Apolyton Today

[James Adams]

Nice newspaper, kept up Bear!

[Hydey]

Please tell me when you reach the funny section of the paper.

[-Jrabbit]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR
To Whom It May Concern,

I hereby deny being a bear. As proof, I offer my name, my avatar, and the fact that I am allergic to salmon. I can bring forth numerous character witnesses to support this fact.

Lagomorphs uber alles!

-Jrabbit

[-Jrabbit]

Originally posted by cavebear
I have to admit that I am a bit uncertain as to your point in all of this.

C'mon, that's easy.

Obviously, Bear is showing us his writing chops, trying to establish a viable portfolio to use in the upcoming election campaign for the post of Historian.

I would suggest he be careful about tweaking too many game members, however, as I'm sure he'll need every vote he can get!

Other possibilities:
--Desperate for attention
--Bored
--Post Count!
--All of the above

[mrboo123]

All of the above, who wants a poll on this?

-y
-n

[Zedd]

While this is a democratic game.............Apolyton is a communist state.

only democracy's have "freedom of speech"

[MrWhereItsAt]

Originally posted by Zedd
While this is a democratic game.............Apolyton is a communist state.

only democracy's have "freedom of speech"

So... this is an underground newspaper.

But if you think the political climate is bad for free speech now, what about if we actually go Fundy?

We'd be hearing about how High Priest and Representative-of-God-on-Earth cavebear saved the lives of ten god-fearing invalid Boy Scouts from a swarm of evil, pedophiliac Carthaginians with naught but his Scepter of Justice!

I think the way it's going is better.

Minister of WAR, not peace.
Presidential Candidate.
MrWIA.

[Bear]

CITIZENS ANGRY AT TABLOID

Reports have been coming in consistently today that the citizens of Apolyton are expressing concern at the purpose of Apolyton Today. Most members have had a good laugh, but some have condoned it as being "bad for the political situation".
One citizen, cavebear, remarked that he failed to see the point in it, and said it bore no resemblance to anything happening in the game. Our Editor would prefer to keep out of this debate, but the reporter (whom still has fork wounds to his face and groin) screamed "Have you ever inspected the Lemmings regiments?!" when we questioned him on this.
JRabbit proposed that Apolyton Today was for Bears attention seeking, post count, boredom or all of the above. If it was to seek attention - he wins! But it wasn't. Nor was it to increase his post count, or to do with his incessant boredom.
The point of Apolyton Today is to bring hilariousity to the glorious nation and its citizens, giving them a chance to read about their government and their fellow citizens. Apolyton Today believes, and knows, that there is a lot of voter apathy because the citizens just do not know who is running things. As was previously mentioned, Today's political affiliation is with the citizens, and we strive to highlight the names of the "celebrities" of the Apolyton world - those in the limelight.
Apolyton Today would like to say to all its readers that we are not attempting to create character profiles for the members of the Apolyton Cabinet, past or present - we are simply attempting to highlight their names. Whether the President wears red socks, blue socks, yellow socks or no socks should not determine the voting - if a person votes on this, it is simply a wasted vote.
On the subject of bearing no resemblance to anything happening in the game, Apolyton Today stresses that it COULD be. We could report on the state of the millitary (whether good or bad), or on the state of the sewage systems of our cities, or on the fact that Apolyton fishermen are accidently killing 370% more dolphins this decade than last. But, we don't - that would be boring and not in the intrest of our readers, who want some time out from the hustle and bustle of Apolyton politics. Instead, we write things which are funny and humourous, and, provided you can take a light hearted joke, not offensive.
If, unfortuently, you do not fit into this category, I never asked you to click on this topic in the first place, or indeed to read it.
Apolyton Today maintains its right to write what it wants when it wants, although it apologises for any offense caused and swears it was not purposeful.

[Bear]

PICTURES OF MRWHEREITSAT IN THE BATH

[Bear]

I bet some of you would have paid real money to see that, eh?

I guess we all take our freedom of speech for granted - until we lose it.


No offence to MrWIA.. those pictures have been destroyed

[Zedd]

Just to clarify I think the paper is hilarious and only wanted to take a jab at bears sudden fredom of speech movement.

Even though it really doesn't have much to do with the game it adds som alure to the democracy game and really doesn't differ much from things like......... creating an Apolytn coin or setting up the political parties, its simply a diversion to make game play more entertaining.

[MrWhereItsAt]

Official Communique from Ministry of WAR

"Due to incessant and frequent demands from members of the public that the Minister of WAR comment on that picture and subsequent censorship of said picture, here is the transcript of what Minister MrWhereItsAt had to say in a press conference today:

[Crowd mutters]

Aide to MrWIA: Please join me in welcoming everyone's favourite object of affec- admiration. He is your hero and mine *Aide sighs in suggestive manner* - the Minister of WAR and Presidential Candidate MrWhereItsAt!

Suited Sycophants: WIA! WIA! WIA!

MrWIA: Thank you m'dear.

{MrWIA starts referring to notes}

MrWIA: I strongly support the Apolyton Today newspaper provided it reports exactly what is in the best interests of the people of Apolytonia and nothing that may cause harm to the public good. It is in my (and the Ministry's) opinion that that picture would have cause considerable public harm. No. I'm not going to tell you why that picture was so bad - I would have to censure myself if I did so - I hope I don't have to quote from the "Keeping Secrets from the People for Their Own Good" Act. And besides, I have not taken a bath for the entire time I have been in office.

Hey, I want the people to have complete and utter freedom of speech and press as much as anyone, but we are all bound by those stupid laws. And we all have to live with the law.

Reporter: But isn't it true that you proposed those laws and, when it looked like you weren't getting the support you needed for them, didn't you threaten to send any opposition to become cleaners of cages for the Marquis' Pigeon Air Corps?

MrWIA: ....

Aide to MrWIA: The accomplished Minister of War must now retire to his chambers to, um, ruminate on the coming battles. You must excuse him. What a hero!

*Aide sighs in highly attractive female fashion*

*End of press conference*

*Reporters look dubious*

[CannonFodder]

Some of it's funny, some isn't. But hey, if anything brings something original to the forum, that's fine with me.

[Hydey]

Originally posted by CannonFodder
Some of it's funny,

must have missed those bits

[James Adams]

Great!