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The Git, The Borg, The Scout, The .....
What a brilliantly funny newsletter from Apolyton eh?
ROTFLMAO!!!
Let's start classifying us MP'ers by our main preferences
I guess I'm a bit Borg and Corporate Whore with a touch of Freak]
Never been a Git or Scout and never Regular!
I post it here for those who missed it!
Ming can take it out if it's overkill.....
----
KNOW YOUR ENEMY
By Lazarus and the Gimp ( Alex.Woodland@ukgateway.net )
April 7, 2001
================================================== ===================
Civ's been around for years now, and although the permutations of gameplay
are near-infinite there are certain factors that remain constant. One of
these is the type of opponent that you'll come up against, and despite
everyone bringing their own little quirks and screaming perversions to the
game there are certain key types to watch out for.
For the benefit of all Civ novices, here are the ones that can really ruin
your day.
1- The Git.
Pray you never play The Git. Of all the breeds of Civ player he is the
most excruciatingly irksome. Inside Civ games, The Git specialises in
wanton vandalism. He churns out low-grade units by the score, sending them
out in swarms on kamikaze orgies of destruction. Shunning direct
confrontation, he will mercilessly target your infrastructure and will
wreck roads, mines and anything else that comes within the grasp of his
grubby little paws. Against serious opposition he gets swatted early, but
anyone unfortunate to start next to him is doomed.
Away from Civ games The Git generally spends his spare time vandalising
phone boxes, spitting on passers-by from the tops of multi-storey car
parks, and scrawling homoerotic graffitti in public lavatories. He is
single, he is "going through a difficult phase", and he badly needs either
the loving guidance of a good woman or a damned good kicking.
2- The Borg
The Borg is hardcore, humourless and very dangerous. He has assimilated
every single fragment of tactical tips stored throughout the internet and
knows how to use them. You will instantly know when you are playing a
Borg, because you will stumble across thriving size 20 cities when your
own citizens are just starting to get the hang of sharpening twigs. No-one
ever observes how the Borg starts out- he just suddenly pops up out of his
little hideaway and kicks the crap out of everyone. Growth is everything
to the Borg, and he shies away from confrontation to lurk in quiet corner,
expanding like a particularly smug tumour.
Outside of Civ games, The Borg is one of those quiet little clerks who
appears to live behind his desk. You will barely notice his existance
until the day he doesn't show up to work- at which point you will discover
that he has inexplicably managed to embezzle all your employer's cash,
shagged your girlfriend, and framed you for an act of public indecency
with a piece of municipal sculpture.
3- The Boy Scout
The Boy Scout will immediately charge out across the map in a heady burst
of exploration. His units will roam around the map seeking out signs of
life, and setting up remote outposts. When encountering other
civilisations he falls over himself in his puppyish enthusiasm to
establish diplomatic relations, and leaps at every chance to forge
alliances. The Boy Scout tends to end up controlling vast tracts of land
but gets ripped to shreds the moment things turn nasty, as his huge
frontiers are almost impossible to defend. One curious fact about the Boy
Scout is that he always brings out the worst in every single one of his
opponents, who can often be seen drooling at the prospect of mauling his
unblemished flesh.
In real life the Boy Scout is one of those godawful Ivy League/Oxbridge
crashing bores who breeze through life effortlessly, convinced (in the
face of the facts) that there is good to be found in everybody. Getting
perfect grades, perfect health and a perfect job, he will finally end up
as the plaything of a 6-foot leather-clad dominatrix ladyboy called
"Madame Immaculata".
4- The Corporate Whore
Dangerous, Machiavellian and universally despised, the Corporate Whore
ruthlessly accumulates wealth. Everything has a price to this spiritually
bankrupt grasper, who concentrates on building a sinister industrial
super-state at the heart of his empire. Knowledge and property are valued
only for their commercial value, and he'll be only too ready to screw
every last penny out of his hapless allies for each pittance he tosses
their way. Alliances are only valued where he can be sure of royally
stabbing you in the back at the earliest opportunity. The Corporate
Whore's greatest fear is to be located next to The Git, the one enemy
utterly immune to his advances. If you see any player frantically
scrabbling to assemble the "United Nations" wonder (the sign of a
seriously untrustworthy bastard) you can be sure it's the Whore.
Away from his PC the Corporate Whore is your boss. With this fact in mind
ensure that you screw him before he gets the chance to screw you.
5- The Freak
The Freak is determined that his game will perfectly mirror the character
and history of his chosen race. In fact, he's been known to chide
opposition Mongols for abandoning their nomadic raider existance in order
to develop space flight. If he's playing as Carthaginians you may find
your tanks suddenly facing hordes of elephants. The Freak tends to provide
tremendous entertainment value that ends all too soon when the Borg chews
him up and spits him out in a mangled gobbet of gristle.
In real life (assuming of course that he has something approaching a real
life) The Freak is an enigma. Either he doesn' t get out much or no-one
will admit to knowing him.
6- The Regular, Ordinary Person.
This player is a myth. This is Civ we're talking about, after all. Next
time you play, put a mirror over your monitor. Do you see that leering,
twisted sociopath hunched over the keyboard? That's you, my boy.
So which one are you?
---
ROTFLMAO!!!
Let's start classifying us MP'ers by our main preferences
I guess I'm a bit Borg and Corporate Whore with a touch of Freak
]Never been a Git or Scout and never Regular!
I post it here for those who missed it!
Ming can take it out if it's overkill.....
----
KNOW YOUR ENEMY
By Lazarus and the Gimp ( Alex.Woodland@ukgateway.net )
April 7, 2001
================================================== ===================
Civ's been around for years now, and although the permutations of gameplay
are near-infinite there are certain factors that remain constant. One of
these is the type of opponent that you'll come up against, and despite
everyone bringing their own little quirks and screaming perversions to the
game there are certain key types to watch out for.
For the benefit of all Civ novices, here are the ones that can really ruin
your day.
1- The Git.
Pray you never play The Git. Of all the breeds of Civ player he is the
most excruciatingly irksome. Inside Civ games, The Git specialises in
wanton vandalism. He churns out low-grade units by the score, sending them
out in swarms on kamikaze orgies of destruction. Shunning direct
confrontation, he will mercilessly target your infrastructure and will
wreck roads, mines and anything else that comes within the grasp of his
grubby little paws. Against serious opposition he gets swatted early, but
anyone unfortunate to start next to him is doomed.
Away from Civ games The Git generally spends his spare time vandalising
phone boxes, spitting on passers-by from the tops of multi-storey car
parks, and scrawling homoerotic graffitti in public lavatories. He is
single, he is "going through a difficult phase", and he badly needs either
the loving guidance of a good woman or a damned good kicking.
2- The Borg
The Borg is hardcore, humourless and very dangerous. He has assimilated
every single fragment of tactical tips stored throughout the internet and
knows how to use them. You will instantly know when you are playing a
Borg, because you will stumble across thriving size 20 cities when your
own citizens are just starting to get the hang of sharpening twigs. No-one
ever observes how the Borg starts out- he just suddenly pops up out of his
little hideaway and kicks the crap out of everyone. Growth is everything
to the Borg, and he shies away from confrontation to lurk in quiet corner,
expanding like a particularly smug tumour.
Outside of Civ games, The Borg is one of those quiet little clerks who
appears to live behind his desk. You will barely notice his existance
until the day he doesn't show up to work- at which point you will discover
that he has inexplicably managed to embezzle all your employer's cash,
shagged your girlfriend, and framed you for an act of public indecency
with a piece of municipal sculpture.
3- The Boy Scout
The Boy Scout will immediately charge out across the map in a heady burst
of exploration. His units will roam around the map seeking out signs of
life, and setting up remote outposts. When encountering other
civilisations he falls over himself in his puppyish enthusiasm to
establish diplomatic relations, and leaps at every chance to forge
alliances. The Boy Scout tends to end up controlling vast tracts of land
but gets ripped to shreds the moment things turn nasty, as his huge
frontiers are almost impossible to defend. One curious fact about the Boy
Scout is that he always brings out the worst in every single one of his
opponents, who can often be seen drooling at the prospect of mauling his
unblemished flesh.
In real life the Boy Scout is one of those godawful Ivy League/Oxbridge
crashing bores who breeze through life effortlessly, convinced (in the
face of the facts) that there is good to be found in everybody. Getting
perfect grades, perfect health and a perfect job, he will finally end up
as the plaything of a 6-foot leather-clad dominatrix ladyboy called
"Madame Immaculata".
4- The Corporate Whore
Dangerous, Machiavellian and universally despised, the Corporate Whore
ruthlessly accumulates wealth. Everything has a price to this spiritually
bankrupt grasper, who concentrates on building a sinister industrial
super-state at the heart of his empire. Knowledge and property are valued
only for their commercial value, and he'll be only too ready to screw
every last penny out of his hapless allies for each pittance he tosses
their way. Alliances are only valued where he can be sure of royally
stabbing you in the back at the earliest opportunity. The Corporate
Whore's greatest fear is to be located next to The Git, the one enemy
utterly immune to his advances. If you see any player frantically
scrabbling to assemble the "United Nations" wonder (the sign of a
seriously untrustworthy bastard) you can be sure it's the Whore.
Away from his PC the Corporate Whore is your boss. With this fact in mind
ensure that you screw him before he gets the chance to screw you.
5- The Freak
The Freak is determined that his game will perfectly mirror the character
and history of his chosen race. In fact, he's been known to chide
opposition Mongols for abandoning their nomadic raider existance in order
to develop space flight. If he's playing as Carthaginians you may find
your tanks suddenly facing hordes of elephants. The Freak tends to provide
tremendous entertainment value that ends all too soon when the Borg chews
him up and spits him out in a mangled gobbet of gristle.
In real life (assuming of course that he has something approaching a real
life) The Freak is an enigma. Either he doesn' t get out much or no-one
will admit to knowing him.
6- The Regular, Ordinary Person.
This player is a myth. This is Civ we're talking about, after all. Next
time you play, put a mirror over your monitor. Do you see that leering,
twisted sociopath hunched over the keyboard? That's you, my boy.
So which one are you?
---
I love to expand and make contact with everyone, but I'll also stab in the back when I have an overwhelming advantage. The way to play me, frankly, is to acquire trust through strength.
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