moods, my mind automatically ignores these students; today, however, I find myself forced to listen to their conversations, aggravating my sense of frustration to unimaginable levels.
    I try to ignore them one last time, before I am left to suffer the rest of the lesson. My mind wanders, wanders too far for its own good, really-for it once again breaks the fourth wall of literary conduct, and begins to think about how it should write this novella. Should some dramatic turn of events sweep my world from under me? No, that would simply seem ridiculous. I wonder, then, as to what I shall write now, and what its goal should be. I have already shown you a small portrait of part my life, albeit an exaggerated part; yet I have so much more tell, but am afraid that it will send you all to sleep with its lack of interesting anecdotes or humorous recollections. I begin to think I am some sort of Marcel Proust, writing onwards with no real sense of purpose to what I put down onto paper; I hate this, of course, because I really donÕt like Marcel ProustÕs writing. What I need to really do is describe myself in full, not with these vague, hinting paragraphs and sentences of mine. How should I go about such a mammoth task? I do not know-but I shall try.
    I am, at present, 16 years old, and attend a private school in the city of Melbourne. Unlike many other people, I know exactly what hand life has dealt me-yet I refuse to play with it. Instead, I procrastinate, doing things such as continueing this novella and attempting to see where it will take me. I tend to write in sporadic bursts, whose length can vary from a mere few sentences to pages and pages per day. I have not, as yet committed much of my thoughts to paper; the moment I begin to write, my vague romanticism about the future glowing sentences that I shall write instantaneously evaporates into a mere vague hint of an idea as to what I shall write next-the next page, the next paragraph, the next word.
    I would like to think of myself as intelligent, though my actions frequently betray this thought.
    Ah dear reader, you would not believe what I have nearly written: a true revelation of myself, a boring thing which no one could ever find interesting as a literary piece. I shall end my writing piece on this note, and thank you for reading it. I hope that you have enjoyed it to some extent, even if its ramblings did irritate you to no end. Thank you once more.
    __
    The author sighs as he takes one final look at his work; it has been his faithful companion these past few weeks, an object of affection which was ignored much of the time, yet cherished during its writing. He looks at the time and sees the digits 10:22. It is late, now, far past school hours, and the author is at home, typing the conclusion to his short piece of writing. He briefly wonders whether it would be humorous if he were to narrate the narration of his narrative piece, yet decides against it. Instead, he reluctantly moves the mouse to the close button, and clicks.
    "You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."--General Sir Charles James Napier

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    • #3
      Õ my gÕd.
      What?

      Comment


      • #4
        I am utterly confused by your post, Richelieu. Could you please tell me exactly what you mean by "my god" (I assume this what you meant?)?
        "You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."--General Sir Charles James Napier

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry about that. Was trying to be humourous.

          There must be a difference between your user locale, keyboard settings or else and mine, because i get an "O" shaped character with a "~" on top of it about every 3 words when i read your story.

          As an example, in this sentence "ÔSometimes,Õ reflects Vlad, Ôdreams are much more tame than realityÕ." i can see 4 occurences of that character.

          My previous post was a (lame) humourous attempt at pointing out that fact.

          Now, I'll read your story and try to post something of more interest.
          What?

          Comment


          • #6
            Very cleverly written, how did you manage to stop your mind wandering off on some distant tangent long enough for you to get this typed up.

            My inserted quote would be "Always look on the bright side of life" from Monty Pythons "Life of Brian".

            Not sure why but it will do

            I got the same thing Richelieu did with the funny O symbols and tried to figure out their meaning for some time, please if their is a meaning explain it to me before I lose my mind.

            I enjoyed reading it but why dont you try your hand at writing a civ story ? you certainly have atalent for descriptive writing
            A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yup, yup, second what Chris said. This is quality stuff, and I hope to maybe see a civ story from you soon.

              As for the funky characters, Richelieu, they can be fixed by changing your browser encoding. Right_click -> Encoding -> Unicode should do it.
              XBox Live: VovanSim
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              • #8
                Originally posted by vovan
                Yup, yup, second what Chris said. This is quality stuff, and I hope to maybe see a civ story from you soon.

                As for the funky characters, Richelieu, they can be fixed by changing your browser encoding. Right_click -> Encoding -> Unicode should do it.
                Finally found the right one: it displays OK with "Hebrew (Windows)".



                ZOG is everywhere i see...
                What?

                Comment


                • #9
                  A good story... cheers.
                  Gurka 17, People of the Valley
                  I am of the Horde.

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                  • #10
                    Wow, 6 big paragraphs just to get out of bed and dressed. It felt like waiting for half-frozen molassess to pour out of a carton onto some cereal.

                    Actually I could probably learn something here considering my stories are very weak for description.
                    Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

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