Tweet
As of day 249 of the Mission Year 2150 the Cybernetic Conciousness is formally and officially in a state of Vendetta with the conglomeration of people known as the Pirates Expeditionary Armada and Chironian Explorers aka PEACE.
Pre-emptive military action has been commenced upon the bases of said faction. Cybernetic algorithms predict a 93.74% probability of victory over PEACE defensive forces.
The Consciousness wishes to make its intentions, reasons and aims clear to the neutral factions so as to aid future diplomatic engagements. In accordance with this policy the Consciousness formally charges PEACE with the following crimes:
1 - Repeatedly and wantedly asking for sweeteners at the last minute of a trade - often near the end of our turn when they know we are about to post - threatening that said trade will not be conducted without the additional sweetener. Under Social Psych (Psi-2) Functions this is commonly known as the "Once-the-ball-is-rolling"-technique, which is of course ineffective when tried out on the Consciousness.
2 - Trying to hide from us for a long time they had met other factions such as PUT, while we were open about who we had contacted.
3 - During the Industrial Automation negotiations lying to us about the way they acquired Industrial Base, telling us they bought it from the Data Angels for 100 credits, while they really traded it with PUT in exchange for Doctrine: Mobility. On top of that they wanted us to pay them back the price they had supposedly paid to the Angels for Industrial Base...
4 - Accusing Drogue Beta-8 of being a hacker. While we do not deny being skilled at infiltrating data networks, we were not engaging in any such activities at the time.
5 - Driving hard bargains when it came to tech trading and commlink trades, beyond the point of reasonability. And then insulting us for being bad pactmates because we didn't like and accept their offers.
6 - In general abusing the good will of our ill-fated Pact, which we withdrew from due to their abuse.
7 - Construction of Party Boats aka probe foils in the bases of Alexandria and Tripoli, with the intention of infiltrating Cybernetic Datalinks.
8 - Piloting naval vessels while under the influence of an intoxicating substance (namely Xenorum).
9 - Having technologies which we don't have.
10 - Having rich and fertile yet weakly defended bases.
11 - Use of the words "Arrrrrg", "Matey" and "Shiver me timbers!".
12 - Having scurvy.
13 - Illegally downloading CyCon music and other intellectual properties over the Planetary Datalinks.
14 - Being a highly irrational and emotional set of Fullhumans who cling to emotions out of archaic evolutionary tendencies, in spite of the glorious example set by the Consciousness.
15 - Repeatedly breaking the 48 hour time limit and averaging almost 60 hours to play turns over the last 3 months.
When the preceding parameters are entered into Cybernetic algorithms the output is undeniably....
CASUS BELLI
(though admittedly we don't have Ethical Calculus yet so we may have forgotten to carry the 3 over and the answer could in fact be 42)
Thus the Consciousness would appreciate if other factions remained neutral in this conflict, though we do encourage others to gift PEACE any technologies that we currently lack.
To PEACE we have sent this declaration of war:
PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED
LOWER YOUR DEFENCES, AND SURRENDER YOUR SHIPS
WE WILL ADD YOUR TECHNOLOGICAL AND FINANCIAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR OWN
YOUR LIFE, AS IT HAS BEEN, IS OVER
FROM THIS TIME FORWARD YOUR CULTURE WILL ADAPT TO SERVICE OURS
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
Oh by the way, a Merry Christmas!
it's due to a temporal anomaly. The latest issue 4.2 was written before issue 5, but due to a breach in the space-time continuum it was only released now. Yes... that must be it.
Comment