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  • The Jungle Gazette - Wednesday Edition Page 1

    THE JUNGLE GAZETTE - WEDNESDAY EDITION
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    YOUR LIGHT IN THE JUNGLE!

    AMERICA DEFEATED! APOLYTONIA VICTORIOUS IN APOLYTONIAN-AMERICAN WAR - WORLD CELEBRATES!
    America Suffers Major Defeat

    As the two leaders Ninot and Lincoln stepped out of the Apolyton forum building, peace was announced.
    "We have agreed to begin peaceful relations in exchange for America giving us Philidelphia, Atlanta, their world map, and thirty six gold." President Ninot said, with a huge smile on his face.
    "Oh yeah. I'm like, so glad we have peace. I mean, we could have won that war....but your leaders came to their senses." Abe Lincoln told Jungle Gazette reporters as he left the border. However, he was singing a different tune in the American newspaper Philidelphia Journal (soon to be renamed to the Boston Times)
    "Those ******* Apolytonians have ruined my ******* EMPIRE! But I shall remember their atrocities, and once I re-establish my empire they shall pay for the suffering they have caused to my people!!" Abe Lincoln literally yelled to American news reporters.
    However, even on a global scale there were celebrations. The French President was seen dancing in the streets at the news that America had been defeated, and the Russians were celebrating "Imperialisms Fall" day where the streets were filled with fine wine and vodka.
    "Thank you Apolyton! Thank you!!!" One Russian citizen was quoted saying as he poured vodka down his mouth. However, each country had its own way of celebrating.
    "Today is now officially the day of Apolyton! May their empire live forever." Persian Empire Xerxes said during a speech to the general public, before a 3 day fasting began in the honor of Apolyton. Several Greek citizens raised the flag of Apolyton, and all over the world the anthem could be heard from happy citizens.

    American relations with other countries have been severly strained in days before the war.
    "My friend went to America to study cultural anthropology...but they never let him come back. we was prisoner in washington for nearly 4 years. I'm so happy the Apolytonian Empire liberated them!!!" One Greek citizen told the Jungle Gazette while recalling "American Horror Stories". This patricular story sparked a fierce debate between Greeks and Americans, and at one period in time Alexander, the Greek leader, was heard saying "Those Americans need to be stopped now."
    There have been many more incidents, mostly involving citizens that were captured by the American Despotism.

    However, despite the look of a near flawless war, there were several casualties. 200 brave archers were killed during the entire war, and nearly 300 more were injured. The Jungle Gazette and the people of Apolyton salute them for their brave sacrafice.

    Apolyton Finally has an Anthem
    United Forever in Friendship and Labour - The Beginning of the New Apolytonian Anthem

    Although the polls are still open for voting, the majority is clear: An anthem devised by Tassadar is going to be approved as the Apolytonian National Anthem.
    "Well, after our victory against the evil Americans, I just decided we needed an anthem. I was once traveling before joining the colony that soon became Apolyton, and there was a song...And I just modified it and lengthened it, and now ya have the anthem. I call it 'Soviet Anthem', or Great Empire Anthem." Tassadar said coming out of the forums after voting.
    "It was great. I went to Tassadars house in Tassagrad, and we sat down, had some Banana Mush with what Uber calls 'Milk', or warriors drink, and we devised lyrics to the anthem. It was fun." Vice-President Timeline commented.
    However, there were more anthems avalible.
    "I think we should have the German anthem. Not that crappy 'were not better than you are' one, but the good one." Supreme Military Commander UberKrux said in the forums as a prepoll debate raged on. However, the option only gained three votes (or 12 percent) and experts speculate that people have not heard the anthem and therefore are not voting for it.
    However, there was also another option....No anthem at all. It has, at present time of writing, recieved four percent of the vote with one vote.
    "who would do such a thing?" one citizen asked Jungle Gazette Editor Tassadar. It has been speculated (although not confirmed at this point) that Former President Trip has voted against the measure for a new anthem.

    Although the projected winner probably is going to win, there is still time to vote. Visit http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=57283 and vote now!

    Apocalypse Wins Science Advisor Election
    After the Resignation of Civman2000, Apocalypse Wins in a Landslide

    After five hectic days in the forum, one more poll can be put aside and forgotten: The Science Advisor poll.
    "Hopefully we wont have to do any more re-election stuffs. It's so annoying." A citizen commented as the election ended, revealing Apocalypse as the victor.
    "Yay! I won!" Apocalypse said entering his private lab. This came unexpectedly, and as he entered Civman2000s belongings were being moved out.
    "Now that I have a good position....I think i'll take a nap." Apocalypse told reporters after the moving was complete.

    Despite the forums being hectic with polls and debate, the election went surprisingly well. There was hardly any mud flinging at all, however unfortunately there is not much more news to report on the situation. If anything arises, the people of Apolyton shall be the first to know.

    Franco-Apolytonian WAR?
    Rumours Spread of Apolyton Invasion of France

    Apolyton has sucessfully defeated America, and has gained many cities and expand her empire....but will they settle for it? According to inside sources, there has been talk of "rain of steel hitting those dam*ed frogs" inside of the forums.
    "Um....Frogs? what do they have to do with the French?" President Ninot said as a reply to a Jungle Gazette question privately issued. In the past, the Supreme Military Commander UberKrux referred to the French people as "frogs", and philisophical experts indicate that the "rain of fire" is actually swordsmen brutually killing french soldiers.
    "Oh no! the apolyton people are our friends! They would never allow such an atrocity to happen!" French President Joan D'Arc told the French newspaper "Nous Morts".
    However, there is more evidence to the contrary. Just a week ago, the French army was seen harassing border cities and stealing chickens. This has aggrivated French-Apolyton relations in the same way American-Apolyton relations were damaged. Currently, officials have declined to state whether French-Apolyton relations are good, bad, or indifferent.

    We shall bring you more information as it comes to us.

    Phoenatica Refuses to hand over Technology, Sparks Debate
    The Phoenatica Government has Recently Denied requests for Technology

    As an insult to the Apolytonian people and a strike against relations, the Phoenatican government has denied Apolyton technologies.
    "This is an outrage. I can't believe our most trusted allies would do such a thing." Vice President Timeline addressed two days ago during a small "Get to Know Apolyton" International Issue of the Jungle Gazette in Persia.
    "We don't trade with inferior cultures. Thats it." The Phoenatican President told Jungle Gazette International reporters. The Apolytonian government has recently requested technologies up to "Steam Power" in excange for possibly 6 gold per turn but it was quickly denied.
    "What did I tell you? I told you those people were up to no good! We should shut down the embassy!" One citizen angrily told the Jungle Gazette. Moments after this, one Phonetican embassy official said "We wouldn't have to send the tanks in. The immortals could take care of it....."
    It is not known what is meant by this statement, however when confronted with it the Phonetican President declined to comment.

    Dear Mr. Tassadar5000:
    More Stories from Jdjdjd

    Dear Mr. Tassadar5000:

    I hope this carrier pigeon finds you well. We have
    heard of the recent success of Supreme Military
    Commander Uberkrux's Army of the Jungle, and their
    defeat of the Americans, and are quite elated and
    relieved. We wish our best to the SMC, President Ninot
    and the rest of the governmental staff; and our deep
    regrets to the families of those lost in this war. I,
    myself, am opposed to war of any kind, but still, and I
    know its hypocritical, I have an overwhelming feeling of
    joy to hear of the victories and excellent settlement
    terms.

    As a point, which is no longer important since war has
    come and passed, several of the crew do wish to advise
    that they had heard the building of the forums was
    completed, in fact, by monkeys and not the Americans.
    Apparently, widespread budget cuts by ex-President Trip
    as a last digit effort to win public favor, lead to the
    layoff of several hundred human workers, and monkeys
    were brought in, since they only work for bananas of
    which our society has no shortage. But of course, that
    is hearsay and we have no direct evidence.

    But, I digress, my intent was to provide you with an
    update of our voyage into the Southern Sea. I am glad to
    report that we have also met with some success and have
    had our first adventure as well as a discovery. The day
    before yesterday, we had been moving along nicely under
    power of the mast and sail, and were enjoying a break as
    we were blessed with some favorable winds; when we did
    encounter one of the great fish, known as whales.

    While were taking our break, I manned the rudder. The
    day had been rather uneventful and we were maintaining a
    course of roughly South by Southwest, when I was
    startled by the great fish as he jumped out of the water
    within meters of our boat. I moved backwards, towards
    the front of the boat, my cigarette dangling loosely
    from my lip, stunned by what I had seen. I
    muttered "Your gonna need a bigger boat", as I came next
    to where Mr. Skywalker and Mr. Kring sat. They both
    jumped and turned to look, and then the whale surfaced
    again, but this time slowly and gently right at the edge
    of our boat at such an angle that I was staring right
    into the eye of the great fish. He was twice the length
    of the boat, if he was a meter. And black as the Jungle
    Night.

    The rest of the crew turned and stared, The Dark Lord
    immediately moved in front of all of us as if to protect
    us in case the whale attacked. Dog, too, jumped close
    to the whale, growling intently. But the giant fish
    just sat there, and stared at us. We all stood there
    staring back. Minutes passed, when suddenly, the whale
    let out a high pitched bellow, that shocked us all. Dog
    began to whimper, it was clear to me something was wrong
    with the whale, Dog had sensed it too.

    I moved forward to get a closer look, and asked Mr.
    Kring if he had ever an experience such as this with a
    whale before, he indicated he had not. He said he had
    never seen a whale or any fish, surface for several
    minutes like this. It was his opinion that they would
    suffocate. I got closer, and the whale rolled slightly,
    exposing to me the top of his head, where there was a
    large hole. Mr. Kring said it was not an injury, that
    all whales had this hole, and that they spout water
    through them.

    I inspected closer, and could see that the hole was
    clogged. I tried to reach over, and immediately The Dark
    Lord grabbed me and pulled me back. I turned and held
    my hand up to tell him to hold off, and that it was all
    right. I continued forward, and tried to reach the hole,
    but could not. I then climbed off the boat and onto the
    back of the whale, The Dark Lord yelled for me to get
    back on the boat, but I ignored him.

    The whale stayed still, I think he wanted me to do
    this. I stuck my hand into the spout, and probed
    around. I could feel something blocking it, I adjusted
    my hand to get a grip and started to pull out the
    obstruction. It was a round rock, which somehow had got
    jammed into the spout. I could feel a sucking from the
    spout, clearly air could flow through this, as I removed
    it. I thought this was rather amazing, what type of fish
    can expel air? Could this be a beast and not a fish?
    Wile comtemplating this, Dark Lord grabbed me and with
    one hand, lifting me off the whale and onto the boat.

    Now, I have heard about a game, wherein a club is used
    to strike a round rock, such as the one I held. The
    game has something to do with hitting the ball into a
    hole some distance away. People will hit rocks into the
    ocean while practicing this game. Shiber, grabbed the
    rock from me, and inspected it. He read "Titleist",
    which had been engraved in the rock. He said, that he
    had played the game many times, and that this was
    definitely one of the rocks used, as Mr. Titleist makes
    and sells these rocks in Apolyton Village. He laughed
    uneasily, saying "Someone got a hole in one".

    The whale then turned and sank back under the sea, and
    then with a great thrust he reappeared, leaped into the
    air, flipped over, and waived his giant flippers at us,
    as if to say thanks. He then re submerged. We watched a
    few minutes more, and then went back to what we and been
    doing.

    I sat down and started to hold the rudder again, when
    Skywalker yelled out, "Here he comes again!", I turned
    to see the whale coming right for the back of the boat
    where I sat. I braced myself for a collision, but as he
    got closer the whale slowed, and gently tapped the back
    of the boat; and then amazingly, started to push us
    faster and faster until we reached his full speed.
    Quickly, I yelled to Shiber and The Viking sitting near
    the mast ropes, to lower the sheet to avoid damage to
    it, which they did.

    We all then sat and held on for dear life. The whale
    clearly had an idea of where he was pushing us, but we
    had no clue. This went on for a few minutes, when a
    strange feeling came over me. I was sitting through an
    amazing event, I had never heard of such a thing
    happening before. I was very lucky, and I was sitting
    there apprehensive and a bit afraid, holding on for my
    life. A feeling of elation suddenly overwhelmed me, and
    I slowly stood up, holding my hands in the air, and
    yelling "Yeeeehaaaaaaa!".

    The rest of the crew turned and gave looks as if I was
    out of mind, maybe I was, but it just felt so
    unburdened. I laughed out loud, and shouted to
    them "Carpe Diem!!" which is Roman for "seize the day".
    Then I yelled, "Enjoy the moment my friends, we are
    being blessed with a rare and momentous favor from our
    friend here!! Don't let it slip away!!" And with that,
    Young Skywalker jumped to his feet and joined me. Then
    Edrix, Dark Lord, Kramerman, The Viking, Kring, Aro, Dr.
    Plaguerat, and even Shiber, all joined us. Aro even made
    an effort to play his instrument. It was a tremendous
    feeling to be moving at such a speed, and I felt lucky
    to be alive.

    This went on for near half an hour, when in the distance
    something unexpected appeared..."Look, a tree!", shouted
    out Young Skywalker, and with this, the speed of the
    whale ebbed considerably until he stopped pushing us.
    This is clearly what he wanted us to see, perhaps his
    gift to us for helping him.

    With our remaining momentum, we closed in on this
    solitary tree in the middle of the sea. As we got
    closer, we could see it was a tiny island of sand, with
    one lone tree and some small shrubs. I looked under the
    boat as we got closer, it looked like a sunken island
    was under us, and with only this small piece of it
    reaching above sea level. Edrix and The Dark Lord
    started to row, and the rest of the crew quickly joined
    in to help get us there faster.

    The island clearly was too small to inhabit, and perhaps
    no man had been here before, but it was a nice place for
    us to rest. We reached the shore of the little island,
    and The Dark Lord and Edrix jumped out to pull the boat
    onto the sand. We all disembarked the boat, and
    stretched our legs. Its funny, after being on the sea
    for so long, it was hard to stay steady on the land.
    Kring called this effect "sea legs", he had experienced
    this on a couple of occasions while out fishing and
    whaling for the day.

    After a few minutes of stretching, I again noticed the
    tree, and approached to take a closer look. It was not
    like any tree I had seen before, and it held some round
    orange fruit. I looked closer, and picked one. I
    bit into it, and was able to pierce its outer skin into
    some of the most delicious tasting fruit. When the
    others saw I was enjoying the fruit, they all grabbed
    some from the tree. As I ate this, I looked out to sea
    to find our friend the whale again leaping out of the
    sea and waving his flippers at us. I waved my arms
    back, yelling "May the Banana bless you great fish!!
    I hope our paths cross again!!".

    We are currently on this little patch of land and will
    probably stay another day or two. We have been
    collecting all the seeds from the eaten orange fruit,
    and before continuing our voyage we will collect all the
    remaining fruit we can from the tree and load it in the
    boat compartments. Hopefully, when we return we can
    take the seeds and grow some of this delicious fruit for
    all Apolytonia.

    I will write again soon. Please continue to keep us up
    to date with the happenings in our great civilization.
    And again, our congratulations to the Army of the Jungle.

    I remain,

    jdjdjd
    Last edited by Nubclear; July 31, 2002, 03:45.
    Eventis is the only refuge of the spammer. Join us now.
    Long live teh paranoia smiley!

  • #2
    The Jungle Gazette - Wednesday Edition Page 2

    Life as a Minister
    Supreme Military Commander "Uncle" UberKrux Tells Us about His Daily Life in his Own Words

    As an eighteen-year-old warlord, I require a lot of sleep before I get going on my Supreme Military Commanding. I typically wake up anywhere between 11 and 1, and today was no exception, I awoke at 11:26. As is the custom, I shower after I awake, and my day begins.
    Being a gargantuan warrior sure makes you hungry, so I ventured to the local "delicatessen" for some sustenance. I bartered some pretty green paper for a massive egg sandwich, aptly named "The Hungry Man". Three eggs, bacon, ham, American cheese, and ketchup, all on a hero, the breakfast of the gods.
    After I had finished my breakfast I called all my friends, and apparently a bunch of them have "jobs" and the other bunch is leaving for college soon and are quite busy. They state they cannot do anything until 6 or 7, so I am forced to dawdle about alone for a while.
    As I often do, I come to poly and check the forums. I often check the Civ3 Democracy game, Civ3 General, Civ3 Play the World, and Off Topic forums during the day. Today when I got on, I was informed that there was a turn chat the day before. I got mixed reports on what happened during that turn chat, as did many of the people ACTUALLY attending the thing. So I pieced together, based mostly on Timelines / Ninot’s threads, that we HAD actually begun the assault on America, and it went off without a hitch.
    Frankly, I had no doubts about this. I see New York falling in the distance with the same level of resistance. After everything was cleared up I downloaded the SAV to confirm everything. Looking great, going strong. But then duty calls again.
    My strategic mind begins racing over the possibilities for continuing the war. Sure, the basic plan is laid down, we’re marching towards and capturing New York, with the aid of any refresher army we can amass. But then questions rise up within me. All of them may seem small to the average citizen, but to a warmonger and strategist they could be the difference between victory and defeat.
    We COULD move out on New York this turn, but we’d be short one archer. Should we? It would speed up the war by a turn and hopefully get us what we want sooner. But I am going to say no. We are going to wait a turn for the other fully healed archer to rejoin his compatriots, and we will give the damaged archer a bed in Washington for him to rest his weary bones. We take care of our own here.
    That extra turn could prove useful for the refresher army, which doesn’t seem to exist yet. All those workers / settlers / temples really put a kink in the "refresher army" plan I had. I’m hoping for at LEAST 1 spear and 2 archers, but those are only hopes. My heart sinks as I think of our men being out manned.
    Next on my mind comes Sir Ralph and his expedition to the "city of iron". What would happen if Persia or Germany beats us to it? Our settler has almost no other suitable locations near there. This is where that little voice (Timeline) steps in and starts ranting that I’m not the IE minister. I note the voice but keep going anyway, because I am working for the good of Apolyton. I’m sorry but that is an inter-office job, and I’m not afraid to push my boundaries in order to do right by our people. I ponder a long walk back from the iron city through the jungle, our brave settlers and spearmen humiliated. I ponder if a galley could be useful in a "worst case scenario settler retreat" operation.
    Honestly, I can’t see a reason for NOT having a galley other than wasting the production that could be an archer. A galley would speed up transportation to areas beyond the jungle, allow us possible access to Uber Isle, and aid us in all general aspects. Strategy occupies a lot of my time on Apolyton. I often run Civ3 and Apolyton at the same time so I can draw up strategy and get a general overview of the game.
    After a brief stint on Apolyton, it’s about 2, so I settle down for some gaming, because my friends are still "occupied". I start up Warcraft 3 (I don’t just play civ you know) and begin applying the strategic genius to other fronts. I’ve been messing around with variants of the "standard" building queues, and I have successfully completed a "dual heroes" build queue that can get an army of two heroes up just a small while later than a standard 1 hero army. I have perfected it with the Night Elves and Humans, I am almost done with the Undead (I might move the Necropolis upgrade around), and I’m having trouble with the Orcs. If you don’t play Warcraft I’m sorry for boring you.
    After a few rounds of Warcraft 3 it’s now 5:30, and it’s dinnertime. Today my family had pizza / heroes. I had a meatball hero and some lasagna. Not much to say about dinner I suppose.
    Now it’s about 6:30 or so, and I’m trying with all my might to get enough friends together for a game of Axis and Allies, but one of them is missing in action. Me and several other friends frantically search for him, we call his cell phone, his house, we even STOPPED BY his house and knocked, and no one was home. Turns out we was SLEEPING and slept through all our attempts to get him. So by the time he wakes up and says he’s alive it’s 8:15, too late to start axis and allies (a few of my friends have pansy ass curfews, midnight), so we tossed around other ideas. It’s raining like hell right now, so the outdoors are, well, out. And video games are repetitive. After about an hour of idle talk, nothing happened. So I started writing this for Tassadar, the crazy Protoss (if you don’t get that allusion, just go away). And there you have it, a typical boring day in the life of the SMC.
    It’s now 10 PM local time, and I’m going back to Apolyton now to PM this to Tassadar and check the forums real quick. Then maybe some Civ or Warcraft, haven’t decided.
    Thank you and goodbye.

    Dear Jungle Gazette:
    As taken from the log entries of GodKing

    Wednesday, July 24th:

    Mass confusion reigned the other day as our forum building collapsed.
    Many people were injured to some extent or other. Although I think the
    collapse an accident, I shall devote all my engineering skills (as
    limited as they are in this age) to helping determine what happened.

    My banana. It appears the Americans may have sabotaged the stone used.
    Pray to the Great Banana that they shall not be allowed to do any more
    harm.

    I had the fortune of seeing our glorious army in the field. The shiny
    bronze arrow tips of our archers gleaming in the sun brought a tear to
    my eye. I do not envy our brave young men, for I know many shall not
    return from storming the heights of the American capitol of Washington.
    It is believed that the barbarians have at least one phalanx of
    spearmen stationed in their capitol, and that they will arm many of the
    populace as our army approaches. I have had many persons scouting the jungle
    for the ingredients that our witch doctor needs for making his healing
    salves. Our shamans are congregating at the stone monolith near our
    city of Tassigrad, preparing crutches in-between their ritual dances. I
    must go, for they bring the ritual goats for the sacrifice to the Great
    Banana, his blood smears shall augur the future for us, and his flesh
    shall support the troops….

    Thursday, July 25th:
    Morning:
    It appears that the Americans have kidnapped our beloved city planner,
    punkbass2000. Several of our citizens saw some bananas storm into his
    hut while he was getting his regular afternoon Swedish Massage. The
    next anyone saw, the hut collapsed in much the same way our forum
    building collapsed earlier this week. Confusion reigned until Apocalypse came
    on the scene and organized the people into a massive rescue effort.
    Several crushed bananas were found in the wreckage. They were obviously
    rabid. Tracks lead into the jungle from behind the hut, along with
    drag marks of the rabid bananas taking his body. Within the edge of the
    jungle people saw a 2 foot tall Spyder Daemon, similar to the one that
    poisoned me last month. When our intrepid jungle maniac Kramerman
    chased after the Daemon, some American spies seriously wounded him.
    Undoubtedly, it was the Americans that were behind all of this. Kman is
    healing up nicely, and will be available as chef for the beach parties!
    shortly.

    Afternoon:
    I was able this afternoon to sit in on our halls of government for the
    first time. A truly amazing process we have. Ninot handled his
    position beautifully, acting with skill and grace. Uber was slightly delayed
    in arriving, reportedly because he was in the dungeons interrogating
    some American spies – undoubtedly because of the kidnap of punkbass2000.
    I was unable to determine if he had learned anything of importance.
    Many others were also present. Our armies are on the border of the city
    of Washington. Tomorrow we shall open an embassy in their capitol,
    gaining us a good look at their defenses. Then we shall declare war and
    proceed with the invasion. Undoubtedly they shall draft some of their
    people into an offensive unit, trying to stop our army before we can
    approach their walls. They shall fail of course. They shall draft some
    more of their people to help defend the city proper. This is where we
    shall have our most difficult moment. Our archers shall have to !
    brave the streets that shall be crawling with enemy spearmen. Pray
    that the Great Banana is on our side.

    Friday, July 26th
    Morning:
    All hell has broken loose. Our Court system isn’t up and running yet
    (although Epistax is working his ass off to get it up), and already some
    of our citizens are trying to bring up cases. I am afraid that the way
    this so called first case between civman2000 and jdd2007 is going to
    cause problems. Hopefully the two can come to some reasonable solution,
    without causing a bloodbath in our almost newly constructed courthouse.
    I shall offer each a beer (or other drink of their choice) at my
    earliest opportunity.

    War declared. Despite the fact that Uber wasn’t able to lead our
    troops, his masterful planning carried the day. UberKruX’s location has
    remained secret all day. Perhaps he is in conference with our President
    Ninot. I am marching with our troops this day. There ahead is the
    infidel city, Washington. They don’t even have a wall to protect
    themselves. Aro’s battle flags lead our troops. He did a wonderful job on
    them. Our spearmen shine in their armor. Our archers march with a crisp
    step. In the excitement, I rush forward with our scouts. Oh, how I
    wish Aro, jdjdjd, skywalker and all the others who left this morning on
    the banana flotation devise could be here. Alas, they had to sail this
    morning with the conjunction of the tides. As all three moons were
    full, the tides worked well in assisting them in crossing the waves. Shame
    about skywalkers…. what did he call it, oh yes, a galley was it. Our
    troops needed the materials, and we had to improvise on the explor!
    ation device. Hopefully skywalker, this will suffice for the time
    being.

    Afternoon:
    The scouts and myself are on the outskirts of the city now. It doesn’t
    appear to be as well defended as anticipated….. a true benefit for our
    forces. I shall go with our scouts toward the side opposite our army,
    to try and catch this Lincoln of the Logs fellow as he runs with his
    tail between…**BONK**

    Sunday, July 28th:
    Morning:
    I awaken in one of our medial tents with the army outside the former
    capitol building in the newly christened city of Del Monte. Apparently I
    had not mastered this horse beast as well as I thought. While moving
    with our scouts, I had the misfortune of having the beast run under a
    low limb on one of the Naranja trees, which promptly proceeded to whack
    me in the head and render me unconscious. Apparently none of the scouts
    noticed anything was wrong with me until some hours later……… making me
    realize just how this Lincoln fellow was able to escape. Perhaps I
    shall have my people work on some form of optical assistance, I shall call
    them vision enhancement devices, goggles, oh, whatever. I’ll let the
    public name them. Perhaps they can be made out of that fused sand,
    glass is what Spiffor was calling it.

    Our armies took Washington (Del Monte) with a far smaller amount of
    casualties than expected. They are marching toward the City of New York
    as I write this. While unconscious I had several most interesting
    dreams. Prophecies of an alternate future I think, a what might become.
    Fortunately, we have already diverged from this path, and soon we shall
    be beyond anything I have seen. Nobody should know too much of what may
    become.

    Afternoon:
    I have received word that the banana flotation device is continuing on
    its journey, and that all is going well. jdjdjd sent several of his
    bird creatures (pidgins I think they are called. Quite tasty in a banana
    marinade and some dill-spice) as messengers. The supplies he has
    requested will be most difficult to come across, perhaps Kman will have a
    clue where to find some of them. Or perhaps Tassadar5000, as with the
    paper he and Unortho are putting out, they may have a few contacts of
    their own.

    Apparently Civman2000 and jdd2007 have come to an understanding, and
    are no longer throwing frozen fish at each other. I am glad to hear that
    even if they haven’t made up with each other yet, they are at least
    acting civil.

    Timeline stopped by, and we discussed the first real case to go in
    front of our new justices. It will prove to be most interesting. I will
    be assisting Timeline in this, as it is a most important aspect of our
    society, and I appear to be directly involved as I was one of the ones
    who abstained in the vote.

    A runner approaches. We have taken New York. Soon we shall rededicate
    the city as Gaia, its true and correct name in the will of the Great
    Banana. Our casualties are higher than anticipated. Many people back
    home will be missing their sons come this harvest. The runner, I believe
    his name is OPD, is also indicating that the evil Lincoln has sued for
    peace, giving us two of his outlying villages as well. This is truly a
    glorious time for our nation. With the iron deposits to our far west
    firmly in hand, soon our nation shall be one of the strongest in the
    world.

    Tuesday, July 30th:
    Many things have happened over the past couple of days. There are many
    debates as to what our society should focus on next. Many of our
    clubmen are looking forward to having the new swords distributed. Some of
    our archers are experimenting with making their bows larger. They claim
    it will make the arrows fly farther. We will have to wait and see on
    that experiment. The horses are being prepared for actual military use.
    I am told there fast speed and ability to run away from a loosing fight
    are excellent. I still don’t trust the beast, however, after what they
    did to me.

    A new plan is emerging to take the wine fields and dales of the French.
    After what that b&*%$ did to jdjdjd, whatever befalls her is fine by
    me. We must be careful to not irritate anybody else in the process. I
    hear tales of the Persians having swordsmen who are able to chop a stone
    in half with their swords, and of Greek spearmen who can dismember an
    attacker from over 12 feet away.

    Tassadar5000 and UnOrthOdOx have both requested some submittals for the
    Jungle Gazette. I will forward this logbook to them and hopefully
    others will do as well with their logs. May the Great Banana never rot on
    your counter.

    Godking

    Tassadar Takes Trip
    Tassadar Takes a Trip to Cape Cod

    Just a short message.....I will be taking a trip to the Cape Cod to get their opinions on the war. I shall be back sunday. May the great Banana bless all of you.
    Eventis is the only refuge of the spammer. Join us now.
    Long live teh paranoia smiley!

    Comment


    • #3
      These get better and better.

      /me escapes this time...
      Consul.

      Back to the ROOTS of addiction. My first missed poll!

      Comment


      • #4
        wow! that was great! better every week.

        Comment


        • #5
          A very nice job, Tass, and alot of work.

          I beg of everyone to lend a hand with the news section, and for Ninot to cease this endless every other day chats. It is too much. I am already lost. You said you would slow down, then made yet another chat for Thursday. I warn everyone publicly, should this continue, I will not be able to keep up, if help does not arrive for the paper, I may need to stop producing it all together. If we do not slow down, I may need to LEAVE all together. I have a life outside, and I already devote too much time here.
          One who has a surplus of the unorthodox shall attain surpassing victories. - Sun Pin
          You're wierd. - Krill

          An UnOrthOdOx Hobby

          Comment


          • #6
            Good paper.
            If you're interested in participating in the first Civ 5 Community Game then please visit: http://www.weplayciv.com/forums/forum.php

            Comment


            • #7
              Excellent work as always, Tass.

              I like the Godking log, great stuff, ...all those years playing in the banana peel dump as children, he never once mentioned keeping a log. You think you know someone and then bam, they surprise you like that.

              But anyway, thanks for remembering how the terrible French treated me (and Moral Hazard, too), GK.
              Note: the Law Offices of jdjdjd are temporarily closed.
              "Next time I say something like 'lets go to Bolivia', lets go to Bolivia"

              Comment


              • #8
                Great job. I like the part where I was mentioned, we need more of that....
                "Yay Apoc!!!!!!!" - bipolarbear
                "At least there were some thoughts went into Apocalypse." - Urban Ranger
                "Apocalype was a great game." - DrSpike
                "In Apoc, I had one soldier who lasted through the entire game... was pretty cool. I like apoc for that reason, the soldiers are a bit more 'personal'." - General Ludd

                Comment


                • #9
                  I just can't live without this paper. It's great!
                  RIAA sucks
                  The Optimistas
                  I'm a political cartoonist

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx
                    A very nice job, Tass, and alot of work.

                    I beg of everyone to lend a hand with the news section, and for Ninot to cease this endless every other day chats. It is too much. I am already lost. You said you would slow down, then made yet another chat for Thursday. I warn everyone publicly, should this continue, I will not be able to keep up, if help does not arrive for the paper, I may need to stop producing it all together. If we do not slow down, I may need to LEAVE all together. I have a life outside, and I already devote too much time here.
                    I agree. we really need to slow down.

                    and thanks for your apprecation everyone. ill be gone to cape cod for the next four days. ill be back sunday.

                    ill try to have fun! :d
                    Eventis is the only refuge of the spammer. Join us now.
                    Long live teh paranoia smiley!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Bye Tass! Go save a whale!
                      Consul.

                      Back to the ROOTS of addiction. My first missed poll!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Wow!

                        -
                        Mr jdjdjd- have you thought about cross-posting short tale that in the Civ III stories section?
                        -->Visit CGN!
                        -->"Production! More Production! Production creates Wealth! Production creates more Jobs!"-Wendell Willkie -1944

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I'm calling the island "Whales" in thanks to the great fish who brought us there.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by DarkCloud
                            Wow!

                            -
                            Mr jdjdjd- have you thought about cross-posting short tale that in the Civ III stories section?
                            I haven't thought about, is there money involved for the winner?
                            Note: the Law Offices of jdjdjd are temporarily closed.
                            "Next time I say something like 'lets go to Bolivia', lets go to Bolivia"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by skywalker
                              I'm calling the island "Whales" in thanks to the great fish who brought us there.
                              I'm calling it "The Island Time Trully Initiated Effectively"
                              or, its acronym "!@#$%&" for short. Maybe there's another out there just like it?



                              OK, Whale Island is good.
                              Note: the Law Offices of jdjdjd are temporarily closed.
                              "Next time I say something like 'lets go to Bolivia', lets go to Bolivia"

                              Comment

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