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The Phalanx: Issue #7

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    The Phalanx

    Your only reliable and trustworthy resource for news on the Spartan Federation. To quote the Spartan Battle Manual:

    Information, the first principle of warfare, must form the foundation of all your efforts. Know, of course, thine enemy. But in knowing him do not forget above all to know thyself. The commander who embraces this totality of battle shall win even with the inferior force.

    In Issue #7:
    - Debbie Murdered! (obituary)
    - Snoddasmannen To Become Chief of Gaian Affairs; A Peace Summit In The Works (news)
    - Spartans Organize, Create The Citizen's Defence Force (news)
    - Naval Incident Severs Gaian Relations (news)
    - Chiron Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Gaians (fiction)

    Debbie Murdered!

    by Major Snoddasmannen

    "O, wet pets, never have I yet been so fortunate to get companions such as you.
    Unlike my cats, you do not scratch, nor prey on small fowl, nor at midnight yowl.
    You are quiet as the fog; not so for my dog. He jumps and will drool, and acts much the fool.
    You are beauty in motion, and freedom in form; your life's but an ocean and mine to death foresworn. But never will I be alone, long as you are in my home."

    -- Lyn Duedall

    Two days ago, Debbie, Colonel Maniacs pet goldfish, was found floating on her back in her bowl in Sparta Command. Emergency veterinary personell was immediately dispatched but it was too late to save her life. Though cause of death is not yet established, sources inside the Junta indicate that they strongly suspect carassiuscide. How the assailant got in and out of the area is unknown, but CSI crews have found rubber boots, worms and fish-hooks in the vicinity of the bowl.

    The Colonel was devastated and issued several statements to the effect that he would dispatch Spartan troops to annihalate which ever faction was behind this, and that a "global war" was inevitable. Official Junta spokespeople later explained that while the Colonels statements may have been slightly exaggerated, it was not at all unlikely that the assailant - when caught - would have to buy Maniac a new goldfish.

    In memory of Debbie. We will never forget.

    Table of Contents

    Snoddasmannen To Become Chief of Gaian Affairs; A Peace Summit In The Works

    by staff writer Eiko Paasis

    In a short press conference today, Major Snoddasmannen, an officer of the Junta, declared that he had been appointed Special Envoy to the Gaians and the Chief of Gaian Relations in the Spartan Federation. The office has been specifically designed for the special role Gaian relations have played in Spartan foreign policy, and Major Snoddasmannen has been deemed the best suited person for the task of managing Gaian-Spartan relations.

    An official from the Gaian embassy to the Federation has filed a protest, informing the Junta that the Gaian Union will not negotiate with the Major, who supposedly has "anti-Gaian tendencies". The Gaian ambassador could not be reached for comment.

    In another conference a few hours later, the Spartan head of diplomacy, Lieutenant Colonel Kassiopeia, declared Spartan intentions to set up a peace summit to end the war between Morgan Industries and the Spartan Federation. "War is a very destructive force and it can not be allowed to run rampant for too long", said the colonel, "we need to keep this power under tight control, and a peace summit will be perfect for this."

    He continued: "I have negotiated with my good friend Comissioner Pravin Lal, and he has suggested that we establish the Planetary Council as per the UN Charter. The Council, then, could be used as a medium for these talks, and for similar negotiations later on. Lal has volunteered to chair the founding meeting of the Council, but we both agree that a more impartial third party would be best suited to lead the conference between the Spartans and the Morganites. The Data Angels seem to be the best alternative, but nothing final has been decided yet, and I have yet to contact the Angels regarding this matter."

    When asked of the incident with Major Snoddasmannen, Lt. Colonel Kassiopeia wrote the whole thing off as "Gaian sabre rattling" and confirmed that Major Snoddasmannen is "perfect for the job". He then hastily left the room claiming "urgent business"; loud laughter could be heard a moment after he had left, but its source could not be confirmed.

    Table of Contents

    Citizens Organize, Create The Spartan Defence Force

    by Lieutenant Colonel Kassiopeia

    With recent military actions abroad taking their toll on the Spartan war machine, the common citizenry began to consider the Federation's ability to defend their own homeland impaired. This, of course, could not have been farther from the truth.

    While such misconceptions are prone to causing panic and disorder in other factions, these misinformed but brave Spartans have decided to take matters into their own hands, bolstering the Spartan homeland defence to such a degree that the military strength of the Federation has been significantly increased.

    Earlier today, leaders of the Spartan Boy Scouts, the Spartan Voluntary ilitia and the Spartan Security Forces declared their intent to establish a standing, voluntary defensive force that will patrol our bases, keeping alien lifeforms at bay and providing a strong defence against possible foreign incursions.

    This initiative, which will include a massive fortification effort that will erect effective perimeter defences around all Federation bases, has been given the name the Spartan Defence Force, although a very popular moniker, the Citizen's Defence Force, has also emerged.

    In the press conference, the emblem and motto of the SDF were also released:

    We Protect Our Kin

    The initiative, naturally, has the full support of the federal government, and Colonel Maniac was heard calling it "a marvellous display of true Spartan spirit". All able-bodied Spartans not belonging to the military at large are encouraged to report to their local SDF station to find out if their time or talents are needed.

    Table of Contents

    Naval Incident Severs Gaian Relations

    by Lieutenant Colonel Kassiopeia

    A few days ago elements of the Spartan Sixth Fleet were sailing through a narrow point of terrain separating two large oceans. This focal point was the only way for the Spartan expiditonary forces to travel through to launch an attack on the Hiverian hordes, which have so far posed a threat to the security of all peace-loving factions.

    This was not to be, however, as Gaian vessels had sailed to the channel and set up a blockade, denying Spartan ships passage. The waters were international and under no faction's rule of law, so the commander of the task force, Commodore Doom of the 44th Squadron, demanded explanation from the commanding officer of the Gaian task force.

    However, when negotiations were ongoing, an unmarked ship was detected by Spartan vessels, leaving the Gaian flotilla and trying to sneak by the Spartan ships. The vessel was quickly detained and boarded by the Spartan naval task force. In the cargo hold were dozens of crates of sophisticated weaponry, and the navigational logs and computers verified that the ship had left Gaian port, stricken its colours in an attempt to keep the Gaians from being incriminated, and set sail for a Morganite port to deliver the weapons. In light of the recent pact agreement between the Morganites and the Gaians, it was obvious that the Gaian blockade and continued Gaian activity in the channel was posing a direct threat to the security and sovereignity of the Spartan Federation.

    Therefore, Commodore Doom requested and received permission to land his forces on the shores of the canal. There the Spartan expiditonary force, intended for isolating Hiverian aggression, engaged the Gaian forces, effectively neutralising them and ending the illegal blockade. Meanwhile, a Spartan scout party located a Gaian staging ground and camp, which was also taken out of action.

    After the Gaian presence around and in the canal had been removed, swarms of Hiverian troops were detected crossing the canal with makeshift rafts and boats, clearly heading towards Gaian territory. Regrouping from the previous assault, the Spartan task force was unable to react.

    A formal declaration of war has not been delivered to the Gaian ambassador, but according to a brief announcement by the Junta, the Federation now presumes that a state of war exists between Sparta and "the allies of Morgan Industries", clearly indicating that the Gaians and Spartans are now at vendetta. It appears that the planned peace summit will have more work to do than expected. Major Snoddasmannen, Chief of Gaian Affairs, has already recalled the Spartan ambassador.

    In the announcement, Snoddasmannen made the following statement:

    "Yet again we find ourselves pushed out of isolationism into war. I urge that all hostilities cease as soon as possible so that peace can, in our time, be again achieved. I however must also remind all faction leaders of the Modo Doctrine, which is the guideline that dictates our actions: No foreign naval force shall without permission enter within eight squares of the coastline of Sparta or her allies; and the virgin territory of Sparta and her allies is inviolate. Any transgressions against our allies are transgressions against us."

    Table of Contents

    Chiron Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Gaians

    by members of the Junta

    (Continuing from The Phalanx #6)

    Immediately the ever helpful Gaian girls rushed to the rescue, to give Kassipeia mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Kassiopeia managed to gain consciousness, but noticing his situation decided to fake unconsciousness for a little longer.

    Meanwhile Morgan, in a drunken stupor, was bragging to everyone nearby about his numerous and very clever embezzlement schemes.

    Back at the fight, Primus grumbles "lost my ticket to the Gaian thicket". Suddenly a dimensional rift opened before Primus Pilus' eyes.

    "What the #$%, am I seeing Gaian Wiccans or Combat Chickens?", as Primus stumbles into the rift.

    "Our intelligence indicates that they are some unholy hybrid of Chicken/Wiccan DNA cooked up after hours in the depths of the Razorbeak Wood Biology Lab." Zeiter replied as he commented to his second-in-command, "Uh oh, the Gaian rhyming gas has taken hold of Primus Pilot."

    "...cough, gag, wheeze..."

    Zeiter struggled to breathe, "Alpha team: I've decided we can't risk it any more, so we are retreating to sector 4, where we'll attempt an assault on the core, although we might have to fight a wild boar, so hurry, through this door...ah...can', no,"

    Primus tumbles, hears Zeiter's plea, and levels his Plasma Resonance Rifle at the first thing he sees...FUZZY

    Elsewhere, Kassiopeia decided that enough was enough, and to his sadness was forced to leave the care of the Gaian-Japanese schoolgirls to rejoin his group - but his group was nowhere to be found.

    Primus was about to fire, but then saw Kass enter the room with a BIG

    Confused at the sight, Kassiopeia asked, "what the HELL is going on here?"

    "It's not what you think!" Zeiter quickly replied out of habit. Zeiter dropped the shovel and attempted to hide the rolled up carpet behind him

    Primus slings his rifle and asks, "What's in the rug?"

    Zeiter gave a sly chuckle and replied, "You don't wanna know..."

    Kassiopeia looked at the commotion for a moment and then asked again, "What the HELL is going on here?"

    Zeiter quickly replied, "Oh, nothing sir, we're just, uh, borrowing this very ordinary rug and taking it to a very ordinary pawn shop where we'll sell the very ordinary fusion core stuffed inside to a very ordinary Morganite mobster...whoops, hehehe, I think I might have said too much."

    Primus yells, "don't call me Sir and show me that Japanese School Girl Kitten in A Gaian Wiccan!"

    There was a long silence, and everyone shuffle their feet all embrassed at that outburst.

    Zeiter suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, wait, I just remembered that I have to...check on the...xeno...psi...mumble mumble..." as he started to tip-toe out of the room with rug in hand. Upon which he bumped into Maniac, who was running and trying to hide from an old flame: Sinder Roze (the relationship didn't end well...).

    As a result of his collision with Maniac, Zeiter accidentally dropped the rug, whereupon a shiny metal cylinder slipped out and clattered noisily onto the floor, prompting Zeiter to utter a nervous "uh-oh" right before alarms began to blare throughout the facility.

    To prevent inquiries as to what HE was doing, Maniac quickly asked: "What the HELL is going on here?"

    "Okay, in a second, when I tell you that we're all possibly going to die, try not to overreact." Zeiter hurriedly replied as he sprinted down the hallway.

    "What the hell he was talking about..." Maniac muttered while taking a close look at the object Zeiter dropped.

    In super slow-motion, Zeiter jumped at Maniac and the object and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

    to be continued...

    Table of Contents

    Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!

  • #2
    Re: The Phalanx: Issue #7

    Great issue!

    Originally posted by Kassiopeia
    When asked of the incident with Major Snoddasmannen, Lt. Colonel Kassiopeia wrote the whole thing off as "Gaian sabre rattling" and confirmed that Major Snoddasmannen is "perfect for the job". He then hastily left the room claiming "urgent business"; loud laughter could be heard a moment after he had left, but its source could not be confirmed.
    Contraria sunt Complementa. -- Niels Bohr
    Mods: SMAniaC (SMAC) & Planetfall (Civ4)


    • #3
      a Spartan Eco-Science specimen.
      Producing Buddhism.
      Enlightenment is the Base, Way & Goal.


      • #4
        Brilliant issue!!


        • #5
          A pity so few people reply in the general forum.
          Contraria sunt Complementa. -- Niels Bohr
          Mods: SMAniaC (SMAC) & Planetfall (Civ4)


          • #6
            Yeah it's a shame ... I guess since it's such a hot political issue nobody really dares to touch it. Except for GeoModder of course, you can always count on him


            • #7
              Woot! Chaos Theory is trying to give us a lambasting
              Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!


              • #8
                The fish (no pun intended) is biting.
                Contraria sunt Complementa. -- Niels Bohr
                Mods: SMAniaC (SMAC) & Planetfall (Civ4)


                • #9
                  Brilliant, good to get some RP going

                  I won't be able to participate now before Sunday at least. I'm off team-building tomorrow morning So just a quick comment: We have, contrary to CT's claims, never declared a Vendetta due to violating the Modo Doctrine. This should be pointed out in our defense speach, and I'm sure we can come up with a great one of those


                  1. to beat or whip severely.
                  2. to reprimand or berate harshly; censure; excoriate. Also,lam•bast'.
                  If you use the right browser, all you have to do is double-click the word and select "Dictionary"