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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film
For shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
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Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And
there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted," Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied," I know you can't, I've cut your arms
off".
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Man walks into a bar and asks for a "double entendre"... so the barlady gave him one
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Patient: Doctor, I keep seeing yellow spots in front of my eyes...
Doctor: Have you seen an optician?
Patient: No, just yellow spots
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Man goes into a pet shop and says to the shopkeeper "I wanna buy a wasp"
Shopkeeper (puzzled): "I don't sell wasps!?!"
Man: "You've got one in your window!"
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The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film
For shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And
there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted," Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied," I know you can't, I've cut your arms
off".
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Man walks into a bar and asks for a "double entendre"... so the barlady gave him one
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient: Doctor, I keep seeing yellow spots in front of my eyes...
Doctor: Have you seen an optician?
Patient: No, just yellow spots
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Man goes into a pet shop and says to the shopkeeper "I wanna buy a wasp"
Shopkeeper (puzzled): "I don't sell wasps!?!"
Man: "You've got one in your window!"
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