The Jungle Gazette: Volume XXXIII (long, give me time to get it all up)

[UnOrthOdOx]

THE JUNGLE GAZETTE

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Your Light in the Jungle Since 1730 BC - 23 March 1450 AD

BANANA Wins Election!!!
His Time Comes at Last

It has been no secret that throughout Apolytonian history, the Banana has ran for more positions than any single individual in our history. And he has lost each and every one of them. It became so common an issue, that recent polls have even neglected bothering to place him on the ballot at all, instead opting for a simple 'abstain' option. It must have been a great relief, then, when the Banana finally won his first election, and this one was for leadership of the entire world!

In an effort to gauge the Banana's response, we sent our reporter to interview the Banana:

[Gazette_Reporter] I would like to thank you once again for taking the time to sit with me.

[Banana] You are welcome.

[Gazette_Reporter] It has come to our attention that at LONG last, after many, many, many a failure..

[Banana] ?!

[Gazette_Reporter] Well, it seems that after so many failures you may have actually WON an election. We are wondering, how does it feel to finally be victorious?

[Banana] Well, it was nothing, I'm far more popular than those mortals down there, but they chose my servants every time, although they didn't know that.

[Gazette_Reporter] If they have always been chosing servants, why did you decide to run in this one then? Would not a servant have served your purpose?

[Banana] Well, this one was a bit eh, well eh, stupid, that's the right word. He was not really suited for the task, but I had to take one. After some time I decided to run too.

[Gazette_Reporter] Now that you have been voted as leader of the known world, what are your plans?

[Banana] My plan is to lead the mortals under my devine leadership to civilization.

[Gazette_Reporter] Now that you seem more willing to discuss things, to what do you attribute the recent change where you were being left out of all polls int Apolytonia?

[Banana] It is godless, sinfull scum that left me out of the polls, I'm still doubting what I will do with that impious land! They have not the least respect for me!

[Gazette_Reporter] But this is the land that led you to your final victorious vote!?!

[Banana] That is because they fear my final wrath!
[Banana] I'll punish them all!
[Banana] In the everlasting fire!

[Gazette_Reporter] I see...Well, I think we're done here...let me just take these final notes and..Hey!.. wait, no, Im your servant I swear! AAAA!!!

[Banana] Are you sure, you stupid reporter? Be glad that I spared you from death until now! Be glad that I spared your country from it's downfall! Be glad I have not yet destroyed your stupid little planet!!!

- UnOrthOdOx with special thanx given to Aidun.

World’s First Fission Reactor Built in Apolyton
University Staff Demand Return of Squash Court

In a confidential interview a few days ago, members of the (formerly) top-secret Executive Nuclear research Committee, who asked not to be named, disclosed to the Jungle Gazette that their (previously) secret research has made a major breakthrough, with the world’s first nuclear reactor (placed in the Apolyton University squash court and ostensibly a boiler) having maintained a nuclear chain reaction for three days before being switched off. One of them gave an in depth interview to the Gazette about the whole operation

[GAZETTE] So, what is Fission, anyway?

[SCIENTIST] Fission is a process whereby atoms are split apart by neutron impacts and form two smaller atoms, in the process losing some of their mass, which is converted into energy, and also releasing several more neutrons, which then fly off and hit other atoms. This causes a chain reaction and an enormous release in energy unless the reaction is slowed down by the addition of various chemical rods which absorb neutrons.

[GAZETTE] Okay, so what good is it? Why do we need it?

[SCIENTIST] Well, it’s good mainly because we get a big pay packet for working on it (and keeping our mouths shut… that’ll be another 50 million you owe me, by the way, paid into a separate bank account… ), and that’s because pretty much everybody seems to be crazy about the idea.

[GAZETTE] But why? And I’ll strike your comment about payment form the record, if you don’t mind.

[SCIENTIST] Sure, go ahead.It will allow us to make really, really, big bombs, so that we can flatten the capital city of any other nation that particularly annoys us, and for some reason it will also enable us to construct this huge building called ‘The UN’, and somehow use it to take over the world. Don’t ask me why.

[GAZETTE] Ok, so why all the secrecy?

[SCIENTIST] *shrugs* Not a clue. It was probably because some bureaucrats in the security forces wanted an excuse for a bigger budget. And, by hell, they got it.

[GAZETTE] Okay, I think that’s just about it. Your payments are being transferred into a secret bank account, and we’re currently making your travel arrangements.

On the same topic, with rumours spreading that the university squash court has not, in fact been used to generate heat for the building during winter, a protest movement has started among university staff and students, demanding their court back. They recently staged a demonstration outside the squash court using signs reading “Free our squash court! Down with Fissionist Imperialism!” “To hell with nukes, we want squash!” and “Give us squash or give us death!”

Finally, in other news, the Jungle Gazette recently reported that approximately 76 million lytons were found to be missing from it’s expense accounts shortly after the interview was taken. Editor UnOrthOdOx and senior Gazette staff denied any knowledge of how the money came to be missing, and also denied that there was any connection between this and the sudden disappearance of a senior scientist at the Fission Research Committee and his family.

- GeneralTacticus

[UnOrthOdOx]

World Unites against Japan
Massive alliance to remove threat

After several agressive moves on behalf of Japan, Apolytonia called for, and recieved an agreement from all nations that Japan should be removed. After intense negotiations with several of the nations in question, it was finally decided that we all must be united. However, everything did not go off without a glitch. The Iriquois nation decided that they were no match for the might of Japan and backed out of the dealthey had originally agreed to. After some heated discussion, the Iriquois finally did come back into the grand alliance, but only at the price of Combustion. Many within the Apolytonian government believe that the whole thing was no more than a ploy to gain this information from us to begin with. Future implications of the Iriqouis decision are unknown at this time, but one must now question the conviction of the Iriquois as an ally in the future to say the least.

- UnOrthOdOx

New Government Takes Office
Or is that the OOOOLLLD government?

Following the fury of election day, the Term X government took office amidst some controversy. First, there was no clear winner within the Presidential election, forcing a runoff poll to be created. This is nothing spectacular in and of itself, but when both Aro and UnOrthOdOx both resigned from this second poll, it was something quite strange indeed.

However, much of the talk revolved around the health of the government in question. "I know full well that Apolytonian's tend to live long lives, but look at these guys! I mean, experience is one thing I suppose, but you have the FIRST CITIZEN AS THE PRESIDENT. He is well over 5000 years old! And, it's not like the Vice President is a spring chicken himself. Look, his paper alone is approaching 4000 years old, that has nothing to say for how long he has actually been around. I fully expect to see Togas' dentures fall out in the middle of some talks with a foreign nation causing a war in which we will be able to watch Aggie push around a walker on the battle field! It won't be too long before they all have heart attacks and leave Aidun as the emperor." Ninot exclaimed. Of course, it should be noted that Ninot is also the founder of the Old Man's Club, and has been know to fall into these kinds of rants in the past.

- UnOrthOdOx

TOP TEN MOMENTS:

#7 (tie)French Convincing both Germany and Persia
Into an alliance against us

Falling into a tie for 7th, we have what many considered the first 'major calamity' against our fair nation. Having devised a brilliant plan to attack France and secure our people a healthy supply of their glorious wine, it came as a shock when upon the first turn of the war, France was able to buy off both of our other neighbors into an alliance against us. Especially shocking was the Persian insolence at breaking the Right of Passage agreement that they had with us at the time of this alliance.

excerpt from Gazette Volume XIII
World at war!
By adaMada, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs

In another shocking turn of events, a international war has touched off involving Apolytonia! Uniting as a nation against France's deceit, Apolytonia's ministers declared war on the French, only to be betrayed and attacked by both Germany and Persia. Persia’s betrayal was especially bitter, as we willingly opened our boarders and culture to them through a Right of Passage Agreement.

National spirit is still relatively high amongst Apolytonia's citizens. The belief that we will be able to prevail and that none of our opponents are as prepared to fight as we are is widespread, with Apolytonia already having our military forces called up from reserve in anticipation of military action against France.

Furthermore, the situation was not totally destroyed by the treachery of the Germans and the Persians. Even before France bribed them into the war, we had dealt a great blow to the French, taking Paris and Orleans with few losses to our military forces.

As of now, the military campaign continues. In related news, Foreign Minister Togas issued a press release that stated that we will not be forming a Military Alliance with another nation against our enemies, citing the desire not to eliminate diplomatic options by locking the nation in a twenty turn war. Other relevent links are available on the Foreign Ministry's Office Thread.

- adaMada

- UnOrthOdOx

#7 (tie) First War on America
Apolytonia enters onto the world stage

Finding itself tied at #7, the first war on America set the stage to bring Apolytonia to the front of the world. From finding ourselves in the midst of a tremendous jungle to becoming a true world power, the First War on America featured nothing but great planning, Archers, and guts.

excerpt from Gazette VI
AMERICA DEFEATED! APOLYTONIA VICTORIOUS IN APOLYTONIAN-AMERICAN WAR - WORLD CELEBRATES!
America Suffers Major Defeat

As the two leaders Ninot and Lincoln stepped out of the Apolyton forum building, peace was announced.
"We have agreed to begin peaceful relations in exchange for America giving us Philidelphia, Atlanta, their world map, and thirty six gold." President Ninot said, with a huge smile on his face.
"Oh yeah. I'm like, so glad we have peace. I mean, we could have won that war....but your leaders came to their senses." Abe Lincoln told Jungle Gazette reporters as he left the border. However, he was singing a different tune in the American newspaper Philidelphia Journal (soon to be renamed to the Boston Times)
"Those ******* Apolytonians have ruined my ******* EMPIRE! But I shall remember their atrocities, and once I re-establish my empire they shall pay for the suffering they have caused to my people!!" Abe Lincoln literally yelled to American news reporters.
However, even on a global scale there were celebrations. The French President was seen dancing in the streets at the news that America had been defeated, and the Russians were celebrating "Imperialisms Fall" day where the streets were filled with fine wine and vodka.
"Thank you Apolyton! Thank you!!!" One Russian citizen was quoted saying as he poured vodka down his mouth. However, each country had its own way of celebrating.
"Today is now officially the day of Apolyton! May their empire live forever." Persian Empire Xerxes said during a speech to the general public, before a 3 day fasting began in the honor of Apolyton. Several Greek citizens raised the flag of Apolyton, and all over the world the anthem could be heard from happy citizens.

American relations with other countries have been severly strained in days before the war.
"My friend went to America to study cultural anthropology...but they never let him come back. we was prisoner in washington for nearly 4 years. I'm so happy the Apolytonian Empire liberated them!!!" One Greek citizen told the Jungle Gazette while recalling "American Horror Stories". This patricular story sparked a fierce debate between Greeks and Americans, and at one period in time Alexander, the Greek leader, was heard saying "Those Americans need to be stopped now."
There have been many more incidents, mostly involving citizens that were captured by the American Despotism.

However, despite the look of a near flawless war, there were several casualties. 200 brave archers were killed during the entire war, and nearly 300 more were injured. The Jungle Gazette and the people of Apolyton salute them for their brave sacrafice.

- Tassadar5000

- UnOrthOdOx

#7 (tie) Defending Geofront
Against the Persian Invasion

Shortly after the Persian betrayal, our border city with them at the time came under assault. Facing what seemed an unending army of 12 archers, our forces doggedly defended the city, losing only one spearman battalion in the process.

Letter from soldier of Geofront

My last correspondance was one filled with the certain knowledge that we were about to face our doom. There seemed to be an unstoppable force of Persian archers laying siege to our town. It was only the fear of betraying Aggie himself that was holding our soldiers in chack behind the city walls here in Geofront.

It is my pleasure to inform you, however, that we not only have overcome what seemed impossible odds, but we made it through with only a few casualties. It is also interesting to note that the Persian military now seems to be in full retreat. Could it be possible that this was their entire offensive force that impaled itself upon our spears?

While time will only tell, I fully expect that we will all be seeing that 'great wonder' of a pyramid that they have been so pridefully bragging about up close and personal real soon.

- UnOrthOdOx


#6 Election between Trip and Ninot
Apolytonia's first scandal

In at #6, the Election between Trip and Ninot. There is nothing in the demogame more entertaining than elections. Well, at times perhaps the political parties, but nothing drums up more excitement than a good fought election. And this one was one for the ages. There was nothing left out. Mud Slinging, accusations of cheating, investigations of the legitimacy of the poll, a tie, and finally a withdrawl from the race all together. Perhaps there was no single issue that spurred the creation of the court faster than this, nor was there ever a larger struggle of party politics since. Boasting over 150 votes, take a look at all the mud here.

Excerpt from Gazette Volume II
Trip Resigns, Ninot Proclaims Victory

After a Highly Contested and Controversial Election, Former President Trip Steps Down. After a highly controversial election, Former President Trip has resigned leaving only one candidate left: President Ninot. "This has gone on too long. I wanted to help Apolyton, but I was not expecting this." Trip said, a few hours before he officially resigned. "Trip was a worthy opponent, he shall be missed.." Ninot said before entering his palace in the city of Apoltyon.

Just as a recap, the Presidential election had a huge turnout of over 130 voters which experts such as Ming say is "impossible." and it is suspected that people whom have already voted disguised themselves as someone else and voted again, or double votes as they are called. "It certainly is possible [to double vote], as the Apolyton Costume Store sells different attire and masks for very low prices." Sir Ralph was heard commenting in the Apolyton forum. It is suspected that up to 40 votes were faked this way.

Trip, you will be missed.

- Tassadar5000

- UnOrthOdOx

[UnOrthOdOx]

#4 (tie) Election between Arnelos and Aro
The polite election

Comming in at #4 is a fitting contrast to the Trip and Ninot Election. Again, resulting in a tie, and again needing an outside force to decide (though this time we had a court for such things). The election between Aro and Arnelos featured great debate and great diplomacy.

As reported by GodKing
Runoff poll

Godking reporting for the Jungle Gazette

It was the middle of winter here in the northern hemisphere of Apolotiania. The presidential elections were starting with vigor. At first not much of a race – The prime candidate Arnelos was starting to bring the crowd to life. So far he has been unsuccessful. Oh my, did he just throw the gauntlet into the face of the other candidates. You can almost say that he was being insulting, if it wasn’t true…

And it looks like Aro has picked up the gauntlet and thrown it back… I wonder if Aggie will do the same….

I am glad that I am not in this race. At the beginning nobody was running. I indicated that I would resign my Judgeship and take the mantle, but that there would be few if any privileges (i.e. turn chats). Then several people stepped forward to lead out nation, and I was humbly able to step aside.

Aro has responded with force… many are waiting to see if the mud will fly, myself included….

Election results are formidable – there is no clear victor. Togas, Chief Justice, has started a runoff election. What an odd election, no mud yet, but lots of rhetoric.

Runoff is a tie still… lot more rhetoric, but where is the darn mud. Two very capable candidates who seem to be friendly, and yet are still in a runoff poll. I want mud slinging. They even announced who their VP candidates are!! The court is looking at what to do in case this election results in a tie…

Still tied, and still friendly…. Not a bit of mud. What kind of election is this…

Well, finally over. Aro pulled ahead with two votes. Arnelos handed over the ZpellZ with aplomb and dignity. And not a single bit of mud.

- UnOrthOdOx

#4 (tie) Case Pink
Why and How to go to war with France?

#4 chimes in with a heated discussion revolving about foreign policy. With our poor start, it was clear we would need better land to expand to. The French happened to be the first civ we discovered, and so formulated our plans in Case Pink. The plans incorporated everything from city placement to production and scouting, and likely salvaged the game.

excerpt from Case Pink
Gentlemen,

For your consideration, as well as the ladies and gentlemen of the citizenry. Trip, Uber, punkbass2000, Eli, Timeline (or his successor) and Tassadar5000 especially should pay heed. All ministers cooperating will be critical to execute a successful early war (but especially those mentioned).

Sir Ralph, Uber and myself have had a productive conversation re early war and city placement. The key boils down to 3 or 4 productive cities, NOW! As it is, we are 10 turns behind on the Archer Gambit. Not any of your faults, and as things shake out that Worker may be invaluable.

I have spent a great deal of time working on Gedanken excersizes regarding the best way for us to gear up for an early war with who ever is closest to us. If you agree amongst yourselves that war is beneficial, then here is a plan for you to consider. Use the bits that are useful, however the whole is very integrated.

It is called Case Pink. The French are our likely victims, hence the name. Someone may be aware of the naming convention (no ill is intended). On the topic of Sir Ralph, I would like to know what he thinks. I know of no better mind to cut through the b*ll sh*t and get to the heart of strategy who is also a citizen. Sorry to any worthy of consideration whom I have neglected. Speak up.

To begin with, the thread to get this started (for me) may be found here:

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthre...93&pagenumber=4

The discussion re city sites and early war may be found here:

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthre...96&pagenumber=1

page 2 is where it gets productive.

The conversation with Uber that spurred this plan is here:

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthre...&threadid=53772

hmmm. this is getting a bit long, perhaps multi parts would be better for readers. Gods forgive me.

- notyoueither

- UnOrthOdOx

#3 Discovery of Uber Island
Unexpected boon off coast of Apolytonia

Here at #3 we have the discovery of Uber Island. Comming at a time when real estate was at a premium, our SMC soon noticed a few whales off the coast. He surmised that these whales were too far out at sea, and must be swimming near another body of land. It was not long before an expedition made way to discover the Isle, believed to be a few tiles in size when we discovered a usefull land of surprising size and usefullness.

Uber Isle is Really Uber Island! Famous Island off our Coast is Finally Being Explored!

Our intrepid explorers have sailed to the island off the coast of mainland Apolytonia, the one discovered by SMC UberKrux, and have found it to be a large island which has yet to be fully uncovered. Already settlers have landed and intend to create a city, making history as Apolytonia's first non-continental city. Already plans are being drawn up to fully explore the island and colonize it before our rivals can reach it. If all goes well, several thriving cities will emerge close to our empire, closing the seas to our enemies and opening the world to us. For a map of the island just click here.

- Donal Graeme

- UnOrthOdOx

#2 Aro and the Apolytonian Geographic Society
The Man, the Maps, the Magic.

You walk into an office and there on the wall, The World Map, 1355 AD. In a school history class, The Persian front, 30 BC. My own living room, my home town, Chiquita, 130 BC. They are part of our lives. They always have been. We learn from them. We admire them. We enjoy them. They are of course, the Maps of the Apolytonian Geographic Society. The Maps of Aro.

It started modestly enough, as many great endeavors do. And in humble environs. A poor section of Ubergorsk, and a dusty backroom of one of the early workers homes. Aro was the son of a blacksmith; but his parents wanted him to be a musician, and Aro practiced tirelessly with the saxophone. But his real passion and talent lay elsewhere. One day Aro set aside his saxophone, swept the dust off the corner table, and with pencil and paper and drew a simple map. It wasn’t much – just the world as he understood it from Gazette articles he had read. The capitol Apolyton drawn as a little star, the numerous Apolytonian cities in roughly the places Aro figured they might be – and of course – Ubergorsk at the center of it all. He added in neighbouring countries, past and present, and his first map was drawn. It was pinned on the wall above the desk, and the music lessons resumed.

It may have ended there, but for a quirk of fate. Aro’s family was on the move – to the capitol – where Aro’s father had obtained a position with a larger and more modern company. The house was sold to a young scientist, Adam Ant, who had just graduated from the University of Apolyton. Upon viewing the house, he spied the map, still pinned to the wall. It may have been primitive in its production, but it was remarkably accurate – save for the size of Ubergorsk – but more strikingly – it had a unique style that the scientist had never seen. The map-maker/artist was introduced, and after some discussion, Aro was given the name of Adam’s uncle in Apolyton, who worked for the university, and who was involved with the government’s cartography section.

At this point in history, cartography, or map making as it is more commonly known, had been known to the government for centuries. It was an invaluable technology in aiding the growth of the civilization, in military planning, and in our knowledge and relations with other civilizations in the world. But there was only ever one map – and one view of the map. It was studied endlessly, year after year, by the many government and military officials running the country. There had been talk of doing something more creative with the science, but it took the energy and inspiration of the young musician from Ubergorsk to make it a reality.

It is four years after the move – and Aro, now in university himself, is perfecting the technique we would all soon come to know and love. The old desk was still in use, but with a more accurate knowledge of world events, with modern technology, and with access to the ‘official’ government map of the world, he was able to apply his creative talents in producing a different view of the world. A view which spoke to the common man. A view which could take complex geo-political situations, understood only by the president and his advisors, and make them clear for all to see.

As his talent and reputation grew, there was a need for structure, a need for some framework to take this significant work to the next level. Aro had been contemplating such an organization for a number of years, and presented his proposal to the government. Thank-fully, our enlightened leadership could immediately see the benefits to the citizenry of such an idea, and Aro was given a strong endorsement.

The birth of the AGS in 430 BC was first announced, here, in Volume XI of the Gazette.

Excerpt from Jungle Gazette Volume XI
New Society Based on Map-Making Formed!

A new group, calling itself the The Apolytonian Geographic Society has been created. Its purpose is to furnish specialty maps that are requested by either Government officials or other organizations, like the War Academy. The idea is to make map making more than just a hobby, but to make it a profession. Hopefully maps all across Apolytonia will benefit from this new Society.
Click here to learn more

- Donal Graeme

The AGS was soon into full swing. And it was not solely Aro’s talents at work. In the beginning, the fine talents of caeserqbear were also involved. A bit later reddawg. And many others who helped or made suggestions. And the straight-forward geo-political views soon expanded into a incredible array of cartographic expression. There was the first road map in 290 BC – which interestingly enough had significant military utility. The speculative “Our Empire and Some Possibilities”. And the always fascinating Population Density map drawn by reddawg.

The early days of the AGS were pioneering days for map making; the ‘hay day’ of cartography. New heights were reached weekly. But as with many efforts in life – there is only so much energy one can apply. The maps became fewer and fewer. Interest waned. Was Aro, the genius and driving force behind the AGS, burnt out?

You need to remember that Aro was also an active citizen. He was heavily involved in the governing of the nation, both as an advisor and and as a senator. He had matured. He had married. He fathered a daughter. He taught at the university as well. He tutored young map-makers. And yes – he played the Saxophone at night. Who hasn’t enjoyed the sweet sounds of Aro and the Apolytoners on Tuesday nights at the Banana King Tavern.

But as the new science of electricity has taught us – batteries need to be recharged. And just when the people of Apolyton had thought they had seen their last Aro-drawn map, he burst upon the scene again in 1250 AD, with a new splendid world map. Many say that Aro’s, and the Society’s, best work was done in this period. The World Maps had taken on a majesty never before seen. And a heightened political astuteness, combined with an as-of-yet-unseen creativity, gave us the remarkable downsizing of Germany series, from 1250 to 1380 AD. The maps rolled our regularly and their brilliance and quality once again entranced a nation.

Aro himself seemed to be reborn. His personal life blossomed. His daughter followed in his foot steps, being accepted to the University of Apolyton. In his public life he campaigned hard as a member of the Labour Party for the rights of workers, both foreign and domestic. His public life, as we are all aware of, then reached new heights. In perhaps the most memorable election in Apolyton’s history, Aro narrowly defeated the incumbent Arnelos, to lead the nation through the tumultuous Term 8. He proved to be a gifted President, with a very democratic and collaborative approach, and tempered by his ever-present humility. Under his strong leadership, Apolyton both expanded and resolved some long-standing conflicts. However, as successful as his term as president was, he will always be remembered for his maps. That will be his mark in history.

The Apolytonian Geographic Society has been creating maps for over two millennia of Apolyton history, conflict, and development. They have educated us, enlightened us, indeed, entertained us. This nation, this Apolyton, and all its citizens, owe an incredible debt of gratitude to its founder and driving and creative force – Aro.

Aro - the leaders, senators, and citizens of Apolyton, congatulate and honor you for your amazing contribution to Apolytonian life. Most sincerely – thank you.

- BetaHound

#1 The Jungle Gazette
Apolytonia's longest running paper

#1 as voted by the public. Personally, I cannot believe it. What started as a small little hobby of mine has taken on a life of it's own.

Like any production, though, this is not the work of one man. I would like to take a moment to thank my fellow editors who kept this going while I was unable: Tassadar5000, Donal Graeme, adaMada, GodKing, Shiber. You guys helped turn this paper into the legend it has become.

Of course, we wouldn't have continued without the submissions from our public, either. jdjdjd really kicked things off with his wonderfull letters, and who can think of a Gazette today without a cartoon from Aro? Many have chosen to remain anonymous, and many others have contributed their time and effort to making this paper work, too many to name here.

I thank all of the readers as well, for they have taught me more than I can say. From how to be diplomatic, to what humor to be able to use. Most important of which, perhaps is a new respect for my mother who wakes every day to write. Now that I have had difficulties sitting once a week and attempting to come up with something, I now know a small portion of how difficult it must have been for her to wake each day to write.

This has been a great experience, let's all come together again for the next game and improve upon it even further. And, hopefully, we wont have to name it 'Jungle' next time.

- UnOrthOdOx

"I challenge any President to deny they have had their little "quirks"."
Famous last words?

MrWhereItsAt.

Our oldest citizen.

Without a doubt one of the finest presidents this nation has ever seen. The only one to be elected THREE times, let alone twice. A personality who has become legend within the nation of Apolytonia both in and out of the Palace.

There have long been rumors of his escapades within his own personal chambers. All have been met with good humor and boasting, almost claiming that his 'interns' were a neccessary part of life for MrWhereItsAt.

However, what would he have done in those long nights, as our first citizen, before there was anyone to appease this need?

In his own words from this last campaign:
"But of course...

I had a nothing to do, and a lot of time in which to do it."

"It's LONELY at the top. "

Through the course of investigating the above statements, the Jungle Gazette has found that perhaps it is not as lonely as MrWhereItsAt would have us believe. Perhaps he has found ways around this problem. Perhaps, he was referring to a different "little quirk" than he originally led us to believe.

Perhaps it is time to reveal the truth, and let the people decide:

[UnOrthOdOx]

Ok.

Last edition. Comments are welcome.

[GhengisFarb™]

Great cartoon!

Great Gazette!

[MrWhereItsAt]

We regret to announce the death of President MrWhereItsAt

We regret to inform the Apolytonian public that President MrWhereItsAt has passed on. This President is no more. He has ceased to be. He has expired and gone to meet the Big Banana. He's a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. If we hadn't propped him up, he'd be pushing up the daisies. His metabolic processes are now history. He's off the chair. He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

This is an EX-President.

Having barely finished watching the team in Government that led us all to final victory over all naysayers, after having lived for 5450 years and defied all attempts to kill him before, the President was relaxing in his chambers with a favourite read of his when he slunk into oblivion.

There will be a funeral for those who wish to say a final few words, offer a banana, or swap sheep jokes.

The cause of death was given as dying of laughter.



Words cannot describe the excellence of that last Gazette. And Aro - you little ripper! That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!


Just one thing... there's no big white star on the Kiwi flag. That's the Aussie one. Of course, this means you are calling Australians sheep-****gers, and I certainly couldn't strongly complain about THAT.

[Aro]

You're right!
Well, my mistake...
But you did spend some time in Australia, didn't you?

[MrWhereItsAt]

A tenuous connection if ever I heard one...

I can always blue over that bit, if you permit some vandalism, I mean, political censorship, of your cartoons.

[WhiteBandit]

Job well done everyone. Congrats to everybody. We have such a kickass group. Shall we bring it up to deity for the next game?

[Aidun]

I am proud to be Apolytonian

UnOrthOdOx,

MrWhereItsAt took the words right out of my mouth: Words cannot describe the excellence of that last Gazette. I'll try howver to express myself in words.

Magnificent articles.

When I read this, I got a very strong melancholic feeling. It's so nice to look back on all those happenings. In some I participated in some not.

I can but sincerely say that I am proud to be Apolytonian, more than that I am proud to be citizen of my own country, no matter what heroic history it has.

Aro, UnOrthO, that article of MrWIA is magnificent!

I became especially melancholic when I read the article about Aro. It's magnificent. I have but one question to Aro and Betahound: isn't it a bit biographical?

My sincerest compliments

Aidun

EDIT: UnOrthOdOx changed to Betahound

[UnOrthOdOx]

Aidun,

You'll have to ask BetaHound about that. He wrote that article. Look at the bottom, his name, not mine.


Aro has always been quite excellent at working with the ideas I present him, and with comming up with ideas when I am drawing a blank. It's nice to have a professional artist to work with. You guys should look at his RL works sometime, but I seem to have lost that link again...

[Beta]

Re: I am proud to be Apolytonian

Originally posted by Aidun
I became especially melancholic when I read the article about Aro. It's magnificent. I have but one question to Aro and Betahound: isn't it a bit biographical?

Ah - there's the magic - where the world we create inter-mingles with the real world we live in - to create this wonderful place we call .... Apolyton.



Great finale, UnOrthOdOx!

[Aro]

I'm proud to be Apolytonian

Originally posted by WhiteBandit

..... We have such a kickass group.

UnOrtho, BetaHound, Aidun, MWIA, WB, Ghengis, Aggie, Shiber, Togas, and so many others... All of you, guys!

You are my band of brothers!

[mrmitchell]

Unbelievable that this is coming to a close...there have been so many things...I wasn't registered at the time, but I remember war reports on the first(i think) French War, and the memories come back. (Shoo! I'm not done yet.)

[/old man mode]
Great, excellent. I hope the next SPDG can come somewhere remotely close to this one.

Although I still think our capital should be named El Duderino

[Kloreep]

Great Gazette.

Reminds me of all the fun I've had in this DG. Let's do it again!