Domination of Barbarians [Diplo Game] [Story Thread 15 - June 2013]

[Holy Roma (DoB)]

King Lothar read the latest report from the front and jumped for joy. He immediately ran to the chamber of his wife and said, Honey I just reported that the French Barbarians will be destroyed no later than tomorrow, so you're ready for sex you will not soon forget. And the king left the room. Queen Matilda told his ladies "Hmm like 5 minutes, I can not remember on the next day ".

[Greece (DoB)]

Reports from the west have arrived that Portugal has invaded the kingdom of Catalina with an army of 150,000 crossbows. A Greek observer has been dispatched immediately to gather more news about this sudden attack.

[Persia (DoB)]

Close to 50,000 persian men at arms were fielded against this single Roman settlement, and the news from Spanish scouts travelling the land spoke of an army invading Valencia nearly three times that size. They spoke of terrors in the night, Inquisitors appearing in their dreams, killing everyone they knew and razing their capitol. Nobody expected them, nobody could defend against them, all would burn in the purifying flames of the Portuguese Inquisition!



..and then, they would all wake up. With different tales, but the same type of burning dream.


Malik-Shah listened to these reports and tales, wondering not for the first time if the old Henge of Stone and the Death Oracle was being put to some other use, now that another Christian tribe had a claim to it. A more immidiate concern however, was the Roman ability to field catapults with a swiftness that went against all reason.



They were smaller, named ballistas, and could shoot quicker than the Persian catapults.

[Holy Roma (DoB)]

Pope Celestine to the majestic Malik Shah. Malik precious we are the leader of Christians in Sacred Roman Empire, we learn concern that your country fought with the Roman barbarians. They even barbarians are majority Christian Bible, and we urge you to treat kindly with those who do not resist your authority. Furthermore, we are ready to redeem you from all the Christian Bible slaves you have. We pray to Almighty to pour mercy in your heart.
Signed by Pope Celestine in St. Peter's, Rome.

[Portugal (DoB)]

The inquisitors had sent me message from Catalunia. The Catalunians pledge they are not heretics. Let them prove this. Let their 10 most noble families send their biggest sons to serve Christ by teaching Christianity to the Promised Land. Let them pay us back 10 gold pieces for the Portuguese winery they occupy for the last 100 turns and 10 gold pieces for the pig farm they occupy back for the last 50 turns. And since now pay us the same 10 gold pieces sum per turn per Portuguese land they use.

[Spain (DoB)]

Catalunia accepts the Portugese peace terms with immediate effect.

[Persia (DoB)]

Letters written and sent out during the siege of Mare Victoria:

Pope Celestine of St.Peter's, Rome.

Greetings, noble and religious leader of the Christians. Many Roman citizens follow your way, and many follow what they think is my way but they are almost beyond hope, judged as kadir, unfaithful in the eyes of Allah by the qadi of our Sharia courthouses. Many die, some live, all regret following their Roman leaders against my forces.

You have done good things with those you have conquered. I hear that your forces treat Muslims as fellow men, not as heathens or barbarians. For this treatment, I will return in kind. An offer of amnesty for all Christian faithful will be given before we attack, and afterwards as well. They who seek to escape, to go to Holy Roma and live there in peace shall be given opportunity to do so. In fact, I will extend that opportunity to all Christian faithful who live in the former Byzantine settlements as well, that they are given free choice to join Holy Roma if they wish.

In turn, will you accept those of my own faith, who hear many good things about your people and wish for a life in Holy Roma? To live, trade and work in peace within your cities? I hereby openly accept any of your faith that wish to come and live in Persia, with the hope that your will accept any of my faith who wish to come and live in Holy Roma, as another step in becoming more trusting of one another.

Peace be upon you Pope Celestine.

~Malik-Shah~

Honorable leader of Japan.

Your people have in the past given welcome to my people. Now, this has changed. Where before, your people were happy and joyful, they are now rigid and unyielding. Tending to a concept of honor that defies common sense! You treat your own people as slaves, even when they have slaves of their own!

My men report that if a soldier is unable to wield a sword after recieving wounds on the battlefield, he is decapitated! If two sides fight, and the losers survive, they are decapitated! If a man, woman or child stands in the way of a man with a sword, he can cut them down in the street for impeding him! This is outrageous!

Your logic has always been astute, and your philosophy has merits, but priests huddle in their temples, farmers and traders walk in fear of their lives through your lands. Your very base of income is crippled by this fear of the sword! Why have you let this happen? Why have you chased away your former Empress?

I have tended a close relation with the Eternal Emperor Qin for a long time, and he has after long consideration declared war upon your people for your treatment of his wife, the Empress Aiko. This war has raged on for decades already, with great cost for your people who toil under this honor code. I ask you, come to your senses. Make peace with Qin, or I will join him on his quest to redeem your people. I await your reply, leader of Japan.

Peace be upon you.

~Malik-Shah~

Leader of Rome.

I am Malik-Shah! Your foe from the clearest sky, who burns like the mid-day sun with anger for what you choose to do with your powers!
Know that I will end your line, and the entire tribe of Rome with it, unless you submit to my terms.

1. Give up your seat of power, and declare yourself vassal to Persia.
2. Let all Christian faithful leave to seek peaceful lives in Holy Roma, where they are welcomed with open arms.
3. Disband all military forces under your command.
4. Send all Roman gold to Mecca, where every morning the poor and destitute will be given a gold coin each.

I await your immediate acceptance of these terms.

~Malik-Shah~

High King Lotharius Rex of the Holy Roman Empire,

Congratulations on your extremely complete victory against the barbaric forces of France. May your loins fill the world with seeds of your excellence and bring happiness to your wife and the people of Holy Roma.

Peace be upon you.

~Malik-Shah~

[England (DoB)]

Nether - by your silence do you refuse England's offer for a long term peace? We have negotiated a temporary peace so that you may evacuate your dead, but if you do not agree to the above terms you will undoubtedly find yourself at war again.

[Portugal (DoB)]

My Lord, Are we sure the fine Lady Gran Duquessa Catalina of Catalunya understands well our terms? The secretary who wrote the letter to it must have been drunk since as it is written the letter, it can be seen that only a mere 20 gold is required to pay us for the tens and tens of turns Catalunya using our land, where it is 100x10=1000 gold pieces for the use of the wine so far and 50x10=500 gold for the use of the pigs so far. And do the fine Lady Catalina gets that we consider for Portugal each tile of land on our peninsula closer to Lisbon than to their capitol? This way they will have to control a bit their culture influence which threatens to touch our capitol or will have to pay for the land they use instead of us. And what will guarantee us that the Catalunyans being in dire situation now wont break their word just 20-30 turns later and come after us? Better ask than leave unclear things and be sorry later.

[Portugal (DoB)]

It seems the Catalunyan Gran Duquessa Catalina is just as fine lady as it is to be expected and she got our intentions right. After all, it may turns out to be only rumors about the heresy.

We are back to peace now.

[Persia (DoB)]

One man could turn the world he said, if he had a big enough stick. But far more often the world would turn at the sight of a coin, or the sound of choice words. With enough faith, mountains could be moved. But to this man, that traced perfect circles in sand, the present was a gift that ever gave way to surprise. Never did he dwell on the past, unless for demonstration of a folly. For his mind was that of a well-spring, fresh and renewed every moment. For the longest of time, his name went unnoticed, until the feat he achieved gained him world-wide attention..

[Netherlands (DoB)]

Response to England:

We do not understand anything about you latest statement. We thought our intentions were made clear by our private statement made to you and your actions in response. As we told Holy Roma, Netherlands Kingdom prefers to conduct treaty discussion in private and only go public to make grievances.

[Netherlands (DoB)]

Letter from the Apostolic palace in England come to Netherlands Kingdom:

King of Netherlands,

You are ordered by the Holy Father of the Taoist Apostolic Palace to cease all your trades with Augustus Gloop, the barbarian son of Augustus and leader of the Barbarian Romans. You are also ordered to stamp your nation approval seal on this letter and send it back to us.

"How can we do such a thing when we have no open border agreement to send ships to England and England just sank all our Carracks?"

"I don't know you Majesty"

"Well give the messenger my response, and leave me in peace, I am writing to my friends King Lothar and Gran Duquessa Catalina of Catalunya. We need to repair the damage done to our economy and trade routes that the English ruined with their blockades."

[Persia (DoB)]

Malik-Shah spent some time reading a book produced in Adrianople, where a man of talent trained men in the Barracks and had his words enscribed and copied for those who would train after he died. The book was entitled FABRICATI DIEM, PVNK - a primer on combat tactics by FRANCISCO PIZARRO. While he was reading this, there came from Rome a short letter of reply bearing these words: Hahaha!

Some time later, the catapults were given the order to attack, and commands given to the army had them attacking from three sides while an unyielding rain of death was delivered into the settlement.



The siege of Mare Victoria was swift, and the letter burned to ash in front of the mass graves of Roman soldiers.

Some time after, came a lengthy and heavily worded letter from Japan, where the nose of Persia was bidden to stay far away from their affairs. China was being given precious gifts and pleasent surprises for Qin and his wife, in return for peace. Many men were sent to investigate if this was truly the case. Another report brought good news, as the Plantations were yielding far more than initially estimated. Trade was booming and many a Persian found work as caravan guard, beancounter, translator or follower to the tradesmen that found good work doing business with neighbouring tribes selling Spices, Incense, Bananas and Dyes available from a few select sources in the heart of Persia.

[England (DoB)]

England may have had a record keeping misshap. We have no record of private correspondance.

Response to England:

We do not understand anything about you latest statement. We thought our intentions were made clear by our private statement made to you and your actions in response. As we told Holy Roma, Netherlands Kingdom prefers to conduct treaty discussion in private and only go public to make grievances.