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Jihad 2000 - my third attempt, I think.
Warning, Offensive Content.
On the morning of the 27th of December Californian Beachside resident Jason Frantz was astonished to see a 60 ft Giant Squid in his front yard.
Pretty soon the press was on the scene, and it was then that the Giant Squid began to talk. It (he) warned of a coming catastrophe, when "The evil forces of Theism will arise to enforce their existence, and the enlightened armies of Atheism must fight to keep their reality real."
No-one knew where this prophetic Squid came from, but soon many people were following it, and renouncing their religious ties.
This angered members of the religious community, and Michael Jeszenka, editor of the radical Christian Magazine, 'SatanWatch' remarked "Any cephalapod that can talk has gotta be full of ****. This ****ing squid is spoiling centuries of hard work, brainwashing, persecution and forced conversions. It's dashed our plans for a Church-State Merger in the near future, regardless of whether Bush gets elected or not!"
Speaking for the Islamic Community, Right-wing Political commentator Imran Siddiqui said that "This squid is talking ****. There are ALREADY enough people in the USA talking **** to talk **** for three times the Earth's population. We have a virtual monopoly on ****! It's our greatest export commodity, so the last thing we need is some ****ing squid trying to take a piece of the pie!"
Markos Giannapoulos, of the Society of Nihilism and Compulsive Apathy, couldn't give a ****.
New Year's Eve, 1999
That was the idealistic Bull**** forced down your throats before the millenium. It couldn't have been further than the truth. For on New Year's eve, as people were getting stoned, drunk, laid, and apocalyptic goons were in Jerusalem doing exactly the same things, nothing happened. In fact, that moment of nothingness spread across the world like a UN Peacekeeper with syphilis. The Gods, seeing this awkward nothingness thought to themselves "what the ****? nothing's happening! Why aren't those worthless mortals suffering?"
So they came down to Earth and spoilt the whole ****ing party.
Jesus and his Christian Goons arrived in Rome just in time to see Pope John Paul II sneaking his first ever peek at Hustler magazine before subsequently dying of a heart attack. Jehovah rocked up in Jerusalem and quickly ordered the circumcision of all the filthy sinners in his holy presence. A bunch of Hindu Gods rode cows into Delhi, and Allah suddenly appeared in Mecca. Africa was stuck with some anonymous ancestral spirit that no-one likes anyway, because those starved out third world countries couldn't afford a decent deity. Lao Tzu, noticing that Buddha was still sleeping in bliss somewhere in Nirvana, jumped down to Asia and claimed it as his own.
This is the bull**** you have landed yourself in, my friend. Use your brainwashed army of Judge Dredd wannabes wisely, Fuhrer, because this is a fight to enforce the supreme reality.
Just think, if the Christians win, the world becomes flat and in the center of the universe, every family owns an AK-47, there'll be no genetics, so the rednecks will be able to screw their sisters without fear. The world, being only 6000 years old, will have no dinosaur fossils, and Men will be the unchallenged rulers of the world.
Well, that's just one of the possibilities, the ending will depend on which civ you choose.
This is the current storyline, any comments?
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Smutty Porn Site
There you go! It is hard to be anally probed in a base in Kansas and being told you are just being ****ed up the ass because you are living in Ohio
- Imran Siddiqui
"I am the world's most expensive tampon"
- Me
Wtf!? No, not Dracon! Anybody but our furry atheist friend!
- Ghost Ham
On the morning of the 27th of December Californian Beachside resident Jason Frantz was astonished to see a 60 ft Giant Squid in his front yard.
Pretty soon the press was on the scene, and it was then that the Giant Squid began to talk. It (he) warned of a coming catastrophe, when "The evil forces of Theism will arise to enforce their existence, and the enlightened armies of Atheism must fight to keep their reality real."
No-one knew where this prophetic Squid came from, but soon many people were following it, and renouncing their religious ties.
This angered members of the religious community, and Michael Jeszenka, editor of the radical Christian Magazine, 'SatanWatch' remarked "Any cephalapod that can talk has gotta be full of ****. This ****ing squid is spoiling centuries of hard work, brainwashing, persecution and forced conversions. It's dashed our plans for a Church-State Merger in the near future, regardless of whether Bush gets elected or not!"
Speaking for the Islamic Community, Right-wing Political commentator Imran Siddiqui said that "This squid is talking ****. There are ALREADY enough people in the USA talking **** to talk **** for three times the Earth's population. We have a virtual monopoly on ****! It's our greatest export commodity, so the last thing we need is some ****ing squid trying to take a piece of the pie!"
Markos Giannapoulos, of the Society of Nihilism and Compulsive Apathy, couldn't give a ****.
New Year's Eve, 1999
quote: "It was as if the hopes and joys expressed by all peoples of the earth in the millenium celebrations had magically taken form and permanence. Societies actually seemed to be getting along and leaders, of one accord, realized that they could gain more by cooperating than by dominating. Predictions of a global economy leading to global harmony seemed on the verge of finally coming true." |
That was the idealistic Bull**** forced down your throats before the millenium. It couldn't have been further than the truth. For on New Year's eve, as people were getting stoned, drunk, laid, and apocalyptic goons were in Jerusalem doing exactly the same things, nothing happened. In fact, that moment of nothingness spread across the world like a UN Peacekeeper with syphilis. The Gods, seeing this awkward nothingness thought to themselves "what the ****? nothing's happening! Why aren't those worthless mortals suffering?"
So they came down to Earth and spoilt the whole ****ing party.
Jesus and his Christian Goons arrived in Rome just in time to see Pope John Paul II sneaking his first ever peek at Hustler magazine before subsequently dying of a heart attack. Jehovah rocked up in Jerusalem and quickly ordered the circumcision of all the filthy sinners in his holy presence. A bunch of Hindu Gods rode cows into Delhi, and Allah suddenly appeared in Mecca. Africa was stuck with some anonymous ancestral spirit that no-one likes anyway, because those starved out third world countries couldn't afford a decent deity. Lao Tzu, noticing that Buddha was still sleeping in bliss somewhere in Nirvana, jumped down to Asia and claimed it as his own.
This is the bull**** you have landed yourself in, my friend. Use your brainwashed army of Judge Dredd wannabes wisely, Fuhrer, because this is a fight to enforce the supreme reality.
Just think, if the Christians win, the world becomes flat and in the center of the universe, every family owns an AK-47, there'll be no genetics, so the rednecks will be able to screw their sisters without fear. The world, being only 6000 years old, will have no dinosaur fossils, and Men will be the unchallenged rulers of the world.
Well, that's just one of the possibilities, the ending will depend on which civ you choose.
This is the current storyline, any comments?
------------------
Smutty Porn Site
There you go! It is hard to be anally probed in a base in Kansas and being told you are just being ****ed up the ass because you are living in Ohio
- Imran Siddiqui
"I am the world's most expensive tampon"
- Me
Wtf!? No, not Dracon! Anybody but our furry atheist friend!
- Ghost Ham
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