Monkey Propaganda SPAM Exposed!

[Solomwi]

After minutes and minutes of painstaking, marraige destroying toil and strife, Python anthropologists have unearthed some disturbing findings.

We, too, were saddened to learn of Cubby's plight, wondering how in the world this could happen, as Python forces have taken the utmost care not to harm Monkey women (since we may be able to sell them to LL in the future). The conduct of Python troops was hotly debated amongst our citizenry, and many were, rightly so, having second thoughts. A morose and somber mood descended upon our lands, and even the Minister of Funny Walks was simply shuffling along.

That is, until this latest discovery, which exposes the Monkey propaganda machine for what it is. The picture below, of Cubby's happy parents, has turned the tide of Python public sympathy back to the side of righteous indignation at such a deception. Further investigation showed that Cubby isn't even a Monkey denizen at all! Indeed, Cubby and parents are all happy independent apes who hail from the great Unknown Jungle, and were brutally captured and exploited by Monkey propagandists for this deception, obviously designed to do nothing more than tug at New World heartstrings and undermine support for the current war among Python and CoD citizens. Cubby's real name is Iron Eyes Bonzo, and the righteous forces of Python and CoD shall not rest until he and his family are liberated and may once again frolic under the jungle canopy, free from the bonds of those who would profess to be his kin. We appreciate your support.

[Beta]

Solomwi ... Excellent!

But false!

Team Monkey will post shortly.

[Beta]

Python's anthroplogist, if we can even call them that (it is widely suspected that the so-called scientists are actually agents of the Ministry of Funny Walks), were sadly misguided in their attempts to discredit such a noble organization such as SPAM. SPAM has no political affiliations or aspirations, and strives only to assist those in need during times of crises. And this is a crisis. And there are those in need. Cubby is only one of thousands.

SPAM has contacted Amber, Cubby's older sister. It took some time, as when Amber reached maturity, she joined the Monkey Army defending the homeland. CoD will notice her going face to face with their stack of horsemen, and her cry of "Bring it on, guys!" and "This is for my Mom!!!" But I digress.

Amber gave us a good account of how she and Cubby were able to escape in the nick of time from their home in Bonono. Their father who was working, and their mother who was at the tree-top market, were not as fortunate. She was also able to provide a family photo of her and Cubby and their mother from happier times. It is clear from the photo that Python's propaganda is false - it is NOT a picture of Cubby's parents - and is simply an effort to direct attention away from the atrocities inflicted by their armies, and what, given the losses they have suffered so far, is an unpopular war at home.

Amber, Cubby, and their mother, who is now dead.

[Arnelos]

You will all die in horrible gasps of agony.

But don't worry, we still love you guys!

- The Muhammad Al-Sahaf Team.

[rendelnep]

Extract from the Pythonian times:

Dear Mr Editor,
May I express my utter and shocking outrage at this manipulative and dispicable attempt by th Monkey government for their gross stupidity. This so called "Cubby" as the SPAM calls him is very clearly a Chimpanzee. This very clear and definate as there is no sign of any tail whatsoever. Member of his tribe has recently immigrated to our lands and currently settled down and now thrive among our lands farming and more currently setting up a successful chain of restraunts called GrubsRus. During one of the frequent white rabbit plagues, A family of chimps decided donate the body of one of their former members' body to the college, as at this time we had no knowlede of their anatomy. After extensive studying it was confirmed that these creatue support no tail in their skelatal structure and therefore are classified as Apes.

Chances are he was some slave picked off from the Great Unknown Jungles and has probably a experienced failed attempt at a unique and and horrible torture called "Monkificaton" which involves a a hollowed stone, a piece of rope and as those horrendous barbarians discribed it 'a conviently placed orifice '

If however, he was a orphan then it was most probably caused by the manifestation of the predatory beheviours of Monkey tribes bombarding the these entrepenial chimps with their excretment. Monkey poo is the number one cause of cancer among our soldiers as it contains lots of plant toxins that some how evade the physiology of the average monkey, further explaining the recent disaster our troops faced.

Frankly I am unsuprised by the clear incompentence shown by the monkey propaganda machine and thier clear inablity to distinguish between monkey and ape. What is ironic is that 'Cubby' would under their 'aid program' get either get none of the benefits of SPAM or end up as food as part of their ' food production' programme

Yours Sincerly,
Professor Brian Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- nurnburger-bratwustle- gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber- shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. (PhD)

[Beta]

Dear Professor Brian Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- nurnburger-bratwustle- gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber- shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

You are wrong. We acknowledge the fundamental differences between monkeys and apes, and in simian society, both are acknowledged as equal citicens. There has never been any form of slavery or abuse in our society.

"Monkey" is a coloquial term, historically used by Simians to refer to our nations government. But make no mistake, our nation is the Simian Nation. Our capitol is Primate Central. And our citizenry, as reflected in the names of our settlements, consists of orangutans, gorillas, chimps, baboons, macaques (), gibbons, mandriils, barbary apes, capuchin monkeys, howler monkeys, screecher monkeys, bonobos, siamangs, tamarins, marmosets, and patas monkeys. The list is not exhaustive. In fact, we had a number of settlements bearing the names of simian species, but which were rubbed from the map by Python and CoD aggression.

So, to conclude, please do not try to educate us about monkeys, in the same way we would never try to educate you about shrubberies, lumber jacks, silly walks, or silly alliances. Thank you.

Screeching from the treetops:

[UnOrthOdOx]

*sigh*

Oh for the times when Monkey's ate not but fruit bats...

(10 points for the one who gives the reference on THAT!)

[Cort Haus]

ISTR Cleese talking about 'Fruit Bats' but I can't remember the sketch. The following scene from 'Brian' keeps taking over in my mind...

"Otters Noses!"
"Badgers Spleens!"
"Wolf Nipple Chips!"
"Dromedary Strepsils, only 'alf a Dinar"
"Tuscany Fried Bats!"

(That's Fried Bats, not Fruit Bats, though)

[UnOrthOdOx]

Nope.

One need not leave poly to find the reference, actually. I'm likely the only one that knows it though.

Actually, looking, it was so long ago as to vanish into the depths of the archive now.