Tweet
Welcome to Volume IV of the Berzerker Bugle Part I
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Letters to The Editor opens
Berzerker Bugle Letters to the Editor Thread
Let us know what you think, it is your Nation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I be upset
What sort of a Viking are we making now-a-days. As I walk down the pathways to look at the new battle axes the blacksmiths have been working on, I overhear two government “Officials” talking. These lily livered pansies! are asking "Should we attack the Persians?"
Now what kind of talk is this, should we breath, should we mate, should we drink! Heavens to Betsy yes! So who shouldn’t we kill, rape and pillage?
This kind of nonsense coming from our government officials is most bothersome. Of course, of course, one might think they were merely saying we should only attack them when the time was right. Nope! Not true! These little cretins just wanted lay down to the world and let them walk all over us. We must not let these little punks get away from what it means to be a true Viking. The two that I heard talking, I grabbed them by the scruff and took them to the nearest enlistment station. They are now proudly serving as apprentice latrine diggers for our glorious military. But what of the heresy itself? Surely, no government officials have ever shown any original thoughts before. Where did it come from?
Women perhaps! I hear that we are considering giving them the vote. Yet women today do not even know how to properly wield a spear. They be soft! Now, I have no objection to a women voting, as long as she be a true Valkerie warrior. Yet I know of only a couple among us who I consider worthy.
We need to investigate, bang a few heads, and get ourselves back in line. We be warriors, connoisseur's of destruction, taker or worlds; not a bunch of peace lovin’ hippy do gooders. Back to our origins I say. kill! Kill!! KILL!!!. Hu Rah, semper fi!!
Now, about these sissy little Persians. Sure, they got a wicked sharp sword, but we got skill and gumption. We also got knowledge of their lands, and their tactics. They have insulted us by founding colonies on lands that are properly ours. They have insulted our women by saying that “Red heads are ugly.”
What! Heresy! They even pollute our air with their sing song speech, nothing proper skalds would do, and that nasty smelling Hummus-Falafel stuff they call food. Yuck! They deserve to die, and to die a hard and nasty death.! Let us mount their heads on our walls, use their guts as slop for our pigs, and gather up all their metal and forge it into proper battle axes!!
What say ye?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New School opens its doors
In recent days a new school has been founded here in apolyton, it is the 'Asgardian School of Interdimesional History'. We have been informed that this new school claims that other apolytons have existed previously, and to know of the histories of these other Apolytons!, so we decided to investigate. After some time spent searching we managed to catch up with the founder a Mr. Nimitz, and managed to ask him some questions.
Bugle : So Mr. Nimitz why did you found this school?
Mr. Nimitz : I founded it due to the lack of knowlege of Apolyton in all its past incarnations.
Bugle : Do you really expect others to believe there are and have been other Apolytons?
Mr. Nimitz : Yes of course I do, I believe that there have been other Apolytons!, and while many may not believe I hope that they would at least listen. There are many things that may be learned from the elders, those who came before, if they would just listen!
Bugle : Do you not worry that others may dismiss you as crazy for saying such things?
Mr. Nimitz : Of course not!, I know that I am speaking the truth, and I will not stop just because some feel I am insane!
Bugle : Ok I have one last question.
Mr. Nimitz : Ok shoot.
Bugle : How did you come to have this knowlege, I mean it must not of been easy!, what magic did it take?
Mr. Nimitz : None at all, I already posess knowlege because I am from one of the other Apolytons! I am a sage sent here to educate the children of the Elders!
Bugle : Well Mr. Nimitz, thank for your time and I wish you every success for your school.
Mr. Nimitz : Thank you and may the great Banana guide you!
Well that was our interveiw with Mr. Nimitz, it was an interesting event with one big twist at the end. But no matter what you think of him or his ideas we would encourage you to visit his school there are many interesting threads and facts regarding the previous apolytons. Mr Nimitz will himself be writing a narration that will entertain you greatly. This link takes you to
The school .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trout Slapping Epidemic Ends
Over a year ago in our predecessor paper, the Jungle Gazette, reporter Crystal Clear reported on the severe increase in Trout Slapping. The Surgeon General of Apolyton indicated that almost 60% of the populous had engaged in some form of Trout Slapping at one time or another. Of those so engaged, an alarming 17% admitted to being chronic Trout Slappers. Trout Slapping had truly reached epidemic proportions.
Once the habit of Trout Slapping had been exclusively in the domain of individual homes or of illegal Trout Slapping Hula Bars and Dance Clubs. As the practitioners became addicted, they began bringing their Trouts into public places, including public chats and even on Apolyton Forums.
At the Banana King Tavern (and Brothel) where the practice of Trout Slapping had been banned, and signs posted around the premises clearly indicating such, patrons would regularly walk in with their trout and slap each other, with neither the constables nor the staff doing anything to intervene.
“This epidemic has, thankfully, finally ended.” Surgeon General of the Grater Viking Nation, “We attribute the decline to a number of things, most particularly the advent of PBEM games.” While true, the loss of large parts of the practicing population to these other nations merely caused the further spread of this habit.
In a way, however, the Surgeon General is correct. These forums provided a smaller, more controlled atmosphere. These locations are by their nature less accepting of difference and causing mayhem in general.
Trout Slapping is known to cause decreased productivity. It is well-documented that while trout-slapping, both hand-eye co-ordination and mental capacity decrease considerably. This affects both worker productivity and city output, and can have a profound impact on strategy chats, where the business of Apolytonia is done.
(as reported by Crystal Clear).
Initially, back benching members of the Senate proposed to ban outright the practice of Trout Slapping. Although soundly defending the rights of the citizenry to practice, then president Arnelos strongly fought against such reactionary Jacobian style politics. When several overtly concerned senators did attempt to ban the practice, the bill was soundly defeated in the Senate. Ex-President Arnelos eventually joined Ghengis Farb in the “Trout is Tasty Club”.
Trout Slapping increased dramatically after Crystal Clears initial report. The Egyptian state of Apolytania succeeded in dominating its world, and sent settlers out to other known worlds. The first one colonized proved untenable due to the massive size (slow turn rate) of the world. A second generation of settlers has now colonized this world, we the Vikings. “The diffusion of our peoples is the true cause of the ending of this epidemic”, stated Godking, acting technical advisor to the Viking Harold.
“Where there were at one point in time 20+ people attempting to coordinate the efficiency of worker production in a city, now it is hard to get one. This loss of manpower has resulted in a demand for an increase of efficiency. Trout Slapping is by nature non-efficient, and therefore couldn’t survive in a context of efficiency being necessary. If a small group needs to be efficient, and someone is causing disruption, then that person will likely be corrected or removed if correction doesn’t take. Particularly by those who were caught using the ‘Frozen Trout’ or the ‘Trout Bazooka’ in their slaps.”
‘Additionally, it appears that people have actually followed the advice of the near mythical Ming, and started using smileys instead of trout.”
“This is a great day in the history of the Viking peoples, where we can now report that the vile epidemic of Trout Slapping has now been cured. However, we must be vigilant, as at any time the practice may come back and hit us with a vengeance.”
Reported by Tequila Rocks for the Viking Harold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another one about recruiting more people....
Recently we have heard from several people, myself included, asking for something. Something simple actually. Regular playing of the game. I am glad to report that Paddy the Scott, our leader from down under (although I am not sure under what, being a Scott myself after all and wondering if this is some sort of crude reference to our kilts), has addressed the issue. Although he has not advanced the cause as far as myself and others might like, he has, none the less, done an outstanding job. This is particularly true considering the limited resources of personnel he has had at his disposal. This entire term there has been no VP to support the Presidential position.
This can be most grave. I myself am a former President of this great democracy game. I remember the glory days of the Trip / Ninot election scandal. When I was involved, I relied heavily on my VP to post updates and to help run the game. It truly is a demanding position for just one person. I applaud Paddy on his outstanding efforts.
What can we do? Join Up. Volunteer your time. It doesn’t take much. You need to be able to give only 4 hours a week, for only a month at a time. That is a total of 16 hours over an entire month. Who of us addicts haven’t sat down and played an all night civ marathon? I myself, busy since September of a year ago, haven’t volunteered much. That will change. I announce that I will run for office this coming election.
I encourage each and every one of you who read this to do the same. I know we have lots of lurkers out there. We need more of you to stand up and offer your time and abilities to this game. We have had the help and assistance of, in at least one instance, a 72 year old man and a 12 year old girl. Each has contributed to their abilities and time. So can you.
Shortly, we will be holding elections again. I ask you to join us and offer your services. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of a sense of wanting to have some fun and play the great game civ. To offer your time and join us in dominating the world. World domination is a fun hobby for the entire family to join in.
If you think that you are not qualified, bull pucky. The only qualification is that you a) respect other demo gamers, even if you don’t agree b) know the basics of civ and c) actually follow up on what you commit to do. Simple. Don’t even have to know a lot about the game itself, as this is a way of learning and having fun. Yep, I know, but it is true that at times you can do both at once.
If you are not sure what to do, start a post and ask. That simple. If you know what you want to do that jump up and start helping out.
By GodKing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Letters to The Editor opens
Berzerker Bugle Letters to the Editor Thread
Let us know what you think, it is your Nation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I be upset
What sort of a Viking are we making now-a-days. As I walk down the pathways to look at the new battle axes the blacksmiths have been working on, I overhear two government “Officials” talking. These lily livered pansies! are asking "Should we attack the Persians?"
Now what kind of talk is this, should we breath, should we mate, should we drink! Heavens to Betsy yes! So who shouldn’t we kill, rape and pillage?
This kind of nonsense coming from our government officials is most bothersome. Of course, of course, one might think they were merely saying we should only attack them when the time was right. Nope! Not true! These little cretins just wanted lay down to the world and let them walk all over us. We must not let these little punks get away from what it means to be a true Viking. The two that I heard talking, I grabbed them by the scruff and took them to the nearest enlistment station. They are now proudly serving as apprentice latrine diggers for our glorious military. But what of the heresy itself? Surely, no government officials have ever shown any original thoughts before. Where did it come from?
Women perhaps! I hear that we are considering giving them the vote. Yet women today do not even know how to properly wield a spear. They be soft! Now, I have no objection to a women voting, as long as she be a true Valkerie warrior. Yet I know of only a couple among us who I consider worthy.
We need to investigate, bang a few heads, and get ourselves back in line. We be warriors, connoisseur's of destruction, taker or worlds; not a bunch of peace lovin’ hippy do gooders. Back to our origins I say. kill! Kill!! KILL!!!. Hu Rah, semper fi!!
Now, about these sissy little Persians. Sure, they got a wicked sharp sword, but we got skill and gumption. We also got knowledge of their lands, and their tactics. They have insulted us by founding colonies on lands that are properly ours. They have insulted our women by saying that “Red heads are ugly.”
What! Heresy! They even pollute our air with their sing song speech, nothing proper skalds would do, and that nasty smelling Hummus-Falafel stuff they call food. Yuck! They deserve to die, and to die a hard and nasty death.! Let us mount their heads on our walls, use their guts as slop for our pigs, and gather up all their metal and forge it into proper battle axes!!
What say ye?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New School opens its doors
In recent days a new school has been founded here in apolyton, it is the 'Asgardian School of Interdimesional History'. We have been informed that this new school claims that other apolytons have existed previously, and to know of the histories of these other Apolytons!, so we decided to investigate. After some time spent searching we managed to catch up with the founder a Mr. Nimitz, and managed to ask him some questions.
Bugle : So Mr. Nimitz why did you found this school?
Mr. Nimitz : I founded it due to the lack of knowlege of Apolyton in all its past incarnations.
Bugle : Do you really expect others to believe there are and have been other Apolytons?
Mr. Nimitz : Yes of course I do, I believe that there have been other Apolytons!, and while many may not believe I hope that they would at least listen. There are many things that may be learned from the elders, those who came before, if they would just listen!
Bugle : Do you not worry that others may dismiss you as crazy for saying such things?
Mr. Nimitz : Of course not!, I know that I am speaking the truth, and I will not stop just because some feel I am insane!
Bugle : Ok I have one last question.
Mr. Nimitz : Ok shoot.
Bugle : How did you come to have this knowlege, I mean it must not of been easy!, what magic did it take?
Mr. Nimitz : None at all, I already posess knowlege because I am from one of the other Apolytons! I am a sage sent here to educate the children of the Elders!
Bugle : Well Mr. Nimitz, thank for your time and I wish you every success for your school.
Mr. Nimitz : Thank you and may the great Banana guide you!
Well that was our interveiw with Mr. Nimitz, it was an interesting event with one big twist at the end. But no matter what you think of him or his ideas we would encourage you to visit his school there are many interesting threads and facts regarding the previous apolytons. Mr Nimitz will himself be writing a narration that will entertain you greatly. This link takes you to
The school .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trout Slapping Epidemic Ends
Over a year ago in our predecessor paper, the Jungle Gazette, reporter Crystal Clear reported on the severe increase in Trout Slapping. The Surgeon General of Apolyton indicated that almost 60% of the populous had engaged in some form of Trout Slapping at one time or another. Of those so engaged, an alarming 17% admitted to being chronic Trout Slappers. Trout Slapping had truly reached epidemic proportions.
Once the habit of Trout Slapping had been exclusively in the domain of individual homes or of illegal Trout Slapping Hula Bars and Dance Clubs. As the practitioners became addicted, they began bringing their Trouts into public places, including public chats and even on Apolyton Forums.
At the Banana King Tavern (and Brothel) where the practice of Trout Slapping had been banned, and signs posted around the premises clearly indicating such, patrons would regularly walk in with their trout and slap each other, with neither the constables nor the staff doing anything to intervene.
“This epidemic has, thankfully, finally ended.” Surgeon General of the Grater Viking Nation, “We attribute the decline to a number of things, most particularly the advent of PBEM games.” While true, the loss of large parts of the practicing population to these other nations merely caused the further spread of this habit.
In a way, however, the Surgeon General is correct. These forums provided a smaller, more controlled atmosphere. These locations are by their nature less accepting of difference and causing mayhem in general.
Trout Slapping is known to cause decreased productivity. It is well-documented that while trout-slapping, both hand-eye co-ordination and mental capacity decrease considerably. This affects both worker productivity and city output, and can have a profound impact on strategy chats, where the business of Apolytonia is done.
(as reported by Crystal Clear).
Initially, back benching members of the Senate proposed to ban outright the practice of Trout Slapping. Although soundly defending the rights of the citizenry to practice, then president Arnelos strongly fought against such reactionary Jacobian style politics. When several overtly concerned senators did attempt to ban the practice, the bill was soundly defeated in the Senate. Ex-President Arnelos eventually joined Ghengis Farb in the “Trout is Tasty Club”.
Trout Slapping increased dramatically after Crystal Clears initial report. The Egyptian state of Apolytania succeeded in dominating its world, and sent settlers out to other known worlds. The first one colonized proved untenable due to the massive size (slow turn rate) of the world. A second generation of settlers has now colonized this world, we the Vikings. “The diffusion of our peoples is the true cause of the ending of this epidemic”, stated Godking, acting technical advisor to the Viking Harold.
“Where there were at one point in time 20+ people attempting to coordinate the efficiency of worker production in a city, now it is hard to get one. This loss of manpower has resulted in a demand for an increase of efficiency. Trout Slapping is by nature non-efficient, and therefore couldn’t survive in a context of efficiency being necessary. If a small group needs to be efficient, and someone is causing disruption, then that person will likely be corrected or removed if correction doesn’t take. Particularly by those who were caught using the ‘Frozen Trout’ or the ‘Trout Bazooka’ in their slaps.”
‘Additionally, it appears that people have actually followed the advice of the near mythical Ming, and started using smileys instead of trout.”
“This is a great day in the history of the Viking peoples, where we can now report that the vile epidemic of Trout Slapping has now been cured. However, we must be vigilant, as at any time the practice may come back and hit us with a vengeance.”
Reported by Tequila Rocks for the Viking Harold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another one about recruiting more people....
Recently we have heard from several people, myself included, asking for something. Something simple actually. Regular playing of the game. I am glad to report that Paddy the Scott, our leader from down under (although I am not sure under what, being a Scott myself after all and wondering if this is some sort of crude reference to our kilts), has addressed the issue. Although he has not advanced the cause as far as myself and others might like, he has, none the less, done an outstanding job. This is particularly true considering the limited resources of personnel he has had at his disposal. This entire term there has been no VP to support the Presidential position.
This can be most grave. I myself am a former President of this great democracy game. I remember the glory days of the Trip / Ninot election scandal. When I was involved, I relied heavily on my VP to post updates and to help run the game. It truly is a demanding position for just one person. I applaud Paddy on his outstanding efforts.
What can we do? Join Up. Volunteer your time. It doesn’t take much. You need to be able to give only 4 hours a week, for only a month at a time. That is a total of 16 hours over an entire month. Who of us addicts haven’t sat down and played an all night civ marathon? I myself, busy since September of a year ago, haven’t volunteered much. That will change. I announce that I will run for office this coming election.
I encourage each and every one of you who read this to do the same. I know we have lots of lurkers out there. We need more of you to stand up and offer your time and abilities to this game. We have had the help and assistance of, in at least one instance, a 72 year old man and a 12 year old girl. Each has contributed to their abilities and time. So can you.
Shortly, we will be holding elections again. I ask you to join us and offer your services. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of a sense of wanting to have some fun and play the great game civ. To offer your time and join us in dominating the world. World domination is a fun hobby for the entire family to join in.
If you think that you are not qualified, bull pucky. The only qualification is that you a) respect other demo gamers, even if you don’t agree b) know the basics of civ and c) actually follow up on what you commit to do. Simple. Don’t even have to know a lot about the game itself, as this is a way of learning and having fun. Yep, I know, but it is true that at times you can do both at once.
If you are not sure what to do, start a post and ask. That simple. If you know what you want to do that jump up and start helping out.
By GodKing
Comment