Fair interview of History Guy, alias Number One, alias Calamari (Fernand, Marcus or w

[DAVOUT]

Interview conducted by Christofo de Torquemada with the help of some qualified assistants.

A sincere and detailed answer is strongly recommended.

Question n° 1.
Tell us what you know about the special branch of the Watcher s department.

Question n° 2.
You are Number One. Who is Number Two?

Question n° 3.
Spanaird : What does that mean?

Question n° 4.
Tell us all what you know about this organization: 'The Assassin's Gentleman's Club'

Question n° 5.
According to you, what is the precise meaning of hefty in the following sentence: we perform private and political assassinations for a hefty sum of money?

Question n° 6.
Doe this sentence: Would you like to be a member? Join now, and get this free umbrella, let you think that the person making this offer is recruiting?

Question n° 7
Would you say, about a business having one million customers, that it is quite successful and certainly highly profitable?

Question n° 8
Could you tell us to what category of business this logo (an umbrella sticking up from someone's back) could belong?.

Question n° 9.
What do you want for breakfast?

That is all for to-day.

[History Guy]

Well, considering the fact that your bungling dunderheads brought me, Fernand History Guy Calamari, to this interview, I must say, I cannot answer any of your questions.

THIS is because I am not Marcus!! For the last time, you silly little chaps, that is my son. Got it now?

Thanks.

I'll be going home.

Fernand de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[History Guy]

Response from the Assassin's Gentleman's Club

Senor Watcher,

I regret to inform you that Senor Marcus Calamari, Number One, is away on business in Persia...he is probably killing someone.

However, I, Senor Gustofo Canoli, Number 2, has been sent by the Club to answer your questions, which I shall restructure in the absence of Senor Calamari, and add some new questions so that you can get the maximum amount of information...

We were surprised you would ask, as you are technically a member. I suppose you'd forgotten, as your membership dues have actually fallen.

Question n° 1.
Tell us what you know about the special branch of the Watcher s department.

Sir, as the new Number Two...

(interrogator's interruption: Who is Number One?)

You are Number Six.

Anyway, back to the question...The special branch was first organized a century ago so that assassinations could be conducted for the department. Despite a few botchings, we usually get the job done.

Question n° 2.
You are Number One. Who is Number Two?

I'm the new Number Two.

Question n° 3.
Spanaird : What does that mean?

Nothing. The word is Spaniard. That was obviously a typo on someone's part. You are a Spaniard, by the way.

Question n° 4.
Tell us all what you know about this organization: 'The Assassin's Gentleman's Club'

It is the top secret official designation for the department. We train, as you know...in the Village.

(another interruption: What do you want?)

Information.

(You won't get it!)

By hook, or by crook, we will.

But now back to your questions.

Question n° 5.
According to you, what is the precise meaning of hefty in the following sentence: we perform private and political assassinations for a hefty sum of money?

Well, that means large. Assassinating someone is, as you know from experience, a tough job. Sometimes, we get it wrong!

Question n° 6.
Doe this sentence: Would you like to be a member? Join now, and get this free umbrella, let you think that the person making this offer is recruiting?

Yes. Number One is always looking for promising members of...the Village.

By the way, we have one of those umbrellas here for sale, if you'd like to buy it?

Question n° 7
Would you say, about a business having one million customers, that it is quite successful and certainly highly profitable?

Certainly. Of course, we actually do cater largely to the upper classes. Perhaps, therefore, about a hundred of those customers might actually be the same chap looking for our services again. We know that the government has asked for our assistance on many occasions, to be exact...

(Shut up.)

Oh, OK.

Question n° 8
Could you tell us to what category of business this logo (an umbrella sticking up from someone's back) could belong?.

Yes. A nasty category. Especially considering the fact that umbrellas these days at La Ropas are extremely expensive. Made from the finest cattle leather, with extremely large bronze bodies, they are quite heavy, too.

Question n° 9.
What do you want for breakfast?

How about squid?

Signed,
Number Two
(who lives at the Green Dome, by the way)