Squid worries

[History Guy]

Nuclearius Winterius, my faithful partner, is quite correct. Our squids are the best, the best priced, the best tasting, the best health-wise, the best politically, the best in every sense. Togas himself backs our squid alone, and with him on our side, who do we stand to fear?

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[pikesfan]

Originally posted by Nuclear Winter
Senor pikesfan, wasn´t able to understand your idea. Could you be more clear please?
BTW it would be an honor to have you trading alongside us!

Well, here is my idea. If Señor de Calamari wants to barter something for something that’s hard to barter for, he can tell his business colleagues how many squids he would barter for it, and they could tell him how many squids they would barter for it.

And if he has a busy day at the Tavern and someone puts in a big order of twelve squids, instead of having to tell them it will be twelve squids, he can say it will be a Flock.

12 Squids = 1 Flock
144 Squids = 12 Flocks = 1 School
1728 Squids = 144 Flockss = 12 Schools = 1 Population

I can’t see anyone ever being so hungry that they will ever order a Population of squids, but you never know, maybe one day our beloved Despot will want to buy squids for his entire clan.

Then if he has something little, that is less than a squid, or someone isn’t hungry enough to eat a whole squid and just wants a little snack,

1/12 of a Squid = 1 Tentacle
1/144 of a Squid = 1/12 of a Tentacle = 1 Pop, you know for the noise the suckers make when you pry them loose from the boat.
1/1728 of a Squid is I think too small to see, let alone have a snack. Maybe we could call it a Diet.

So why 12? If we hold a squid in each hand, it’s the number of all the tentacles together.

[History Guy]

Oh my gosh!

Gastronome Neecap ordered a POPULATION!!

And he's nearly done!!

[Nuclear Winter]

Brilliant! Senor pikesfan! I tell, this is a revolutionary idea!
I believe I speak for the whole ElSquid&Vino company when I say we would be proud to have you as, maybe, slave supervisor.

[History Guy]

I agree with Nuclearius Winterus (though I might not use the word "slave"...bad for business...). Please, Senor Pikesfan, accept my offer for your post in El Squid Company as Labor Administrator. Thank you.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[Nuclear Winter]

But aren´t we in moral right to comand and crush slaves at our will?
Senõr pikesfan should not be ashamed of controling these unwilling workers!

[pikesfan]

I thought of one tactic to keep the slaves in line:

1. Hard-working slaves get fed with good El Squid squid.
2. Lazy slaves get fed with no squid at all!
3. Recalcitrant slaves get fed with nothing but Spam Brand squid. That will be sure to get them in line.

[mrmitchell]

Senor Pikesfan,

Are you saying Spam Brand is not as good as El Squid? Well...okay, then. But Spam Brand Squid, I mind you, is the only Squid cheap enough to be fed to the majority of slaves, instead of just the hard-working or not-working ones.

And as far as that there is ever a Squid shortage, the Spam Brand will plunder the ends of the Apolyton ([ooc] I did not want Apolyton! I wanted Bob! But no...Apolyton had to win the vote...ARGH![/ooc] to find more Squid.

[History Guy]

Senor Nuclearius Winterus is quite right. I concede.

Senor Pikesfan, I thank you for your work. At the time there were some mutineers, but we gave them their rations as you suggested, and now they are among our most cheerful and happy workers, totally dedicated to their work. Thanks again. And thanks to Senor Mitchell for clearing up our labor problems!

Senor Mitchell, that may well be, but we are lowering the prices to match yours. Business is even better and we are making far more than before. We must thank you, and only you for that. You have helped us grow our fortune. I'd like to give you six bones for your services. Yet me assure you that we do have enough squid to feed all workers but the discontented. We buy your squid for that.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[Nuclear Winter]

Señor History guy, I believe it is a very sad task for your assistent gastronome Neecap to go and buy those hard and badly cooked, horribly-smelling, higienically-incorrect, squids from a conccorrent I shall not say the name!
Tell the poor to drop by at the market and ask my son Polaris for a free pot of roman wine. And drop there too. We have some business to discuss...

[mrmitchell]

Hey!!! Spam Brand isn't that bad! I'll have you know, that every member of my clan had Spam Brand this afternoon!

(However, the chamber pot had an unbelievable odor afterwards... just kidding)

As for El Squid Squid, I cannot tell a lie, and it is of good taste.

[pikesfan]

Originally posted by mrmitchell
Hey!!! Spam Brand isn't that bad! I'll have you know, that every member of my clan had Spam Brand this afternoon!

Of course not! Why, it’s just the perfect thing to feed to foreign ambassadors! (See the Role Play thread on the PTW board) (They’re foreign, they won’t know any better and so it’s more El Squid for the rest of us! )

I hope that Señor Torquemada’s hut takes advantage of this of this golden opportunity. You can learn a lot about foreigners’ weaknesses by examining the contents of their chamber pots...)

[History Guy]

Nuclearius-- Heh heh...the Fried Squid Pieces hit the market...the public loves 'em...

Senor Pikesfan-- But perhaps their subsequent demise might cause problematic foreign situations!!

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[Nuclear Winter]

Señor pikesfan, we need to feed ´em with the best. In one or two weeks eating squid and drinking wine like true Spañiards they will give up on any empirely ideas they have and come join us, even if as slaves!
Or so I think...

[History Guy]

Yes, the squid might produce for our glorious empire vassals!!