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COMRADES!
WE GREET EACH DAY WITH THE TRUTH!
Lenin's Birthday Edition of the Russian Newspaper "Pravda" which means "The Truth"
Welcome comrades to this, the glorious 16th edition of PRAVDA - the official newsletter of the Human Hive. Yes, that's right, Comrade Octavian X, our comrade in typos, will be publishing PRAVDA today, now with material freshly pulled from his bottom! All hail to the glorious Chairman Voltaire and the members of the Peoples' Congress!
In This Issue :
- Tenets of the Hive
- Observations on Tassadar
- Comrade Kody on Hiverian Life
- Pravda Editor Found Dead
- A New Face for the Hive
- Comrade Schultz's XenoPeanuts
- Progress Report: The Seer Paradigm
- Information Leaks Plauge Hive
- Hive Government: VERSION 2 (Part 1)
- The First Chiron Debate Contest
- New Pravda HQ
- Hive official Visits Enlightenment Center
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The Hive Tenets
Comrade Vev
The Hive embraces all, allowing us to achieve our full potential. There is no hunger, poverty, war, discrimination amongst the Hivers.
Food is abudant in the Hive as the health and wellbeing of its citizen must be maintained. (at bare minimum levels)The Hive knows a healthly body and mind works at its best. All Hivers receives their share of food and nothing is wasted to feed everyone.(Mmmh yummy nutricious recycled food).
When all a person's fundamentals needs are provided for and the slaverly to wasteful unnecessary worldly possessions removed, no longer are we fettered by the crippling cycle of poverty.(no we are chained to the machinery of the Hive industry instead)
War is terrible and inefficient. The Hive seeks not to resolve their differences through such barbaric means, rather we present our living utopia for all others to admire and to follow our footsteps and join us in our fold.(Hah! Tell me those Crismon Guards are just your friendly neighbourhood watchers)
Equality amongst all Hivers is a fundamental aspect of our lives. All are treated equally and thus without discrimination.(You mean equally bad) The burden of one is the burden of all. For all shall work as one.(Yeah, all work the same as one person)
Yeah right.
I digress! The Hive brought brought the best in me and thus perfection one only can imagine. I would also like to thank me pet mindworm for reminding me to donate some of my worldly possessions to the CCC
Stone him!
Eek! Ouch!
Yay!
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Tassadar Observations
The CyCon have the Hive's deepest sympathies.
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Life in the Hive - Kody's Reflections
Comrade Kody was kind enough to contribue his own observations on the Hive. And no, we didn't nerve staple him.
-PRAVDA Staff
People may not believe this, but before I joined the hive I was a well balanced individual. I used to think before I said anything, be careful I didn't offend people, and I didn't have a nervestapling addicition. That all changed quickly after an extended stay at the Hive.
Quite simply the Hive can bring out your inner child. There are several childish games that occur within the hive many of which depend on your ability to respond before thinking, and have the end result of generating jokes that are so bad that they're funny. This does wonders in stripping away your adult preconceptions on how you should behave, and replaces them with a pure need to have fun.
An unfortunate side effect is non-Hivers believe that the Hive is utterly insane and undependable, as whenever the hive numerous activities spill into the main broadcast channels the other factions are shocked by the immaturity of hive members. I will refute those accusations because .... well the reasons that prove these accusations wrong are just too numerous to list.
The members of the hive have over the years become a tightly knit group. With so much interaction occuring between members on a daily basis, the Hive members understand and respect each other. If the need arises the entire hive willingly pitches in to help one of their members (Admitedly the concentration span of the members is pretty short).
The choosen mode of personal expression in the Hive is mainly in the stories that are written. Some of these stories even have deep meanings on aspects of life, like HongHu's "A thousand and one days" which spoke about how certain things that seemed good could destory the wonderful things that are already around you.
They call us spammers, but when I think about we're not really concerned about getting some lousy +1. Instead the reality is the hive is a place where we know that for all our quirks and silliness we'll be accepted. So we don't care about what others think. We'll wave our plastic swords and shout in our loudest voices because it's fun and we don't need to guard ourselves against rejection like others do.
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FORMER PRAVDA EDITOR FOUND DEAD!
Comrade Vander
Former Pravada editor Carlos Trotski was found dead in his compartment in Residence Hall 127-Q. Found with an empty skull, it is feared that mind worms had eaten away his brains.
Trotski was the Chief Editor of Pravada during the infamous "ACHOO" outbreak that caused the glorious Pravada to print the moans of madmen known as Haiku. It is now thought that the mind worms were the cause of his love for Haiku. However, scientists conclude that, given the length of time it took from the Haiku incident to death, the mind worms must have been in there for a long time, indeed. For we all know that no one would ever intentionally put mind worms into
someone's skull; especially not a comrade of the Hive.
For your protection, the body was incinerated upon detection of mind worms. When asked about the murder, Chief of Police of the District Colonel Vander replied, "It is too bad. A tragety really. My boys could've used 'em for some target practice." The Chairman had no comment.
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A new face for the Hive
Comrade Kody
Recent recruitment drives at the Hive have been extremely disappointing. In fact many of the prospective candidates have instead defected to other factions. When a promising new candiate defected to the University a massive research project was undertaken to assert what was causing people to turn from the Hive and join other factions.
The analysts have recently come up with an answer. It is believed that the people feel unworthy of joining such an powerful and influential faction. Recommendations were made that the Hive should portray itself as humble and weak in the eyes of prospective members.
Consequently, the all mightly hive that is going to win the battle for Chiron is now officially a humble and weak faction. Through our humbleness we should attract many new members thus showing the other factions we are the best and most powerful faction on Chiron.
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XenoPeanuts
By Comrade Schultz, as editted by Comrade Kody
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Report on the Seer Paradigm
Comrade..Q@$%!
***
THIS IS CHANNEL FREEDOM INTERRUPTING
***
The Seer Paradigm is nothing but an oppressive project to enslave and suppressive free will. Millions of innocent victims will be secretly monitored and mind controlled.
***
CHANNEL FREEDOM OUT
***
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Information leak
Comrade Kody
Voltiare has declared there was no rumored information leak in the top levels of the Hive government. Reportedly a top secret government file on foreign faction observations was broadcast allowing other factions to intercept and read some of the top secret diplomatic documents from the Hive.
While the Hive has no recollection of this occuring. The CyCon claim the information revealed was damaging to their diplomatic standing and have laid threats of releasing their gorilla to wreak havoc on the Hive.
Recent transmissions that appeared to be on the university wavelength contained laughing.
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Hive Government: How Does It Work?
...GLORIOUS VERSION 2! (Part 1)
Comrade Octavian X
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when we review just how Hiverian government works. With each new month, the Central Continuing Committee brings about another constitution for blind approval. This month is no different.
We all know that Hiverians are very efficient folk - at least that’s what your daily required intake of state propaganda should tell you. And, like that same propaganda tells you, their government is even more efficient.
Now, you may wish to know what exactly has changed since the last constitution. The largest change is that the People’s Advisory Council was dissolved and replaced with the People’s Congress. Some departments have remained the same, but they only account for 0.03% of Hiverian government mass. The others have all been renamed, reorganized, reassigned, reenlarged, regurgitated, reopened, reinfected, reinvested, reincarnated, reincarcerated, or cloned in their entirety to produce an identical department, down to the last xenopaper-clip and lost ball-point xenopen.
Rather than go through each department and name their purposes, we will go through a demonstration of a common government action. Besides, if we WERE to list all the organs of state power, we’d need about 732,345,365 more pages, and the Quaestor of Manufacturing hasn’t approved that request as of publication time.
Let’s talk a basic change: the Magna Frater of Social Engineering wants to up the amount of energy credits spent of research by 10%, for the specific reason of reaching a new way to socially engineer people.
He first must submit the most basic form of Hiverian government: the request for forms. This is a 5 foot thick form, submitted to the Quaestor of Manufacturing. The Dept. Of Manufacturing will scrutinize the request for several months, at which point it will notice that a comma was misplaced when the Magna Frater filled out the form, at which point it will promptly be rejected. The appropriate forms will then be sent to the Dept. of Social Engineering entirely by mistake.
Stay tuned for Part 2: Forms and more!
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Update: The First Chiron Debating Contest
Comrade Kody
T'was a dark and stormy night and there was movement around the station.
Two bored minds discussed to bring ACDG back to attention.
"How about we have free mud wrestling for all to see?"
"Too messy and if Ming comes along, who knows where we will be?"
"What we need is an event to promote Chironian culture now"
"That is a big ask, what should we do and how?"
So they mulled about and had a good thought.
Finally they found what they had sought.
"We shall have an inter-factional debate!"
"Truly that was what was missing of late."
And so they searched for partcipants and judges.
Created guidelines that has a lot of fudges.
Interests were a brewing and people were posting.
"Wow I didn't expect that much response when I began hosting."
The days ahead looks promising and bright.
Hopefully, just hopefully, everything be alright.
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PRAVDA moves to new headquarters
Comrade Vander
That's right all you loyal party readers! The newsletter of truth and honesty took a hiatus from telling you the truth honestly so that we could move to new offices that allow us to tell the truth more honestly.
Think nothing of the rumors of the Chairman's attack on Pravda; for he only saw that the truth being told was not up to the chairman's glorious standards. Now under new leadership, The newsletter that never lies will now never, ever lie! Come to our new offices @ 30324 of Commercial District 4, level 13.
GLORY TO THE HIVE!
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Hive official visits Enlightenment Room
Comrade Kody
After the recent flaming occuring on the public broadcast channels, one of the prominent Hive officials was taken to the Enlightenment Room. We bring this exclusive and illegal sound recording of the incident.
VOICE1: "But the CyCon started it!"
VOICE1: "YEOW!"
VOICE2: "Comrade you should know better than to behaviour in such a way. The hive does not tolerate immature behaviour mocking members of other factions."
VOICE1: "How come they get away with it scott free!"
VOICE1: "YEOW!"
VOICE2: "Are we learning lesson yet?"
VOICE1 shouted: "NO!!!"
VOICE1: "YEOW!"
VOICE1 quietly and sullenly: "Yes."
VOICE1: "Why don't you punish the CyCon members too?"
VOICE1: "No wait, that was a perfectly ..... YEOW!"
VOICE2: "That is a silly question."
VOICE2: "Now you will repeat after me. I will not argue with others on the public broadcasts."
VOICE1: "Hey! I've got to defend myself. They were defaming me!"
VOICE1: "YEOW! ARGHH!!! OKAY! YEOW! OKAY! OKAY!"
VOICE1 sullenly: "I will not argue with others on the public broadcasts."
VOICE1: "YEOW! I SAID IT! I SAID... YEOW!!"
VOICE2: "You have to say like you mean it."
VOICE1: "I will not... ARGHHHHH.... I will not .... YEOWW!!! I will not argue with others on the public broadcasts."
VOICE2: "That wasn't too hard."
VOICE1: "If I ever see you again it'll be too soon."
VOICE1: "ARGGHH!!"
VOICE2: "That wasn't a very nice thing to say."
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In other news:
- Coming soon from the publishers of Pravda: "Pravda Lite - The Truth that is 99% Fact Free." Preorder your copy today!
- The Hive predicted to hit the top of the power graph... soon.
- Comrade Voltaire is personally overseeing attempts to negotiate for the release of Comrade Claire Forlani from her captivity by the Peace.
- Two decades since the implementation of the 10 child policy, the Hive's plans have come to fruitation. Massive numbers of eager new workers are expected to join the work force in year 2136. A special thanks goes to Jamski who is now the proud father of 15 talents, 243 successful workers and 37 drones. Jamski has worked tirelessly night after night to ensure the growth of the Hive's work force.
- There are reports of Hive officials heading to a party. It is uncertain what the party is celerbating. However, it is supposably a big event. One of the rover teams apparently killed some mindworms and collected their husks for appetisers.
- Survey: 50% say YES.
Onwards Comrades - the Future of Humanity lies in Cooperation, Brotherhood and Industry - Continue to Work for the Glory of the Human Hive
Compiled by Comrade Octavian X, currently at his desk eating a xenodoughnut.
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