Voice of the Planet Issue #5: Exploration, colonisation and political turnmoil

[Illuminatus]

Cherish the Planet, remember Gaia.
In this issue: *Ecological Malcontents are legal again! *New Muirland *Learning with Planet *New kind of Mindworms? *A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gaian Union *Quote of the Day *Entertainment *Literary section *Other news in brief *Advertisement *Cacupuncture *Contest Ecological Malcontents are legal again! Leader of the Movement, Prophet Cha Dawn In one of most exciting Council sessions in it's history, ban on Ecological Malcontents movement has been revoked! Bill that nulified the ban has won by a single vote, despite the all efforts of Lord Chaos and Lord Illuminatus to prevent it. 'Dark Age is looming again upon us.' was the comment of Lord Illuminatus. New leader of the Ecological Malcontents movement Cha Dawn, a thirteen year old boy once known as wonder child, is responsible for much of the movements achievements in last few years. Although he is their leader for a year only, and a member for two years, the movement claims he has directed them for eight years now. We have received no additional explanation how was this 'direction' been performed. Cha Dawn or Prophet Cha Dawn as he now styles himself, has announced that his party, Cult of Planet, now legalized will run for positions in High Council. This will be first elections in last ten years, since the Silver Bill declared elections unnecesary unless requested and proceeded to elect High Council directly in the Council of Lords. Each official has announced that they intend to retain their positions and will run against Cha Dawn's candidates. Even Lady Deirdre has expressed her support to the current High Council saying that Cult of the Planet is the wrong way to go. “They wish to purge Planet clean of humankind, and that goes against Planet’s wishes. We, as a species, are hurting the Planet without any doubt, but Planet has learned much from us, and we are learning from Planet. I have no doubt that victims of the Colony pod Hope are a tragedy, but it has only shown that Planet will randomly hurt us, as we are randomly hurting it. Going on a wild rampage is not what Planet really wishes. We can learn to live in harmony with Planet and this message has to be spread by peace. War is our last resort.” This is how Prophet Cha Dawn commented the revoke of the ban: “Mankind has been blind for thousands of years-for all of its history. We have come to a place whose wonders are a hundred-fold more amazing than anything on Earth. Around us is clear evidence of the will of a higher power. I bring the Vision to the blind eyes of men. I bring the Word to the deaf ears of men. I will make them see it. I will make them hear it.” Elections are scheduled for next year and have been already declared the most important political event in history of Gaian Union since the populary called, 'Skye intervention'. New Muirland Gaian Union has declared newly discovered lands New Muirland! After the successful initial exploration of the area, which has shown rich native life presence, explorers are planning to venture deeper in the mainland, wanting to explore evidence of human habitation supplied by GAIA. The lands so far discovered have been named after the suggestion of Lord Smacksim. Many people raised question if we are going to expand to the New Muirland – High Council claims that about such venture shall not be decided until the mainland of the New Muirland is explored since GAIA claims must be comfirmed or rejected first. Learning with Planet Encouraged by success of previous issue, we plan to bring you short articles about biosphere in following issues. The centerpiece of the symbiotic web is Planet's dominant species, a sessile, plant-like organism called xenofungus. Xenofungus takes the form of dense mats of tubular shoots, with individual specimens ranging from microscopic size up to a foot in diameter. These mats form massive heaps covering thousands of square miles of land, with a depth ranging from 2 yards at the edges up to almost 30 yards at the center of a fungus zone. The fungal mats can be thousands of years old, and are very stable in size and shape. Perhaps a quarter of Planet's surface is covered by fungal mats, stretching across hundreds or thousands of miles to form a unified network. The fungus concentrates certain trace elements from the soil into its shoots, and is rich in a variety of useful biochemicals. With the development of appropriate technologies, fungus mats can yield high levels of energy, mineral and nutrient production. However, xenofungus can also present a formidable obstacle. Moving across a fungal zone is a difficult process. It is possible to simply blast through the fungus, using flamethrowers or other directed-energy weapons. A very heavy vehicle might have the raw mass needed to break through the mats, like a tank crushing hedgerows on Earth. Lighter vehicles (or foot traffic) must move across the top of the mat. There, they will find patches of rough points and sharp edges capable of shredding tires or environment suits. There are also many cavities and gaps in the mat, which can trap unwary travelers. Deep in the thickest xenofungus mats, the fungus sometimes takes on a new form: the fungal tower. Instead of growing along the ground, a dense cluster of fungal stalks grows straight up, reaching heights of 75 to 100 yards. At the top of the tower appear a variety of specialized organs with mysterious functions. The fungal towers are harmless if avoided, but any attempt to destroy them or the normal fungus in their area invariably triggers an attack by mind worms and other fungus symbionts. Next time: mindworms and spore launchers. New kind of Mindworms? Several sightings of this new kind of lifeform have been reported although not one has confirmed its existence as a species. Xenobiologist Ronald Berry said that even if it is real, it has no similarities to usual mindworms. Distinctive red and black colors, different body shape, lack of razor sharp mandibles. It's tentacles are positioned differently along the body, and never has one such 'mindworm' been recorded on a video footage. There is no evidence that this lifeform contributes to symbiotic bonds of planet's ecosystem. Lord RedFred attributes this to halucinations. Is this truly a new species or just a hallucination - only time will tell. Cacupuncture Leon Lorraine, and 22 year old Gaian has accidentaly discovered a new method of acupuncture when he mistakenly proceeded to hug a cactus. "It was painful at first, but suddenly I started to feel better. After a few days I hugged it again. Through practice every day, I learned how to make use of the technique, although small accidents happened to me." He has started a company that breeds cactuses and trains people for cacupuncture, as he calls it. "This will improve your health greately, and you just need to hug a cactus properly to ease your everyday pains." Already hundreds of Gaians have tried the cacupuncture and it seems that they are quite happy with the results. "Applying this to your back is somewhat more difficult, as you can't hug it with you back, but I found the solution by rolling on cactus - you do need to be careful when doing this, but as always, my trainers and I are ready to help you learn the proper technique." Reports say that foreigners are very interested in this technique and may be significant in trade with other factions. Quote of the Day We cannot command Nature except by obeying her. --Francis Bacon	Entertainment Outtakes from conversation with Planet: (These do not actually depict true conversations with Planet but are merely a humorous representations of such and should not be taken as real ones.) Planetvoice: You are orphans, earthdeirdre, your homeworld already buried so young among the aeons. Yet now you fill the skies where we watched a million sunsets with flame and contrails, paying no heed to the hard lessons the universe has tried to teach you. Are you a breath of life to invigorate a complacent world, you earthhumans, or an insidious dancer which must be excised? Lady Deirdre: Do you mean cancer Voice? Or you hate Lord of the Dance so much? Planetvoice: Oh ******. Lets that do again shall we? Planetvoice: We welcome you, earthdeirdre and earthwheat and earthtree as honored guests. Please do not steal the silverware and be sure to clean your feet before you enter the house. Lady Deirdre: Uh Voice, what was that supposed to mean? Planetvoice: Sorry, resist could not we. Planetvoice: Knock knock earthdeirdre. Lady Deirdre: Uh, who is it. Planetvoice: We it is. Lady Deirdre: We who? Planetvoice: We voice. Lady Deirdre: I don't get it. Where is the punchline? Planetvoice: Punchline? Planetvoice: You are orphans, earthdeirdre, your homeworld already buried so young among the aeons. Yet now you fill the skies where we watched a million sunsets with flame and contrails, paying no heed to the hard lessons the universe has tried to teach you. Are you a breath of life to invigorate a complacent world, you earthhumans, or an insidious cancer which must be circumcised? Lady Deirdre: Do we need to go with that again? Literary section Our advice for the week: Other news in brief *Xenoweed discovered by accident, researchers stoned by discovery. Further research forbidden by Lordship of Progress and data confiscated. *Wild transmissions of Star Wars caught in eter - GAIA has no answer about origin of them. *Lord Octavian announces development of xenoxenoxenodoughnuts - linguists and xenobiologists confused. *First Gaian Olympics show great success; with 16 disciplines and 648 sportsmen. Gaia's Landing teams earn 6 gold medals, three silver ones and five bronze ones. Next olympics scheduled for MY 2129. show similar results, but with more participation - 782 sportsmen and 17 disciplines. In surprising turn of events, Fallow Times teams earn 8 gold medals, two silver ones and one bronze. *River appears out from nowhere, scouts report - further investigation required. *Shelter for abused spore launchers founded in cooperation with PLO. *People report strange sightings at sea. *Forest expand in weird patterns, Planetologists unable to explain. *Lordship of Progress and GAIA initiate longterm project Pyrrho, details secret. *Xenobunnies discovered - cute xenofluffy animals quickly become popular. *GAIA reports that number of Finns has doubled in Spartan Federation - this makes Spartans the most evil faction on Planet, according to words of officer Kassiopeia of Spartan Federation. Caution advised when dealing with them. Advertisement Try cacupuncture today! Success guaranteed. Third Gaian Olympic Games scheduled for 2133, apply for them now! If you wish to join the faction use this (advised to contact Illuminatus about this) Treehugging is good for your health! Hug tree at least twice a week (warning: do not confuse trees and cactuses ) Want to contribute to this papers? Follow the procedure to join if you are not a Gaian, and if you already are visit VotP Offices. Templars are recruiting, visit their castle for more details. More empaths needed for our Xenocorps, visit GDA HQ to apply (certificate of Empath Guild needed). A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gaian Union Part Two: Gaia's Landing In from the capitol's outskirts lies the hustle and bustle of the base itself. The city's streets are all laid out on a pattern of several concentric circles, with wide promenades connecting them. You won't find many motorized vehicles in the area, as most Gaians eschew mechanical forms of transportation in favor of walking of cycling. Of course, this means it can take days to cross the city, so you're best bet on a ride is a public bus, though they run notoriously late because so many pedestrians crowd the streets. Of main interest, in the innermost ring of the city, is the Council of the Gaian Union. This building houses the main legislative and judicial functions of Union government. Tours of the building are free, though foreigners will have trouble getting into sessions of the Council itself, as its goings-on are strictly protected from outsiders, as a matter of national security. Of course, it's not terribly exciting to watch the councilors work: mostly on mundane matters of colony pod placement and base production and such. The layman, and most humourously, some councilors, wouldn't understand a thing. Also sharing the central circle with the Council Building is the famed tall and particularly beautiful stand of white pine, planted at the time of the first colonies. Many Gaians make it a point to daily run naked through this hallowed groud. Be warned, though, that not all Gaians are particularly interesting to look at (indeed, some are just down right repulsive), contrary to many (if not all) pornographic videos may say/show. Cameras are strictly forbidden, so we recommend you take one with you anyway. Various buildings housing the executive offices are the Gaian goverment are also found in the inner rings of Gaia's Landing. The buildings of the Lordships of Development, Diplomacy, Progress, are Security (also known as GAIA) are all open to the public, though they mostly are really rather uninteresting. For a good time, though, one just has to walk into the Building of the Chairman of the Council of Lords, and pretend to start work as a janitor there. Almost all who have done claim it was the best, most mind-blowing experiences of their lives. For an interesting botanical tour, visit the gardens of Lady Deirdre Skye, located next to her residence near the Council Building. A small donation is asked for at entry, and it is worth every energy credit. Many plants you didn't even know about grow here - on is rumored to actually resemble a living, breathing xenocow, that will moo and drop some feces from time to time. -to be continued Contest Due to yet unknown reasons (other factions too lazy ? ), no submissions have been received this time. Due to this contest is being cancelled. Authors of the Issue: Illuminatus, Octavian X with material from Jon F. Zeigler No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although victims of colony pod Hope shall be remembered forever. No Gaian life has been harmed, most of staff is still running naked through the trees with the rest of Gaians or watching Gaian Olympics. VotP Offices have upgraded to a different computer systems which slightly changes data encryption. In next issue read: More of Hitchhikers Guide and Learning with Planet, Report about strange sightings at sea and possible Interfactional Crisis with political refugees. Gaia'sLanding.2130->21301888645.tr-ttz-10f.-#GH5
Hagar the Gaian* in episode: CMNs, titles and Finland *Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author. We do nto not intend to disgrace the author and the character in any way, and if author requests, comic shall be removed. We appreciate the talent of the author and quality of the comic.

[GeoModder]

Nice issue, to much on which comment is possible.

Let me just respond on the higlight: malcontents from any faction are always welcome guess where!!

[Hercules]

Congratulations good issue

Cacupuncture.

[MrWhereItsAt]

Always startlingly good.

Where is the mention of the lost - those sans faction?

[GeoModder]

It's not like no faction wouldn't welcome them, MWIA.

It's a choice you made.

[MrWhereItsAt]

But not like factions even seem to want new members. One of you know what I mean.

[GeoModder]

[Natalinasmpf]

Confused xenobiologists eh.