Voice of the Planet Issue #01 - Early years

[Illuminatus]

In this issue: *Mutiny aboard UNS Unity *First Council meeting *Long night over? *Lord Hydro returns *Gaian Union announces adoption of organic nervestaplers *Senior Nudist Kody forbidden to run naked through the trees *Why Spore Launchers can be just a good as Mindworms. *Today on Green TV! *Literary section: *Job positions *Breakthrough in food production *Lord Obsrian quits all positions, Lord Illuminatus replaces him *Scandal in Voice of Planet! *Hagar the Gaian Mutiny aboard UNS Unity! You all know what transpired aboard UNS Unity. After a disastrous attempt of insurgents led by Security Officer Santiago to seize a colony pod for themselves, chaos has erupted on ship. With the danger of crashing in Planet, and Captain Garland mortally wounded, ship's crew divided into several factions, seizing colony pods for themselves. We gathered around Officer's Deirdre's excellent vision of human future on this alien planet. From now one, we are to be know as Gaians, and our faction as Gaian Union. Our sensors have recorded atmospheric entry of 6 other pods, which means that we shall probably have company on Planet. We intend to show that Green is the only correct choice. First Council meeting! Newly formed Council of Lords has after a lengthy debate accepted this foundations for Gaian Constitution. Foudation of Constitution are this three Supreme Gaian Laws: First Law: Humanity may not injure Planet or, through inaction, allow Planet to come to harm. Second Law: Humanity must obey orders given it by Planet except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Third Law: Humanity must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. After a vote, this constitution has been accepted with votes of 512 pro and 18 against. Lord Garreth, main spokesman of the group that voted against, complained that other factions might not kindly view on Constitution based on such principles. Since there are no indications of other factions surviving expect data on pod entries, that argument fell on deaf ears. Council voting has shown that majority of Gaians agree with the principles Lord Hydro so accurately formulated. The rest of Constitution guarantees basic rights for each Gaian, including liberty, freedom of speech, equality, just like in UN charter. It also guarantees rights of each native lifeform, including so far sighted xenofungus, and all other possible sentient and nonsentient lifeforms, which probably makes it unique in history. Lord Obstructor, proposed an official Gaian Oath of Loyalty, which would symbolise loyalty of each citizen to Gaian principles. Council accepted it unilateraly with 519 votes (one of the Lords went to bathroom while the proposals was voted for). After accepting it, all Lords have immediately sworn the Oath. In the course of next two months, each Gaian has sworn the Oath in Gaian Central Hallroom, thus officialy becoming a full member of Gaians. Lord Obstructor also proposed that Oath is resworn in official and special occasions. This proposal was accepted in Council session next day. Long night over? After continuous state of disorganisation and lack of interest in matters vital of faction that lasts from Planetfall, Lady Deirdre was forced to use her powers and intervene, rearranging crucial points. Since grand elections of 2102 failed, many Gaians have become concerned with the fact that many still see plebiscitary democracy as a sole foundation for society. As our faction has started its expansion from starting base to other ones, it was necessary to diversify branches of government. Elections of 2102. were intended to be tool of this change, but since they failed for lack of interest, Lady Deirdre saw no other option than to manually rearrange society, appointing officials by her self. This is believed to be a temporary measure, since new elections shall be made in mission year 2106. No civil liberities have been suspended, and successful election results were acknowledged in this change. Historians claim that Long night, period lasting from Planetfall, is now nearing its end. Populations is neutral, or supportive for this intervention. Lord Hydro returns! Many Gaians wonder what happened to well known Lord Hydro. It turned out that Lord Hydro accompanied Scout Patrol on it's first voyage into unknown. Unknown to majority, while studying local hydrological phenomenons, Hydro tripped and fell down the hill. He was presumed missing for more than 20 months, until he returned on his own to base. It seems that he managed to survive with his breathing mask and with two-month supplies for all that time, filtering Planet water, and eating various xenofungus parts. He was hospitalised immediately upon his return, as his body condition showed significant loss of mass and exaustion. However it is believed that Gaian Union shall gain much when he recovers, including possible map information, details on native life, and fungus receipts as well. It is also rumoured that Hydro is one of few Gaians who have heard "Planetsong" . Breakthrough in food production Today Gaian researcher Ouro_827 unveild a new technique for processing the strange fungus-like growth of Planet that has been labeled xenofungus. The new technique, relatively easy to implement, results in a high nutrient dish that is 'not bad' in taste, and much more edible than any other dish with origins in the xenofungus has been! Not suprisingly, the Gaian government bought the right to the process, and is now implementing it, to great effect, taking the strain of the forests, farms, and hydroponics in general. The company that employs Ouro has begun developing more advanced techniques for fungus processing, such as flavoring it. Preliminary experiments have yielded, we are told, things like a honeydew sluree, apple-fungus pancakes, and other such things. Senior Nudist Kody forbidden to run naked through the trees Senior Nudist Kody has been forbidden to run naked through the trees after some shocking revelation have been made. Apparently Kody was planning, with an outsider named WIA, to take films of Gaian women running naked through the trees and sell them to entity called "Morgan" (link between Nwabudike Morgan who appeared shortly before Unity's demise and this name is not confirmed). Also, there were also preparations to sell footages of Gaian men running naked through the trees to entity called 'Sparta' (link to Santiago and her insurgents has not been confirmed). What this entities are, is not familiar, but it was recorded that 'Morgans are always ready to pay good price for such material', while 'Spartans like this kind of material since they spend life among other men and have such tendencies'. There was also talk of 'Angels could add popup adds to footage'. Kody was questioned, but he hasn't revealed anything about this cryptic messages. Whole thing was exposed when a passer-by heard conversation between two of them. Claims that Kody is not actually a Gaian have not yet been confirmed.	Why Spore Launchers can be just a good as Mindworms Many Gaians may think of spore launchers as a fairly useless pet. This is simply not so, while you may not be able to put up a highly effective beware of the mindworm sign, there is a certain novelty factor associated with owning your very own spore launcher. Aside from the obvious and common use of teaching it to launch tennis balls there are an variety of other uses. Such as firework launcher, water fountain and jungle gym for the kids for the large ones. Spore launchers can be active players in recreational sports. It's a little know fact that once taught the right techniques they have been know to be excellent waterpolo players and also cricket or baseball pitchers. The average Gaian family cannot unestimate the value of a spore launcher as part of the family. It still provides all the mental benefits of an owning a mindworm such as calmer kids and xenobrew once the pet has died. While it cannot effectively attack and burrow into the usual home intruder, they make for gentler pets ideal for families with small children. Today on Green TV! Watch popular shows, like Good morning Gaia!, Green News and Who wants to be an ecologist. Movies this week: Forest Gump (drama), UNS Unity (catastrophe/love story), and first part of the soon to be legendary triology: Lord of the Trees: Fellowship of the Tree. As always, most popular series are still on, like Ecology and the City, West Woods, 24 Pines, X-Bushes and Forestwatch! Literary section: Be sure to read this bestsellers: Unity Rovers for Begginers Scouting unknown teritories made simple How to raise a Talent Colonising new Planet for Dummies All you need to know about this world 101 thing about xenofungus How to survive in wilderness Who is who in Gaian faction Job positions: If you are not afraid working all alone in unknown teritory with potential to be attacked by vicious mind burrowing creatures that will immobilise you by creating horrible images in your mind and then implant their larvae into your still conscious brain, then report to GAIA headquarters. Visit Tulip Apartments, 126 meters above ground on Garland Pillar! Best conditions for living in whole Gaian Union ( it is not recommended for people afraid of heights ). Spore launcher lost. Name: Sparky. Distinctive traits: loves to launch spores at people and terraforming improvements. Do you believe you can read minds? Are you convinced you can influence emotional states of another? Visit Empath Guild and find it out for sure. Today, at White Pine Pillar, visit opening ceremony of the Templar Order of Muir Warning: do not attempt to explore Unity Pods without adequate equipment! Lord Obsrian quits all positions, Lord Illuminatus replaces him After still unexplained turn of events, Lord Obsrian (known also as Obstructor) has quited all positions within the government (detailed information can be seen in Gaian Times #2) and has not been seen since that. Lady Deirdre intervened by replacing him with Lord Illuminatus, seeing that faction suddenly started to slide towards chaos again. Lord Illuminatus is not very known among colonists, and every attempt to recover some information about his background fails. It appears that GAIA classified all details about him as Top Secret. Also, he takes a shadowly appearance in public, refraining from any unneccesary talk. Elections scheduled for 2106, were delayed due to departure of Lord Obsrian, causing a constitutional crisis. Due to work of newly appointed Lord Administrator Illuminatus, elections are right now underway. Elections of 2107. are prognosed to show democratic health of Gaian Union. Scandal in Voice of Planet! Investigation led by newly appointed Lord Illuminatus has determined that a finalised issue of Voice of the Planet is waiting for three years to be published! It seems that most of that staff grew too enthusiastic about dancing naked through the trees, and forgotten about the newspaper completely. Asking his comments, Lord Illuminatus just muttered some words like "punish the responsible" and "brood pit". The issue has been updated and published. Gaian Union announces adoption of organic nervestaplers In a continuing movement to save the environment of our adpoted home, a motion recently adopted by the Gaian Council of Lords now requires that, rather than wasteful and polluting standard nervestappling technology, all police forces will be required to use 'organic nervestaplers.' "It's really a neat technology," says one shopkeeper who sells the weapons happy fun time playthings. "Regular nervestaplers use chemicals that wreak havoc on the natural environment. Our organic ones use the best of natural xenoworm husks and xenofungus to produce the best, non-polluting nervestaplers in the business!" Reports that these so-called 'organic nervestaplers' are actually regular ones painted green remain to be investigated. View from another corner Lord Chaos has asked today in Council of Lords why is our police being equipped with nervestaplers, when our social system cleary forbidds use of nervestapling equipment. Police department claims even if they cannot use nervestaplers for nervestapling, they can use them as something to beat protesters with. Council of Lords is still embezelled with this issue. Article authors: Obstructor, Octavian X, Ouro_827 and Kody. No native lifeforms have been harmed in making of this newspaper. No Earth plants or animals have been harmed in making of this newspaper, although one flower was stepped on by a member of the staff, but is expected that it will recover soon. No Gaian life has been harmed, mostly due to fact that staff is still running naked through the trees and has not yet met the punishment for not publishing this newspaper on time. In next issue read: Gardening tips for fungus, report of Templar order of Muir, story about Empath Guild, and exclusive report on first capture of native lifeforms ever. Gaia'sLandingMY2106.0608092478.tr35h.
Hagar the Gaian* in episode: Where to place a base site? *Hagar the Gaian is not in any way stealing or copying the original Hagar the Horrible. All rights are reserved to author of Hagar the Horrible, Chris Browne. This comic uses graphics of the comic with the respect towards the author and comic, and does not intend to claim any of the rights reserved for author.

[GeoModder]

I see that, a mere six years after Planetfall, the language separation between the faction has started...

A lengthy issue, Obs... Illuminatus.

[Whoha]

I have no comment on the allegations that the Senior Consultant on Universal Mechanics was involved in any wrong doing.

[DeathByTheSword]

to the comic

[jtsisyoda]

Funny paper. Nice work. For a bunch of naked hippies, that is.

[Googlie]

Illuminatus:

Sorry to hijack this thread (one of the mods can move it to offtopic archives) but you need to visit Zerokal's New PBEM where you sent Scorpi your own turn instead of the Hive's

PS - Great first issue

G.

[Zeiter]

Noooooo! Your subliminal psi tactics will never get the best of me! Must...resist...urge...to compliment...Gaians...on their...paper...........
Arrrrrrgggggghhh! It's...just...too...good...

But seriously, great newspaper!

[Skanky Burns]

Very nice work.

[Kassiopeia]

Oooh, so that's who this Illuminatus person is. I was reading through the archives and wondered why I had never even seen him mentioned before.

Good paper. A bit too much bells and whistles for the Spartan taste, but good nonetheless.

[GeneralTacticus]

You know, there's a reason why you're the first nation to implement such a constiution... you're the first time anybody's mixed environmentalism with a complete lack of self-preservation

Nice paper, though

[smacksim]

Originally posted by GeneralTacticus
...the first time anybody's mixed environmentalism with a complete lack of self-preservation

Funny that. We're hoping to be the first time anyone environmentalist has mixed that with self preservation.

[GeneralTacticus]

*scratches head*

Would you like to explain how you intend to mix self-preservation with laws that forbid you from harming the planet in any way whatsoever? After all, this means that when mindworms turn up to eat you, you'll have two options:

1) Run away.

2) Hang around and be eaten.

Not a very appealing set of options, is it?

[GeoModder]

The first option is only not appealing to a Spartan, but for other faction members... save our souls!!!

[GeneralTacticus]

I assume, then, that you're discovered the secret of Fatigueless Running (tm) and Mobile Bases (tm). Interesting. We shall have to devote more resources to espionage, so that we may acquire this knowledge and put it to better uses than running away from mindworms...

[GeoModder]

The Angels will certainly not let you know all newly discovered uses of aforementioned (tm)'s

And forgive me for asking the obvious, but what happened to the third option in the Spartan camp?

3) attack the little buggers

Not a unexpected case of the jitters while facing mindworms, I hope?