A public "stuff it where the sun don't shine" post

[Arnelos]

I'm going to compose a "Dear GoW: We respectfully request that you stuff your 'offer' where the sun doesn't shine" post for the public forum as a mirror image of Panzer32's declaration of war on RP Team post.

Members of this team are encouraged to post in this thread both suggestions for that as well as their own personal contributions. Contributions to provide answer to H_E's middle finger contribution or GhengisFarb's Top 10 reasons to invade Spain (you know, that type of thing) are welcome.

Anyone that wants to compose something amusing to be added is also welcome.

Everything can be posted in this thread and will then be compiled for a public posting, revealing the fact that Glory of War is growing desperate and is too afraid of Spain to fight them, but wants Spain to help them against Gathering Storm.

As for the main post, I think being overly polite while telling them to 'stuff it' is just about the right touch. I'll be more than happy to compose that one.

So who's in?

[History Guy]

While, I've got until Sunday before I must go...

Perhaps I could do something as well.

[Arnelos]

I've got 8 reasons so far not to sign GoW's treaty... any suggestions for more? Something more non-game related or humorous, perhaps?

TOP REASONS NOT TO SIGN A PEACE TREATY WITH GLORY OF WAR AND BACKSTAB GATHERING STORM

- Roleplay Team has no desire to serve as Hitler32's Chamberlain
(note: This is a direct reference to Panzer32 telling Roleplay Team that he did not wish to serve as Chamberlain to our Hitler - this for simply telling GoW to get the ----- away from our cultural borders near the start of the game).

- GoW's promise to never attack us again must be seen within the context that GoW has never seen a treaty they didn't desire to break (and has broken most of them).

- The insulting level of audacity required to tell RP Team that GoW would never betray ND by backstabbing them, but then asking RP Team to backstab GS.

- They attacked us while we had an active MPP. They still haven't honored it by attacking themselves.

- It is god's place, not ours, to forgive Glory of War for their many sins. Our place is to arrange the meeting for as many of their units as possible.

- Unlike Glory of War, Roleplay Team takes their treaties seriously. Abrogating our treaty with Gathering Storm would simply be too heinous for us to even contemplate.

- Gathering Storm has been sending Spain money, technology, and military assistance while Glory of War has been attempting to burn down Spanish cities. Which ally would YOU choose?

- Gathering Storm, which HAS a sense of honor, has promised Spain the return of all of its lands should GS win the war. That's a better bet, even for a low probability of success, than the liklihood or desirability of keeping 4-6 cities on a continent dominated by the oathbreakers of ND and GoW.

[BigFree]

I'm not much of a writer, but I will be more than gald to add my $.02 afterwards.

[History Guy]

- The Warmongers have really bad taste where cleanliness is concerned. And they always wear loud clothing and school ties.

- They claim to have good wine, but we Spaniards much prefer sherry.

- They all have beards and mustaches. Even the women. The Empress is none other than Priscilla. Not Lane, but Monkey Girl. Who wants a wife with a perfectly manicured mustache? For the French, that may be OK, but this is Spain.

- They have bad breath. It's probably because everything they say is BS.

- Menus at Warmonger Restaurants are always overpriced. The cooks are mercenary. They absolutely despise squids.

- They have poor quality fountain pens. They are always staining their shirts. This is because they never ever ever ever ever harvest squids.

- They are all wide-eyed, drooling, wildly manicured freak show escapees.

- They always sign their official documents in green ink. Who trusts guys like that?

- They have annoying accents.

- Their jokes are lousy. Except Ghengis's. His are just annoying.

- They give you those annoying little handshakes that remind you of the Nudge-Nudge Guy.

- They only try to be mildly pleasant because they are trapped in that which is finite. Like Texans.

- They have no appreciation for fine cheese. They only eat those cheap chain brands like Jewel Osco or Walmart. You know...the slimey ones.

[ruby_maser]

Originally posted by History Guy
- They only try to be mildly pleasant because they are trapped in that which is finite. Like Texans.

Mandrake, I formally request you mess with a more "finite" state. There a plenty of those

[History Guy]

[Arnelos]

*bump*

C'mon, people!

[Nuclear Winter]

We could not consider anything else than total destruction toward a team who doesn´t follow his very premise : Honoured warmonmongering
We really want to destroy ND because it is in our best interests.And as GoW keeps flying around (never participating a battle, though) ND like flies around a rotten piece of meat, we cannot help but bring them bloody defeat.

I´ll think of more
Nuke

[Togas]

While I find this to be very humorous, I'm of a mind that we should politely and honorably turn them down. I want them to have to sit and ponder their next move and want them to sweat over the details and options.

If we get too insulting in our refusal, they may as well act irrationally and vindictively and swear to fight us until every last Spanish city is destroyed. The downside isn't that they're always going to be at war with us (we're fine with that) it's that if they get too fanatical about it they'll never consider splitting from ND.

Ultimately, we need to continue to think of ways to cause stress and concern and distrust and jealousy between them and ND.

We may win this war if GS mightily defeats both GoW and ND.

We WILL win this war if GoW and ND's alliance falls apart. We must always keep that goal in the back of our minds.

--Togas

[DAVOUT]

Dear GoW,

When a good friend makes a proposal, even if you are really busy you take the time to have a look at it. And you are really good friends of us : last time I checked, you ranked easily in the top 500; and we are really busy since due to a ridiculous misunderstanding, our northern neighbour has decided to destroy everything we had that they did not want to keep for themselves. Their audacity could have been increased tenfold by the dubious certainty that they have a powerful ally. It is not excluded that they believe that YOU are this ally ! Ah, ah, I cant stop laughing.

Now, lets come to your point. You are kindly prepared to let us enjoy some of our cities (excellent point to start with) if we backstab GS, those greedy aliens who think that our eternal faith can be bought for a few hundreds gold, fifty medieval units, a couple of military techs, and the return of all cities that the fortune of war shifted temporarily on the wrong side, plus some attractive bonus that I am not at the liberty to disclose even to a close friend like you.

He, he … You know how to tempt a candid Spaniard, although it can be expected after your 4000 years of training …

I must recognize that I would readily subscribe to your offer would not a stupid technical difficulty prevent me to do so; as you probably assume, the quality of our supply in ink for signing diplomatic treaties has significantly declined since the war started, and the last shipment was the worst of all : it takes forever to dry. And contrary to some, Spain has NEVER broken a treaty the ink on which was not perfectly dried.

Tomas de Torquemada

[Nuclear Winter]

Great one Davout!
I am of an opinion that the mroe we let ´em know how much we despise tehm, and how much are they going to pay for their backstabbing the better.